Sheila's 2000th post commemorative thread

[Colleens_Husband]

Dear Friends:

As some of you have noticed, our dear friend Sheila is about to make her 2,000th post. To me, that shows just a whole lot of dedication and commitment to the cause of ending HER2 breast cancer or at the very least, help those get through this harrowing ordeal.

With this in mind, I propose a public service commemoration, which will help bridge the gaps of understanding between female persons and male persons. This is really a pretty simple concept, if there is some aspect of behavior that baffles you about the opposite sex, just post a question here and a member of said opposite sex will provide answers, thus creating bridges of understanding over the chasms of information over the highway of life.

Let me start out, a certain female person I know (I am not going to name names) makes the bed each day and puts about 103 decorative pillows on top of the bed. Every night when I go to bed, I take those pillows and throw them on the floor so I can get to the bed and the one pillow I actually use. That one pillow is not one of the ones on prominent display. And the next day, she does it all over again so that I can throw them back on the floor the next night. My question, is this behavior something I should be worried about?

[Vi Schorpp]

as far as I'm concerned. I think her behavior changing to not being concerned what your marital bed looks like is something to worry about. Be grateful you don't have that problem, right?

[juanita]

Why do guys refuse to ask for directions?

[Sheila]

WHOA....so I dedicate my 2000th post to a guy who whines about too many decorative pillows on the bed???/
Rule #1...Accessorize Accesorize Accessorize
Rule #2 ...You can NEVER have too many throw pillows on the bed....the point is to make the bed less able to be inhabited in the middle of the day for a nap

[Bill]

Whoa!!!, Sheila,,,,,,My boy, Lee,,,, ain't complainin' about a single throw pillow that some chick takes two and a half hours to 'throw', he was merely concerned that when he felt a need to take a nap, that he had to 'throw' fifty of them onto the floor just to get to the bed.

[StephN]

Throw pillows = dust mite city.

Can't tolerate that myself, so we have only the pillows needed for sleeping. Throw pillows in guest room!

I think Sheila needs a DAYbed where she can put her feet up with a good book and sip that occasional chocolate martini.

When we take naps, we really need them!

[hutchibk]

Oh boy - I can see that this one is gonna be fun!

Throw pillows are jewelry for the bed. It's that simple. I have been prohibited from buying them currently, but they are a bed's best friend, and I WILL win this battle one day soon. But I do believe in only two or three...

Q #1 : what is the opposite gender person's predisposition to leaving the pantry door, or the silverware drawer, or the bathroom drawer open? I bruise too easily for this to continue.

Q #2 : Opposite gender person's predisposition to come to an agreement about a negotiated topic (after a mostly unnecessary long and drawn out discussion), only to forget 1 hour later what was decided, to play dumb, and to try and change the plan?

Just curious.

[Sheila]

Whoa Lee and Bill.....did you ever notice we also try to put lots of them on the sofa???

My question....do men really think they are the only ones who can drive correctly? My husband constantly complains about my driving, but when you "compare stats" ( tickets, accidents) , my record is clean as a whistle...his could use a little buffing up.

[PinkGirl]

Juanita

Why does it take a gazillion sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because they won't ask for directions.

[Colleens_Husband]

Well done Pink Girl, that was too funny.

Okay, I get the throw pillows, after all they are called throw pillows because I throw them on the floor and she throws then back on the bed.

As to why men don't ask for directions, as Juanita asked about, the fact is we do in fact ask for directions, only we do it when no one is watching. The most important trait that men can have, according to men, is competence. A man can be a raving donkey's backside, but if he is competent, men can excuse most everything else. Getting lost is not a competent thing to do.

[sarcasm on]Sheila, men are the only ones who do drive correctly. When we get tickets, we get them skillfully. When we get in accidents, it is our amazing driving skills which keep the accident from being worse. If you don't believe me, ask a man.[sarcasm off]

Actually, Colleen is always backseat driving me, but I have the better driving record.

Brenda, as to the open silverware doors, I am not sure that is endemic to just men but perhaps he is trying increase your agility. You should thank him for his efforts.

[Colleens_Husband]

Here is one for the girls. What is the correct answer to the following question:

Do these jeans make my butt look fat?

I am just wondering because running to the nearest room with a lock on the door yelling "I invoke my Fifth Amendment rights ........" just isn't working out as well as I hoped.

[PinkGirl]

Lee,
The answer to that question is: Does this tie make me
look stupid?

[PinkGirl]

A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price.

He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - do the modelling naked - return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself.'

So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.

The husband says 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.




His funeral is this Thursday

[StephN]

Dear Brenda -
I think the answer to your questions is:

SNEAK ATTACK!

Men/Boys love playing those kinds of games. Jumping out from a doorway as we are coming down the hall with a load of laundry, or tickling when I am trying to load the dishwasher.

Or leaving the dishwasher door down for me to bark my shins on.

I think letting you "win" one and then trying to change it later is in the same category.

