~This Sounds So Terrible Of Me, Please Forgive Me

[Believe51]

This will be short because I do not want to get myself going since I have remained pretty focused and grounded lately.....

I wish that this man would either overcome this...........or that he is spared and taken quickly.

I cannot take much more of seeing him like this and I really think it is because he does not want to leave me. Never did make it to the OncoMan on Tuesday, rescheduled. I'm telling you that my feelings will not change even if his brain is miraculously clean. He cannot and should not be living like this.

There I said it and I only said it because you have known me for 2 1/2 years and my thousands of posts have proven the love I have for this man. I love him with everything I have and do not want to see him leave. Please God, let it be me now that is the only one hurting. Gotta go before tears fall.>>Believe51

PS: Although I have always been an independant woman, I am scared shitless to move on without him. (Oops, first bad word too but I'm going to leave it there...smiling)

[Patty F]

Marie
Your post breaks my heart. You are not a terrible person for loving the mighty oak so much that you do NOT want to see him suffer. I really think this journey is much harder on the care giver than the person with the cancer. All the care giver can do is love the other person. They feel helpless.
Marie please know that your posts inspire so many of us. The raw emotions that you share with us is priceless. Please know that BOTH of you remain in my prayers. Tonight I am saying a special prayer that you both will have peace and comfort during this time.

[Believe51]

I want to add that seeing him like this is not fair to me either damn it!! I want to move on with my life, with or without him, this is not his fault and I place no blame. My quality of life is borderline sucking right now! I did not mind all the sacrifices, giving up the motorcycle or the Cadillac (wah-smiling), I could live without the romance and the copious amounts of sleep he does, I could live without the normalcy and through the difficulties, I did not mind losing sleep or having my body, my face take a beating aging me for what seems like 10 years. I am tired My friend, in my heart I cannot live seeing him like this anymore. I am not losing my fight, but I am tired.

I did not want to write either post because I am not giving up....but I mean it.....either overcome or be taken quickly. This is about him and always has been but now it is also about me.

Thanks Patty, I am thankful that I can inspire as I bare my soul, I want this journey to keep giving back. You will never really know just what a private person I am in life outside of bc even though I have many friends in my world. I do not let many people inside very deep but felt that this journey was ours as well as yours. I am glad that our journey can and always will help others, I know your journeys have done the same for us. Ooooo, leaving before the tears fall.>>Marie

[sarah]

I can feel your anguish and hurt for the mighty oak and your anger at this horrible disease. I hope there are some sisters living near enough to you to come and visit you and give you some big hugs. I give you a big cyber one. No one can be brave and strong 24/7. You need other shoulders to lean on and to take a breather. Perhaps go to a spa and be pampered for a day. Go to the beach and yell into the wind. Go to the gym and exercise until you are dead tired.
If you want to write to me privately, you can. My heart is so sad for you. Cry and scream and let go. Tomorrow is another day.
hugs and love
sarah

[michka]

Oh Marie! Don't say "forgive me". What you are living is so difficult and exhausting. We all know how much you love Ed so you are entitled to express the way You feel. Please reach out for help around you. Don't stay alone. Try to choose just one of your friends, relatives. I know, it's not easy when you are exhausted and so afraid of what is in front of you. I wish I could do something to help you and not just write on this computer like an idiot with tears in my eyes. Michka

[Lori R]

Dear, Dear, Sweet Loving Marie,
Please do not apologize for expressing the realities a caregiver faces in supporting a loved one through an arduous journey. As always you are an inspiration and your honesty in regards to this difficult challenge continues to humble me.

OH Marie, Mighty Oak is so fortunate to have somone that loves him as much as you do. And also someone who has had the strength of character to slug it out day after day.

I wish so much that we could help carry the baggage for this journey, even for a moment to give you some respite. I encourage you to seek out sources of respite locally. Maybe some of the other care givers on the board can offer up some real world coping strategies.

You are an AMAZING person and we are all honored to know you.

Lots of Love.....Lori

[Believe51]

Just me being me. I really want to take care of this all myself but I have called hospice for further guidance and will speak to OncoMan at some point in the next day or so. I told them to call me and let me know if there was any change with the brain that was bad and needed Decadron, I have 2 and 4 mg here already. I also called and left two other messages. This is a sure fire way for me to get calls of this nature......no calls, this is good for the moment. I will know for sure about the results if they are good. If things have improved for even an iota of good news....I am blasting those great results from Ixempra and miracles.

