NEDenise Has Died [Archive] - HER2 Support Group Forums

Laurel

11-21-2013, 09:29 AM

About a week before Denise posted her "Danger, Danger" post, I had awoken in the night with such a feeling of foreboding that our Denise was going to be taken from us. I prayed harder, warred longer, and then despaired when she posted her news in her usual creative, ever upbeat manner. For me, it was a fearsome confirmation of what I had felt that night and I have prayed and beseeched the Almighty to spare her and spare all of us, who need her beautiful soul here on earth, her loss. This morning, again in the night, I awoke and my first thought was for Denise and was spurred to pray until I fell back into a restless sleep.

Denise was a brave, inspiring, compassionate woman who gave to all of us by her marvelous, heartfelt, brilliant, and oh so humorous posts. She brought us laughter with her many witty "cancerizms" and reminded me in my mind's eye of Carol Burnett, another brave and funny lady.

I will miss Denise for as long as I inhabit this earth. I always say that there are 3 famous women whom I want to meet on the other side: Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher, and Corrie Ten Boom. Now a fourth famous (to all of us, right?) woman has joined that honored group. I now long to meet a healthy, shining Denise too! Can you imagine the gab session going on up there with Denise, Brenda, Sheila, Amanda, Tricia, Jackie, Pam, Courtney, and so many others from our Her2 family? May none of us join the party for many, many years to come!

Condolences to all of us who now mourn her passing: her beloved family and students, and us--her Her2 family. This is the saddest of days.

BonnieR

11-21-2013, 10:07 AM

I guess I could see this coming but at the same time she always seemed so invincible and upbeat. I wanted to believe she would prevail.
I remember when Denise first came to our board, bringing with her an amazing energy that touched us all. She was like our cheerleader and mascot all in one! A force of nature. It won't be the same without her
Keep the faith everyone. Denise did

'lizbeth

11-21-2013, 10:32 AM

I'm over the initial shock. I'd like to think that Denise is free of her body, and free of the suffering from cancer and treatments.

Knowing Denise she is up in Heaven cracking jokes. The angels are rolling on the floor of golden mansions with tears running down their faces and holding their bellies from laughing so hard.

We were so lucky to have enjoyed NEDenise as part of our online family. She is such a treasure.

JillaryJill

11-21-2013, 10:45 AM

I am shocked and heartbroken by this news. She did not have a break from the time she was diagnosed and yet she lifted our spirits at every opportunity she had. She will be greatly missed on the board. There is some comfort in knowing that she believed in God and his promise for eternal life. Rest in peace dear Denise...you are so deserved of an end to your suffering.

IrvineFriend

11-21-2013, 10:48 AM

I've been away for a couple weeks and had no idea. So smart and funny. Prayers to her family.

Gerri

11-21-2013, 10:56 AM

Her faith was unwavering, her love for her family immeasurable, her humor contagious. If a positive attitude could guarantee beating cancer Denise would have lived forever. Sadly, cancer took her - kicking and screaming, I am sure. We are left with a hole in our hearts and her family with a hole in their lives that will never be filled. May the memories they hold of her heal their wounds and guide them in their new life without her.

Rest in peace sweet Denise. You brightened this board and made us laugh, even when life was not so funny. You are loved.

Shobha

11-21-2013, 11:45 AM

I am speechless. God give strength to her family and friends. It is just so unfair...

Rest in peace dear Denise.

europa

11-21-2013, 12:35 PM

I gasped when I read this. I just gasped.
RIP sweet funny brave Denise. You impacted my life and I will be sure to keep your memory alive in my little world.

jaykay

11-21-2013, 01:12 PM

Oh no! F__king cancer

Sdgirl

11-21-2013, 01:40 PM

This is terrible. I came here this morning to see if she had any updates. I had no idea that things were so bad. She was such an inspiration to brain metsers like me. I will miss her funny posts so much. She had a great sense of humor in the darkest of times. My condolences to her family.

cienna

11-21-2013, 02:07 PM

I am in total shock. Denise was such an inspiration to us all. I am in tears :'( My prayers and thoughts are with her family. RIP my dear friend....

Vicky

11-21-2013, 02:43 PM

Utterly shocked and heartbroken. Amen- to all the beautiful things said about her by so many others- she was a one-of-a-kind-gem. She will be so missed. Deepest condolences to her family.

Ceesun

11-21-2013, 02:45 PM

Another devastating loss for all of us. My heart breaks for all those who love her. She was so full of life...always. Do I remember correctly, wasn't she hoping to go to Hawaii? May her soul rejoice in God's Paradise. Missing you, Denise. Ceesun

evlin75

11-21-2013, 02:53 PM

Such a sweet, warm, welcoming individual and so quickly gone! Such a shock to others but quickly might have been the most merciful outcome for Denise.
My sincere condolences to all who knew her well and miss her, and family who will miss her the most.

Ev

Lien

11-21-2013, 03:23 PM

In shock too. I thought she was going to tweak treatments and get on top of her latest issues. I had no idea she was in such bad shape.

I do so hope she had time to say goodbye to Ted and her kids.

She was a ray of sunshine.

Jacqueline

nsebesta

11-21-2013, 03:51 PM

So sad as I read this. In shock. I would check the boards to see what hilarious twist she put on this awful disease. I'm glad she doesn't have to worry about it anymore, sad for all who have to go on without her.

Joan M

11-21-2013, 04:13 PM

I'm very sad over the loss of Denise. We spent time together in Philadelphia in the spring. We laughed a lot, despite cancer. My condolences to her family.

ammebarb

11-21-2013, 04:39 PM

Rest in peace. dearest Denise. I wish words could adequately express my feelings at your passing. I love you.

SusanN

11-21-2013, 04:40 PM

I'm devasted over this news...indeed, Denise radiated sooooo much laughter, love, support and encourgament to me...to soooo many of us!!

I thank God for her life...praying that she went peacfully home...knowing she knew the Lord and is healed now!!!

I pray that God gives her family much strength, comfort and peace in the days ahead...and for all of us that we be strong as Denise would want us to STAND STRONG...and KEEP FIGHTING!!!

LeahM

11-21-2013, 04:50 PM

When I first joined this board Denise was the first member to reach out to be privately and the first member I met face to face. I was blessed to have shared 3 meals with her over this last year. I will miss her so much, my heart is just breaking for her family and for all her friends. Such a bright light, extinguished to soon.
I am going to go eat some chocolate in her honor.

MaineRottweilers

11-21-2013, 05:04 PM

Rest in peace, Denise and prayers to your family. You touched my life in such a way, I will remember you always.

carlatte7

11-21-2013, 05:26 PM

Oh, Denise...we never had the chance to meet in person but i had always hoped we would. I am just...crushed. I like the visual of the angels ROTF, so will think of that. RIP dear Denise.

tricia keegan

11-21-2013, 05:41 PM

I'm shocked and so sad to read this and hadn't realized she was so ill, God be with her and may she RIP xx

jacqueline1102

11-21-2013, 05:55 PM

This is truly just heartbreaking. Words fail me.

Becky

11-21-2013, 06:18 PM

I am breathless and shocked. I have been on this board for many, many years and for some members, you can see the end coming and although sad, the loss is understood. But I don't understand this one. Not one bit. I am so sad that she is gone to us with no explanation. Perhaps she shielded us from the whole story with her wit and humor. She will be sorely missed and taken from us too soon.

dawny

11-21-2013, 06:26 PM

This is devastating, it happened so fast. Denny will be missed by all of us here, there is a huge hole left. My thoughts are with her family, whom she loved so much. We will try to keep the humor going in her memory.

Dawn. Xx

conomyself

11-21-2013, 07:14 PM

This is such a shock, I am so sad, she was such a funny, compassionate, thoughtful person.

May God bless you and your family, Denise. Rest in peace.

I will miss her.

Love,

Rachael

Cat

11-21-2013, 07:44 PM

I am in shock this was the last thing I expected to find tonight. Denise will be missed but live on in all of us with memory of her humor and support. Prayers are sent to family and friends. Cathy

Mary Jo

11-21-2013, 08:02 PM

I echo what the others have said. Another loss....another heartache for friends and family who loved her. I'm so sorry.

phil

11-21-2013, 08:02 PM

Always a shock when one of ours is gone ... Denise had such a Strong Spirit ! Made me laugh a lot , light moments in the midst of what can at times be such a relentless grind. She is Missed. I know she's in a far better place - no more suffering, but praying for Healing for her husband and children , family , friends.

Mel3

11-21-2013, 09:38 PM

I'm shocked and at a loss for words.

suzan w

11-21-2013, 10:09 PM

Shocked and sad

healing

11-21-2013, 10:38 PM

May God hold her in the palm of His hand.

Our hearts are heavy....

Aussie Girl

11-22-2013, 04:49 AM

This is the hardest news I've had since I joined this forum. Denise was a truly inspiring woman who shared herself without reserve. I will miss her, and my heart goes out to her family and the other women on this forum who have known her for much longer than I have.

