Hi Joy,

I have decided to keep a graph with my general emotions mapped out. I find that I have this cycle of emotions leading up to and away from scan time. It makes me feel like I am going crazy. My life feels like a roller coaster ride and in the past I always tried to stay very even with my emotions.

I call scan time inscanity. It feels like I can't get a grip on the fear factor. It can take over my daily life. You are not alone.

You can always come to us because we can understand as well as anyone.

Love, Peace, and Hope,

Carolyns

thank you again
 

Joy, I am sorry you are feeling so sad and blue once again but take comfort in knowing that we all from time to time slip back into that mode and certainly with the anticipation of getting scans and waiting for the results. Yes there is reason to hope and think that someday you will be done with this cancer...you have to have hope and think positive and never ever give up. You are so young with possibly many many years ahead of you to enjoy. It may be with continued treatment but you can do it. We are stronger then we think. Just look back at all you have conquered and continue to conquer. This is not the time to throw in the towel and give up. Periodic sadness and depression are normal and a part of all of this, but the majority of the time we are busy, productive and happier. If it ever gets where the majority of the time we are sad and depressed, then it is time to seek professional help. Staying well or reasonably well with cancer is so reliant on our attitudes and frame of mind too, not just the drugs. I hope you make a turn for the better and your days are filled with less sadness and worry.

INSCANITY -- I totally relate
 

Around a week prior to scans (which were every 8 wks, then I graduated to every 3 mnths and then begged and got every 4 mnths -- this is many yrs after my mets into liver -- and was told firmly BUT THAT'S IT. YOU CAN'T GO ANY LONGER.) -- I get crazed. Feel stressed, overwhelmed. Try to talk myself down. Once I tackled my laundry room sink which was badly, disgustingly stained when we bought the house. On my way out to the garage each and every day, I must pass this eyesore. I took out every cleaner I owned over the past decade from my cabnets and made my concoction. I used brillow, a sponge with a gritty side, everything. THAT SINK GLOWED WHEN I WAS DONE! And I swear I felt a bit better. I took out my aggressions on that damn sink and now enjoy the fruits of my labor. When I went for a manicure, my manicurist asked, after gasping, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR NAILS??!!

Meanwhile, I tell myself, in my pre-scan mode, I will be STABLE. I will remain STABLE. My scans are only proof of my remission. Before, w/multiple mets in my liver, I had specific instructions written by the doc ea time for exact size of ea tumor. I'd get a copy of my every 8 wk report (as I request copies of everything JUST FOR ME). I read and re-read and compare to last report. I take a totally proactive approach to my treatment -- participating in my own wellness! This mkes me feel a sense of control over my out of control situation that dictates my life by necessity. My out of control defective gene is kept in check by Herceptin and my mind's daily instructions to my body.

At first when I'd compare the difference in size of each tumor, I felt I'd worked so hard, on Taxotere, and had slow but steady progress. Then my husband Paul would figure the overall square of the area of each tumor and the #s jumped off the paper. I was making way better progress than I'd thought.

So, SCANS ARE PROOF THAT I AM STILL STABLE or MAKING STEADY PROGRESS TOWARD HEALING. That's a week long mantra leading up to scans. Afterwards, I feel like I just signed a contract for another 8 wks, w mnths, 4 mnths, whatever. (I also dread the chest/abdomen/pelvic scans with and without contrast because the contrast gives me diarrhea for up to 3 days.)

As an important aside -- I totally believe in the mind/body connection and know the two converse all day long re breathing, processing and such. I send specific commands to my immune system and to my tumors, when I have had them, to do exactly as I say. Someone told me a story (a Survivor and a counsellor) that "her" doc told her of an inexplicable spontaneous remission. A patient of his was in the supermarket wandering aimlessly with lung cancer and her fears. A complete stranger approached her. The woman placed her hand on the upper part of this lung patient's chest and said YOU ARE HEALED. The next scans she had showed all her cancer had disappeared! That the doc could not explain what suddenly happened but for this story the patient told him and shared with my friend. THAT WAS WHEN I REALIZED FOR THE FIRST TIME -- healing does not have to be an inch by inch slow but steady process. HEALING CAN OCCUR INSTANTANEOUSLY. So I incorporate that newfound bit of wisdom in my daily routine of staying on top of the fears and worrys, the discouraging moments, the feelings of being overwhelmed by the task at hand -- LIVING AS A CANCER SURVIVOR!!

Hope this helps others to re-see their situation. You are not helpless in your fight. And you are not alone! We ALL STAND TOGETHER, AS A STRONG, BRAVE, UNITED FORCE OF RADIANT SOULS ATTENDING TO THE BUSINESS OF KEEPING CANCER AT BAY.

