sometimes I've just had enough!

[tammymarie1971]

Hi Ladies, today today was treatment #4 (I think) can't believe I don't remember...but I will blame that on the ammonia circulating around...My tumor markers have come down from 324 to 250, but all my liver functions are horrible and there was a note made on my lab results that said WBC and platelets have toxic changes...I am tired of the diarraeh(sp), tired of this rash and tired of stomach aches...they did put in another stint in the liver on Tuesday so I am hoping that some of these toxins will drain...they also found a tumor in the stomach which they sent off for biopsy, I am tired of the swelling in my legs and I am tired of worrying that I am watching my body shut down before my very eyes. Today is day #1 without any steroids which I weaned off of very slowly..so I am TIRED...My reds and hemoglobin are quite low, so I got a unit of blood today...my potassium is also low as is my magnesium levels...I don't know how to help myself anymore...I am so tired of this crap some days, but then I tell myself this will pass and then I am ready to put the "gloves" back on...I just needed to vent again!!! My only goal right now is to make it to \June for my daugher's grade 12 grad...Prayers needed and very much appreciated...I also need help to get my blood back into shape!!The doc gave me potassium pill and wants me to take magnesium citrate...as for the red blood cells I know that red meat will help but isn't there a shot to take like there is for the whites?
Ok enough rambling, thank you for listening!
Tammy

[starwishn2]

Reading your signature - you have been through a lot. You have every right to get frustrated. I feel frustrated for you and think it's enough as well. I wish there was some magic pill we could all take and poof! this nasty disease would be gone.

Jeri

[Paula O]

I'm really sorry that you are going through all this rough stuff, Tammy.

(((Hugs))),

Paula

[sarah]

of course you're fed up, that's normal. get mad, rant as much as you like and then put those gloves back on and knock it dead!!! It's impossible to go throw this journey and not go through heavy emotional swings.
your kids are beautiful!
give yourself a big hug
hugs and love
sarah

[yanyan]

Hi Tammy! I am sure you will make it to ur daughters 12th grade in June. You will be there for her and I will pray for you!!!
I am here in the airport waiting to board on my flight to honolulu wih my mom and yet I can't get my mind off the big c. I was just thinking to myself wondering when do I say enough is enough! Then when I felt like giving up, I thought about my young daughter my parents and my boyfriend-pp that are important to me- I was up again trying to keep a normal life. I am upset looking at my once nice and smooth face now dotted with tykerb rash and brown spots from damaged liver; my once upon a time two breasts now misshaped with expanders and scars...

The pain and torture shall all pass someday. I hope you will find peace and hope as treatment goes on. Once your blood counts are up you will be able to try new drug. Did u talk to ur doctor about using pertuzumab? A lady named Darlene was writing letters in her hospice in april is miraculously doing well after Genentech gave her access to this drug. She fought for it and it was on the news. Tdm1 might be approved in feb and we are really close to it!!! There are still many options there and I pray your body listens to your heart and may you be blessed with strength and courage to fight on.

[BonnieR]

Of course you are sick and tired of being sick and tired! You have earned every right to feel that way. You are in a vicious cycle where the treatment is making you feel even worse it seems. My situation was nothing like yours but I do remember days when fatigue owned me. Just owned me. I had to surrender to it and hope for better days. hopefully soon your blood counts will improve and toxicity be reduced. I'm not well versed in the medical aspects but I know that we have to keep hope alive and believe that it's not always going to be the way it is today. This will pass. Always keep the faith

[LeahM]

Sending prayers and hugs your way. Enough is enough...
Best wishes and hugs
Leah

[KsGal]

Im so sorry ((hugs)). I know how you feel..You can't be the strong, warrior type 100% of the time, especially when you are dealing with these quality of life issues like the swelling, etc. Also, you mentioned this is your first day off the steroids, and I am pretty sure that can also make you depressed, tired, overwhelmed.
There is a shot to help increase red blood cell counts called Aranesp. I do not know if that is something that could work in your situation, but I do know that is a shot that is intended for that purpose, and it mentions on a google search using it with chemotherapy. Im not a doctor or a nurse, but maybe it is something you can ask your doctor about or someone else here will know about.
You can also help increase your red blood cell count by eating red meat, organ meat such as kidney and livers, beans, lentils, dark green leafy vegetables, such as spinach and kale, dried prunes, dried raisins and egg yolks, according to MedlinePlus.
Give it a few days out from your steroid withdrawal, and Im thinking you will feel a bunch better mentally and physically. Im going through steroid tapering right now, and it really is a hard road to travel. Im sending you lots of prayers and positive energy. Big hugs to you...hang in there.