Meanwhile I remain lost and broken. I used to think that I was selfish wanting him to stay around no matter what....and now I feel selfish seeing him like this. I cannot express. So far too weak for meds and too medicated to enjoy more than an hour here and there. Sometimes I subliminally send messages for him to consume more liquids. When he needs to use the bathroom, it is on the other side of the house and he tends to stay up longer....Sssssh, our secret Sisters. Love you all.>>Marie

[Hopeful]

Marie,

My heart breaks for you both. You are not a bad person for feeling the way you do, and your feelings are not a betrayal of Ed. No forgiveness necessary.

You are both in my thoughts.

Hopeful

[Debbie L.]

Marie, you express yourself so well - the truth of what you're saying goes right to our hearts. What you're feeling seems normal, right, and loving to me.

I've heard it said that one of the "good" things about advanced cancer is that it often does get to the point that we know with absolute certainty that the bad moments are overriding the good and that it's time to die. I don't know if it's all that "good" - because the loss is hard, whether it's from being hit by the bus out of the blue or it comes slowly and by the end is welcomed. It's just hard no matter what. But your feelings of wanting an end to the poor quality of life that you both are enduring are perfectly normal and not something to apologize for.

And you've not only expressed your thoughts to others who understand and support you, but you've called in local help (you're doing good!). I don't have any personal experience with hospice but I do know that I've never heard anyone say that they wished they hadn't had their help. They can help in small practical ways and they help carry the burdens and ease the fears.

Please keep us posted, as you and Ed are in everyone's thoughts and heart, especially now during this hard time.

Love,
Debbie Laxague

[Yorkiegirl]

Oh Marie my heart breaks for you. I do understand what you feel. I went thru with my 16 years ago.

I am glad that you called Hsopice, they will certainly be a big help to you and to Ed.

Your not giving up on him, but there does come a time when enough is enough and if it at that point just hold onto him and love him. I know it's hard, but he shouldn't have to live this way and neither should you. Again I say this not giving up, but wanting what is best for him.

Many prayer's going out to you and Ed.

[MJo]

I hear exhaustion. I am so glad you called hospice. You need hospice. They help the caregiver. I can only send you a cyber hug, since I'm on the east coast.

[chrisy]

Marie,
I think it's unanimous on the "forget about asking forgiveness". Your openness is a gift and of course you are forgiven if that's what you want, but I am overwhelmed with gratitude to you for trusting us with your heart even as it is breaking.

Everyone has spoken here with such wisdom - and I have very little to add. I'm glad you are reaching out to hospice - I also have never heard anyone regret making this move, only wishing they had done it sooner.

You wrote
I cannot take much more of seeing him like this and I really think it is because he does not want to leave me.

Marie, this could be true. You've told us before of your promises to each other to keep fighting, and also of the permission you have given Ed to decide when it is enough. I hear you whispering that this moment may be approaching. Ed may feel that as well, but really, who would EVER want to leave you?

Letting go is not the same as giving up...we know you have love for Ed that can and has moved mountains, that you are so proud of him and how hard he has fought and never given up...and that if he decides it is time to let go it will be ok.

Praying for you constantly...
Chris

[Diane H]

Dear Marie, My tongue is tied, the amount of suffering you and Ed are having to endure is daunting and beyond what anyone should have to take. I can only send my prayers out that you both find comfort, release and peace, in whatever way that happens.
I am so sorry,
My love to you~

Diane

[Mary Jo]

Dear Sweet Marie....I can add nothing to what the others have said to you.

Marie, we know you....we know you are a loving, kind soul who would do anything for Ed and you have....you've done EVERYTHING!

I'm so sorry you are having to endure this suffering along with Ed. I can only pray that the "end" will be quick and peaceful for you both.

You are with me in Spirit and my prayers ascend for you and Ed.

Love and endearing hugs,

Mary Jo

[schoolteacher]

Marie,

I am so sorry that you and the Mighty Oak have to experience this. My heart breaks for you. May God bring the both of you peace.

Amelia

[janieR]

Dear Marie,

I simply do not know what to say except my heart is breaking for you and Ed.

Unfortunately I do not know you personally, but from your posts since I joined I wished I did.

All I can say is I am thinking of you both and I so wish peace for you both. It is so unfair.

Love Janie

[Karen Wheel]

Marie -
Honestly you and Ed have been such an inspiration for me and I read all your posts and feel I know you. Thank you for feeling safe enough to share this with us here.... it is so good to get it out!

