how much more?

[mrsd]

To all the fantastic people who post with happy and sad news I am forever grateful. I don't feel so alone when I come to visit the board, I'm not a regular poster but I value the support and encouragement each and everyone shares.... I can relate.
I come to you to share what this last six weeks have been for me and I hope that you can see I am a fighter and I'm not ready to give anything up!!! Feb 4th I was told my cancer had spread to my liver.... it's been living in my lungs for over three years now with no symptoms. Now this nasty liver mets... all 4 of them have started a path on a very steep hill downward.
I was to add Taxol to the Herceptin that I've been recieving since my recurrance.... but I devolped a blood clot in my arm and my lower right lung, this put me in hospital for 4 days. I am home recovering... or trying to recover and I continue with the cough same as I had with the blood clot, we do a sputum test and it's OK... on Tuesday. Have chemo on Wednesday and seem Ok, well Thursday night the fever goes up and off to the emerg dept I go , chest xray shows pneumonia in both lungs.... IV anitbiotic started and I was released the next day.... that's been a week ago now. I think today was the closest I've had to a normal day since sometime back in Feb........ I feel like I've had just about all I can take... :( I guess I'm just so run down physcially and emotionally I feel like I'm running low on fuel...... so sorry for my rambles I try to think postive and most times I can do that but right now it's just not there..... Has anyone else been in a situation like this and if so what did they do????? I have turned into the hermit lady that doesn't want to leave the house...
Thanks for letting me vent my frustrations.... take care and god bless all....
Patricia

[caya]

Patricia -

Please know that you can come here anytime to whine, laugh, cry, whatever you want - that's what we're here for.

I'm sorry you've been ill - but it sounds like the antibiotic has kicked in, and you will regain your strength to fight anew.

Why don't you make yourself a nice herbal tea with some honey, and look out the window - I see you're in Nova Scotia - are you near the ocean?

I pray for a complete and speedy recovery.

all the best
caya
(your fellow canuck)

[mrsd]

thanks for your support caya, I do live near the ocean but haven't been out of the house except for hospital visits... and the herbal tea sounds like an excellent idea I will give that a try.... hoping each day is better... :) thanks again

[Mary Anne in TX]

Hi Patricia!
I can so relate to you becoming hermit like! Were it not for sunshine and my granddaughter, I'd be one for sure. You're walking a tough road at the moment and for me, when things get really tough, I just curl up in the familiar and stay low. I'm trying to do things differently right now. I find that just going to some large store or rather peaceful mall and walking and looking helps too. I drop my granddaughter off at 7:30 and head to Walmart sometimes just to find some sanity. I walk until my thinking clears. As warm weather arrives I know that my hermit like life will evolve into a more outgoing life.
Sometimes we need to "hermit" and sometimes we need to "fly"! You're fighting a battle. Arm yourself with some comfort and care. Find someone or something that will nurture you and get that fighting spirit back in charge. You're so worth the battle, you know! Much love, ma

[MJo]

I'm an introvert, so when I need to recover physically, emotionally or both, I become a hermit. I think you will emerge from your hermitage when you are ready. Spring is here down south. I know you northerners have to wait a little longer.

[Shobha]

Patricia,

I can totally understand becoming a hermit. I withdraw too when ever I need to heal or lick my wounds. Sometimes, watching something very funny or reading a good inspirational book, helps me put things in perspective. And yes, a good cup of herbal tea to relax is a definite plus.

Wishing and praying for you to get better and feel better soon!

hugs,
shobha

[mrsd]

Thanks to all of you.... I was having a bit of pity party for the last few days and feeling so terrible didn't help the situation at all. I feel better today and look forward to tomorrow when I'll be a day stronger and closer to kicking this cancer in the butt...lol Spring is here now ... or at least the snow has all melted and a few days of sunshine will be much welcomed. Thanks to all for your words, I don't often allow myself to slip into such a funk... but it's been rough and I've of course been too hard on myself as usual..lol

Thanks again and everyone keep up with all your posts although I don't post often I read daily.....

:)

[Julie2]

Hi Patricia,

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. Please know that you have lot of options left. Is there any TDM1 trial in your area? That is very easy on your body and seems to be very effective.

Julie

[ElaineM]

Take good care of yourself and enjoy the tea. The tea sounds good to me. A good cup of tea, a good book or t.v. show and a good view. Nice

[Pam P]

Patricia, you've been through so much these last couple of months. I'm sorry it's been so rough. Being hermit-like might be the best way for your body, mind and soul to heal itself now. Good tea and rest and more of the same. I hope the new treatment turns things around soon and you'll be feeling stronger in a short time also. Pam

[jml]

So glad you're feeling better.
We take on so much, sacrifice so much, endure SO MUCH with this disease. Sometimes it's hard to find the Sun behind the clouds.
But just hang in there and come here for a soft place to fall.
Taxol/Herceptin was the wonder combo that cleaned up
my liver from "innumerable, immeasureable" mets to NED. I hope it does the same for you and you're able to tolerate the treatment without any more set-backs.