With love for you all, I send you healing Energy (as I believe I am overflowing w/it). I say THANK YOU with the gift of every single day.

ANDREA

Oops I Forgot
 

ONE LAST THING -- I HAVE MY DOCTOR REQUEST same day results AND GET UP EARLY (WHICH IS NOT MY THING GENERALLY) to get the first appt, which I schedule 45 days in advance, in accordance w/my insuranco co's requirements. Sometimes, I know by 11 AM. SOMETIMES, I must call my doc's office and ask them to get on the case. The imaging center closes promptly at the stroke of 5 o'clock. I explain that neither my husband nor I will take a breath until we hear. Sometimes we have to wait until 4 o'clock. But we get the results SAME DAY! An eormously relieving experience, I don't have to tell you.

Once I had scans on a Fri. Things got messed up, my doc wasn't in the office to ok release of the info, and Paul and I had to wait an entire weekend to hear. We were beside ourselves with anxiety. BE GOOD TO YOURSELF and look out for your best interests, making the process as easy as you possibly can -- and staying on top, in control.

LOVE,
ANDREA

JOY JOY JOY....
I hope you are feeling better after all the STELLAR advice, words from the prayer warriors, and all the other positive energy from everyone. I have to tell you, I feel better myself after having read them! Hope you don't mind me standing in the flow of all this love and wisdom with you.

I can, we all can, relate to the wanting it to just not be there. I think Andrea has it right. Thanks for your posts, Andrea.

I know that sometimes it just gets too overwhelming. But you of all people, have such a strong spirit - I think that fear will not find it comfortable to be hanging around someone like you for long.

Hugs and prayers - and an end to scanxiety!

Joy - I have been gone for a few days and I am sorry to read that you have had the blues. You have an amazing spirit, my prayers are with you that you get very good results with your scans this week.

I caught this post late Joy. However, I;m giving you a belated hug of encouragement right now and pray you will be feeling better.

One of those days
 

Hi Joy,
We all have those days when everything seems grim. What I try to keep in mind is that there is a ton of research going on. When I was initially diagnosed in 2002 at age 32, I had stage IV breast cancer and no one had heard of herceptin. I assumed I wouldn't live long since the tumor was so aggressive. I got AC/T and radiation.

3 yrs ago I found out I had mets to brain and liver - figured that was it, but had Herceptin and Navelbine for 2.5 yrs.(no one had heard of Tykerb then). It was effective for the longest time my oncologist had heard of. After that, the scans showed the tumors were growing again.

I managed to get into the tail end of a clinical trial for Xeloda and Tykerb. 6 weeks in, the scans showed that my tumors were significantly smaller and some had even disappeared.

I assume this combo won't work forever either, but try to keep in mind that by that time, they may have found something even better.

In a wierd way, we're lucky we have such aggressive cancers because they have much more research focusing on them, and it's easier for differentiation between rapidly growing normal cells (i.e. hair) and even more rapidly growing cancer cells.

Hang in there.

Hope this helps,
Susie

You have received some wonderful suggestions, Joy! Remember we are all praying for you and thinking of you. One more thing: it has been proven that if you will make your self smile when you feel down, you will actually begin to feel better. Look in the mirror and make yourself smile and then laugh---you really will feel better! I know I can't look at your wonderful smile without smiling! Hope things are better, and remember: keep smiling! Hugs, Tricia

As a male non sufferer I feel totally unqualified to try and get more than a glimpse of what you all really so bravely endure. It is not that I do not wish to offer emotional support it is just what ever I think to say seems rather inane in the circumstances and context of your experiences.

I can offer up the results of my reading for you to think about.

Please do not take this post as a suggestion that you are suffering from any sort of mental condition - its just researchers do not do the feeling a bit down. But the brain is the same one.

- it is made up of 60% plus fat. It does not work as well if it does not have enough omega three (DHA and EPA in particular)

- women have a higher need for omega three than men.

- most in the western world have an omega three six imbalance (much more six than three)

- if you don't eat it, and your body for any reason cannot make it or does not get the raw materials you are going to be short of DHA and EPA.

- there are a host of trials suggesting the importance of omega three to mental well being.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q...play&DB=pubmed

You might like to read Smart Fats or the latest version M Schmidt which looks at the issue in depth. You will find it for a few $ on the WEB.

And lots of trials suggest omega three DHA in particular may help reduce the risk of BC.