I hear you are so exhausted. Although, I don't know exactly how you feel as I am the one who is Her2, not the caregiver. However, sometimes, even in my short 6 months of this fight, (note mine has been nothing like your fight with Ed), but for my man, I feel has it harder for him, than me.... as he feels so helpless and sometimes doesn't know what to do or say.

Don't feel bad, don't ask for forgiveness... I think that not only is Ed doing all he can, but you are also the twin Oak here in this case.

This disease is so brutal and so senseless and there is no other way to deal with it but head on and you both have done that. Its normal to feel everything you are feeling and it is so great that you can share it here and your sisters (and brothers) can hold you up in love, positive power, energy and prayers.

Crying with you -and I've also said plenty of bad words, &@%^@#(#*!!! (&@%^@#(#*!!!) so! Now, you are not alone!

xo Karen

[tricia keegan]

Marie,

I think it's wonderful that you can be so honest and upfront about your feelings to us although of course my heart goes out to both of you suffering like this.
I think, just like there comes a time when a cancer patient calls a halt and knows they're tired, that applies also to a caregiver and these feelings are normal and honest and best spoken out loud.
Of course you're tired, you must be exhausted and simply down trodden by now! I think all of us with any compassion for what our caregivers go through acknowledge this as a fact.
You've both fought this so bravely together, and you have been a living walking Angel for Ed and many other's here on the board...but what about Marie??? Who's there to pick you up??
I really don't have any wonderful inspiring words of advice Marie, but simply wanted you to know I hear you and sympathize so much with both of you. xxx
Things have a way of not staying the same and working out, maybe not always to our liking but my wish is for you and Ed to find peace wherever that may lie:)
Hang in there, we're listening ....

[StephN]

Dearest Marie -
Thank you for baring your soul here. It is very well known that caregiving is ultimately hardest on the careGIVER. We call on all the strength and resolve we can muster and try to dole it out to last the duration of the need for the caregiving.

Most of the time, this stress results in some sort of breakdown in the caregiver. I can't describe how exhausted I was after more than nine months of seeing my father try to get better after a 7-way heart by-pass. I had my mom here to help as well. I crashed. My hair was falling out by the handfull like I was on chemo again.

Everyone has a heart full of love and mountains of good intentions to support their loved one through thick and thin. However, being human we become worn down. The emotional roller coaster is a killer. Hospice nurses and their staff are skilled at working with the family as they find them. They are there to bring expertise to your situation.

It is another step and can *seem* like giving up, but from personal experience, this step can open up a new way for you to regain some energy and focus where it does you and Ed the most good.

You are amazingly strong, but the suffering will take its toll. Draw what you can from all of us here and keep walking with us.

[Lien]

Dear Marie,
You are exhausted and you need help. I'm glad you contacted hospice. Watching someone you love so much suffer the way Ed is suffering now, is perhaps even harder than suffering yourself. And there's been more this year, the death of your MIL for instance. It's more than anyone could bear.

Perhaps you are right, perhaps Ed doesn't want to leave you. Have you talked about how you see your life after he's gone? Would it help him to know that you will be able to cope? Does he hate seeing you this way? Does he feel responsible for what's happening with you? Perhaps you can discuss these things.

I am sending you a great big hug, all the way from the Netherlands, Europe. And did you know that hugs grow, while travelling through the air? They become bigger, and warmer, and much huggier! I've added some waves of relaxation and healing energy for good measure.

We all love you, you know!

Love

Jacqueline

[lexigirl]

Marie,

I have no words, but wish I was there to give you a hug and a hand.

Praying for you and Ed now.

Lexi

[flynny]

Hi Marie,

I know its been awhile since I've last posted, but I do come on here and try to get updates about the Mighty Oak as well as everyone else, but you have been on my mind a lot!!

Oh gosh, I do know what you are going through all too well and I am so sorry that you have to deal with this right now or EVER. Especially since you lost your mother-in-law not to long ago. It isn't easy watching the person you love suffer. I pray that whatever the outcome is that it is peaceful and quick for his sake as well as yours. Death is not an easy thing to watch but know that you we are all here for you and it's OK to yell in your car, scream hysterically or just curse when you need to. Venting gets me through those days and I am now sending you a big cyber hug!!!

Lots of Love to you!

