~It's Believe51 And I Am Sending Love And Thanks

[Believe51]

Just wanted to tell you that I miss the board and having you in my daily life. You are still there though, as I go through my day gentle thoughts of you embrace me. Even during this brief absence I can feel your love and energy.

I am staying centered and focused moving on during this part of the journey. I laugh and carry on through these days like this is not happening. I used to be unsure why and maybe still unsure, but I do not want to miss a thing. I have been hanging out at Facebook trying to move on alone, catching up on the life that I have missed for the last 3 years.

Ed is failing slowly as I watch so very helpless. The remote is no longer a source of freedom it is that of pure frustration. He no longer can use it. The pain is still unbearable and that is with 320mg of Oxicontin, highest dose of Percocet, highest dose of Fentynal, highest dose of Tramadol. I am told that no meds can help at this point and I do believe it. I do not want to see him unconcious either. He mumbles badly and must reach for the words and thoughts that would before come so naturally. He is almost completely deaf so communication, unfortunately, is very slim and difficult. He does talk crazy sometimes but this may be meds may be mets.

It is taking me more energy to stay focused than not but I cannot fall in a funk. I am very sad but really know I am going to be alright afterwards. My friends have proved during this time that they shall carry me through. I have always known this but could not make sense that I would be okay. I am confident.

I have been getting ready to get back to work but Rose will not hire until after Ed's death. She wants me to take care of him and calls to check up and to reassure me I have my own desk and unlimited budget....Flori, let's do some shopping therapy together...lol.

I will not be gone long, I cannot stay focused here right now. I shall return and let you know of the wonderous things I am doing with my life. I will give you the lowdown of the foundation. Of course I will be in charge of breast cancer.

And we have decided that we are not mentioning cancer in the obit...it WILL NOT get the last frapping word!!!!!!!!! What cancer does not understand is that even with the death of my husband I will fight it until the death of myself. I had reservations if I could do this after losing him but that too is a must.

I love you all and know that you understand that in order to function, I need this vacation. Double-edged sword. I miss you and my home. And the best thing about home is the door is always open.

Thanks for loving us this deeply, for this journey would have been a bust.>>Marie

[Paty]

Marie,

Be sure we love you deeply. Thanks for being there and for being such and inspiration to all, thanks for your tireless efforts to fight BC. A prayer for Ed and for you.

Love,

Paty

[Faith in Him]

Dearest Marie,

Cancer never did stand a chance against you and Ed. Your love story is so much bigger and stronger than it.

I am holding you both close in prayer.

God Bless, my friend.

[Jackie07]

Marie,

Love your posting, thanks.

We shall patiently await your return. Meanwhile, do take good care of yourself and know that you and your family are in our prayers.

Jackie07

[suzan w]

Marie and Ed, thank you for your post. Stay strong and know that , like TIMEX, we take a licking and keep on ticking!!! Much love to you both. XO Suzan

[Ceesun]

Love to you both dear Marie. Ceesun

[ammebarb]

I'm glad that you know that our love surrounds you, as those gentle thoughts embrace you. Every day, Marie.....Wishing you comfort and sending you strength and love.

Barb A.

[freyja]

I feel this is a very metamorphic transition for you, Marie.....and for Ed, too. It reminds me of the silk worms I saw once, two of them sometimes weave themselves into one cocoon. They each begin as two separate beings, then weave themselves into one, and transform together into two new things. Maybe both of you are growing very hard earned wings, in two different ways...but you'll always fly together. Your connection is eternal.
Brighter days are sure to come. That's my perspective.
Love to you, Marie and Ed,
Celeste

[alicem]

Marie,

Thank you for taking the time to post in this difficult time. We are all so concerned for you and Ed - and of course keeping you in our prayers. Take all the time you need. There is no right way to do this and no wrong way to do this. There is only YOUR way to do this. We are always here for you.

Love, Alice

[chrisy]

marie,
yes...the door is always open for you, as is my heart.

Blessings,
Chris

[MJo]

Thank you for posting. I think of you and Ed often.

[RhondaH]

Marie, hugs to you and Ed...you are in my thoughts often;)

[Karen W]

Love you back Marie and Ed.

Karen W

[ElaineM]

Welcome back. If Ed is up to it why don't you see if he will get in a wheelchair if he is not up to walking. Then you both can join us by the campfire for some prayers, food, hugs and fresh air.

[loveher]

Marie,
It's so very hard going through this stage. just know that you are not alone.

Is Ed's pain from the brain mets? Is he on any steroids or anything that reduces brain swelling from mets? I know you are very on top of everything but just wanted to throw that out there.

thinking of you guys
-Sue

[caya]

Big hugs to you Sweet Marie, and Ed.

all the best
caya

[flynny]

I am thinking and praying for you during this most difficult time. I feel your positive energy still coming through with the words you write. You are amazing and I am sending you a big hug.

[DanaRT]

Marie, You write so eloquently about this (horrible) transition in your life. One cannot imagine the strength.

Thanks for posting today.
Prayers, warm thoughts and many hugs,
Dana

[Chelee]

Dear Marie, I know it's been anything but easy. Your one special lady that I admire so much. The love you've shown for Ed is beyond touching. I too felt so helpless watching my Mother slip away...my heart goes out to you. Be good to yourself and know that I am sending you warm healing thoughts & prayers. (Big hugs!)

Chelee

[Rich66]

Unable to help..but getting strength from yours.

[harrie]

Marie, you are a remarkable woman. I understand your need for a much needed theraputic break. Take care Marie and know that you will be missed.
Much aloha to you my late at night pal.
Maryanne

[juanita]

lots of love to both of you!

[Patty F]

Marie
Wrapping you and Ed in love and prayer.

[Bill]

You and Ed are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Ruth]

You will be in our hearts and prayers. Take all the time you need, no explanation necessary. Ed will always be with you.
Bless you.

[Jean]

Dear Marie and Ed,
My prayers are with both of you.
Marie, you humble all of us with your grace and dignity.

Sending you many hugs,
Jean

[Laurel]

Too many tears to write much, Marie. Know that I will burden bear as much as possible in prayer. I will beseech the good Lord for peace and release for dear Ed. Love to you both.