[karen z]

I know that I had shots for low red counts most months of chemo (only had the shot for white counts once). I am so sorry that this has to be so hard for you. Please let yourself be tired and get some rest and strength so are in a fighting mood again. Do you have any help (friends/family)? If not, can you possibly get some or more help? It also sounds like your doc and nurses should be communicating more. I think if a note is on a lab report it would be worthy of discussion- as in, what does that mean and what are we going to do about it? Please try and find a way to rest up, maybe get more help, and get and feel stronger. Again, I hate that you are going through this.

['lizbeth]

A natural way to build red blood cells is to take chlorophyll, or liquid chlorophyll. Also make sure you get plenty of the B vitamins.

Ask your doctor if Aranesp injections can help with the anemia. They are expensive, possible $2k per shot. They are an erythropoetin that is typically produced by the kidneys which stimulates the production of RBCs.

Red meat could help with the anemia, but with the liver challenges you have, I personally would lean toward fruits and vegetables. Especially Spinach, Kale and anything green. They naturally contain chlorophyll and the spinach has iron. Drink as much water as you can. If you can drink Penta water that would be better. It is filtered 11 times and won't have toxins to increase the burden on your systems. Otherwise, try Evian.

Do you have anyone that can treat with acupuncture? Meditate, even if you need a mantra. Pick the most negative thing that scares you. Change it to a positive and repeat it over and over, breathing deeply. Such as "I am healthy".

Have everyone you know pray for your recovery, including us!

Sending loves and good wishes.

[dchips1]

don't forget to add tomato based sauces as well this helps use the iron from the other foods, vit c. They do make a natural anti diarrhea pill. It has Charcoal, Apple Pectin and Kaolin clay in it. It works wonderfully, but you have to watch what oral meds you take and space it out, because to charcoal will absorb it it will not work.

hang in there, I have my good days and bad days as well. To be able to rant, scream, cry, yell, to someone other than your closet caregivers(family) is very cathartic and therapeutic. because at that point your are not necessarily looking for a response from the "target" but a listening and love response back, and that it is okay. It makes you feel better by expressing yourself, and then tomorrow will be a better day, when you have reset your "stress or tolerance meter." You have embarked on a journey that is laced with so many harder than you thought you could ever do things, we do not chose this path, but it is here and Faith, Hope Love and support will help through the rocky paths. I pray that things go better for you once some of the steroid effects wear off.

[Joanne S]

TammyMarie, With all you went through and are going through, It's Just NOT FAIR! You have been blessed with 4 beautiful children, but cursed with all the crap that goes along with this disease. I personally believe the mental torture we endure from all of this disease is the worst part and the physical changes just add to it. The emotional feelings sometimes seem impossible to bear and add steriods into the mix--- can feel so yucky, depressed and devastated. Some days it feels like a losing battle. TammyMarie, All I can say is I'm so very sorry you have to go through this! My heart feels for you! I pray for some prompt relief for you , as well as, continued improvement and wellness for you!
Embracing you with big caring hugs, Joanne

All of you ladies before me write and express yourselves so eloquently, give great advice, share hope and love! I wish I could find half the words to express myself half as well. You are great--I appreciate you and wish you well.

[tammymarie1971]

Ladies, I am so blessed to have you in my life.. Thank you for your wisdom and loving support..I will definetly (sp) be trying some of your suggestions!
Thanks again,
Tammy

[Jackie07]

Tammy,

Below is the abstract of a recent article about boosting red blood cells... [Your oncologist probably knows more about what's available - this is just one of the abstracts I found via PubMed search using 'Chemotherapy and anemia'.]

