Feeling blue after surgery

[Faith in Him]

I am three weeks post surgery and I'm still trying to recover. It has gotten me pretty down lately. I had a tram flap to cover my wound on the chest wall. But it doesn't really look like a tram flap. Maybe it will improve in time. It looks like to me like I have a rectangle just sitting on my chest. The wound was large and needed to be completely covered.

I know this isn't really a big deal. No need to reply. I just needed to vent a little.

In the meantime, I am focusing on the kids. I am so excited to see my daughter's 6th grade promotion. I am going to see her go to Junior High. Yay! She was in third grade at dx.

On a side note, we are going to have to put our dog of 17 years down. He is in kidney failure and is in bad shape. I am so sad.

Wow, I guess I had a lot to say today. Thanks for listening.

Tonya

[schoolteacher]

Tonya,

Glad to hear from you. Glad you are through with the surgery. So sorry about your dog.

Amelia

[Mary Anne in TX]

Hi Tonya!
It's so good to hear from you. I know your daughter must be so excited to be moving up into junior high! Graduation to the next level will be so fun. Seems that kids just grow so fast and move up so quickly.
I'd be soooooo frustrated with your wound too. You've dealt with it for a long time and it just won't co-operate, will it. But I'll bet, over time, it will begin to make a "home for itself" and feel more natural. I think it is very important. We work so hard to get through chemo and radiation and whatever else, we just want to have some "normal" life again. (Whatever that is)
Best wishes for a speedier recovery and a lot more joyful days.
Much love, ma

[Jean]

Faith in Him,
Congratulatons to your daughter. That is a little milestone for her and you too!

Jr. high does speed by. It seems like just yesterday
when my son was in Jr. High.

Enjoy these special days as they do fly by. Wishing you a speedy get well!

Best Wishes,
Jean

[Becky]

Dear Tonya

It is hard to get through everything you have. In most cases, we get chemo, radiation, Herceptin (and surgery) and its textbook and over. You had your skin recurrence, masectomy, hyperthermic rads and so much skin/wound problems that you have had to look at everyday for quite some time. It was always staring you in the face. Then, some corrective surgery that also may not look like you thought it would. It is depressing because it is something we see everyday, showering and getting dressed. It is natural to feel down and wonder if you might need a revision or is this it?

However, you can still look at your children and watch your daughter graduate 6th grade (then 8th grade to high school then high school) and as those milemarkers happen, you will forget about today and 3 weeks ago and 3 years ago too.

It kinda takes you back 10 years ago. You look at pictures of yourself and think, I'm so young and thin! But if you remember those times you think, I didn't like my hair then and I thought I was fat then too. And so it will go 10 years from now and this will be nothing and you will say, look how beautiful I was and how thin and how I didn't like my tram flap. All that was wonderful now that I have gray hair and this middle age spread!!

As a sideline, are you allowed to use scar reducing cream like Mederma? My daughter was in a car accident (all is well) and has an ugly,large raised scar on the top of her arm and after it was healed, she was allowed to use it. She says after 3 weeks it seems to be improving (don't know if 3 more weeks of healing would have done so on its own), but those creams are supposed to work and help. You should ask. Also Vitamin E oil is also supposed to be good but I think you have to wait a couple of months. Its just a thought because these treatments are supposed to smooth out the rough edges and make a nicer,smoother contour.

I am thinking about you Tonya. You have been through alot and need to kick back and enjoy graduation from grade school and also think of the ceremony for your daughter as your own graduation to the end of active treatment too and enjoy the summer!!

[BonnieR]

You have been through alot! And your dog went through it with you. It so hard to say goodby to our faithful friends. On the other hand, you have the joy of participating in your children's milestones. The bitter and the sweet....
Keep the faith.

[SoCalGal]

As a trammy gal myself, I know just what you mean. Gotta say, you made me smile when you said it doesn't even look like a tram flap. I would have thought you meant it doesn't even look like a breast :) I have grown used to myself - it did take quite awhile, plus the refinements and then the final touches. Um, you know, creating more reality. The important thing I want to say is that I mostly feel fine about my body, I'm used to my oddly weird "little girls", feel sexy and have learned to use lingerie in ways never imagined. It's fun and if I can create that illusion and feeling for myself and partner, with my cut and pasted patch-worky self, then anyone can!
Maybe you are feeling grief again, the loss of your breast, and your pet.
With understanding, Flori

[Ellie F]

Hi Tonya
I am so pleased to hear from you as I have been thinking of you over recent days.
Each day I look in the mirror and still feel a sadness for how my body looks now, I'm sure it's a form of grief. It's so hard because then I think I am just so grateful to be alive and fighting this terrible disease. I look at other women in changing rooms sometimes and feel really envious that they have their 'bits' intact when I don't.
Today I was watching a TV program and saw several children who had limbs amputated due to meningitis.I was left feeling grateful that this hadn't happened to my son but also a bit ashamed that I am finding my disfigurement so hard to accept.
Congratulations to your daughter and her courageous mum also.
Sorry to hear about your dog.
Love Ellie

[tricia keegan]

Hi Tonya,

It's early days yet after surgery, and I really hope as you recover and time goes by this gets easier for you.
I'm so sorry about your furry friend too, it's heartbreaking to lose them but if it's time, at least we ensure they have a peaceful and painfree passing. (((hugs)))

[Catherine]

Hi Tonya,

Sorry you were feeling blue. Aren't we lucky to have this wonderful site to come too. If only, we had a Starbucks in the sky where we could meet once in a while. Maybe a Starbucks for Her2 only. Then we could drop by anytime and find one of our friends. (of course 24/7 like our site here)...Getting used to our bodies (sp) can be a challenge. Sometimes I get annoyed with all the boobs that show on TV, then I remind myself that it just does not matter. You matter and your family matters. Have fun with the graduation, Congratulations.

Hugs,
Catherine

[Joan M]

Tonya,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling down during your recovery from surgery. It's very difficult, and I relate to that. Hopefully, the area on your chest will improve as it heals.

I'm glad to here about your daughter's graduation. That's a milestone. Congratulations! But I'm saddened to hear about your dog. I'm sure he had a very good home and a lot of love.

Joan

[Jackie07]

Tonya,

That was a good vent. Glad you are doing well [have the energy to vent :)] Hope things will get better everyday.

[Faith in Him]

Thank you all for your warm wishes. I got the stiches out today and I'm feeling better about how things look.

[Mary Anne in TX]

And nothing can change the fact that you're beautiful and a Fabulous Mom!