Aussie Girl

NEDenise

11-22-2013, 09:06 AM

Hi All,

No, I'm not coming to you from the Great Beyond, although if I could I would!

This is Ted. Thank you all for all of your kind words and messages of support and condolence that you've posted. Denise truly was one of a kind and I'm not sure if you all realize how much she cared about you and your struggles. She came here not knowing if it was something that she would benefit from and found a group that she truly considered close friends and extended family. She often told me that she didn't know how she could've fought so long without the support of all of you. This was one place she could come to share her thoughts and struggles with others who truly knew what she was dealing with and going through. God bless you all.

caya

11-22-2013, 11:12 AM

I am shocked and saddened beyond belief - dear Denise was truly one of the great Warrior Women on this site ever- probably in the world...

She will definitely be missed - her strength of character, wit and uplifting spirit truly shone through in all of her posts.

Ted and sons, please accept my sincerest condolences. Please know that your sweet wife/mother was truly loved on this board.

Taken way way too soon...

all the best
caya

Mtngrl

11-22-2013, 12:00 PM

Oh, no. No. No. No. Not Denise.

Ted, thank you for posting. So many people said they wish they could have met her. That makes me feel doubly blessed to have seen her three times, on trips to Philly.

I'm so sorry for Ted and the boys. I'm so sorry, too, for all of us. She was such a warm, loving, funny person, and the best possible support group member. Oh, what will we do without her?

It's just so incredibly sad, and such a shock.

Poor Denise. Poor us.

Love to all,
Amy

'lizbeth

11-22-2013, 12:04 PM

Oh Ted seriously - I saw the familiar photo and thought NEDenise was coming through from the great beyond. I'm certain she's giggling at me right now.

We were the ones blessed to have her as part of the group. I wish that she did not have to suffer with such an aggressive breast cancer. Even when dealing with the seriousness of her metastasis - she was still sharing humor, understanding and support.

CarolineC

11-22-2013, 12:19 PM

This is so so tragic. Laurel, I had also been very concerned about Denise, especially when she posted a few weeks ago relaying her symptoms.On Wed morning after I woke up I just felt "off". My day got worse in dealing with my healthcare team and by dinner I was crying-I was so done with the day in and day out of dealing with this illness and the system. Then I read about Denise and now I know why things felt so weird that day-the devastation has sent a shockwave to even my little town in Canada.

I know that Denise would have posted an uplifting message to me full of motion and positivity. Her posts were always so full of color and light, just like her. I miss her so much already.

Ted, look at YOU comforting US. Could you please share your address so that I may send a card to you and your beautiful sons? What a special family you are. If everyone who is viewing this thread sent a card, you and your sons could see what a blessing Denise has been to us and how much she was loved.

I'm so very sad.

jaykay

11-22-2013, 12:55 PM

If anyone could reach out from the Great Beyond, it would be Denise!

Thank you, Ted - and thank you for sharing Denise. Such a special soul. Many condolences to you and the rest of your family.

Janis

Lien

11-22-2013, 02:47 PM

Thanks Ted, for reaching out to us. She certainly was one of a kind. I still have a hard time believing she is gone. I wish you and the kids and everyone who loved her strength and courage to carry this tremendous loss.

If you ever find the time, energy, room in your heart, to tell us about her passing, I would be very grateful. But I do understand that you have other things that need to take priority now.

Everything she wrote brought joy to these boards. She was able to make the unbearable a bit more bearable. Her sense of humor was like a ray of sunlight peeping through heavy clouds.

If I miss her, while living in the Netherlands, your sense of loss must be the size of Mount Everest.

Hugs to you

Jacqueline

chekmark

11-22-2013, 03:21 PM

I just had to post again. There is nothing good about having bc but if I had not gotten bc then I never would have met Denise. What a champ. Ted I want to say that she always said how great you were and were always there for her. Be proud. She spoke about her family with great pride and admiration. My heart is broken for you and the boys. I hope you are doing as well as can be expected. Denise would want us to be strong and to keep fighting and find a freaking cure. The board had been pretty quiet since she we heard the bad news. She would want us to continue to laugh and share our stories and help others. No one will ever do it like she did. We will never ever forget her. I keep thinking this is just a bad dream but it's real. We are here to support you and your family too. I feel like you are all a part of mine from all the stories she shared. From the get go we heard her experiences both good and bad at the hospital. Being left in the hallway etc, oh all the funny stories. She was amazing. She made her bowling experience when she shattered her hand humorous although agonizing, I could go on and on. Just so tragic. Her memory will live on, she touched each and every one of us. May god give you and your families strength. God bless you also.

Coux92

11-22-2013, 03:48 PM

I just can't get my head around this news. Denise was the first to welcome me to this board and he kindness and humor set the tone for my journey....I'm so sad. I have not had a true good cry since initial diagnosis, well Denise has even help me with that. I felt such love for her and prayed, hard, daily for her.
Thank you Denise for all the belly laughs when I would have never thought it was possible. May God Bless her family and all of us going on without her

norkdo

11-22-2013, 06:43 PM

Excuse me?

norkdo

11-22-2013, 07:18 PM

i apologize for that post. I was in shock. Hands over eyes. No No No No. I knew she was dying. I knew it. I felt so guilty for knowing it. I was in denial. She was my best and only friend ...close friend on this board....both of us having the identical profile catching our cancers at the exact same time...well, she in Feb, me in April, 2011. I feel such terrible guilt. Survivors guilt they call it. Oh my. I tried phoning Ted. I got his mom instead. A very gracious dignified lady who will pass on my condoloences. I want to go to the funeral. She died wednesday morning and was cremated and her memorial will be at St John's church in Lansdale, PA. I will either be there or send flowers. Oh my god. This is not possible.
Amy, Mtn Girl, you are my no. one now. Oh my god; this is not possible. this didn't happen. This is not possible. oh pls god when we wake up tomorrow this will not be true.
My sisters on this board: your love for her; your waking moments thinking about her. You are such beauties. May we remain close.
Nora in Ottawa

norkdo

11-22-2013, 07:33 PM

just posting this note denise sent me...so typical of her generosity and kind, huge heart:
Re: prayers and thoughts for you
Hey Girl!
I think of you often too! And thank you for all your kind words. I'm touched and flattered, my friend.
I was becoming a little concerned when you weren't around for a while. So glad you got that all straightened out.

You must have been TOTALLY freaked out in the recovery room...and I don't blame you one iota. And, I think you were totally entitled to some high quality depression after the black-breast-falling-off thing. Yikes!

In three weeks, I have an MRI, and I'll finally find out whether the gammaknife worked...and the tumors in my beautiful, precious brain are shrinking. And...just as importantly, whether any new devils have popped up. I feel really good, so I'm hoping that is an indicator that good things are happening.

Hoping and praying that I can outlive the grim statistics...because I have waaaaaay more to do before I leave this life.

Sending a big hug northward to you!
Denise

Jean

11-22-2013, 07:50 PM

I am shocked and so very sad. Yet another wonderful sister taken from us.

My heartfelt condolences to her family.
She was a special lady.
Jean

BrendaB

11-22-2013, 08:00 PM

I was crushed to read of Denise's passing. Her posts lifted my spirits so much. As do all of yours. I have a support group in town that meets monthly, but reading your stories has helped me stay strong and encouraged, too. Prayers going up for Ted and family.

DianaMK

11-22-2013, 08:24 PM

Denise's humorous posts and words of encouragement were an inspiration to all of us. This forum will never be same without her. My heart goes out to her family. We will miss her. Gone too soon....

Paty

11-22-2013, 09:53 PM

I feel so terribly bad, knowing she has left us. Her great personality and the way she faced this terrible illness always impressed me. We will miss you Beautifull Angel!!

starwishn2

11-22-2013, 11:04 PM

Like everyone else on this site, I am shocked and completely saddened by this news. There just aren't enough words to express my feelings. Peace and prayers to her family. Denise will be missed so much!

bejuce

11-23-2013, 01:02 AM

This is terrible, just terrible. Denise kept me coming back here just to read her posts and gain some inspiration. She was truly special and one of a kind. It is not easy to have that kind of humor and uplifting spirit when dealing with such grim circumstances. She will be missed by all of us. We should create a quilt or something like that with her best posts and memorialize it forever. Something that can be brought to her memorial for everyone to see her bravery and loving spirit. With a very heavy heart, my thoughts are with her family and everyone she touched.

Mtngrl

11-23-2013, 06:37 AM

I cried off and on all day yesterday, in bits. Then last night when I went to bed I sang "Bridge Over Troubled Water," thinking of Denise. When I got to the third verse the tears began to flow:

Sail on, silver girl.
Sail on by.
Your time has come
to shine
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Denise was a bridge over troubled water for so many. She poured out her love and care selflessly. And now she's gone, sailing on. She'd want us to carry on her loving service to this community.

Mtngrl

11-23-2013, 06:41 AM

Here's the funeral notice (Memorial service next Friday, November 29): http://www.huffandlakjer.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=2329334&fh_id=13918

LeahM

11-23-2013, 07:22 AM

Thank you Amy for posting this. I plan on being there.

