~If First You Do Not Succeed, Try, Try Again Mighty Oak~Chemo Begins 5/14/09

[Believe51]

I could not post this earlier because I was too busy 'breathing' and 'meditating'.

When Ed postponed chemo last week, May 1, things got a little too confusing for my medical team, something that is not the norm. His bloodwork was not specific for the chemo today but our first chemo nurse we ever had was tending to Ed today. She would get things cracking if anyone could and told us no worries. Poor little guy, he took his Emend, sprayed some numbing stuff on his port and started his other nausea med. My feet were adorned with my lucky 'green shoes' in memory of LuAnn and everything. Before we left the house I held him, I thanked him for fighting, I told him I loved him.

The nurse ordered the right bloodwork and by the time the Ixempra was 'thawed' out the results would be in for Ed's first treatment. She proceeded to give him his Zometa and Faslodex while we waited. Ed did not feel his best and was a little confused, which does happen from time to time. With him being so hard of hearing I made sure this was confusion and not anythng else. He was confused. We were not having the best of vibes to start him today and things were really starting to get more rushed. I started to cry right there in chemo. I feel like a juggler that is in a constant state of balancing and the balancing act was about to spin out of control. I am not complaining for it is this man that has to do the hard work here. We had our hearts set on this and are no strangers to disappointments but we felt better rescheduling. Then that is when my head started whirling out of control. Thoughts of his brain have been worrying me lately and although I push that 'what if' away, it is getting harder and harder to do. Brain MRI coming up soon so I will have to be patient, thoughts pushed away some more.

I felt like when you plan all week to go to the zoo and when you get there it is closed. Ed chose to do his treatment next Thursday and what is another week in the grand scheme of things? Thoughts overwhelmed me of the appointments I needed to change, getting him some more Emend, calling the doctor, rescheduling a test and so on. We were disappointed but we did not have good vibes either. Besides, I was worried about my Hero and the confusion was not going to allow me to accept treatment today. We are both okay with this decision, unexpected as it was.

When we got home I got right to work on a homemade vegetable lasagna and a red sauce for dinner. That kept me busy. I shredded old records and cleaned a while. I revised some pictures and remembered the good ole days. I did some laundry and put away some winter clothes. I wrote out bills.....My candles burned bright and of course I said my prayers for all of us. He slept on and off from the time we got home to now. My anxiety is gone now but as you can see it took me all day. I am breathing and still relaxing with you all tonight, right now. This is the first place I needed to come when I relaxed and I thank you all for bringing me peace. This time I really did not think I would ramble this bad, woops...

Oh, and I do still have good vibes about this treatment plan and my peeps, of course I still believe......Love and Peace is my wish for you all tonight.>>Believe51

PS: Oh yeah he is up right now, hahaha, course I will stay up with him even though I am slurring my speach right now! Wow he makes me laugh.....think I should make us a schedule?? (smiling and happy he is up, no confusion too!)

[Pam P]

You both are amazing - brave and strong. Have a lovely weekend together. Will keep good thoughts for an all systems go for next Thursday.

[Diane H]

Am sorry to hear of the difficulties you had, but as always can hear your bright and gentle spirit come through even so...
You are both in my prayers,
Diane

[schoolteacher]

Marie,

I am sorry to hear how yesterday went. From you post, I doubt you got to see your chipmunk. Hope you and Ed have a good weekend.

Amelia

[alicem]

Marie,

There is so much in our lives that is beyond our control, and it sounds like this was one of those times. I do hope that by next Thursday Ed has gotten stronger and that the chemo will go well. Thanks for the rambling, it helps you get out your real feelings!

[Faith in Him]

Marie,

It is disappointing when you are all geared up for treatment and it doesn't happen. But, it sounds like you and Ed made the best decision for him. Besides, you're right one week will not make that much of a difference. I am sorry that you had to go through all that anxiety. I hope that next week goes smoother. As always, you and Ed are in my prayers. I am glad you had some together time too.