[ElaineM]

Maybe both you and Mighty Oak need a little extra help to get you both through this. Mighty Oak wants to live.
He certainly needs all the support and medical help he can get to accomplish his goals.
You need some caregiver support. It is normal for caregivers to get a little tired and overwhelmed. There must be an organization in your area you can tap into for that---------an organization that gives caregivers a little respite. Maybe there is an organization that can provide help for Mighty Oak for a day, so you can take a day off to do whatever you want to do or need to do for yourself. Maybe the American Cancer Society can point you in the right direction.

[ammebarb]

Dearest Marie, my love to you and Ed during this most stressful time. I remember thinking the exact same things when my Dad was in last stages of brain cancer. We just don't want to see those we love endure the weakness and pain. We have trouble enduring personally too.....only human. I'm wishing you comfort and peace, Marie and the sure knowledge that your family here is enfolding you with love.

Barb A.

[Jaimieh]

Marie~ Your post says so much about the love you feel for Mighty oak. You are far from being selfish or unloving you have been nothing but supportive and loving to him. I hope you both get some relief soon. Just know that it is okay to come here and speak your mind.

[juanita]

oh marie my heart goes out to you! you mean so much to me it's hard to see you feeling like this. i'll say an extra prayer for you and send lots of hugs your way!

[Paty]

Dear Marie,

I understand how you feel and I know how exhausting is to be a caregiver. I am very greatful that you can come to us and have the confidence to let your emotions out. Please know that we understand you and love you. We hope that tomorrow will be a better morning, whatever it brings.

Love you,

Paty

[hutchibk]

I love you. And Ed. You know.

[Sheila]

Marie
Lean on us...this is a difficult time, one that would tax the strength of even the strongest of persons....the job of a caregiver is neverending and quite overwhelming at times. Is there any way you can get a respite break....i feel it would help you find yourself again in these very difficult times you are going through. We are here for you!

[Joan M]

Marie,

That your love for Ed is strong is evident, but his suffering is difficult, not only for him but for you because you love him.

It's okay to have mixed feelings. It's normal. Everybody does. Ed's cancer has been a hugh strain on you. Getting the assistance of a hospice nurse is good. The both of you will get more help.

Joan

[Colleens_Husband]

Marie:

What you said is nothing but compassionate. I don't think anyone wants to have a loved one suffer. He is the Mighty Oak after all and that is how he should be thought of and remembered.

Marie, I think it is time that you get some help for yourself. You have done a remarkable job caring for Ed, and as a fellow caregiver, I am amazed at your strength and courage, and I hope I if I were in your shoes, I could meet your incredibly high standards. But you are only a human and you need care and maintenance as well. I think you may want to explore talking to a cancer counseling center. They may be able to help you take care of yourself so you can continue providing such excellent care to Ed.

Marie, please know that you are in our hearts and in our prayers. I know you are on a long and difficult journey, but it is a journey you will have the strength and courage to complete. Marie, please take excellent care of yourself.

Lee

[freyja]

Dearest Marie,
I know this is just excruciating for you now. Thank you for being honest with us and with yourself about it. That's very healthy. I'd be more worried about you if you didn't say things like that. I know Ed probably has exactly the same thoughts at times, too. I also know he hates that you have to go through this and he wants you to have your life back, but really doesn't want to leave you, and feels torn and confused. I GREATLY admire both of your powerful wills to live. You are both so brave and strong! Shows how strong your love for each other is. Your love affair with Ed is legendary. Get as much help as you can so you can recharge that energy. It would make both of you feel better. He'll be ok with someone else in charge of him for a little while. Taking care of yourself is not selfish.
We are all here for you during this very tough time. Would you please PM me your address so I can send you some love?
Love, Celeste

[suzan w]

Dear Marie and Ed...my heart is breaking with everyone else's. We are all family, and when one of us suffers, we all suffer. When you share your pain and innermost feelings, we all try to help by shouldering al little bit of it for you. And most importantly, I, as family, appreciate your honesty at a time like this. Love=honesty and honesty=love. Love, Suzan

[Patb]

I think of you daily and how it must be to see
him suffer. You have done so much, so I also
believe help of some kind would give you a break
and let you rest. My prayers and thoughts are
with you as always.
patb

[charlotte]

Marie you have given me comfort at times when I needed them. Please try to rest Not trying to be glib about this, but you and mighty oak know you are loved .. also you are a very giving person.. Even through your pain , I see where you have reached out to folks ... Please take care, and I am sending up prayers as well..
much love... Charlotte

['lizbeth]

Marie,

I hope that hospice can give the help and the rest you need to support the Mighty Oak in this terribly difficult time. I can only imagine how difficult it is for Ed, he must love you so much and you have been a mighty oak for him during this wretched illness.