Cath

11-23-2013, 07:35 AM

I am just so shocked to hear about Denise. She was one of the first to respond to my first post on this board and always responded whenever I posted. I always looked forward to reading what she wrote. I am just so sad. She was a wonderful person. I hate cancer so much and what it has done to all of us. Denise - rest in peace. You will never be forgotten.

Andrea Barnett Budin

11-23-2013, 01:29 PM

A truly great woman has passed from this world. I am shocked, chilled, disbelieving and profoundly saddened. I love Denise!

We've lost an outstanding lady, and we all know that. Bright, witty, Mrs. Sherlock, on the case, checking her own brain scans (and finding Mickey Mouse and some alien creature). Denise led the charge with her team of docs, directing, declining where she felt it wise and yet moving forward always with tenacity and stoicism! I just love that woman! Admire her beyond the ability to express...

Ted, you have so very graciously posted for our NEDenise -- and for an instant I did actually believe it's all been a horrid mistake. You two were so destined to be together, I can only begin to imagine your heartache. Yet with your boys and all that has been happening in your life, you have reached out to us, Denise's other family! Remarkable in and of itself.

When you have time, you could take allllll Denise's post here and gather them into the most fabulous, inspiring, real life world of a person living with cancer -- and have it published! I am totally serious. Don't forget the "Funny Cancer T-shirts" thread. Anyone who can make you laugh, when you're bald, on chemo and battling cancer without eyebrows and puffed up from steroids -- is my kind of person!!!

My oncologist does my hair. Having a No Hair Day. I have chemo brain, what's your excuse?

THIS BOOK WILL BE A BEST SELLER. GUARANTEED. And will enrich so many lives, so many struggling Souls! A beautiful tribute to Denise, Ted! In her honor.

I MADE ALL THIS OUT OF NOTHING. TRUST ME, I CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU. GOD. (That's in the beginning of one of Denise's last threads, "Auntie Em! Danger Will Robinson" thread. I totally believe she has passed on to another way of being, free of all the crap and blechiness of life in cancerland. She is at peace, though missing you and your family with all her heart.

Her story no doubt continues. The Soul survives. I have been talking to her in the Spiritual Realm since the very moment I read that Denise has died. I had so much to tell her. And, you can talk to her too. She's busy up there, w/all the Sisters from this board, and those who have passed from her life here and throughout her life. Plus, she's undoubtedly watching over you, Ted (my father's name -- Theodore -- so very dear to my heart!) and certainly your boys.

Something powerful, a complete mistake, occurred and took her way too soon. We all know this. And we'd all love to learn what it was.

She was calling for help, in her usual style of humor, but she knew she was in serious trouble. We all assumed she would once again miraculously rally. We sent our love, our cyberhugs, our fervent prayers. NONSTOP. I swear! Because she was a woman of such incredible grace and class who shared all with us but only served to lift each of us up in the process! She was a gift we already sorely miss. And I can only begin to fathom how grievous her passing is for you and your boys!

Denise couldn't help herself. Positivity dripped from her every word. And that is a part of why I think a book of her humor and posts would serve to lift so many who are struggling, fighting their battles and seeing from a first rate Shero how to do it despite it all. Never have I witnessed such courage and inner strength, such joy, even in the midst of the fight for her life!

It is difficult for you to see what a blessing she was as you can likely only focus on your terrible loss. The enormity of it! But, honestly, you and your boys were blessed to have her be such a huge part of your lives here. (This time around...)

And you will meet again, on the other side! Personally, I want to embrace her when it is my time to move on (which will take decades I feel certain). I want a long, tight hug, cradling one another, rocking from side to side giddily!

P.S. I think I hate the steroids and blame them for everything! They can be so beneficial, but there is a limit. When they can't fix it, they destroy your body.

Did Denise ever get that lumbar puncture?

We all love you Denise!!!! Let's have a {{{{group hug}}}}}} please. I really need it right now.

Andi

Coux92

11-23-2013, 01:42 PM

Very well said Andi, thank you for putting into eloquent words many of my own thoughts.

BonnieR

11-23-2013, 02:21 PM

I see by her obituary that she passed away in Hospice. There must have been a great deal going on following her last posting
I still can't believe it. So grateful for her husbands thoughtful visit to us amid all that he is dealing with right now
Keep the faith everyone

Andrea Barnett Budin

11-23-2013, 02:24 PM

I looked for the obit but couldn't locate more than where and when the funeral way.

Where'd you find that, Bonnie?

LeahM

11-23-2013, 02:27 PM

Andi,

Amy posted this on page 4:
Here's the funeral notice (Memorial service next Friday, November 29): http://www.huffandlakjer.com/fh/obit...34&fh_id=13918 (http://www.huffandlakjer.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=2329334&fh_id=13918)

BonnieR

11-23-2013, 02:27 PM

Click on the link that MntnGrl posted a short way back in this thread. It opens the obit. Making this real and not a bad dream

BonnieR

11-23-2013, 02:32 PM

There is also a link to a guest book you can sign attached to the obit

Andrea Barnett Budin

11-23-2013, 02:33 PM

Thank you, Leah. And Amy. I was literally so blinded by the headline, NEDenise Has Died, I could not process anything after. I skimmed but had to walk away, lost in my thoughts and wondering.

So after her post on the 14th, something occured that brought her to hospice.

Just can't take it all in. Her Spirit was so lively to the end! Cannot imagine how this could have happened. You'd think I/we would be used to this, but somehow, I am ever shocked. And then shocked that I am shocked.

I've told my husband about half a dozen times. I know he knows, but I can't stop myself...

caya

11-23-2013, 04:51 PM

Still shocked here too. When I saw that header ... NEDenise has died - I cried out loud "Oh No!" My DH ran into the room and I told him.

Just terrible, terrible... I hope that if Ted has a chance, and feels up to it, he can share more details of what happened to dear Denise those last few days. Just a few weeks ago she posted that I (caya) am a treasure on this board. Tears are spilling down my face now because the world has lost a great treasure - Denise.

We have got to keep pressing for the cure. Cancer is pure crap.

all the best
caya

Laurel

11-23-2013, 05:23 PM

It is my strong sense that Denise was suffering far more than she ever let us know (just like her, right?). I had been very concerned about her for months now, just feeling that churning sensation of dread in my gut. She did give us little hints about how much she was struggling and how her quality of life was impaired. I believe she wanted to lift us up and defect our worry and concern off of her and onto others, so very like Denise. I believe her suffering increased greatly over the past month. Now she is in peace and suffers no more. It is the living who struggle with the resounding silence of a brilliant, vivacious voice quieted forever. I doubt those of us who so enjoyed her posts will ever forget the gift of Denise Kasander, but oh how very blessed we were to have had her here with us on this site.

Andrea Barnett Budin

11-23-2013, 06:52 PM

I agree and yet -- that brilliant vivacious voice is surely not heard by us here, but where she is -- she has them in stitches! Howling with laughter and good cheer.

And we have her words to remind us of all the many many lessons she taught us. About facing adversity and never ever saying yes to the ideas her Inner Voice told her even her wise docs were wrong on.

I love her, as you all do. And I respect her with vigor! She has stood for everything I aspire to be.

Andi

conomyself

11-23-2013, 07:08 PM

Andi, that is an amazing, wonderful idea!!!

Denise said that she wanted to live to write a book..........well, maybe SHE DID!!!

Mtngirl, your post was so beautiful I cried (again).

Love,

Rachael

carlatte7

11-23-2013, 07:40 PM

Does anyone else find themselves getting on here, hoping it was a mistake. Its still unbelievable.

norkdo

11-23-2013, 08:02 PM

yes. very much. heavy heart hurting.

BonnieR

11-23-2013, 08:19 PM

I quite agree with Laurel. Denise's last several posts spoke of alot of physical challenges. But she had such a way of deflecting things and putting a good face on it all that one wanted to believe that it was going to somehow be okay. When it wasn't. That was her gift and her grace
God bless her spirit
Keep the faith

Andrea Barnett Budin

11-23-2013, 08:28 PM

I only just learned she was on Caring Bridge. That alarmed me. Like making funeral plans in my head.

I tried to access her there, as I have others, but there's a glitch.

With all her blechy symptoms (all of which I hated) she had her wits about her, could type without error, in differening fonts and colors with clarity and of course a funny twist to amuse us as we groaned with her...

