You know you're a BC survivor when...

[NEDenise]

Hi everyone...
You know Jeff Foxworthy's bit...You know you're a redneck when...(his words, not mine)

I saw this one posted somewhere...

You know you're a BC survivor when... you agree to a course of treatment specifically designed to turn you into an overweight, beefy, red-faced, bald guy!

Here's mine...
You know you're a BC survivor when...every time you see someone in a labcoat, you state your birthdate, and start unbuttoning your blouse! (very embarrassing in the hospital cafeteria!)

Anybody else wanna try?
Denise
PS - I'm not trying to offend anyone. These may be a little irreverent, but I am a firm believer that laughter is the best medicine! If you don't think these are funny, please don't respond and rain on my parade. Just move on to the next thread. Thanks! :)

[NEDenise]

I think I may have an audience on one for these (me!) but I thought of another one...

You know you're a breast cancer survivor when...you feel compelled to speak to every woman you see who's also wearing a scarf or hat to keep her bald head safe from the sun or the chilly air.

[rhondalea]

I think these are hilarious, and I hope you can keep posting them. As soon as I can come up with one that isn't specific to mastectomy--e.g., massaging scar tissue while driving in the car for all the world to see--I'll post it. (And you should've seen the looks I was getting.)

In the meantime, great start for a funny thread. Laughter is good.

[NEDenise]

Rhonda!
I love that one!!!

Here's a related one...
You know you're a breast cancer survivor when... you view traffic jams as good opportunities to manually drain your lymphedema arm! (It's the only time I wish I had a sun roof...so I could stretch my arm out the top of the car!)

[rhondalea]

Well, I can't make this topical, but during most of my drive time, I reach over my shoulder and grasp the bottom of the headrest. Great for stretching the arm and the chest. I do both arms, but with most of the attention to the node side.

Oh wait, I do have another one that*is* topical...

...when you find yourself tweezing in all the usual places (i.e., under your non-existent brows and at the chin) even though you don't have a single hair on the rest of your head (or any of the other places one would normally hope to have hair).

I had my eyebrows tattooed in between surgery and the start of chemo. I love them, but when the Taxol decided to finish what AC barely got started (long after the rest of my hair was gone), I discovered that I was still growing fine blonde (okay, white) ones underneath the brow line. Bizarre. No, make that ridiculous.

I still have to shave my legs--the hair is very sparse, but there's nothing quite like a tiny bit of stubble, plus one long hair growing beside one's kneecap.

Cancer is definitely not for wussies.

[Henny]

You know you're a breast cancer survivor when you pull up your shirt to show off your new nipple tatoos and don't even think it's weird

[candlegranny]

NEDenise I love this one and I can identify with the manual draining, I usually lay on my bed, get my good nodes "excited" and then drain to their area, slap on the old sleeve..the boob and ready for the day. thanks for this thread! Bonita

[NEDenise]

Ha! You guys are funny!

Here's another one from me...

You know you're a breast cancer survivor when...
you always have senna, colace, miralax, and immodium on hand, and don't have to read the labels anymore...you just know how much and how often!

[rhondalea]

...you *wish* you needed Imodium.

Sheesh.

[NEDenise]

You know you're a BC survivor when...you joke about your cancer, and your 'healthy' friends aren't sure whether to laugh along.

(I told them...rule of thumb guys...if I'm laughing...it's okay for you to laugh!!)
Like this:

[NEDenise]

You know you're a BC survivor when you know the meanings of all the abbreviations and acronyms your doctor uses...Dx, ACT, IBC, FECs, DCIS, TCH, met, Tx, Mx, ER/PR, PRN, ASAP, EIEIO :)

Hee hee!
Denise

[KristinSchwick]

Great thread- I have a few to add....
You know your a BC survivor when you don't remember when you had your last solid BM.
You know your a BC survivor when you spend 10 minutes trying to get a hair clip into your peach fuzz of hair, only to see the wind knock it out as soon as you leave the house.
You know your a BC survivor when you are excited to go to chemo and get liters of toxins pumped into your body.
You know your a BC survivor when you are looking forward to growing OLD!