Continued prayers for you both,

'lizbeth

[Sherryg683]

You have been one of the best caregivers I have ever known. And I know you will continue to be, but you are tired and hurting. Watching my brother go downhill was exhausting emotionally and I wasn't even with him every day. My mother was his primary caregiver and she pretty much had a nervous breakdown, she became an angry, spiteful woman to my brother. But it was so hard on her to watch her son die. You need a break, you need help. We know how much you love Ed and it's not wrong to want to see him not suffer. As I sat by my brother a few hours before he died, I prayed for God to please take him, he had suffered so much and had no fight left. I would never have wanted my brother to die if there was hope. Sometimes we have to just let go....We love you girl..sherryg

[Laurel]

Loving Marie,

You are just letting go. It is a very natural human response and a way of preparing yourself for what appears to be looming on the horizon. I hear a woman releasing her best friend into the next life, not because she wants him to leave her, but because he has fought the good fight and now his body is weary. You are looking into that cloudy future that seems dismal, gray, empty, and lonely. While it is frightening you instinctively know it must be faced to reach a new dawn. This is all a natural part of grieving. I hear a woman who is reaching the end of a long good-bye, not by choice but by the callous circumstance of cancer. Guilt, anger, and despair are all common emotions in life's darkest moments.

None of these feelings mean you have given up hoping, praying for a miracle.

Whatever befalls you in these next few weeks I know you will meet every new challenge with the dignity and grace that defines you, Marie. I also know that you will go on, because you must...for Ed.

And we will all be right here for you come what may....

[Believe51]

Thank you all for your unconditional love and understanding, this post has sparked new thoughts for the road ahead. I know whatever may come, relief is soon to follow. I look forward with dread to move on into the future. Bittersweet. But I have so many that love me and will help to guide me back to the laughter and color that once was my life. I miss my old life but I miss the old Marie even more. I am in a cocoon right now but there will be a day I am a butterfly......and I know all whom love me will be there when I morph.>>Marie

[hermiracles]

Dear Marie ~ you have every right to feel what you feel and to express it amongst people that love and care about you and Ed. Is there any chance you can get some respite care?
Surrounding you both with love and prayers.
Blessings
Hermiracles

[bejuce]

Dear Marie,

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking about you and Ed at this difficult time. You two are in my prayers. May you find strength in the love we have in this wonderful group to carry forward the best you can for your loving hubby.

Love,

Marcia (bejuce)

[lisajones4]

Marie - I think about you and Ed every day and pray to God for continued strength and love as you continue on this journey.

Love, Lisa

[TriciaK]

Oh, my dear Marie! My heart is aching for you and Ed, and I know all the others here who have read your posts are feeling the same. There are no words to express our sorrow and empathy for what you and Ed are going through. All we can do is express our love and admiration for you two and the mighty battle you have fought, and we continue to send our prayers for God's love to attend you and strengthen you. I have never met you, but I have loved you both as you have opened your heart and shared your fears and your tears. May God and his angels attend you tenderly in spirit themselves and also through the blessed people who serve your needs through hospice. Love and prayers, TriciaK

[Believe51]

TriciaK, Me Lady......how are you?? I have been thinking of you and your health non-stop. Please know you are in my daily prayers and happy thoughts.>>Marie

[Cannon]

Marie,

You never stop thinking of others. Your love for Ed is what makes you want to spare him this suffering. He knows that. Sometimes it helps to tell your loved one that it's okay, he doesn't need to stay for you. You will always love him, but he should go when and if he wants.

That's what we told my grandfather (he had the same brain cancer that Ted Kennedy had) -- and he was gone two days later. I think he just wanted permission to stop fighting.

Best always,
Rebecca

[nitewind]

Sweet Marie, forgive me for waiting so long to post, I've just been unable to find the words. I have loved and admired you and your dear husband for so long and reading your latest news simply breaks my heart.
I still can't find the words but want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
I pray that God wraps his arms around the two of you and holds you close.
Please know that we all care so much for you.
Love and Hugs
Susan

[Believe51]

I think he is holding on to see his 3rd Cancerversary (Sept 7) and our Wedding Anniversary (Oct 21). I have told him it is okay to let go when and if he feels it is time. I try to show and tell him I am going to be fine. Wow, never thought I would be writing this although I knew that someday this was going to take him.>>Marie

[Karen W]

Marie,
I wish I could do more to help you. Please know you are loved.