A most endearing personality.

norkdo

11-23-2013, 09:46 PM

Dear Sisters and husbands of sisters and others...
I would so love to call Ted and his phone number was given me by his mom prior to my finding it online. (white pages).
However, here is the advice I am giving myself....all our questions about the details leading to this unforeseen end will indeed be answered soon enough. The second any of us learn them we are sharing them as so many are crying right now. Right now, I would just love to shower Ted, her sons, Jack and Ben, with flowers. That is all i want to do right now. Any more details leading to this inexplicable death we all promise to share the second we get it, right?
address for flowers:

Theodore J Kasander
Home (215) 368-0711
Home (610) 265-6545
1011 Lansdale Ave
Lansdale, PA 19446-1621
Associated: Denise B Kasander

BonnieR

11-23-2013, 10:20 PM

I think upon reading Denise's last posts that this was not unforeseen or inexplicable. It was just a shock to have happened what seems like quickly. Especially because she tried to keep the mood light all along. Obviously we were not privy to what was transpiring in the end. It was a sacred time for her and her family . I think we should give them their space and privacy. If Ted wants to share more with us later I'm sure he will. Meanwhile we can post on her guest book. There's a link in this thread
Keep the faith

SoCalGal

11-23-2013, 10:50 PM

Nora, I was not commenting on your post - just sharing my own thoughts. Anyhow - removed my post.

StephN

11-23-2013, 11:11 PM

Flori - Please do share your thoughts. You have good wisdom.

I was trying to recall the DANGER, WILL ROBINSON quote in Denise's last post.
From Wikipedia:
“Danger, Will Robinson!” is a catchphrase from the 1960s’ American television series Lost in Space spoken by voice actor Dick Tufeld. The Robot (played in body by Bob May), acting as a surrogate guardian, says this to young Will Robinson (portrayed by Bill Mumy) when the boy is unaware of an impending threat.

Lost In Space! Wouldn't you know that NEDenise was giving us clues to her situation. She was most likely not wanting our pity, just our normal love and prayers.
RIP, dear woman.

BonnieR

11-23-2013, 11:25 PM

Yes Flori, you have a fresh perspective! I liked what u said. I appreciate what everyone here has to say. All different views. And we can all agree on shared grief
Steph, I was commenting to my husband about that last thread "Auntie Em, Danger, incoming..." Etc. How clever it was. And how telling. She was sending out a distress call without really doing so
Keep the faith

Saygoon

11-24-2013, 12:10 AM

My heart hurts..... whenever I felt down I would look up her old posts and laugh again. Prayers for her family

NEDenise

11-24-2013, 12:23 AM

Wow, what an outpouring! Denise's brain related symptoms had been worsening over the last few weeks although she was sure it was the dreaded steroids that were to blame. Her balance had become more suspect, she had a few days when her eyes wouldn't coordinate to focus correctly, had debilitating fatigue but most worrying her speech had become not quite slurred, but certainly not normal. She did have the lumbar puncture and cancer cells were found in the meningeal fluid. With that diagnosis, her medical team discontinued the Tykerb and Avastin in preparation for the Ommaya reservoir and a new course of chemotherapy.

She was discharged on the 14th and we came home. She was OK although not really herself through Saturday evening. Sunday she slept almost all day and wasn't able to get up off the couch even to use the bathroom. Monday I helped her get cleaned up and dressed to leave for the hospital, but she was just so weak that when she tried to stand her legs buckled under her. I tried to get her up and carry her the few feet from the couch to the door but when I lifted her up, she was in a great deal of pain and described the experience as if a thunderstorm was erupting in her head. Denise being Denise, she decided she did have the strength to "scoot" across the floor in the sitting position as long as I could back the car up to the front door so we'd only have to try lifting her one time. When she tried to stand at the front door threshold, she pitched forward and must have had a seizure, because I thought for all the world as if she was having a stroke - face went scarlet, eyes wouldn't focus and she started an incoherent babbling. Called 911 and she was rushed to the local ER where they got her stable and air-lifted her to HUP.

After determining that she wasn't having a stroke, more CT and MRI were done Monday night. Docs were going to meet with us on Tue am to discuss next course of action. When I arrived around 10 on Tues. I had already spoken with the neurosurgeon and oncologist briefly by phone. Neurosurgeon took me aside as soon as I arrived to tell me that the previous evenings scans had revealed a large mass at the base of her brain and that she wouldn't likely survive a surgery that wouldn't be able to do much more than relieve the pain that she was in. We decided to medicate for the pain rather than going through surgery and by mid-afternoon she had slipped into a coma. She was transferred to an in-patient hospice floor in a nearby building around 8. There wasn't anything more that they could do for her in the neurosurgery ICU. Hospice was able to keep her comfortable with a morphine drip and some other medication to reduce buildup of mucus and she passed a few minutes after 5 am on Wednesday.

The speed of her decline and eventual death was both shocking and terrifying. Fortunately, her brother was able to get the boys to the hospital in the afternoon when she was sleeping and relatively comfortable, so their last images are of her sleeping comfortably. I'm absolutely astounded at their resiliency and courage. Both are understandably sad and stunned. I feel so bad for them that at 14 and 16 they've had to mature so quickly, having lived with the damn disease hanging over us all for the last 3 years.

As was posted, we are having a memorial service for her on the Friday following Thanksgiving - she wanted to be cremated rather than buried. For those of you who want to call to talk, the number my mom gave out is the home phone and probably not the best way to get a hold of me. Call me at 215-530-7674, that's my cell.

A wave of tears and grief come over me when I read through the wonderful posts that you've added, so I'm not sure I'll be back here for a little while. Rest assured though, that I will check in from time to time if that's OK with you. Until then.......

Ted

BonnieR

11-24-2013, 12:43 AM

Ted, I'm astounded at YOUR resiliency and courage You have been an absolute rock throughout it all And so gracious and considerate to share these last days with us You are just like Denise, thinking about others and their needs. It means a great deal to us to have "closure" and understand what happened to someone who was so loved here. God bless you for sharing with us. I understand why you might want to stay away for awhile but you are always welcome here. God bless you and the boys in the days ahead. You'll be in our hearts
Keep the faith

Bunty

11-24-2013, 04:33 AM

Ted, Jack and Ben - you are all amazing, and so blessed to have had your beautiful Denise as wife and mother! As you can see, we all LOVE Denise so much as she gave so much to us. Thank you for your post Ted - Denise reached out to so many of us here, we would love to be able to do so for you and your boys now, so thanks for giving us the opportunity to do so. As Bonnie said, it's incredible that you are helping people here - your post at this very sad time is aiding many of us here to come to terms with the shock. Ted, you and the boys will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, particularly in this week ahead.

God Bless.
Marie

Laurel

11-24-2013, 09:34 AM

Thank you, Ted, for showing us such compassion as to come here to explain Denise's last days. You must be as kind and gracious as your dear wife to put us before your own grief. I am confident that I speak for us all when I express gratitude. Knowing how things turned for Denise is comforting as it will enable us to sort it out in our minds and will serve to sooth the ache in our hearts to know the "why" of it.

You are most welcome here anytime. I am sure you and the boys will be alright with Denise watching over you from above. Please stop by in a few months to let us know how you are getting along. The memory of your Denise will be cherished here forever. She is one of our most legendary warriors.

Laurel

caya

11-24-2013, 10:48 AM

Ted, I can only echo exactly what Laurel said. Thank you so much for relating your dear wife's last few days, she meant so much to us here. Just needed to hear the "why", as you said " the speed of her decline and eventual death was both shocking and terrifying." Very gracious of you to let us know, and so soon afterwards.

May you and Jack and Ben take comfort in each other.

all the best
caya

karen z

11-24-2013, 11:06 AM

I do not have words. I did not see this coming. My best to Denise's wonderful family. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. I, like others, are in true shock.

Mtngrl

11-24-2013, 11:10 AM

Dear Ted,

Thank you for taking the time to give us these details. I am newly saddened, but it helps so much.

You can come back to visit any time you want. You and the boys are part of the "family" here. We'd love to hear from you, and to have your perspective on how cancer affects those closest to the person who has it.

I remember meeting you and Denise at that restaurant in Philadelphia (though I can't remember the name of it.) I know I had some delicious comfort food, and the three of us had a great time.

I am glad I got to know Denise and, through her, you and your sons. She lit up this board, and I will always carry a part of her light with me.

I am so very sorry for your loss, and so grateful that you were able to reach out to us and answer our questions. Thank you.

MJsHusband

11-24-2013, 11:47 AM

Ted, I'm sorry for your loss. Sorry for our loss too. I've been on this site for 3 1/2 years, mainly reading but occasionally posting, supporting my wife in any way I can. Denise always was so positive and a bright light for us when we were facing the next thing that popped up. I've always seen your photo with her and knew you were dealing with just about what I have been. Again, I'm sorry and pray that you and your family find some comfort somehow at some point.

Greg

Andrea Barnett Budin

11-24-2013, 12:59 PM

Dear sweet NED TED -- bless you! Midst all you are going through in your life, with darling Denise, with your sons, you have taken the time to give us some understanding of what happened, which we deeply craved. A remarkable man, obviously, and who else would Denise have chosen but a man like YOU!

Your generosity of Spirit touches each of us. I can see Denise scooting (as my husband decided to do when he kept passing out). It's the safest mode of transportation!

Her docs never gave up on her I see, and that is gladdening to my heart. She would never give up, she had a team that would not either! Good job, Denise! Brilliantly thought out and selectively chosen, you surrounded yourself with Ninja docs, of course.