[NEDenise]

Kristen,
Amen to that last one....a THOUSAND times, AMEN!!

I'm just now getting my peach-fuzzy hair back...but thanks to you, I now know not to try to accessorize too soon! LOL

How about a piggy-back to your 3rd one...
You know you're a BC survivor when you're disappointed that you can't get chemo (aka buckets full of poison) because your counts are too low.

Denise

[chekmark]

Your know you are a breast cancer survivor when you see the letters BC and they actually meant because and you thought breast cancer and could not figure out why the statement didn't make any sense.

[NEDenise]

Darlene,
Good one! How about one inspired by your signature...

You know you're a BC survivor when your treasured pet earned its place in the family by "finding your lump"!!

Congrats on your upcoming "last Herceptin"! Only a few weeks now. Wow!
I'm getting better every day from my surgery. Next stop...radiation...and I think I have 8 or 9 Herceptins left.
I've been trying to decide what date to choose as my cancer-versary. Did you pick one yet? It's hard to know...diagnosis?.."lump" day?...first treatment?...last treatment?...surgery?...
All in all...it's not a bad "problem" to have, huh!?
Be well!
Denise

[chekmark]

Denise,
So glad you healing so well. You sound so strong and upbeat. I celebrated my 1 year cancerversary on Oct. 5th. I picked that day since that is the day the cancer was officially removed. It was only 5 days after be diagnosed so it wasn't a big difference in date. My mast. was Oct 26th and since they found no cancer then I decided to use the lumpectomy date. My last herceptin is Nov 21st. Getting it a little early due to the holiday. Ready for it to be over but also getting alittle nervous already. Are your drains out yet? Stay strong my friend and keep us laughing with all your silly posts. Take care and god bless.

[chekmark]

You know you are a breast cancer survivor when your husband shaves his head so you can look like the wife. (Just alittle inside joke between us).

[NEDenise]

Hahaha!
So...you already had your cancer-versary! Yay you!!!
It's not so simple for me...after my lumpectomy, the margins weren't clear. But I think the chemo tracked down the little beasties and killed them before my mastectomy. So...the search for a cancer-versary date continues. But if you think about it...it's an awesome thing to be able to spend time pondering the day my body was once again cancer-free!! Maybe I should celebrate all the days!! (But that much cake...probably not a good idea...)

So...You know you're a BC survivor...when you start trying to figure out when your cancer-versary should be celebrated!!
Denise
PS- two drains come out today! Woo Hoo!

[chrisy]

Your Her2buddy tells you to take ammonia daily to help with drug side effects and your only question is "How much and do I drink it or put my feet in it?"
(Then you find out her phone spell-checker changed "immodium" to "ammonium")

[NEDenise]

OMGosh!
That's the best one yet!
Thanks for the belly laugh!!
Denise

[chrisy]

Haha
Yes, I am still laughing too...this just happened YESTERDAY!

[NEDenise]

So...in honor of Chrisy and StephN..

You know you're a BC survivor when...you have several wigs to choose from when Halloween rolls around!

Or like me...

You know you're a BC survivor when...you don't even need a wig for Halloween because your short spiky red hair makes you look just like Annie Lennox anyway! (whether it Halloween or not!! Yikes!)

[chrisy]

So it that you or Annie?
I have a red wig that looks great. I like to wear it with sunglasses and a leather coat. I feel like a superspy

[NEDenise]

Chris-
Having gained 45 pounds since starting chemo...I can state with certainty that Annie is not 1/2 the woman I am!! :)

But my hair is less orange!

Denise

[NEDenise]

Here's one specifically for those of us struggling with lymphedema....

You know you're a BC survivor when...one arm is clearly bigger than the other, and you just don't give a %$#& anymore!!