Tonya

[Colleens_Husband]

Marie:

You and the Mighty Oak are in our prayers. I am hoping that this round of chemo will finally end this ordeal with cancer.

Lee

[Paty]

Marie,

Your strenght amazes me.... God Bless you.

[alicem]

Marie,

I am spending the afternoon with my daughter tidying up the house (she is doing most of the work!). ;)
Anyway, I ran across the following quote by the computer that I scribbled on a piece of paper and I had to share it with you.
"A Spiritual Warrior is someone who feels life deeply but still knows how to go on with life."
I think it describes you completely. I love your warrior spirit!

Alice

[sassy]

We're all here for you. Keeping you in my prayers.

[Joan M]

Marie,

Sending good vibes and a lot of strength to you and Ed, and hopefully his treatment will go as planned.

Hugs,

Joan

[karen z]

Dear Marie and Ed,
Thinking of you both and praying for increased strength. I hope that Ed can get his treatment this Thursday as planned.
Take good care.
karen

[WomanofSteel]

Marie, just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for Ed that this Thursday will be a better day and he can start his new treatment. Good luck to both of you.

[Believe51]

Well either way we are going for it tomorrow! He has not gained any weight and things are getting scarey but we must give it a shot. We have been a little nervous about his health and the discussions about quality of life has become more frequent. Even still, he will not give up yet, just trying to prepare me for the tougher times that keep coming.

We are waiting for the rest of his relatives to come into town from Colorado and Florida. I cannot wait to get some closure with Mom after the 'Celebration of Life Tribute'. She was cremated and the home was wonderful since she must have told them at one point that Ed was ill. The gentleman came right to the house and will hand deliver her back personally. I just read the obit I wrote for her and it is the most beautiful one I have ever read.

Once this treatment is over I am hoping Ed feels well enough to tribute Mom. I would be sad if he was robbed the chance to mourn properly because of cancer, it has stolen enough from us.

Keep us in those prayers. We are real afraid right now that he is losing this fight.>>Believe51

[karen z]

Marie,
I am grateful that Ed can get his treatment tomorrow. I am praying and thinking of you both. k

[Faith in Him]

Praying that all goes well tomorrow. I hope the side effects are not too hard on Ed but hard on the cancer.

I'll be thinking of you both tomorrow.

[Emmay]

Dear Marie,
I hope and pray that the treatment today goes smoothly, and that Ed will soon be feeling stronger. You both have been dealing with so much all at the same time -- I hope having Ed's family members in will be a support to you both.

Emmay

[DarleneM]

Praying for you today!
Darlene

[alicem]

Marie,

I just wanted to tell you how much I love the image of a Mighty Oak when you refer to Ed. His strength has obviously brought him this far, and this same strength will carry him through to the next step - whatever that may be. I pray that this chemo will zap those nasty cells in his body and that his body will be able to tolerate it once again.

As I think about oak trees, the ones that are MIGHTY are those that have been nurtured and cared for. Thank goodness for the 2 very important nurturers in his life - you and his mother.

I will be praying for you both this whole day.

Alice

[Believe51]

He did it, he did it! I will post an update in a few days with how he is feeling. It was an emotional day for us for so many reasons. I used to call his Mom during treatment or shortly after and he would call at night. It was strange not being able to do that, it really hurts bad.

Dad was taken to the hospital twice again since last time I posted. Appears the kidneys were starting to shut down but they stopped that. This time was lack of urine in his urine bag. He gained 5 pounds overnight. He is home but I thought if I posted this people would think I am nuts.

I cannot believe just how many things have happened in the last 2 months. Having treatment made us both feel we have some control over our lives. Whether this works remains to be seen but it felt good acting.

Please God, please no more........and if there is more I will only survive it if my husband gets well.....I am not that strong>>Believe51

[WomanofSteel]

Marie, I am glad to hear that Ed finally got a treatment. I hope that he experiences little or no side effects from this. I am sorry that you have been given such a full plate lately. I have been there many times. Remember to take a deep breath and relax and try to get some time for you from time to time. Don't let yourself get run down it is easy to do. Hang in there, we are all praying for you and Ed and Dad.