Keep us posted and Keep the Faith~

Jml

[mrsd]

Thanks so much for your support you are truly an amazing group. Happy to report that I am starting to feel better :) I do believe my wonderful chemo nurse when she tells me I'm being too hard on myself and I need to give myself credit for what I've been through and realize that it's not easy all the time. The sun is shining here today and I do believe I feel like I am human again... :) looking forward to a great scan result next month..

[Faith in Him]

Sunshine and tea can do wonders. When things are bad for me I go into my cave, as I call it. I'm glad things are looking better for you. Be good to yourself.

Tonya

[schoolteacher]

Patricia,

Hope you are feeling better today.

Amelia

[Joan M]

Patricia,

Don't worry about venting if it makes you feel better.

I haven't had mets to the liver but I had one to the lung, with a recurrence after a wedge resection. I had an RFA of the lung for the recurrent tumor.

After you're feeling better you might want to check out whether you can have radiofrequency ablation or cryoablation of the the liver mets if the chemo is not working or if it's causing you to have blood clots. RFA and cryoablation are done frequently in the liver, much more than in the lung.

I wouldn't leave any stone unturned, and it doesn't hurt to ask your onc. But keep in mind that many oncs don't care for these local procedures and prefer chemo. If you're interesting in finding out whether they might be plausible, you would need to speak directly to an interventional radiologist, which is the doctor who would do RFAs and cryoablations.

I'm sending you a lot of hugs and hoping you'll be feeling better soon.

Joan

[mrsd]

Joan & Julie... I would to say the option for the TDM1 trial is not an option for me at this point, as I live in Canada and experience the greatest care possible the last discussion I had with my onc was that Tykerb was only available to me if combined with Xeolda.... our access to drugs is years behind you in the US. Will be seeing onc in a few weeks and we'll be having a BIG discussion on drugs... but that's going to be to just tuck away for a later date... I believe the Taxol is doing it's job and until they can prove otherwise that's what I'll believe..

The radiation treatments you have talked about I not aware that they available here where I live, we are a small poor province and unfortunately it affects the services availabe to us here.... so I will be printing some information and checking to see what really is possible here.... thanks again, another day better and starting to kick back :)

[Jean]

Patricia
I clearly remember when I was at my lowest - it was when my Mother passed. I ran for my bed and just went under the covers. It was warm and safe, most of all quiet. I need the quiet and silent alone time. This lasted for a good span of time. Sometimes being a hermit is a real need. Then we rebound and slowly
rejoin the race when we are strong again.

Be patient with yourself....you have gone through much these past weeks. Your body needs to rest and rebound, along with your spirit.

Do things at home that you enjoy and don't pressure yourself. You are not a total hermit....as you have all of us here 24/7 at anytime to join you.

Hey, Patricia - hermits are nice too! My son had a bunch of hermit crabs when he was little. They would come out of their little shells and walk around when they felt
safe. He would take them out of their small cage and scatter them on the bed and wait for them to come out.
Many a morning my husband and I woke up with those friendly gritters walking around us.

So I say hermits are smart and know when to come out!
Hugs,
Jean

[mrsd]

Thanks Jean :) Each day I feel a bit stronger and am thankful that I am getting better, looking forward to tomorrow and I'm thinking I may treat myself and surprise my co-workers with a visit to the office..... I miss them very much.

[Jean]

Now that sounds like a good solid plan.
I will bet they will be thrilled to see you and what a perfect time to visit. Please share your visit with us.
I am anxious to know how your day went.

Sending you a big hug.
Jean :)

[tricia keegan]

Hi Patricia,

You've been through a lot and that takes time to get over and will have its up's and down's and emotional turmoil. Give yourself time, you're doing great and I hope continue to feel better each day:) xx

[Chelee]

Patricia, You have been thur an awful lot since Feb. so don't be so hard on yourself. Physically and mentally it takes a heavy toll on a person. It's bad enough trying to fight this dreaded disease...but when you one thing after another keeps going wrong it can sure bring you down. I can so understand why you are feeling like a hermit and wanting to isolate. I think at times like that ones your going thur it's human nature for many of us to feel like that. In fact I'm usually on this board all the time...but like you I have had so many things going wrong that I just couldn't even come up for air. I just crawled into my safe hole and sat here. This is the 1st time I've peeked my head out in a long while. So I can relate to how your feeling.

I think our body and mind direct & help us get thru these rough times. My heart really goes out to you. I'm glad you decided to post because I think you will see that many of us are the same way when we are going thur a difficult situation. You hang in there and know we are always here for you. Sending a really big hug your way.

Chelee

[Jackie07]

Patricia,

Thank you for sharing your feelings on the board. I'm sure many of us identify with you in many ways including the 'hermit' part. It is a tough journey and a lonely one. And that's why we need the band of sisters to carry each other...

Thanks again.

[mrsd]

Oh ladies just reading your posts lifts me and makes me thankful... I am still here just a little beaten at the moment but look out I am starting the uphill swing and I determined this will not defeat me... I'm sure you all can relate and that's what makes this board so special, you know where I'm coming from and I don't need explain all the details. Today is a better day for me ... stronger and back in the game. I would have liked to surprised my co-workers with a visit today but I think that would risk my strength right now and I am afraid to over do it... so I'll let that surprise for another day.. I can never say thank you enough to you all for your support and the strength it gives me.... take care
Patricia xo