ANXIOUS to the tenth power

[SoCalGal]

Update on me - 6 weeks off herceptin and my markers went up, brain mri has "something" to watch in exactly the same spot as t minus 3 years ago...I will know more on the head in 2 weeks at another MRI. Meanwhile, just began pre-meds for Herceptin tomorrow. I HATE THIS DISEASE. It is trying to ruin my life. Pre-meds are too much for me - Prednisone/Singulair/Zantac - even wrapped in an Ativan blanket is not okay. This is tough to deal with - the first two cause such extreme anxiety, racing heart, dry mouth, shaky hands and general crappy, crappy and did I mention, really crappy feeling?
Must wake at 4:00 AM to re-medicate. Add in some benedryl. And then my drip at 10:00AM. Going to try herceptin over 6 hours. Hopefully I can survive the premeds and tolerate the infusion - I know I need my Vitamin H. I am out of my head with anxiety. Sigh.........

[adelay]

My prayers are with you. Please keep us posted when you find out more...

[chrisy]

Oh Flori my heart goes out to you. Cmon, isn't all this stuff anxiety provoking enough WITHOUT having to add the chemical enhancers?????? You are so right, girl, this disease sucks.

You - Flori flori morning glory - did let something important slip tho. From the insane blender of drug induced crappiness somehow you poured out out a defiant little sip of Flori-ness.

You said "It is TRYING to ruin my life". Read it and weep, stupid canser and stupid premeds.

Flori, forget the Ativan and try wrapping yourself up in loving prayers that I am calling out right now for you, along with your other sisters and brothers and others who love you.

And don't forget to breathe.

[tricia keegan]

Sending you some ((((hugs)))) Flori and so sorry you have to face this!

[Jackie07]

Flori,

Sending you warm thoughts and prayers.

[Laurel]

Ah, dang it, Flori! I am just so righteously pissed off for you! Why does it have to be so damn difficult all the time?

Sorry, my ire is up and cancer just pisses me off!!!!!!! There! I said it!

I'm gonna pray you are pleasantly buzzed tomorrow and the life of the infusion room party! No reactions. Easy breezy.

[Pam P]

Flori -

Sending you all good vibes for the infusion tomorrow with zero side effects. Now herceptin do your thing on the markers and next mri. Pam

[Rich66]

What reaction are you pre-medicating against?

[Joan M]

Flori,

I'm sending you a lot of hugs to help with this crap that you're having to go through, and praying that the premeds help with your reaction to Herceptin. Maybe the six-week break from Herceptin will have helped diminish the reaction.

Joan

[caya]

Sending big hugs and prayers to your dear Flori...

And yes, this disease is CRAP!!!!

all the best
caya

[Elizabethtx]

Prayers for relief, comfort, peace and NO weird reactions! Know we are walking with you!
Elizabeth

[SoCalGal]

Thank you all so much - sometimes just having a place to put the words really helps. And having others who really understand how it feels to load all this into your body - yikes. I'm also hoping, praying, expecting a smooth drip with no reactions.
aside to Rich - the first time I had numbness run up both arms and across my chest and the time after I had a weird cold feeling in my throat and then a racing heart and my pressure jumped and then my ears turned bright red. Not severe but far from normal...considered an allergic response after all these years!

[ElaineM]

Hugs !! I have my fingers crossed for you too. Take good care of yourself and be good to yourself after your treatment.

[Trish]

Sending best wishes-I know the crappy feeling. does it help to keep telling yourself it is the drugs not you ? probably not but hey what else can you do! Hang in there,
Trish

[mamacze]

Good Morning Flori,
Today is the day. Deep breath. Benedryl, sleep, let the Vit H do its magic. You are a responder to Vit H and maybe you can work with it. How wonderful that you are a 15 year survivor...You and Herceptin clearly have a thing going on.....fingers and toes crossed and let us know how it went today.....
Love Kim from CT

ps have you ever listened to John O'Donohue - Irish poet - his poem "A Blessing for a Friend Upon Arrival of an Illness" .... if not, this poetry bouquet is for you...