Denise

[rhondalea]

...the very thought of posting (and sometimes even reading) about it makes your head spin (not to mention that typing is more work than you can handle, anyway).

[chrisy]

How bout this one Denise... The NP for your "new therapy" compliments you on how beautiful your hair is and then 15 minutes later suggests you might not want to get too attached to it....
And you get home and think THATs just funny!

[fauxgypsy]

You know you are a breast cancer survivor when you are searching for pictures of boobs on the internet and you aren't male or gay.

[fauxgypsy]

You know you are a breast cancer survivor when someone makes a snide comment about your ultra short haircut and you tell them that you are just happy to have hair.

[NEDenise]

Rhonda- I have been that tired! So true!!

Chris- I love that you laugh, when many other women would cry! You rock! I still giggle every time I think about the ammonium mix up!

Faux- I know what you mean about the websearch. I had to find out how to clear the search history so my teenage sons wouldn't stumble across some of the crazy weird breasts my search turned up! Have to say, the photos some plastic surgeons posted would definitely NOT have made me want to be their patient!!

Okay...how about...

You know you're a BC survivor when you almost have yourself convinced that your ultra short haircut looks "exotic", just so you won't have to wear the d&#@ wig anymore!

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends! :)
Denise

[StephN]

You know you are a breast cancer survivor when your dust bunnies have babies.

(Somehow deep cleaning goes by the wayside!)

[NEDenise]

Heck!
I think we should just name them and start calling them pets!!

[NEDenise]

You know you're a BC survivor when...
your onc tells you to drink more milk to boost you vitamin D intake,
your surgeon tells you to eat lots of meat because you need protein to heal,
and your cadiologist tells you to cut out meat and dairy entirely, so you don't put any extra strain on your chemo ravaged heart!!

Seriously, that was my week! Sheesh! One thing at a time please!

It reminds me of the sign in the main office at school:
I can only please one person per day, and today is not your day! Tomorrow isn't looking good either! :)
Denise

[NEDenise]

This one's for you, Darlene...
You know you are a BC survivor when...

your first thought upon realizing you have a headache is...hmmm, what do brain mets feel like?

Not particularly funny...but true!
Denise

[NEDenise]

You know you're a BC survivor...

when the phrase "nipple tattooing" does not seem at all strange to your ear!

[AliciaB]

I LOVE this thread!

[StephN]

When the Komen race for the Cure seems like more political hype. Guess we can get jaded!

Since I was diagnosed in 2000 and there is NO cure yet, all that running seems moot.

[NEDenise]

Alicia...glad you love the thread!

Steph...yeah! that's got to be the slowest "race" ever! I wish the Better Business Bureau would shut that mess down for false advertising. They devote so little money to research...it's just not honest to say they're "for the cure"!

But...on a lighter note...
You know you're a BC survivor when...
...you realize after you finish radiation, that you now have the best tan of your life...in your armpit!

[Laurel]

As always Denise, THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS!

[NEDenise]

You know you're a BC survivor when...
the neurosurgeon steps out of the room, and you and your husband start high-fiving because you only have to have your brain irradiated...not cut open.

Sheesh!

And BTW - the wondering about whether my headache was a brain tumor saved my life! I'm sure of it!! Good one Darlene!

Keep laughing! It's definitely good medicine!
Denise

[Sheila]

Denise...love this thread....I am enjoying each post....while undergoing rads earlier this year, the rad onc. And the techs complimented me on how well my skin was holding up to the radiation....I of course opened my big mouth and said, well I guess all those years of tanning paid off!

You know you are a breast cancer survivor when you arrive at work, and realize your fake boob is still on the coffee table at home....oh yeah, I am thankful I was employed as a nurse and wore scrubs, and not something skin tiight

[Mandamoo]

I too am reading his for the first time and trying not to embarrass myself belly laughing in the cafe!

