From Patient to Conqueror to Caregiver

[Estelle]

I changed roles today as I took my best friend of 40 years to her first chemo. She had just gotten a contract on her house when she got her diagnosis, and rather than have her have to find a temporary place, or give up her sale, I told her just come stay with me and get treated at Hopkins (where I went). Well she closed on June 29, moved in with me last week and off to chemo today. She is triple negative, but the chemo regiment is similar; AC followed by T, which I also had. As one who had gone through this, I thought (and still think) I can help her get through it, but the (unexpected) reaction was how much being in that setting took me back and riled up my old somewhat fearful feelings! I am good now, but have a new found increased respect for my daughter who took care of me. So I am now perusing the caregivers forum and learning a lot. A BIG thanks to all of you. I am feeling my way through when to speak up and when to just listen -- I do not want to compare her experience to mine, because every experience is different. Any thoughts on how to negotiate this?

[Jackie07]

Estelle,

How wonderful of you to take your friend in while she's undergoing treatment!

Yes, the smell and the setting of a chemo room bring back a lot of memories. One has to be tough to get in there!

I'm sure your friend appreciates your hospitality and loves to have a more experienced 'survivor' standing right in front of her.

Just be yourself...

['lizbeth]

Estelle,

What a wonderful friend you are!

I know as a 14 year caregiver for a husband with chronic leukemia I had the tendency to try and do everything, by myself. Make sure you maintain a good support system for yourself and incorporate self care. He still tries to delegate everything to me, lol, the rascal!

I wish your friend a smooth and side effect free treatment with a quick recovery.

[snolan]

I had 2 friend recently diagnosis, though I am not in the caregiver roll, I have found myself in the counseling or advice roll. It is very important to remind yourself and your friend that each experience is different but that if they experience something that you did your advice may help them through it. I think if anything it just helps with their peace of mind that they see you on the other end of the journey and that they can get there themselves. That often times is the best help we as survivors can offer.
Suzanne