http://www.filestube.com/3221340a4bddcdb903e9,g/John-O-Donohue-A-Blessing-for-a-Friend-on-the-Arrival-of-Illness.html

[pibikay]

Hema and I will pray for you

[michka]

Dear Flori. I hate to know you are going through another very difficult challenge. I hope very strong that the next Herceptin infusion will go ok and that you will be rewarded for your courage. Hugs. Michka

[Joanna J]

So Sorry To Hear abt your anxieties;as this is one of my DX,It can grab you when you least expect it!! (HATE THAT FEELING)but rest assured (HER 2 people are here for you,we will lift you up in prayer) DO NOT LOSE HOPE,THINKIN' OF YOU,Joanna J

[krisvell]

Dear Flori,
Please know I am praying for you that you'll get thru this bump in the road. I'm rooting for you.

Hugs,

Kris...

[Emelie B]

Hi Flori,
I am so sorry you are having such a traumatic time. As you said you are not alone. Not in any way.
I wanted to see if you can try medical marijuana. I am applying for my license so I can take the edge off and reduce the joint pain I am experiencing. I am lucky that I live in Colorado, but I think other states allow it too.
Just a thought. It works for me better than pharmacueticals.
Holding you in my heart today.
Good luck with all,
Emelie

[schoolteacher]

Thinking of you, Flori.

Amelia

[mmoons]

Flori-

Adding my prayers and support to all the others. I hate this disease. I hate that you have to endure this. You are such an amazingly strong warrior. Kick this #*$&(*&! disease back into NED, Flori. You can do this.

Love,
Maureen

[StephN]

Sitting here on the same coast and thinking that all the premeds are wearing off to the extent that you can just accept good old Vitamin H and your body will take it all very calmly.

Om Swastyastu - which in Balinese means "May God always protect us." This is the greeting in Bali.

The reply is also Om Swastyastu - which in that instance means "We are always safe."

[sarah]

Hello,
Are you just getting Herceptin? Does everyone have so many pre-meds with Herceptin? After my first few infusions I didn't have any, just a saline drip. Why so many pre-meds if that's so hard on you? I know often they give an anti-allergy. Herceptin seemed fairly tolerable to me - I had it every 3 weeks for 6 years and drove myself 45 minutes to treatment. I did feel a little tired afterwards. What about taking a natural tranquilizer for the anxiety? Also try some deep yoga breathing and meditation and reading and music to distract you.
I'm sure it will go well and it's a miracle drug and will kill those nasty buggers.
health and happiness
hugs and love sarah

[Chelee]

Flori,
I am so sorry you have to go thru all this. I am sending lots of positive thoughts that you will manage to get your Vit H today. Looking forward to hearing that thanks to Benedryl you slept peacefully thru this whole ordeal and everything went quite smoothly. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Chelee

[BonnieR]

Adding my support. Hope Rocky is being a good therapy dog for you. Keep the faith.

[Shobha]

Flori - Adding my prayers that somehow, in spite of all these challenges, you get back on Herceptin and have the great results!

I have always loved your wicked self deprecating humor to dissipate stress - I am sure it will get you through this challenge as well.

hugs,
shobha

[KDR]

Hi, Flori,
Let us know how you are...thinking of you, hoping your infusion was uneventful,
Karen

[Laurel]

How'd it go today, Flori?

[SoCalGal]

I made it through! Had my computer along - re-read your posts - kept thinking "GAME ON CANCER" and was able to complete my drip. So, score is Flori 1 & Cancer 0. Am thinking that being back on Vitamin H AND Tykerb is a good combo for now. I was so doped up yesterday - was one nod away from drooling. And 7 hours in the chair - I COULD HAVE BEEN IN LONDON! Thank you all so very much for your love and support. You got me through this one. With much gratitude, Flori

[Emelie B]

CONGRATULATIONS FLORI!!
We knew you could do this. One more leap for woman-kind.
Enjoy your weekend and rest up, as I am sure just the anxiety alone was exhausting.
Best wishes to you,
Emelie

[Shobha]

Flori - good to see you back in form! :) Praying for your great results!

hugs,
shobha

[lk1]

YES!!!!!!!! Hi Flori:) Knew you can do this!! You inspire me everyday

And a have a WONDERFUL LONG WEEKEND:):):)Time to celebrate
Love, hugs , and a HUGE XOXO
-Laura

[chrisy]

Yeah baby!