RB


Here is an abstract for a recent trial

"Omega-3 fatty acids can help to prevent the development of certain cancers, particularly those of the breast and colon, and possibly of the uterus and the skin, and are likely to reduce the risk of postpartum depression, manic-depressive psychosis, dementias (Alzheimer's disease and others), hypertension, toxemia, diabetes and, to a certain extend, age-related macular degeneration."

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/...l=pubmed_docsum
ABSTRACT


This review details the specific needs of women for omega-3 fatty acids, including alpha linoleic acid (ALA) and the very long chain fatty acids eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA) and docosahexaenoic acid (DHA). Omega-3 fatty acid (dietary or in capsules) ensures that a woman's adipose tissue contains a reserve of these fatty acids for the developing fetus and the breast-fed newborn infant. This ensures the optimal cerebral and cognitive development of the infant. The presence of large quantities of EPA and DHA in the diet slightly lengthens pregnancy, and improves its quality. Human milk contains both ALA and DHA, unlike that of other mammals. Conditions such as diabetes can alter the fatty acid profile of mother's milk, while certain diets, like those of vegetarians, vegans, or even macrobiotic diets, can have the same effect, if they do not include seafood. ALA, DHA and EPA, are important for preventing ischemic cardiovascular disease in women of all ages. Omega-3 fatty acids can help to prevent the development of certain cancers, particularly those of the breast and colon, and possibly of the uterus and the skin, and are likely to reduce the risk of postpartum depression, manic-depressive psychosis, dementias (Alzheimer's disease and others), hypertension, toxemia, diabetes and, to a certain extend, age-related macular degeneration. Omega-3 fatty acids could play a positive role in the prevention of menstrual syndrome and postmenopausal hot flushes. The normal western diet contains little ALA (less than 50% of the RDA). The only adequate sources are rapeseed oil (canola), walnuts and so-called "omega-3" eggs (similar to wild-type or Cretan eggs). The amounts of EPA and DHA in the diet vary greatly from person to person. The only good sources are fish and seafood, together with "omega-3" eggs.

This is another very recent trial suggesting the importance of omega three to mental well being.

RB


http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q...=pubmed_DocSum


ABSTRACT


"......Experimental studies in animals have shown that diets lacking omega 3 PUFA lead to substantial disturbances in neural function, which in most circumstances can be restored by the inclusion of omega 3 PUFA in the diet. In the past 10 years there has been an emerging interest in treating neuropsychological disorders (depression and schizophrenia) with omega 3 PUFA. This paper discusses the clinical studies conducted in the area of depression and omega 3 PUFA and the possible mechanisms of action of these PUFA. It is clear from the literature that DHA is involved in a variety of processes in neural cells and that its role is far more complex than simply influencing cell membrane properties."

PMID: 17392137 [PubMed - in process]

Joy, Please just hang in there. I know that is a cliche, but we must do just that sometimes. With our doctors, family, friends and God we can get through the tough times. I feel alone many times in this -going over things a million times- but after all that, we just have to press on. In friendship, Ceesun

Dear Joy,

Thanks for sharing your bad day with us. We are all blessed to have this wondeful forum to share and connect. You have all taught me so much. Joy, your picture in particular always puts a smile on my face. Now I am picturing you pushing a vacuum cleaner and wearing an apron. Next come the yellow gloves and the toliet brush. LOL

As usual, our sisters have given great advice. I too take special notes to my night stand. I am glad you had such a nice list to read and reassure you. I will hope and pray that the scans will give you good news. Be as kind to yourself as you can. You deserve the best.

Love to you, Catherine

Catherine
 

Hi Joy,

You were so helpful and encouraging that first day I called "Hope Lives. " Thank you for being there for me. Please know that I will be sending lots of positive thoughts for your scans next week.

Karen

Hi Joy,

I am thinking about you and hoping that you have a good weekend. Praying for good scan results.

Love, Hope and Peace,

Carolyns

Joy, The one thing that I can say for certain is that we all have "those days" and times. It's interesting about letting loose in the shower, because that's where i feel the most comfortably bawling my brains out. I'm vunerable and alone and I don't have to be strong for anyone.... I can just cry to my heart's content. By the time I'm dry and dressed, I feel a bit stronger and feel as though i can face the world again.
The emotional roller-coaster that this this disease creates is tough, but please know that there are literally thousands of us that are pulling for you and will be there in spirit during your next go- around.
Love,
Carol

Joy,

I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this as well. Someone on this site said something that's stuck with me a while back...
"This disease MIGHT dictate how long you live but it doesn't have to dictate how you live". As so many have said, none of us really knows what the future holds but one blessing is if we can all learn to appreciate the "now". Enjoy your kids and all that you have and try not to worry about the future (I knoow it's easier said than done).

Big Hugs,
Eric