A thunderstorm erupting in her head (yes, we hang on her and your every word, Ned Ted!) -- her descriptive abilities fully in tact and far above the capability of most, even midst her calamity! Denise has never failed to astound us with her tales and depictions, and of course, to make us smile if not snort out loud!

The scene at the front door that you have generously shared with us clutches at my heart and must have scared you tears! A 911 call alone shakes us to the core. And the ambulance -- and then airlift, oh my Lord, Ted, how blessed she was to have you!

You and the doctors did all you could, and in the end, keeping her comfortable was the best you could do. So glad Jack and Ben got to say their final goodbyes to their sleeping comfortable mom. So important!

We are sad and stunned from afar, but you Ted lived through it, obviously shocked and terrified yet her gallant hero and strong under fire dad to your boys. You have set a standard for them to live with forever; it's a gift you've given them. You and Denise have obviously done an outstanding job in raising extraordinary young men.

I so wish none of this had happened and I offer all I can, my unconditional love and caring for you, the boys and your whole family... Plus my admiration for the person Denise was in this life and for who you very obviously are, Ted. God bless you and help you get through this.

I'll hold off on calling you for a bit, let you gather yourself together and properly grieve your profound loss. But please know that I will be thinking of you (having seen your picture every day for years with Denise on the HER2 site). And again, I am thanking you with gratitude I can't adequately express for extending yourself midst this horrific ordeal, because you seem to understand our need as Sisters who loved Denise more than words can say.

Return to us whenever you are ready, Ted, and as often as you'd like, any hour of any day. We're here for you. I glorify all caregivers, as I know with my husband, I swear I worried more about him than I did myself (seeing expressions on his face, the face I know so very well, that I had never ever seen before). He was so scared. I understood how helpless he (and all caregivers) feel, wanting to do anything and everything and yet unable to make it all go away for us.

I know you'll stay strong. It's obviously your nature. And I know you know that your boys need you now more than ever. May their love for you, and Denise, and your love for them all keep you close and help you navigate through this storm of your lives. A true thunderstorm as we can only imagine.

With love, which is the most beautiful emotion in all the world,

Andi

norkdo

11-24-2013, 01:26 PM

As others have said... I have no words. Holding you and the boys in my heart. Knowing that her wish was for her boys to be able to afford college, and her setting up that fund so recently, despite her brain malfunctions, gives us something to do with a tiny piece of our pain. For the three years of my cancer journey it was Denise who steered my ship in this s&(&storm (as she put it). I've been hearing "Sail on Silver Girl..." all weekend through my tears, courtesy of Amy. Listening to "Bridge Over Troubled Water," thanks to Amy, will be forever attached to that beautiful, feisty redhead in my head. As many have said here, Denise's spirit will be indelibly etched in our hearts for the rest of our lives: her humour, her feistiness, has not left this earth. It's circulating coast to coast in the States, in Canada, New Zealand, all parts of Australia, England, Ireland, Scandinavia, Paris and all over the world where this weekend and all next week, everyday we are telling our family and friends why we are so so so sad....and why, right after we tell our mates and friends about her we smile and share a joke or a hilarious depiction she gave us of herself coping over her 1700 posts, and thousands more Personal Messages and emails. Thank you deeply, Ted, for giving us the details we were craving....
Nora

Catherine

11-24-2013, 02:39 PM

Oh my goodness. This is way too sad to have a strong, vivacious warrior leave this earth. Denise had a great attitude and a gift for sharing it with all of us. I am truly sorry for her dear family. I love the picture of her and Ted. I just wish she could still be here. She fought so hard and shared so much. She will be missed by all of us.

Hugs to all,

Ceesun

11-24-2013, 02:53 PM

Dear Ted, All through church today all I could think of was you, your boys, and NedDenise. Thank you for sharing the last week or so of this disease. Speaking for myself, I was worried about her symptoms and afraid things had taken a turn for the worse. Please accept my heartfelt sympathies and good wishes to all of your family. I so admired Denise's wit and spunk and fortitude. Having been on the board for some years now, I notice some caregivers return, some do not, and some perhaps read and choose to remain incognito, so to speak. You are very generous of heart and please feel free to drop by as much or as little as you like..whatever is best for you going forward. I am trying to take comfort today knowing that Denise did achieve her goal...she is now and forever NED! Still I feel choked up.... I will be thinking of you all the day after Thanksgiving...with the deepest respect, love, and light. Sincerely, Cathy aka Ceesun
Dearest, Andi thank you for posting, I knew you would "appear" when ready.

tricia keegan

11-24-2013, 03:07 PM

Thank you Ted and you and the boys will be in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days xx

jacqueline1102

11-24-2013, 05:23 PM

Dear Ted,

I wanted to convey my deep sadness for you and your boys. Indeed, your family appears to display the same generous trait as your lovely bride. As here you are sharing the information with all of us on this board when clearly you did not have to. The holidays this year will be difficult. Quite frankly, I wish to say they will suck. While we here enccourage you to pop back as you wish, it is certainly understandable to take time away whether temporarily or permanent. I wish you and your children some peace. I never met your wife or spoke with her but I read her posts. But, what struck me about your wife was how her light just shined. Her humor, wit, and joy was evident despite metastatic disease. I am sure that many would say she would light up the room. And she appeared most passionate about her life with you and the children. On this board, she was known and beloved for her support and perhaps one would say even her cheerleader spirit. Her resiliency despite horrific circumstances needs to be bottled. But then again, there is no one like her. I am truly so very, very sorry.

Jackie

sassy

11-24-2013, 05:48 PM

Ted, thank you so much for posting and sharing the rest of Denise's story with us. It helps to bring closure to so many of us who felt Denise as a force and a friend in our lives.

I will keep you and the boys in my thoughts and prayers. Please come here whenever you care to. You will always be a a part of us.

Mtngrl

11-24-2013, 07:13 PM

Hello, all.

Denise wrote this on February 27, in a thread she started about the possibility of new brain mets. She had said something much like it to me in person, but I wasn't going to mention it until I found that she had already said it on the board.

"KsGal - I'm right there with ya. Really, I am. Until someone walks where we are, I'm not sure they can truly understand the violation we feel. Now, we not only have the beast in our bodies, like all our sisters, but in a very real sense, it's trying to kill not just our bodies, but the person we are. It's trying to scrape away at our personality, our memories... in an instant, it could rob us of the person we are...one bleed...one seizure...and the person we are, could be gone forever. Our bodies might survive but that's not what I want for my family. I admit freely, that I don't feel as 'sick' as many of our sisters with mets in other places...their SEs are a misery for them and those who love them. But, for me, having an invader in my brain is horrifying. I don't want to lose me. So, you can bet, I'm praying for both of us to get the kind of news we need to pick ourselves up and fight on! Sending a HUGE hug, filled with strength!"

She didn't want to die. She wanted to see her sons grow up, maybe go back to teaching. She had everything in the world to live for. But if she had to die, she wanted not to be so altered by either the cancer or the treatment that it robbed her of herself. It came far, far too soon, but otherwise she got the kind of death she wanted. At least there's that.

The quote also shows how she always was. She wrote to us about what was going on with her, but she always, always had kind and affirming words to say to everyone else. It was never just about her. She was an angel of mercy to every one of us.

dearjilly

11-24-2013, 08:15 PM

I came on here to tell Denise and Ted that I was thinking of them, as I was watching the Grey Cup. I couldn't believe what I read about my friend Denise. I have been crying all night. Ted, please know that I am thinking of you and the boys. Strength goes out to you all. Thoughts are with Denise too. I am just in shock. I miss her. She was there for me. We were going to get together. I was looking forward to meeting her in person. I was going to say "thank you" to Denise to her face. She really helped me. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be on Avastin and I wouldn't be getting better, I would be getting worse. Denise...this place will not be the same without you. Thank you for being there for me girl. xoxo Jill

JillaryJill

11-25-2013, 07:47 AM

Ted, I went to mass yesterday and dedicated my mass to Denise, you and the boys. All of my prayers were offered specifically for your family yesterday. Denise, loved you 3 so passionately, that came through her posts loud and clear. It was so unselfish of you to post the details of the progression that led to Denise's passing. There is so much sadness on this board, but we are also all about the science of what is happening to each of us, hopefully to help someone communicate with their doctors more effectively, or perhaps discover a new treatment plan going forward. Denise would have loved that you shared this information on the board with such grace and candor. Denise and I had private messaged each other a couple of times. She was a person of faith and she communicated that to me. There is a song by Mercy Me, called I Can Only Imagine. It makes me think of Denise. "I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side. I can only imagine, what my eyes will see. When Your face is before me, I can only imagine. Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for you Jesus? Or in awe of You be still? Will I stand in your presence, Or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing Hallelujah? Or be able to speak at all? I can only imagine...."
I have this vision of Denise dancing and singing Hallelujah!!!
Ted, yes what a tragedy for you and the boys to lose Denise so young and go through the last 3 years of watching Denise suffer. Denise spoke so highly of you and the boys, and I am sure she was comforted by the fact that someone of your kindness and character would be raising those boys.

mamacze

11-26-2013, 06:36 AM

Horrified and shocked. How we will sorely miss the musings of NEDenise - who was always such a bright spot of joy and hope and always embracing the sadly elusive goal of a long slow dance with NED.
Number 1 on my list of things to debate with God ... Where is the Justice? How is it that such a beautiful spirit and giving heart embodied by Denise can be taken from a loving husband and 2 living large sons? To rip such a bundle of joy from the heart of a close and loving family; I just don’t get it.
Ted - you and your boys will always be cherished by the daughters and moms on this board because we cherished Denise. If you ever need or want some lovin’ up or motherly or sisterly advise just chirp out here and we will be all over it.
God speed to you Ted and to your loving family. Your angel has certainly earned her wings and left some deep and loving roots.
Love and hugs,
Kim (from CT)

KG1993

11-26-2013, 12:06 PM

Dear Ted and family,
I do not check the support group on a regular basis, but felt something was not right because I had not seen a post from Denise in some time. My heart is breaking for you. She was a huge support for me on this forum.
Sincerely,
KG

Laurel

11-26-2013, 06:52 PM

Jill,

I love that song by Mercy Me! Absolutely beautiful!

