Sandy in Silicon Valley
09-27-2008, 09:38 AM
Hi,
I think that this article has some excellent points about the difficulties for caregivers, when patients can't talk about their own (sometimes dire) prognosis:
http://www.curetoday.com/currentissue/departments/caregivers/index.html
or tinyurl format:
http://tinyurl.com/34pmlj
"For caregivers of cancer patients, life is a demanding balance of preparing for the worst, while hoping for the best. It can be even harder when the caregiver knows the story won't end happily ever after, but the patient is adamant about not wanting to know his or her prognosis."
My problem, as a Stage IV bc patient, was initially the opposite - my husband wouldn't talk about, or even consider, my wish to make death arrangements in advance. His responses were a deal- breaker: "Oh, I won't let you die!" "You're not dying anytime soon" (he happened to be correct, but neither of us knew that at the time...) Then, I nagged at him until he read Final Gifts, took the IDEA of my death seriously, and turned into a protective mother hen, which I didn't like either. We've since established a nice middle ground, where we can talk/ cry/ joke/ wonder about my death - or even his! (he's overweight, but otherwise healthy, so if he predeceased me it'd be a huge shock, but still not past imagining!)
I've prepaid my funeral and cemetery plot expenses, had my gravestone engraved (but for the DOD...), and otherwise took control, so, when the time comes, he'll be left with little to do but grieve - which suits me fine!
(((hugs)))
Sandy in Silicon Valley
I think that this article has some excellent points about the difficulties for caregivers, when patients can't talk about their own (sometimes dire) prognosis:
http://www.curetoday.com/currentissue/departments/caregivers/index.html
or tinyurl format:
http://tinyurl.com/34pmlj
"For caregivers of cancer patients, life is a demanding balance of preparing for the worst, while hoping for the best. It can be even harder when the caregiver knows the story won't end happily ever after, but the patient is adamant about not wanting to know his or her prognosis."
My problem, as a Stage IV bc patient, was initially the opposite - my husband wouldn't talk about, or even consider, my wish to make death arrangements in advance. His responses were a deal- breaker: "Oh, I won't let you die!" "You're not dying anytime soon" (he happened to be correct, but neither of us knew that at the time...) Then, I nagged at him until he read Final Gifts, took the IDEA of my death seriously, and turned into a protective mother hen, which I didn't like either. We've since established a nice middle ground, where we can talk/ cry/ joke/ wonder about my death - or even his! (he's overweight, but otherwise healthy, so if he predeceased me it'd be a huge shock, but still not past imagining!)
I've prepaid my funeral and cemetery plot expenses, had my gravestone engraved (but for the DOD...), and otherwise took control, so, when the time comes, he'll be left with little to do but grieve - which suits me fine!
(((hugs)))
Sandy in Silicon Valley