Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Dearest sister,
I have been gone and just came on today. I am heartbroken knowing what you are going through. It's Ok to get mad at God! I can't tell you how many times I've raised up in anger against him only to find him still waiting patiently in my heart. His presence will never leave you no matter how sad, angry or filled with despair as you walk this monumental road. I am so sorry that you have to go through this, I truly am. Time is the greatest healer and God brought Ed to you and will gently take him in his arms again.
But in the meantime, scream, cry, throw things....whatever you feel. This is the worst pain I can imagine. The cruelest reality.
I'm praying for you around the clock, my dear friend.
I love you,
Vickie

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

It is human to get upset when things are not going well.
I don't know anyone who doesn't get upset occassionally.
When I get upset because things are not going well I try to stop and ask myself what I am supposed to learn from the experience that will help me during my lifetime or afterwards. What are those around me supposed to learn from it? This includes learning something from health problems and how we respond to them.
God doesn't cause problems or suffering, but God is there to comfort us when we are suffering or have problems.
Is there someone near you who can help you with the day to day errands and chores, so you can be with Ed, get outside for a little walk or take a nap? That might help.

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Dearest Marie,

You are just going to have to trust me on this: God sees. He understands exactly how difficult it is to watch helpless as someone you love suffers. Remember He watched His Son die the brutal death of the cross. He has not forsaken you and Ed just as He did not forsake our Lord. You have every justification to feel abandoned in this time of great trial and despair. After all, our Lord cried out in the midst of His suffering, "My God, My God! Why hast thou forsaken me?" You, dear Marie, are only human and I believe it is very human to question your faith in moments of overwhelming pain and sadness.

God was waiting for His Son with open arms. He is waiting for Ed, too. What a beautiful reunion that shall be.

At the end of the day, all we have is our faith...

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Marie,
I think the disease may have taken over Ed's words, thoughts, and body. But I think that what remains the same is his spirit. I know this may be hard to define, but I think it may also be referred to the essense way down inside his core. At this point it is something felt, not heard or seen. I may be all off-base, but this is just something I believe.
If you are able to connect with these, maybe it will be possible to detach a bit to the other situations that arise from the disease.
Wishing you some peace.
Maryanne

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Oh Marie, I just want to hold you and hug you and tell you it's okay to feel the way you do. Somewhere in there is the Mighty Oak you love, he just can't express things the way he used to. And whether or not God is there right now for you, we may never know for sure. I like what Suzan said: Look into his eyes and keep telling him you love him.

Even though it's heartwrenching, these are important times. And you may need to tell him that he can let go, that you will be okay. Your bond is so strong, he may be trying to hang on for you.

If you go to hell, we all will. And when I get there, I will wait for you, and hug you tightly the moment you arrive. For you are one of the specialest people I know. And if you are there, hell can't be a bad place.

Hugs

Jacqueline

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Oh my dear Marie, My heart goes out to you in such a big way. Don't beat yourself up for the way your feeling...it's very normal at a time like this. Your only human girl. You have been through he$% and back and this isn't what you planned on. Your life has been turned upside down and the reality of it all is hitting you every which way from Sunday.

I lost my Mother to advanced lung cancer two yrs ago and towards the end it was almost unbearable for me to watch. I'd sit & talk to her not knowing if she heard me or even knew I was there. The last thing I told her before she passed was to go be with her Mother and to not worry about me...I was going to be alright. It wasn't long after that and she was gone. I some times like to believe she did hear me. But was I angry...you betcha. Marie...what your going through right now is tough to say the least...but God understands and he still loves you. He understands everything. He is, and will continue to be there for regardless of how your feeling right now. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there Marie...we are here for you.

Chelee

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Cancer sucks. You can vent anytime. We understand.

Re: ~Okay, 30 Minute Conversation and I Don't Understand A Word!!!!!
 

Marie, I think of you all day long. I'm so glad that you trust us well enough to vent here. We care deeply for you.
Best regards,
Barbara H.