courtney is starting hospice

[v-ness]

although i suspected this day was not far off, it is still crushing to know it is here. this is my second friend in 2 months. here is the message from Jay in her journal (and i am so grateful he keeps us so informed):

A masterful storyteller

A note from Jay:
Courtney has become a masterful story teller - and, the past few days has been the story of her life. Whether its from exhaustion, pain medication, symptoms from active treatment, neurological disease, or unknown reasons, Courtney has been in a confused yet peaceful dream-like state for the past few days. The threads from our lives are connecting, and are full of beautiful, random, and interleaved stories.
They say that in a near-death experience, your life flashes before your eyes. I have to believe that with this many amazing friends and life experiences, Courtney's "flash" is more like a major film festival.
She'll talk for minutes on end with incredible detail and clarity - the places are all real and selected from a world of travels, and the people are from dreams, past life regressions, her family, my family, and dear friends from each of our lives' intersecting circles from childhood, UC Davis, Jones Gulch, Costa Rica, Tulane Law, Gordon & Rees, Edgcomb Law, the extended-Cornell bay area family, and BAYS/METS/HER2 support groups. There are many special guest stars that Courtney describes who I've only heard about via their first names. Probably many more references when I'm not around.
There are many laugh out loud moments, witty comments, and acknowledgments that she knows what's going on - and is OK. During dinner with me and her mom on Mon eve, Courtney got a jolt of intense mental clarity and said: "God told me that he's been sending wave after wave crashing into me on my journey. But it's only because I can handle it, and he said its going to be smoother now."
It is OK.
The best care for Courtney going forward is hospice - the decision was made this morning by Courtney, Jay, her family, and her amazing doctors and nurses. If you are unfamiliar with "hospice", let me explain. Practically speaking, not much changes with our day to day - we will get a few additional nursing resources, additional caregiver resources, and we will continue to relax, reminisce, nap, listen to music (we fine-tuned some Pandora stations with Jack Johnson, post-bop jazz piano trios, and assorted acoustic/unplugged tracks), watch Netflix on the iPad, look at pictures, read CaringBridge guestbook entries / postcards / letters, and visit with close friends and family at our beautiful home. The biggest difference between active treatment and hospice is that the primary focus of medical care will be to help Courtney remain at peace, comfort, and enjoy her remaining time, whether its days, weeks, or whatever time God brings us.
Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers, and letting us share this experience with you.

[bejuce]

Just saw the news on the caringbridge site. I have no words. I met Courtney & Jay at our local support group and they are wonderful people full of love and zest for life. I am so powerless right now. Not sure what would be appropriate - try to pay them a visit? Send them a card/flowers?

It is so not right that Courtney has to go through this so young. My heart is heavy.

Let's support each other as we grief for one of our most beloved warriors.

Love,

Marcia

[v-ness]

she truly is. i know that they have (amazingly) seen people during the last couple months, but i honestly don't know what the case would be now. i guess it cannot hurt to ask Jay. i can imagine he and family would appreciate cards of support. god knows, i sure did. do you have their snail mail address?

the picture on the site is SO courtney.

v

[dawny]

I don't know what to say, Courtney has a real zest for life, it is hard to imagine her any other way. I hope that she gets more restful time with Jay. Gentle hugs to you Courtney.

Dawn

[Ellie F]

Just devastated to read this on caringbridge. Though in England I have spoken via skype to Courtney and joke that i'm her English surrogate mum.
When will we have a cure for this dreadful disease. How many more will have to die before we have the answers?
Ellie

[alicem]

I too just read Jay's caring bridge entry. I am so glad I got to meet Courtney and her mom last December in San Antonio. My heart goes out to Jay and all of Courtney's family. This world is much better off because Courtney was a part of it. She has touched my life and I will miss her deeply.

[Redwolf8812]

Shoot. They're all in my prayers.

[caya]

So sorry to hear this about Courtney.

Sending prayers and hugs from Canada.

all the best
caya

[chrisy]

I also just saw the caringbridge update. I met Courtney at San Antonio, and was in the same study with her at UCSF. Such a strong, strong spirit.

[lkc Gumby]

it's not the length of time we are given in this life.It's the impact we've made while here!
Courtney, you rock this world!

[Becky]

I am so sad to hear this news. Courtney is such a warrior and a graceful one at that. Peace to Courtney and her family and friends.

[radiant]

Yes Linda,

Courtney leaves a legacy and beyond. It's very rare when
earth angels like Courtney appear - Courtney is showered in
this life with caring family and friends.

Yet - she still remained open to connect with others in these
shoes and locally she even started a great stage IV group for
younger women. Her heart and hands were always open -
it was astonishing! I told her that even though she was younger
than many of us, she effortlessly and naturally took on the
mother role for us stage 4 gals! - especially creating the sf mets
group. She understood my perspective - even
though she honestly seems to find happiness in just being loving
and kind. Sooo REFRESHING. This is a welcome and often lost art form these days.