Sending peace, strength and hugs.

Karen

[Tom]

Marie,

I still fully expect that birthday card from Ed. Tell him I said NO excuses will be accepted. Hang in there.

Tom

[Believe51]

Gotcha Tom...lol....thanks.>>Believe51

[suzan w]

Marie, I am so glad to hear from you tonight before I go to bed, as I was wondering how things were going. Sinding a great big hug to you both...with love xo Suzan

[belle]

Marie,

Just want to say that I love you the way you are.

Hugs,
belle

[Mary Anne in TX]

Marie, I wish that "dreadful thing" you have (honesty) was spreading throughout the country instead of swine flu. Hugs and love to you. ma

[Lien]

Hi Marie,

How are you holding up? Thought you might need a hug today, so I'm sending one over. It brings the warmth of the sun, the sweet breeze from the ocean to clear your head, and the smell of a thousand roses to bring you peace.

Love

Jacqueline

[loveher]

Hi Marie,

this is Sue, tried to pm you but inbox was full.

i just read your post and i just feel the exact same way. i just wish it was over one way or another and i'm not foolish enough to believe there will be a miracle cure. Just wanted to say that i believe that you wish it were over because you love Ed very much, i can totally understand.
i feel so bad for my poor dad who has to watch my mom deteriorate.

Is Ed still on treatment? is he responding to ixempra?

Marie i know you are very very strong, you will get through it, we all will!!

love
-Sue

[Beckie]

Marie,
I am praying for you. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I remember telling my mother-in-law that it was ok to let go. I told her how much we loved her and would miss her, but that we would be alright, and knew we would see her again, so go ahead and go see her husband and her Savior.
She told my husband it made her feel much better, and she went a few days later.
I love you and Ed, and the relationship you have had. Rest as much as you can, take care of yourself and Ed. Sorry I didn't respond sooner, but I couldn't get on yesterday.
God bless you. Beckie

[RobinP]

Maire,

You have proven over and over again to be a sensitive, caring person, not just to Ed, but to many here, offering encouragement and support. Please don't feel guilty about needing a break. Like you said, it has been ten long hard years of ups and downs for you too, not just for Ed. Go buy yourself some flowers and go outside today to re-charge your mental battery. Reach out to others near, for help too. A big cyber-hug to you. Know, too, that Hospice is excellent and offers support to the care-giver and the one ill.

Love and prayers,
Robin

[chrisy]

Just sending love....

I was thinking of you and Ed all weekend. Actually you are my first thought and prayer every day.

But this past weekend we were in the Sierra, hiking past mighty oaks, mighty pines, and tiny flowers growing out of what appeared to be solid rock. Determined to draw every bit out of life possible, just as you and Ed are doing.

You are my heroes.

[CourtneyL]

Oh Marie, I am so sorry you are going through this. Even though we have never met, I think about you and the Mighty Oak frequently and pray for you always. You are an incredible person and I admire your strength and honesty more than you could ever know. Know that there are so many who are holding you up now in your time of need. We love you both!

[ammebarb]

Hugs and prayers today and everyday, Marie.

Barb A.

[TSund]

Marie,

You have shared yourself unselfishly with Mighty Oak and with so many here. Please do not be hard on yourself! It is the last thing you deserve. You know he would want that either.

I'm sorry I have not been on for a while, but know that you are so loved and cared for...

Wishing you peace as best you can find it right now...

Terri

[Terri B]

Lil sis,

It's your turn to lean on someone else. We are all here for you!

[Bill]

Marie, you are truly an Angel among us. We all know that, and Ed knows that, too. Your feelings are perfectly normal. I had all of those same feelings myself when dealing with Nikki's illness. I haven't read many posts in this thread, but I wanted to chime in. I'm sorry for my delay, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Jackie07]

Marie,

You and Ed are in our thoughts and prayers. I remember the anguish my Father-in-law had during my Mother-in-law's last days. You and Ed have demonstrated what 'love' is about. For that, we want to say 'thank you'.

[fauxgypsy]

Marie, I am glad you called in hospice. You do not have to go through this alone. Hospice is as much for the caregiver as the patient. I have told my husband that if mine ever gets to this point that this is what I want.

Also. Marie, you and Ed have had a long struggle. I cannot imagine the exhaustion that you must be feeling. There is no blame in acknowledging your pain at seeing him so sick. I think that it is healthy to be able to express this among friends. I am glad that you have a place to come that allows you to do this.

I will keep you in my thoughts,
Leslie