Maybe next time take a little bit more on the doped up end and you could be in Bali instead.

Seriously so glad you were able to get back on the vit H. That combo has been so good for you. Keep up the good work - I know the premed weren't easy, but looks like it was worth it in the end. At least you know it is possible and going forward, hopefully you can adjust it so it is not so intolerable.


Much love
Chris

[caya]

I'm so happy you were able to get your meds Flori. Try to relax this weekend.

Sending you great big hugs from Canada.

all the best
caya

[Pam P]

Flori - So happy to hear you made it through so well - (is drooling a bad thing?) Pam

[krisvell]

Flori,i
That's great news you are back on the Vit. H & Tykerb. What a ride you had.
Enjoy the holiday weekend.
Hugs,
Kris...

[hutchibk]

Yay Twinkie!!! I'm sending a message to both Tykerb and Herceptin to be sure they keep taking (gentle) care of my girl.

(Sarah, some folks have allergic reaction to Herceptin, some don't... and Flori's allergy came surprisingly after she had been on and off it and back on it over the last 9 years...)

[Chelee]

So being all doped up obviously isn't always a bad thing. If it gets you back on track with Vit H sounds like it was worth it! In fact had you actually drooled a little bit I'd still say it would of been worth it. ;) I am so happy they found a way to make it work! Yeah!

Chelee

[Sheila]

Flori, so gald that the nasty drugs allowed you to get your Vitamin H.....it was been a winner for you all along. Crazy how our bodies can suddenly rejuect...but you have made your move and outsmarted the reaction....just remember, when you are feeling out of it and loopy from all the premeds, you can close your eyes and be anywhere, or anyone you want....just please dress appropriately! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that this will again be the magic combo!

[Joan M]

Yes!!!

Joan

[BonnieR]

Flori, your remark "I could have been in London" really resonated with me. First of all, because it reminded me, once again, of the crap shoot that cancer is and how we need to appreciate the good times and opporutunities when we have them. Not to take things for granted.
And it literally punched me because I actually CAN be in London for a few days in June! I was dismissive of the idea at first but you reminded me to take advantage of opportunity and good fortune when it presents itself.
So, even though I am having some issue with my legs being painful (I am sure it is bone cancer, of course!) I am going to go and take you along in spirit.
Thank you for the wake up call.
Keep the faith.

[SoCalGal]

Just signed up for the car insurance - (not the bmsi but instead went with the 034) and the cheap health insurance 729209. Thanks Chilirsfinest and lionpikmin for posting this info - really fits right in with cancer survival. Also, thank you King Matahjdubie for the pm email about needing my bank account info so you can transfer money out of Saudi and into my bank account. I always thought of myself as a queen in training. Once you arrive and we are married, all my dreams will come true. Plus, I love helping strangers.

[BonnieR]

Great post, SoCalGal! We will soon have to address you as the Queen of Sheba!! LOL!

[chrisy]

Flori how dare some scum spammer post on your thread. I just blasted it.

Love you
Chris

[hutchibk]

That's our Flori! Take the spammer by the horns and kick the bullsnot out of it, with Chrisy for backup.

[ElaineM]

I hope you are hanging in there just fine Flori.

Spammers stay off this whole site !!!!!!!!!!!

[StephN]

"Those" posts are likely done by bots and there is no one to read anything we might write about them. I just delete without comment. We need to find another way to deal with them.

[chrisy]

True. I was just feelin feisty. And annoyed.

[Laurel]

Steph, I suggest shooting the bastards, robotic or not. I know the gals from Texas will readily agree. I am from Pennsylvania where we cling to our guns and religion. Can we shoot them, Steph, please? I swear I am an awfully good shot.

[StephN]

Laurel -
If you can find the things, fire away. Make good target practice?