KsGal

11-27-2013, 01:54 AM

Im sorry I waited so long to post. Im just so sad. I will so miss Denise. Even though she had been posting, I absolutely was not expecting this. I was under the impression that the scans did not show any mets, and she had something else going on that would be treated. Denise and I had our scans at the same times, and we both had had brain mets, so she was such an inspiration to me. Her positive attitude, her sense of humor, her skill in communicating with the written word, and the true beauty that radiated from her heart are just a few of the things that I will miss. My prayers to her family, especially her husband and children, and to all of us for peace and comfort. In a way I rejoice in the fact that it was not a prolonged period before she passed, because it kills me to think of her suffering and in pain, but for those of us left behind on this side of the great divide it is such a shock when things turn so quickly. Im just so sorry for everyone hurting, and I send big hugs and lots of prayers.

Adriana Mangus

11-27-2013, 02:43 AM

Dear Ted,

So sad to hear of Denise's passing. My heart goes out to you and your family. Denise will forever be in our hearts.

Love,

Adriana

Paula O

11-27-2013, 05:15 AM

Ted, I'm so very sorry about your immense loss with the passing of dear Denise. What a woman, huh?! You and the boys must be missing her terribly. Us too.

(((((((Consider yourself cyber hugged by everybody here)))))))

We're here for ya if/when you ever feel like talking.

Lifting your family in prayer right now,

Paula

LeahM

11-27-2013, 07:59 PM

Friends I just had a thought I would like to share. You know how, when someone here was having a particularly difficult time, Denise would often say she was "pounding on heavens door with prayers"? Well, can you just imagine the earfull God is getting, dare I say tongue lashing God is getting, now that Denise is in his house and commanding his attention?

Denise my friend....if the cure is suddenly found....I will know it was your doing. I have missed your voice this past week.

Bill

11-28-2013, 01:29 PM

So sorry to hear this news. Ted, thanks for sharing the details. I know how hard that must have been. Your wonderful wife was one of a kind and a true blessing to this site. She will be missed. You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers.

CoolBreeze

11-29-2013, 05:06 PM

I have not checked in in a couple weeks and am shocked and saddened to hear this news. Denise was a joy, and upbeat, wonderful spirit and she was the person whose posts I looked for on this board, the ones whose threads I never missed. I'm terribly, terribly sorry to hear of this loss. I had no idea she was so close - she seemed to be fine.

My heart goes out to her family.

lkc Gumby

11-30-2013, 05:18 PM

I have been away and have just learned of Denise passing. I am shocked and saddened. I pray that Ted and her boys are comforted by the happy memories and the knowledge that she was much loved here and will be surely missed. so so sorry.

3twins

12-02-2013, 01:21 AM

I don't check the threads often but when I do I always look for updates from Denise. I am in disbelief and so very sad to learn of her passing. She was one of the strongest, wittiest, most graceful warriors I've ever known. My thoughts and prayers are with her family. Denise, you are and will forever be missed very much.

Coux92

12-02-2013, 06:21 PM

LeahM love your thought , thanks for sharing. I have quite a visual of what you describe. It makes me smile. I hope your right about the sudden cure, if anyone could persuade our Lord to hurry it along! she could.

norkdo

12-05-2013, 08:26 AM

Dearest Ted, if you are rereading this, or your boys are....
I still hurt everyday about darling Denise. I still find it a bad dream, as I am sure you three do. Please know that I am there praying for your pain. It's the first few minutes upon waking that are the worst, I find. Please know that for so many of us on this website, we are STILL hurting and cannot just "unhurt." (I am sure you know what I mean.)
Nora

caya

12-05-2013, 04:22 PM

Dear Ted,

Count me among the hurters. I think of your dear Denise every day... and pray that you and the boys are coping as best you can.

all the best
caya

Rolepaul

12-05-2013, 05:14 PM

This is one of the hardest notes I have read. I had tried to provide support and some guidance on her treatment. It is frustrating that there was not an option for her to use to survive. I realize just how lucky Nina and I are to have a treatment team that was willing to go to compassionate care and treat the disease with something that was not well understood. I know there is a place in heaven for Denise. She was one of the most inspirational ones on the board.

Andrea Barnett Budin

12-05-2013, 05:37 PM

I too remain in deep contact with Denise. I somehow half expect to see her post, and look for it. Then -- miss it, and her with all my heart.

Paul, please help us be informed. I don't know what Nina was given. Arm us, please. Knowledge is power. No doubt we each know or will come to know someone in a similar situation and we'll want to offer help...

Estelle

12-06-2013, 12:38 AM

I too have not been on the board for a while and am very saddened to hear that Denise has passed away. Like so many others here, I enjoyed her optimism, compassion and especially her humor. She was a very special lady, who will be missed. . . a lot.

twosenuf99

12-09-2013, 07:52 PM

Have not checked in lately but am totally shocked and saddened to hear of Denise's passing.

I always loved reading her upbeat messages to all of us even during her most difficult days.

My thoughts and prayers go out to her family

Tracy

Rolepaul

12-11-2013, 02:55 PM

It is frustrating that Denise was not able to benefit from some of the new technology that seems to be ongoing. Nina just went to a two year followup with the disease in full remission in both the spine and brain (on the brain surface). Four years ago she had a 5 cm spot on the brain and was told to make plans. All I can say is work hard to get the best treatment you can. Denise fought for this for herself, but was stymied as to how to get IT Herceptin like Nina has had. I am hoping the medical community hears enough cases to look more fully at this possible treatment method. Denise provided inspiration for many. We stayed in contact for the last two years. It is truly hard to lose a hero like her.

Andrea Barnett Budin

12-11-2013, 03:25 PM

Paul,

Please explain to me what IT Herceptin tx is about.

It is high dosages for brain mets, but I am missing something I know.

Hard to get into clinical trials???

Where did Nina go?

I know Denise did are damnedest to get into such a trial. No one could have fought more than she did!

Andi

Rolepaul

12-11-2013, 03:44 PM

Denise and I tried to get her in to see people for the past four months. That is why it is so frustrating to hear about her death.
Intrathecal Herceptin is the use of an Ommaya reservoir or spinal tap to introduce drugs into the central nervous system (CNS). Spinal fluid is the solution that is used to move food and remove waste in the spine and brain. The solution can have cancer cells in it and these then deposit throughout the brain and spine once they penetrate the blood brain barrier. This is a part of the body where no blood cells can go, only spinal fluid. Unfortunately, cancer cells can somehow make it through the barrier in some HER+ patients. Since Herceptin, Pertuzumab, and TDM-1 cannot make it through the barrier, they now are able to grow without worry. Putting these drugs on the other side of the barrier does the same thing as IV treatment does in the rest of the body! The problem is that the dose needed to be therapeutic was not well understood. The new knowledge is that doses five to ten times higher in spinal fluid concentration than blood are needed because the spinal fluid clears these drugs so much faster than the blood system does. Clinical trials at the higher dosage are being developed, but right now treatment at the higher dose is only available through compassionate use (or compassionate care) on an individual basis with the treating physician. I am trying to have all individuals contact MD Anderson as they have acted to assist doctors and patients at this point in time.

Andrea Barnett Budin

12-11-2013, 05:18 PM

Thank you for all that, Paul! It's a fantastic discovery and your advocacy has helped Nina. We all appreciate what you tried to do for Denise. How heartbreaking that she could not find some "compassion" for herself. Heaven knows WE would have all signed a petition or done whatever to help.

They have to fix this problem!

Bless MD Anderson. Everywhere I turn I hear how wonderful they are at every turn. Good for them. Wish more hospitals could attain their level of "amazingness", if I may coin a term.