[schoolteacher]

Believe,

So glad to hear that the Mighty Oak got his treatment. Yeah! Did you get to see your outside buddy?

I will call you this afternoon after 7 p.m. I will be finished working by then. I started to call at 7 a.m. but decided to wait.

Sending blessings and prayers to you and the Mighty Oak.

Amelia

[Kavy]

Marie,
I am so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law and your dad. You are going through too much. When enough is enough?
I am glad that Ed had his treatment, and I pray that the side effects will be mild for him.
I am on Ixempra/Herceptin since October 2008, and the 3 tumors in my lungs are shrinking. My doctor is very excited, he says that all his patients on this new drug have a good response, I hope this will also be true for Ed.
Ixempra is not an easy drug, as you already know, but it is doable and it works.
My side effects are hair loss, I lost my hair for the 3rd time, but it is coming back fast. No nausea or vomiting, sometimes change in the taste for the first few days, then it goes back to normal, but I do not lose my apetite. Sometimes I have mild constipation ( I use prune juice) or mild diahrrea in the first few days. I have neuropathy (numbness in hands and feet), and on the first night of treament I few a little tired, on the second day I few normal, on the 3rd day I feel very tired, and stays like that for a few days, then I go back to normal. Tell Ed to drink lots of water, and rest, rest, rest.
On this past treatment something interesting happened, I did not get very tired at all. The nurses and I are trying to figure out if the order of treatment has anything to do, I mean, for the past 6 months I have been taking Herceptin first, then Ixempra, but last time, I got Ixempra first, then Herceptin in 40 min drip. So today I had treatment, and we did exactly the same thing Ixempra then Herceptin, and so far so good, I hope it will stay like that. What drug did Ed get first?
If you have any questions, please PM me that I will be happy to help.
You and Ed hang in there. I will pray for all of you, and for this combo to be Ed's magic bullet.
Hugs,
KarlaV.

[Mary Anne in TX]

Such good news Karla on your Ix. treatment! Marie, I'm so prayin' that it does the same for Ed.
Marie, don't you dare thing that you're not going to be strong enough for whatever comes at ya.
You are always strong enough, brave enough, and awfully wonderful too, to handle what comes. You have an army of "family" who love and support you and will be there for you.
Take some time to "fill your cup", Marie. time to take care of the one who has taken such good care!
Much love to ya, ma

[Lien]

Dear Marie,

I'm echoing your words: enough is enough! You need time to heal.

Hugs & good vibes & healing energy coming your way.

Love

Jacqueline

[Joan M]

Marie,

I'm glad that Ed finally had his treatment and I hope he'll be feeling okay.

I know what you mean about needing strength.

Prayers for Ed to get well.

Hugs,

Joan

[Jean]

Thinking of you & Ed. Sending you strong warm hugs.

Jean

[Believe51]

Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers, it has given us the courage to make this happen.

Kavy, thank you so much for the post I can not tell you what it did for us both. Ed is currently taking the Ixempra alone but I am contemplating adding Herceptin to the mix. With his particular genetics I am not sure it will do any good. Seems like Herceptin did not protect him as well as we wished but I would like the 'idea' that it may do something. I will surely pm you soon, appreciate the offer.

I will make a special update post for others to be able to follow the Ixempra journey. I will put details in it for everyone too. I have heard and seen many wonderful things that this drug is doing. Sharing is caring and I am sure our posts will certainly help others as they search for their magic bullets.

I so appreciate you all>>Believe51

[Shobha]

Marie,

You really are such a tower of strength and positive attitude. Please know that Mighty Oak and you are in my thoughts and prayers everyday. May God put Ed on the path of recovery with this regimen.

hugs,
shobha

[juanita]

keeping both of you in my thoughts and prayers! you're such an inspiration!