Just in complete shock........

[Joannie]

Hi All:
I feel like I just need to post to get this off my chest. My husband was admitted to the hospital this week for diverticulitis. He is all good and well now. When I drove the car up to pick him up at the hospital, he overhead a man telling someone that his wife's doctor had just passed away and he said her name was Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee is my onc. My husband got in the car and said "I can't believe what I just heard." He immediately called her office and they confirmed that she passed away on Dec 10. I was in complete shock and could barely drive my car home. I googled her name when I got home and sure enough, I found her obituary. She passed away after a "long" battle with breast cancer! When I went in for my 6 month check up in Aug. I noticed that she appeared to have a wig on. It felt odd to say anything and she didn't offer any information. My previous visit was in Feb and at that time she said she had just returned from being out for quite some time. She had a hysterectomy and had complications with infection. She said she had lost 30 lbs and had been hospitalized for 2 weeks.

After I saw her in the wig, I guess I just justified to myself that she could have lost her hair for other reasons other than chemo. How could I have not tuned in to what she had going on. I am much more perceptive than that and I am so angry at myself for not saying something to her.

I confided in her so many times and you feel like your onc. knows your most personal feelings and fears. She helped to save my life and the very thing she saved my life from, took hers.

I am in just complete shock and I can't seem to stop crying. She was 54 years old. She dedicated her entire life to helping people with cancer. She gave those hope that thought there was no hope at all. I am certain that she sacraficed many things to help those in need. It was her calling and her passion.

I wish I would have known. I wish I could have helped.
Joannie

[Rich66]

Although I have been angered by folks working in oncology, I occassionally consider the weight they carry day after day. In your onc's case, it must have been exponentially more intense. You certainly had a partner in the fight. I can't imagine...

[Mary Jo]

Dear Joanie,

That is a tough one. Wow! What a shocker, is right? You know, she probably didn't want those she cared for to know because her "passion" as you say was to help others and bring hope to them. If she would have brought up her own breast cancer it would have become a constant conversation as to how she was doing and she probably didn't want that.

Those kind of "souls" are very unselfish and their reason for being is to help others. God Bless her. Now she is experiencing total joy and peace in Heaven and those of you that knew her can thank God she was a part of your life.

Sooooooo many taken so young on account of this disease...not just breast cancer....but cancer in general. We'll probably never know why on this side of Heaven.....but those of us who trust and know our Lord can trust His word......."For we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him....." Romans 8:28...........I know that probably sounds cliche' or trite under the circumstances (even to me it does) - however, believing and trusting my Lord I KNOW IT'S TRUE. I've personally experienced it.

Sending you love, hugs and understanding as to what you are going through. Losing those we care about is NEVER an easy thing.

Praying God's peace to surround you Joanie,

Mary Jo

[BonnieR]

God bless you Joannie. I can feel your sorrow. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Things happen the way they are supposed to. I don't think your perception let you down at all. You said it felt odd to say anything to her and she only offered the information that "she had been out for some time". It sounds as though she set the pace and you followed her lead. This was the way she chose to handle it. Probably it would have been more difficult for her to not keep things "business as usual". I bet you were an inspiration to her during your recovery. You just didn't know it.

Keep the faith, Bonnie

[Soccermom]

Joannie,
please dont beat yourself up.
Your Doc sounds like she was the consumate professional and didnt want her patients to worry..
As Bonnie said, you might have been an inspiration to her and I'll bet her love of caring for her patients is what kept her going,
With gentle hugs to you,Marcia

[Jean]

Joannie,
I felt and understood your emotion. Dr. Lee sounds like a wonderful professional. I would think since she was fighting the disease herself, she would not share that with her patients. More than likely she may have felt it would only disturb you to know and might even hinder your own health.

I am sorry this has happened and hopefully you will begin to feel better.

Kindest Regards,
jean

[Sheila]

Joannie
She obviously kept this from her patients...she was more concerned about them...it is still so sad when someone is taken so soon. May you find another oncologist as caring as her.