Okay, Lee, you've always been able to read through the lines on me. You're right, as usual, Grandma's butt-kickings were always warranted and I took 'em straight up, (except for that one time, of course, when she knee-capped me outta nowhere with that rolling pin in front of a girl I was trying to impress. Yeah, okay, alright, I cried....but that really hurt, bad). It's not Grandma, that's why I always live on a large body of water- I can always out-swim her. And it's not the fiasco last Fourth of July with the midgets, either. That was just a real let-down. Do you know how hard it is to get 12 bagpipe-playing true Scottish midgets together for one night without something going wrong? It's well nigh impossible, but I did it. I've always suspected that someone spiked their ale, brother, but I couldn't quite pin it on you..... As far as the homeowners association goes, the president and I are on the same page now. He wanted to talk to me about that mulch/grass/spent-brass ratio issue in the front yard, so we agreed to have a meeting in the backyard at 6:00 PM. It's not my fault that he showed up 10 minutes early and caught me in the middle of my bi-weekly small arms practice. We quickly became best friends, although he doesn't come around very much or call me anymore, but I miss that guy. So, that's not my reason for having to move, either

Bill:

Is it because the collateral damage from your automatic small arms fire method of weed control?

Is it because local building codes don't allow you a big enough mailbox for the packages you receive from the Sheep of the Month Club?

Is it because your neighbor's keep complaining about the bad smell coming from the crawl space under your house?

Is it because your neighbors are afraid of you because of the bumper sticker on your car that says, "Support Mental Health or I'll Kill You"?

Tell me I'm right Bill.

Did anybody notice how many posts Bill is up to now? Speedo pix has to be coming soon.

No speedos! Remember, we should make our posts as if we were in Joe and Christine's living room. After all, it is their site. And we should act as guests in their home. Plus, I don't own a speedo. Are you guys saying that I need to do something special if I break the 1000 post mark?

Bill:

You saw the rules when you hit the 'agree' button when you first signed onto this web site. Like me and everyone else, we read the text in its entirety before accepting the terms and conditions of being a member of this site. And those rules clearly stated that all males posting 1000 times must post a photograph of themselves in a Speedo. Joe posted his picture in a Speedo, but it was lost when they swapped over to the new site, and we expect you to as well.

Okay, you got me. In all honesty, it looked like Joe photoshopped his head on Arnold Schwartsenegger's body, but technically he complied. If I ever get to 1000 posts, I plan on photoshopping my head onto a picture of Steve Erkle's body in a Speedo. I have first dibs on the Erkle, so you will have to find your own body.

Actually, for all the good work you do on this site, I think everyone else should do something special for you when you hit 1000.

Lee

just bringing this back up so somebody can add something random to it.

28 more posts till Bill hits 1000
 

Of course, the way wild bill posts all night long, the countdown will be off by the time I finish this post.

I agree with Lee (I think). We should ALL do something nice for Bill when he hits 1000 posts. I know Lee said "special" but I think it should also be nice. Like, another most embarassing moment thread in Bill's honor would be special, but might not be very nice!

PINK GIRL!!!!!!!! You first. Whatsit gonna be????

Chrisy, you and all the other girls and guys here are all so sweet and wonderful. I need to do something special for y'all, not the other way around. It's easy to sit here and type stuff all the time. You and your sisters and brothers are the ones in the battle, and deserve something special, not me. Love you guys, Bill

27 posts to go!
 

till bill goes major league!
Bill, we're all just waiting for the cupcakes...that's all we want!

Oooooooo!!! Ooooooooo!! I know. We can have the First Annual Her2 Support Group Haiku contest. The subject, of course, being a tribute to Bill.

A Haiku is a Japanese style poetry that has three lines. The first line has five syllables, the second line has seven syllables, and the third line has five syllables.

The winning entry gets punished by having to select and judge next years Second Annual Haiku (or poetry, or limerick) contest.

We can select the judge by some fair way. And by fair, I mean by making Bill do it, after all it is a tribute to him.

This can be as much fun as one person can have while still being fully dressed.

Sample Haiku:

Grandma wasn't wrong
Mom likes me better than you
but your still okay.

Pink Girl:

Well done! I especially like the way you did S-weet to get the right number of syllables. You are the creative one.

A real let down?
Scottish midgets with bagpipes?
What WERE you thinking?!

Kathy S:

An absolute genius post! Scottish Midgets with Bagpipes? Brilliant, just brilliant! I'm going to stop posting now. How can anyone beat that one?

But then again, there are some pretty bright people here .............

Lee, I must have missed the one about the bumper sticker, "support mental health or I'll kill you", I got a guilty pleasure laughing at that one. It reminded me of one I saw a few years back, "If God didn't want you to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?"

"i didn't make it to the top of the food chain to eat rabbit food".

see how many posts bill has now?

Juanita:

Bill has 990. Just ten more to go. He might post that many times this week, but he's probably going down to the store to test fit a Speedo. He may want to think about the whole tan thing, too. You know, as a public service. (Evil Lee wrote that last sentence. Don't lay that one on my doorstep.)

Lee (except for the Evil Lee stuff)