Curr Med Res Opin. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23323876#) 2013 Jan 16. [Epub ahead of print]
Chemotherapy-Induced Anemia: The Story of Darbepoetin Alfa.

Vansteenkiste J (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed?term=Vansteenkiste%20J%5BAuthor%5D&cauthor=true&cauthor_uid=23323876), Wauters I (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed?term=Wauters%20I%5BAuthor%5D&cauthor=true&cauthor_uid=23323876), Elliott S (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed?term=Elliott%20S%5BAuthor%5D&cauthor=true&cauthor_uid=23323876), Glaspy J (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed?term=Glaspy%20J%5BAuthor%5D&cauthor=true&cauthor_uid=23323876), Hedenus M (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed?term=Hedenus%20M%5BAuthor%5D&cauthor=true&cauthor_uid=23323876).
Abstract

Abstract BACKGROUND: Prior to the approval of the first erythropoiesis-stimulating agent (ESA) in the early 1990s, red blood cell transfusions were the primary means of treating severe chemotherapy-induced anemia (CIA), with little recourse for those with more mild forms of the condition. The introduction of the ESAs allowed treatment of mild-to-moderate CIA in patients with cancer. It has been a decade since darbepoetin alfa (DA), a second-generation ESA with a longer half-life, became available to patients with CIA.
OBJECTIVE AND METHODS:

We present a review of studies on DA in CIA, from its development through to the present day. Medline was searched for randomized clinical trials on DA. Additional trials and meta-analyses on ESAs were incorporated into this review when relevant.
RESULTS:

The first publications on DA generally focused on optimal dosing, efficacy and tolerability. In these, it was shown that DA is an effective and well tolerated treatment option to achieve hematopoietic response, regardless of dosing interval. Subsequently, the focus shifted towards meta-analyses on survival data of all ESAs. These reported conflicting results regarding mortality and/or disease progression. However, guidelines for ESA use were updated and, when followed, these make ESAs a well-tolerated and effective tool for managing CIA.
CONCLUSIONS:

As the past decade has broadened our knowledge on the benefits and risks of CIA management, continued high-quality studies will help to optimize treatment with ESAs in order to maximize quality of life for these patients. The limitation of a literature review of this nature is the complete reliance on previously published research and the availability of these studies using the methodology outlined above.

[chrisy]

Tammy,
You sound sick and tired (although maybe not so much today as when you opened this thread). You're entitled to, but also entitled to put the gloves back on and say "skrue you cancer". I am winning...not you. This is what I'm reading in your second post - still tired but gloves coming back on.

Lots of good suggestions. I ain't certified to give any advice of any kind of course, but I have recently read several articles about "green" I.e. chlorophyll helping RBC. I've been struggling a bit with that since last fall myself. I've been trying ( when I'm not too tired) to get green juices or make my green soup (celery, green beans, zucchini, parsley and whatever else green that falls into the pot or blender) and when I do, it seems to help. Occasionally I will toss a little "green powder" in something.

The most interesting thing I read was something along the lines of chlorophyll having a nearly identical composition to blood. I guess there's at least one difference which accounts for us not having green blood like Vulcans...or the Wicked witch of the west. Forget that last sentence, I shouldn't be allowed out or online on day 11 of a chemo cycle:)

but for me it has seemed to coincide with better hemoglobin and platelet numbers.

Any step you can take to feel a little better will also make you feel stronger. One step at a time.

Take care, my friend
Chris

[tricia keegan]

Holding you in my thoughts and prayers Tammy!

[Pray]

Tammy, I too am so sorry you are having such a tough time. I am praying ever so hard for you to get some good news soon. Gods blessings to you. Peace my friend.

[linn65]

Your not alone sometimes I feel like Rocky getting beat up.....and somehow getting back up! It is a constant mind, body, and spirit fight of your life! Today I hope you get back up and have a better day! Those gawd awful rough days are hmmmmm suck putting it mildly. On a good note it is Friday.

[KsGal]

Tammy...Just checking in, how are you feeling? Big hugs to you!

[Joanne S]

Tammy, I'm thinking of you too! Let us know how you're doing. Hugs, Jo

[greenacres]

I'm sorry you are so frustrated. Sending you prayers and hugs to keep you safe.