So appreciate you explaining this, as I keep seeing IV Herceptin and keep failing to grasp the concept.

lkc Gumby

12-11-2013, 08:03 PM

Rolepaul. God Bless you for all you have done for Nina and what you tried to do for Denise..I absolutely hate this disease!!!!

fauxgypsy

12-12-2013, 02:00 PM

This makes me heartsick. She was so funny and so courageous. I had no idea she was so ill.

Deb33

12-13-2013, 07:10 PM

I thought this was a joke when I first read the subject line - like when Denise was "cured" by the insurance company. She always knew how to put a funny swing on things and ALWAYS had kind and loving words for everyone. I followed her closely because our treatment timing and diagnosis were so similar and she was so positive and upbeat in her posts.

I am still stunned with the news and am heart sick that she left behind such a loving family - and us - she will be missed.

fauxgypsy

12-17-2013, 09:16 PM

I just saw that I had a private message and it was from Denise. It was so thoughtful and made me realise again how much she will be missed.

Jackie07

12-17-2013, 11:46 PM

It's been almost a month since Denise's passing. Still can't find words ...

dawny

12-18-2013, 03:23 AM

It still feels unreal. :(

I miss her

Dawn. Xx

evergreen

12-18-2013, 09:10 AM

Denise was always an inspiration for me. She was a role model and was very involved in this group. My sympathy goes out to her husband and friends and family because she was a special person who will be missed.

dearjilly

12-21-2013, 08:59 AM

Andi and Paul,
Thanks for posting. Noted.
"cyber hugs" in memory of our dear Denise.

norkdo

12-26-2013, 12:36 AM

Today was christmas day.
As i put the turkey in the oven I started crying for denise, for ted.
cooking, cleaning, wrapping gifts, (planning a hawaiian holiday in Denise's case, probably), doing dishes or a load of wash....any housework or hassle, or preparation....denied denise for this day, this year. All the next years. All the next Christmases.
It was summertime sixteen months ago when she started a thread I reread tonight, announcing her brain mets. Sixteen short months ago.
Before she got home from the standard (for you americans, thankfully not us canadians) end of treatment base line brain mri , her oncologist phoned and said they found two tumors in her brain. She described her feelings, writing to us six hours later, on here, as "sad, not scared, or angry." "Just sad." Those were the words she wrote. She'd been crying for many of those six hours.
Tonight at my brother's place with my husband and my nephews and nieces I cried again for her. And I realized I am so identified, my stage and type of disease with Denise, that I am crying for me too. Like Denise I have no control over when or how soon this disease will take me. I can't predict. I just feel so damn sad.
I haven't had any testing other than a bone scan since my treatment ended at a time close to when her initial treatment ended. I've been childishly avoiding my oncologists' appointments, not showing up, dodging them. I finally, after being phone-spammed by the rads onc, saw him, had the bone scan, still no word from him on that, and am dodging the blood test and c.t.
Hospital sent a couple of appointment letters and I havent opened them yet and it's been a week.
I think the tears for Denise are also for me. I'm scared as hell by her death. Scared of dying.
I have "known" (whether time will prove me right or not nobody knows yet) deep inside me that I will not make the five year mark. I personally place zero weight by the five year mark thing. I just feel certain I too will die within the next three yrs. It's just a thing my body knows and my mind refuses to grow up and face it, get testing done etc.
I think the main reason, ( besides the obvious one...fear of dying...wanting to live out my natural lifespan)...is this one: I have decided not to get further treatment. If I go to stage four, I don't want further chemo, to be bald again, to be sick again. I just want to be treated for the symptoms that come from dying of the disease. If it gets too bad, I want to end things in Switzerland, I even know a place there, via a friend, where it is done.
Maybe I am just shaken by helping a friend have her dog put down on Saturday, at her house...the vet came to the house. I was there when life left the body and maybe it shook me and I lost both my dogs this year.
If anyone here is offended by my thoughts, bringing up my dogs at this time, please don't be as my dogs are/were my life, my only children, not having human ones, so please don't be offended by that.
But I just feel so damn sad.
So sorry Denise that you didn't make Christmas turkey this year. So sad for your family. But most of all for you.

Coux92

12-26-2013, 06:00 AM

I keep having visions of Denise in Heaven doing the Hula and giggling while watching Ted and the boys try to as well....I don't know if the trip happened but I get some comfort from the vision.
Norkdo, I hope your wrong about your survival but impressed how honest you are with yourself. . Just maybe, all the thoughts and plans you have made will never need to be put in motion. I'm sorry for the loss of your four legged kids. Hugs and prayers coming your way.

Aussie Girl

12-26-2013, 06:26 AM

Dear Norkdo,

Christmas is a hard time because we can't help remembering the people we love who aren't with us anymore. Especially hard for you and some of the other higher stage girls who had been traveling the road with Denise for a long time.

I am not shocked about you making plans about what to do, or not do in the the event of a recurrence nor the contemplation of the Switzerland option. I am concerned about the depth of you grief and your despair. I am hoping you are able to reach out to someone in your family, a friend or a counselor to have a good long talk about your feelings.

Much love to you

Aussie Girl (Diane)

pibikay

12-26-2013, 08:33 AM

My prayers fo her and condolonces to TED I know the effect of such parting.
3 group friends have joined Hema this month.I am really looking for words to express my anguish

norkdo

12-26-2013, 12:31 PM

coux, diane (aussie) and pibi....thank you so so so so much. I feel you. Thank you very kindly. Apologies everyone for my selfish hijacking of Denise's thread. So sorry. won't do it agin. Pibi: I feel you. God bless you in your pain. I'm holdin' your hand, my brother. Thanks for holding mine, coux and diane. hugs.

KDR

12-26-2013, 03:40 PM

Dearest Nora,
Such a beautiful piece of your heart you left on paper for us. It is easy to learn who you are by such raw and human emotion.
Denise would have been so moved by your words. Your love for her and fear for us all is palpable. You respect life, all life, as do I. Do not apologize for incorporating your dogs. Love is love and living things are living things. Loss is loss.
Read Henry Beston's The Outermost House, wherein he describes the animal kingdom as nations among themselves. You, Nora, will appreciate this writing. It is how I live, apply these belief systems to all: people and creatures. It is what perpetuated my self-deleted post about thanking the mice that sacrifice for us, for they do.
A very well-published author friend of mine (40 books to his credit) has written much on the subject of relationships, culture, etc. And he once told me, "Karen, no matter what happens, everything will be alright." And in the long run, everything is alright. It must be. We are stars. Each and everyone of us. You are a star. I have always loved your face. I read it; I know it. And with this post, you gave us you.
Denise's love continues to be, look for it. Smile. She'll smile back.
Love,
Karen

norkdo

12-26-2013, 08:57 PM

Karen, you are this light of love in what has been a dark tunnel. You survived 911 close up and personal, AND cancer, and yet you give, you give, you give. Aussiegirl, you may be very very right indeed about Christmas. I cannot share with the non cancer people in my life in a vulnerable way. I have to stay strong for them. Thank you for getting me this through this dark tunnel today ....tonight.
Oh how much love has been given me in my dark hours by yourselves. Thank you. Just like Denise did for me. Wow. The riches from this site keep piling up. Oh Pibi anc Coux and all of you who loved Denise, you are candles of great spiritual healing as we hold this vigil together in Denise's name on this thread. God bless you all who read here to honour a beautiful, loving soldier in this war on cancer, and you, my angels of kindness, whose kind wise posts teach me to walk in her fiery, red-headed, funny, wild, optomistic path.

Laurel

12-27-2013, 08:05 PM

Nora,

I think what you shared was honest and heartfelt. The whole recurrence-monster thing looms large for everyone, especially for those that are Stage 111b, like you, but honestly none of us rests easily. I do want to remind you that mets to the brain usually occurs within the first 3 years with Her2 so you are past the halfway point. Believe. Simply believe until you must believe differently. Period.

I have a good feeling about you....

sassy

12-28-2013, 10:11 AM

Nora,

What more perfect place to share your fears and concerns than in this place where you are completely understood and cared for? Hopefully sharing those fears here can help to allay them somewhat. I agree with Laurel that your prognosis continues to look brighter as you travel down this path.

When those fears grab hold of you come here for venting and support and remember--

Do not let tomorrow's worries rob you of today's joy.

My best to you,

norkdo

12-28-2013, 10:38 AM

Omg, Laurel and Rhonda, you put tears in my eyes. Only hearing it from fellow travellers can put tears of hope in my heart and i thank you deeply for your love over the cyber waves of this earth. Thank you so much for reaching over to hold my hand. God bless you so much for this. Big, big, rocking hugs of thanks.

Ceesun

12-29-2013, 01:29 PM

Hi All, Laurel where do you get that 3 year statistic with brain mets. I thought it often occurs late in the disease process. If course, I know this disease is unpredictable in its behavior. Thx Ceesun

Laurel

12-29-2013, 03:10 PM

Ceesun,

Gosh, I know I read that in one of my endless searches. I just tried looking through PubMed to see if it might have been there. I confess I tend to wander through PubMed where one search leads to another good/interesting article and before I know it I have lost an hour reading. I will keep trying to find it for you, and hopefully one of our resident propeller heads (think seriously smart) like Lani, Hopeful, or Jackie will chime in!