You know you are a BC survivor when
- you get a scan saying that your innumerable lung tumors are growing again and youare happy it's still only the lung tumors.
- your oncologist says the lung biopsy confirms her2+ cancer and you say "that's good!" and are genuinely happy you are still her2+
- you don't give a toss who sees your mastectomy scars in the pool change room.
- you are trying on costumes for your 70's themed 40th birthday seriously working out how you can rock a gold lame pantsuit with a cleavage whole and no left boob - tissues won't cut it and you laugh!
- you can honestly revel in celebrating a birthday - after all, it is so much better than the alternative.
- you crack up laughing when your husband asks the surgeon "would you like me to leave the room as you feel up my wife's breasts?" and they then have a lengthy conversation about bra manufacturers and cup sizes!

Oh keep them coming!
As you say Denise - laughter is the best medicine.

[Rolepaul]

You know you are a BC survivor when the insurance company has assigned a personal contact for your case!

You know you are a BC survivor when the Cancer Center President takes your emails and phone calls!

You know you a BC survivor when you have to go buy Henna at the east asian grocery store to combat the effects of the Xeloda on your feet.

You know you are a BC survivor when there is nothing wrong about buying udder cream and bag balm for your hands and feet and slopping it on before covering them with gloves and socks.

You know you are a BC survivor when you are having other people with the same diagnosis ask you about treatment options.

And you know you are a BC survivor when your birthday cake has the candles celebrating NED time.

Denise, you need to get better as this forum needs you.

[Rolepaul]

You know you are a BC survivor when you know the co-pays for your meds is lower than than the cost of the Immodium (or Miralax) you also need to buy.

To all the people out on the forum, SBK does fund research that is pretty cutting edge. At the same time, getting that research to market is still a pain.

You know you are a BC survivor when your husband has no issues with giving you an enema because you are stiff and sore from your other meds.

You know you are a BC survivor when you wonder what color you will make your hair this time when it grows back.

I was thinking about doing a you know you are a BC survivor's significant other (BCSSO) when....

You know when you are a BCSSO when you know all three bra sizes your BCS has worn in the past few years.

You know you are a BCSSO when you compare how much sunburn you have on the top of your heads.

[NEDenise]

You know you're a BC survivor when...
You have several different wardrobes at your disposal at all times:
~ your "regular clothes"
~ the clothes that will accommodate surgical drains
~ your "OMG! I'm blowing up like a tick from all these steroids" collection
~ your "I sleep most of the day lately" attire

and then...I have all the clothes that used to fit, once upon a time, before all this crap started. I think I'll donate those to a nice charity. If I ever get back to that size...I'll treat myself to a wonderful shopping spree!

[meo]

You know you are a BC survivor when.....
Walking down the street, holding hands with hubby and a friend makes the observation that from behind it looks like my husband has switched sides and has a new little boyfriend!

[LeahM]

You know your a breast cancer survivor when your wig makes your head hot and itchy so you take it off. While sitting in your car in bumper to bumper traffic.

[NEDenise]

Hi!
I don't have any new ones to add...but I'm bumping this up, in case someone else does!
:) Denise

[embur102]

For some reason, I just now discovered this thread...and laughed hysterically!

Thank you, all of you brave and funny women :)

Before diagnosis (April 2012), I was lamenting how close to 50 I was getting, and it was the first time turning a certain age was bothering me.
Now, I can't wait to turn 50! :)

[Mandamoo]

When you tell you oncologist that your period has returned after nearly 20 months of continuous chemotherapy and she says "wow! Super ovaries!"

[NEDenise]

You know you're a BC survivor when...

one of the many hypochodriacs in your life starts to whine about their ailment du jour...and no matter how hard you try, you can't stop yourself from saying something like:

"Sounds terrible! Wanna trade?"
or...

"Really?...hmmmm...
bald...double mastectomy...
heart not pumping correctly...
fluctuate between diarrhea and constipation constantly...
friend...I hate to tell you, but my SIDE EFFECTS trump your imaginary illness!!
Don't even get me started on my real disease issues!"

or

"Do you even hear yourself?
Doesn't it seem at all odd for YOU to be complaining to ME about being "sick"?"

or my personal favorite..