My heart is breaking, that's for sure.

Kim

[Lori R]

I started to cry when I read the post and then realized that Courtney continues to lead us with her positive spirit.

Courtney and Jay gave me another gift by sharing her discussion with God.
" Courtney got a jolt of intense mental clarity and said: "God told me that he's been sending wave after wave crashing into me on my journey. But it's only because I can handle it, and he said its going to be smoother now."
It is OK.

Dear sweet Courtney, You are telling us you've been given a wonderful insight and all will be OK. I will believe you....and am glad that you know that you are in God's hands.

In peace and gratitude....Lori

[ElaineM]

Thank you for being you Courtney !!!!!!!!! Hugs !!!!!!!

[yanyan]

I wish there was a cure for cancer. Courtney is such an amazing young woman !!

[KsGal]

Im so sorry to read this. Courtney and Jay and their family are in my prayers.

[Pray]

Gods blessings to Courtney and Jay, their family and friends. My prayers go out to them. What an awesome fighter and an awesome example of a great role model!!!

[KDR]

Courtney, I can feel the light. Bathe in it, and please share all you can about your journey. I will always celebrate you.
Love
Karen

[Debbie L.]

Thank you, v-ness, for telling us this sad news. A huge thank you to Jay for keeping the caring bridge story going. It's amazing how he can tell us something that makes us so sad but at the same time in such a comforting way. The comfort I guess comes also from Courtney, what a team they must be!

I agree with Karen's wise words about sharing all that we can about the journey, and am grateful to Courtney and Jay for doing that.

For those of us who don't really know Courtney and Jay well enough to intrude on their caringbridge site, maybe one of their friends on this list could cut/paste our comments from here? Or just say "x" number of people here send lots of love, light, and good wishes for all that is to come.

Debbie Laxague

[Jackie07]

Well said, Debbie.

My late Mother-in-law was under hospice care twice - first time lasted about a week when everyone thought she's ready to go, then it turned out she seemed to have had a mini stroke. Half year later, she's under hospice care again. (She'd been living in the nursing home for several years - basically it's just a change of papper work/billing and more staff time with her) I sat with her till 3 am and she passed away in peace later that morning while her daughter was sitting by her side.

[fullofbeans]

Dear Courtney and Jay,

Sending you words of love, wishes and admirations of your fortitude and care in these trialling moments. I am comforted by the bound you have and the wonderful moments you are living despite the difficulties. May the reminiscing continue for long and what seems to me to be the tapestry of colors that so illustrate how brave and kind Courtney has been through her ordeal.

With Love

[Emelie B]

I am so sorry that yet another young woman is taken from us so soon. May Courtney and her family find peace.
she will not be forgotten.

[schoolteacher]

Courtney and Jay,

Both of you are in my prayers. May peace be with both of you.

Amelia

[Mtngrl]

Courtney and Jay,

Peace be with you in your last days and hours together. I believe that nothing can separate you from God's love, and I believe that your love, also, will never die.

Cherish every breath. Go toward the light.

[Joan M]

Jay,

I'm praying for Courtney, you, and your families. I was very happy to have met Courtney and her mom at SABCS last year and glad that she was able to attend. You have a beautiful wife.

Joan

[Ceesun]

My thoughts are with this brave, beautiful young woman Courtney and all of the courage and fortitude that are so evident in your posts. Ceesun

[chemteach]

What an incredible journey you've been on. I am so new to this, and it breaks my heart to read about you Courtney and Jay. The kinship I have with you includes UCDavis, and this support group. Thank you for sharing your story. Prayers and blessings and thoughts headed your way.

[SoCalGal]

Beautifully written but heartbreaking to read. This disease sucks.

[BonnieR]

I second what SoCalGal said. There are no words to express the emotions. And my admiration and respect for Jay know no bounds.
Keep the faith.

ETA: Is there a link to the Caring Bridge site???

[Vicky]

Here is a link to Courtney's site: Courtney's caring bridge site (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/courtneyleboeuf)

Jay and Courtney,

even as this next chapter unfolds I find such courage and strength in your words. My heart is broken, and yet for Courtney to have such clarity and hopefully peace in these days ahead is such a testimony to that indomitable spirit that knows no bounds.

Peace and love to you both, and many prayers...

[sarah]

I am so sorry and sad to hear this. My love and prayers go out to her and her family. May she be without pain and in peace.
hugs and love
sarah

[Soccermom]

No words .. They seem inadequate.
Sending strength and love for the days to come.

Marcia

[christie]

I love you Courtney!!! Praying for you and your family.

[greenacres]

I also received the update on her Caring Bridge site. I was sad to hear this. My thoughts and prayers go out to her and her family. So sad, (&@*&(@ Cancer!