Barbara H.

12-30-2013, 12:00 AM

I was not shocked, but shaken when I logged on and learned about Denise. I was waiting to be unhooked from my Herceptin at 7:30 a.m. I then had to leave for school and teach for the rest of the day. I could not stop thinking of her and her family. I give my sincere condolences to Ted and her boys, and her extended family. i am sorry for posting so late. I lost my password, was away for most of the summer, and have been busy with moving to a new classroom at the same grade level, but with with new curriculum.
Denise will always be part of me and remain in my thoughts. She was so uplifting. I really miss her.
Kind regards,
Barbara H.

Redwolf8812

01-04-2014, 08:39 AM

I miss her.

- Penny

fauxgypsy

01-05-2014, 01:36 PM

Penny, I think you said in three simple words what we all feel.

caya

01-05-2014, 01:40 PM

Ditto here.

BonnieR

01-05-2014, 01:45 PM

What a legacy she left. We all should be so fortunate to be remembered for making a difference
Keep the faith

dearjilly

01-05-2014, 05:24 PM

I miss her too.

Mtngrl

01-07-2014, 02:37 PM

I miss her too. And I'm so sorry for Ted and the boys. Sad, sad.

Rolepaul

02-06-2014, 04:51 PM

I am trying to have a conference call with someone that can determine how to get this better under control. Keep watching here and listening for a new clinical trial. I think that five years from now this will be an issue that is treated, with a lot fewer deaths. Denise was inspiration and will be held as a model for why this needs to be addressed. My thoughts are again with all on this site.

zhelmom

02-06-2014, 09:19 PM

Even i am new member,i can feel all your pain.losing denise.

zhelmom

02-06-2014, 09:25 PM

Even im a new member i can feel all your pain and sorrowfor nedenise.prayers for her soul.GOD BLESS

LeahM

02-07-2014, 03:23 PM

I miss her too...so much...

Rachel_BC

04-28-2014, 06:37 AM

Hello-
I was DX'd January 2009, my son was 11 months old, I am a single mom.
I am ER/PR+ Stage I HER2 -, Oncotyped out of Chemo, just lumpectomy, rads and tamoxifen.
I lived on the BC.org Forums, then formed my own group on an email list, you're all welcome to join, although we are pretty inactive on the list. We have at least one HER2+ member.
I am posting because my son just started at NEDenise's school today. I wanted you to know a few things.

There's a big event coming up, this great public school raises funds not only for itself, but also they have built and maintain a school in Ethiopia, so I was reading up on it. That's when I first saw her name:
"This year the funds raised will continue to support [our school] Ethiopia, fund our H&SA programs, and donate to the Kasander Education Fund, in memory of our beloved 4th grade teacher, Denise Kasander."

I wanted to know who was Denise Kasander?

And that's how I ended up here, reading every word of every post about her, and many of her posts for hours last night. I'm having a hard time putting into words what I want to say, but I think you all know, you said it so well. I did not "know" her, but I also lost her, my son lost her, because we wont get to know her at school. She gave us so much by what she wrote here. It often seems like being an outstandingly wonderful person we need in this world puts a target on that person.

I looked up Kasander Education Fund to see what it's about (haven't got those details yet) and I found this, and really had to post it here to show you:
Elementary School installs Buddy Bench on playground in memory of late teacher (http://www.montgomerynews.com/articles/2014/04/24/ambler_gazette/news/doc5357cc478ea68303849808.txt)

http://www.montgomerynews.com/content/articles/2014/04/24/ambler_gazette/news/doc5357cc478ea683038498081.jpg
"The school installed a Buddy Bench on the playground in order for students to use if they feel lonely or excluded, in order to signal to other students to talk to them or invite them to play…
'She was one of those people who was always an advocate for the underdog,” [another teacher] said of Kasander. “If there was ever any kind of social injustice, she was the one to jump in and fix it when it came to kids getting along or a bullying situation.'…
The buddy bench was the first of a number of ideas that will be put into place throughout the year to honor Kasander’s memory."

I read so many here who said she was the first to reach out to them, and along with her character, she was also the one to jump in for the students, any kind of social injustice… and against the injustice of "cucking fancer" (we call it "SFBC", I got that "cucking fancer" from someone here).

What an incredible person. Her amazing grace and humor here, her beyond valiant fight against the worst imaginable, how she helped children and influenced others in her "real" life, will evidently continue in perpetuity. She's gone, but she's still helping my little boy, starting school so late in the year, if he ever feels lonely or left out, he can go to the bench in her name, and find a friend.

I look forward to every continuing event in her name.

Sending you all love and positive thoughts, including you in my prayers, and thanks.

Coux92

04-28-2014, 06:52 AM

Rachel, Thank you so much for sharing this insipring story. It is so nice to know more about her. I'm still so devistated that she is gone and pray her husband and boys are healing. She sure was special.

roz123

04-28-2014, 07:10 AM

Rachel - thank you so much for finding us here. Denise was truly a special part of this group. I know its hard to imagine how you can really "know" someone and have a connection to them on a on-line community but we did with Denise. We just loved her - so smart and funny and caring.
I so enjoyed reading the article about what her school did in her honour. Its so wonderful to get more information and a glimpse into her "real" life. The bench is a perfect tribute to our dear Denise
Her spirit will be at that school always!

jaykay

04-28-2014, 09:15 AM

Rachel,

Thanks so much for sharing - love the bench! Denise was truly one of a kind in the best way possible

Mtngrl

04-28-2014, 10:27 AM

It's great to know "Mrs. K," as her students called her, has been memorialized in this beautiful way. Yes, she was so loving and giving. I still miss her terribly.

Loolie

04-28-2014, 10:42 AM

Thanks so much for sharing this. It's wonderful to see Denise's wonderful kind & giving spirit carrying on it such a lovely way.

I didn't know Denise but through her posts was touched by what a lovely & very special person she was. Thinking of her family & her friends here on the forum.

suzan w

04-28-2014, 11:44 AM

This is such a wonderful tribute. I love how we are all so connected here, and how the connections keep growing and expanding. Sometimes the internet is mindboggling!!

caya

04-28-2014, 01:49 PM

Thanks for this update on our beloved NEDenise, Rachel. Very much missed here in our Her2+ support group community, I can see how much see at her school and her hometown.

all the best
caya

KDR

04-28-2014, 02:36 PM

Love the bench! I am sure Denise would've loved it, too!
This is a great way to memorialize someone; we did it for my grandfather.
Thanks for sharing an update on Denise.
Karen

LeahM

04-28-2014, 03:09 PM

Thank You so much for sharing this.

Cat

04-28-2014, 04:56 PM

Rachael,
Thank you so much for giving us this insite to more about Denise. It brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. I needed this today. Thank you. Wishing wonderful days and years to come for you and your son.
Cathy

phil

04-28-2014, 05:37 PM

I also want to thank you for taking the time to share this part of Denises' life with us - we are not surprised at her impact with the children . she had the same impact with us here . I admired Denises' strong spirit , strong spirits leave a void , and I pray for comfort and healing for her family

Carol Ann

04-28-2014, 06:31 PM

Thank you ... this brought tears to my eyes. But also joy in my heart, just like Cathy says.

Carol Ann

fauxgypsy

04-28-2014, 06:59 PM

Wonderful. I thought I was through crying over her but I did it again. She is missed by so many.

LoisLane

04-28-2014, 08:44 PM

thank you for posting this about Denise's school and what they have done in her memory. It made me smile and a warm feeling came over me. Denise you certainly were so special to so many. You and the girls keep an eye over us thanks for all the wisdom, laughter and strength you passed on to us.

Jackie07

04-28-2014, 10:28 PM

We all love Denise ... Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Please convey our love to her family and friends/colleague/students/...

Bunty

04-29-2014, 05:18 AM

Rachael, thank you so much for sharing. I think of Denise, Ted and her boys a great deal, and particularly yesterday they were in my thoughts, and then your post popped up.

Denise on this earth was an angel, and continues to spread her love and incredible spirit to so many.

How special that you have that connection through the school.

All the very best to you....

Marie

Andrea Barnett Budin

05-03-2014, 01:35 PM

Bless you, Rachel!

The BUDDY BENCH!!! I have an image to remember Denise by. Her words live in my heart, along with her amazing joy, sense of humor, wisdom, chattiness, courage and amazing Spirit!

I think of her almost every day. Always with love. I talk to her.

So so so appreciate you sharing this info with us. How truly kind of you.

Hope to see you a lot more on this site. I wish you health and healing, love and laughter!!

The BUDDY BENCH is such an outstanding idea! I wish there was one as I was growing up. I think I needed it.

I told my 2 daughters about this idea (I have 5 grandkids) and my girls volunteer regularly. They are kind, caring people and perhaps they'll be able to pass this tool for lonely, scared, shy, bullied kids to get their footing.

We need buddy benches all over... And swings, in lines while you wait... To make Life a more fun experience...

ANDI