"Helloooo...brain tumor over here!"

:) Denise

[chrisy]

You know you're a BC survivor when

You think it's just hysterical that the thing you always laughed at about your fake Christmas tree (that it shed just like the real thing!)... Is also true about your fake hair

[Laurel]

Had me laughin' with this one, Chris!

[chrisy]

Or maybe you're just losing it when...

You have the old (dating myself again!) Herman's hermits song "there's a kind of hush" going through your head.

Then you tell your hubby about crying in the shower, beginning with Oh God HELP ME, moving through all the unimportant things that you don't care about (and those that DO matter), and finishing with

"I'm so DESPONDENT....................LA LA LA LALALALA LA LA LA LA
LALALALA. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LALA LA..."


you know what I mean?

[dawny]

Haha Chrisy, you gotta laugh!
Dawn

[NanaJoni]

.....when your daughter finally mentions your breasts don't look quite right and you realize you've had one of your prostheses in the bra upside down.

[Joanne S]

I never saw this threat before, OMG you guys are soo funny.....I laughed so hard I peed my pants.

Ok I'll try one... not too funny, but silly....
You know you're a BC survivor when you go to your onc office and the nurse tells you to take off your top and put on a disposable cape, and you respond I don't need one.

[Joanne S]

You know your a bc survivor when the plastic surgeon walks into the room and you say, wanna cop a feel.

[Carrie]

How about these 2,
You know your a breast cancer survivor when you wake up at 3 in the morning and your side is soaked because your drainage tube had a blow out.
You know your a breast cancer survivor when your night stand looks like a pharmacy.

I love all the ones posted before this. And I love so many have such a good sense of humor about all this. It really helps to laugh.

[IrvineFriend]

You know you're a breast cancer survivor when you're most focused on your partner not accidently pulling out your drain tube than on the "act" itself. Sex is definitely different!

[LeahM]

you know your a bc survivor when the only time you put on that wig you were so excited to get was when you had to get your pic taken to renew your drivers license.

[NEDenise]

You know you're a BC survivor when...

Spring comes, and you realize you don't have to have your winter coat cleaned...because even though you live in the Northeast...you were so overheated from chemopause..you didn't even wear your coat this winter!!

[Cat]

You know you're a bc survivor when you look in the mirror at your chemo induced "mad scientist" hair, the incisions from bilat mast, and 4 drains from TRAM reconstruction and burst out laughing thinking you look like you belong in the toy collection of Syd the neighbor kid in Toy Story. Your family isn't sure they shoulod laugh with you.

[Laurel]

Oh, the Toy Story reference is just brilliant! You are so right! I looked like one of Syd's creations too.

[NEDenise]

You know you're a BC survivor when...
because of your meds... Tykerb, Xeloda...
You NEED a restroom quickly... (what Chrisy used to call "the Fun Run")

And when you spot the Ladies Room sign you could swear you actually heard the angel choirs singing!

Denise

[Saygoon]

You know you are a BC Survivor when you are typing along and......What site is this, what was I gonna say????

[fauxgypsy]

Miss her. Wherever she is there is laughter there.

[Jackie07]

you can let it go ...

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865596418/Alex-Boy-teams-up-with-One-Voice-Childrens-Choir-and-Lexi-Walker-for-Africanized-Let-It-Go.html

http://www.metrolyrics.com/let-it-go-lyrics-idina-menzel.html

['lizbeth]

That is nice Jackie - I don't know about that carrot at the end - I haven't seen the movie, what's up with that carrot?

[Jackie07]

What 'carrot'?

[Jackie07]

Checked the conversations in the original link, and everyone's recommending 'Defying Gravity'

http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=Aq4ZR5AsvFNkLaH1ULcu69SbvZx4?p=Defying +Gravity&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&fr=yfp-t-901