Leaving shoes in the middle of the floor for us to trip on in the middle of the night.

This is just a short list of common "sneak attacks."

As for driving - hubby and I HAVE come to an agreement. If one or the other does TOO MUCH "backseat driving," the car is stopped and the drivers are switched. Silence ensues.

The above does not count for the "no directions" problem. We keep maps in the car so I can navigate if hubby fails to get instructions for a first time visit someplace, and his "competence" deserts him in this hilly, full of lakes, where streets do not go through region. No to mention hard to read street signs in the dark!

[Becky]

Does my butt look fat in these....?

Is the Pope Catholic? If you gotta ask, then it is...

[Colleens_Husband]

Ummm ........ Becky?

I am kind of thinking that your answer to the "Does these jeans make my butt look fat?" question might not smooth the waves on the sea of marital bliss. You don't hold stock in an orthopedic fracture clinic do you?

Why do women go to the bathroom in herds? I always thought that having to sit down on public toilets was the reason. You know, one hovers while the other holds the hoverers hands so they don't actually have to sit down, but my wife said I was wrong.

[hutchibk]

I honestly don't know why we go in herds... I don't need to hold anyone's hand to hover, it's an innate talent. And NEVER flush a toilet in public with one's hand - the gymnastic move of flushing with one's foot/shoe is the proper procedure...

Some answers to consider when asked "do these jeans make my butt look fat?" are:

“Not to Stevie Wonder.”
“Big time! That’s why I’m sleeping with your best friend.”
“I guess there’s not much point in asking if you mean fat with ‘f’ or phat with a ‘ph.’”
“No hablo ingles.”
“Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things balance out.”

[PinkGirl]

Lee,
We go to the washroom in herds so we can ask each other
if our butts look fat/phat in our jeans.

[Sheila]

We always go to the bathroom in groups....someone has to put the lid down that the guy left up, and it gives us someone to talk to about the whole lid thing.

As far as do these jeans make my butt look big....not long ago, I was getting ready to go somewhere and my husband thinking he was a frickin comedian said
"Whoa, check out that big ass....I immediately turned, gave him "that" look and said, I know, and as much as I regret it, you're coming with me/
Nuff Said.

[PinkGirl]

How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?

No one knows, it's never happened.

[Bill]

when your woman asks, "do these jeans make my butt look fat?", the proper response is to lunge towards her and throw her onto the bed in a twisting fashion (only wrestlers know how to do this) and wind up on top of her, face to face, and say "no, those tight jeans make your butt look perfect"

[hutchibk]

that works too.

[PinkGirl]

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

[Sheila]

OK Bill...I am glad that some men "get it"! You my dear have the correct answer....if only Lee offered prizes...OK nevermind, that might get scary!

[Colleens_Husband]

Sheila:

Scary? Me? I've already got the prize and it was so nice I decided to keep it myself. It was a spray-cheese sculptor of a king on his throne. Of course the king was Elvis and the throne was the toilet he died on, but it still a damn fine rendition if I do say so myself. And to top it off, the mold has made it look like it was made of green velvet, and we all know how good Elvis looked on velvet.

Waiting for an apology.....

Lee

[chrisy]

Lee, allow me to apologize for Sheila:

I'm sorry Lee, the word "scary" is SOOOO inadequate for a man of your talents...

And Congratulations Bill, that IS the only CORRECT way to answer that question!

[PinkGirl]

Lee,
I apologize too. Probably Bill does too - he apologizes regularly.

[hutchibk]

I guess I could apologize too, but I don't know for what. Oh well, I'll leave it here and someone can use it next time one is needed for something. Actually, I think I'll put it up for silent auction...

[Colleens_Husband]

......... and I didn't even mention the realistic dead Elvis smell it emits. It was going to go to some lucky quiz winner but all of you are unworthy!


So there!

[Sheila]

OK Lee, as an offering for my blunder, I will wait for the carnival to come to town and see if I can get you one of those velvet paintings of Elvis....you will have to get it framed....I can't afford both the velvet painting and the frame....do you want it autographed?

[Bill]

I'm sorry too, Lee. I didn't feel like I should, but Pinkie made me feel guilty for not doing it. Also, I apologize for not apologizing sooner. That was just plain inconsiderate.

[Jackie07]

Congratulations! Sheila, for your 2000th posting.

Only 'guys' can think of celebrating your 2000th posting with topics like 'pillow fights', 'toilet seats' and 'jeans over fat butt'. But it's the thought that counts. And looks like you did have some fun. :)

Look forward to your next 2000 postings. Thanks for being a wonderful member. I've quoted your 'motto' many times to my friends and families.

[hutchibk]

Bill - I apologize for the fact that you felt you needed to over apologize, and I think Pink should apologize to you for guilting you into over-apologizing. And that would be Lee's fault. So I guess I just burned my extra "leave an apology, take an apology" - so it's officially off the auction block.

[PinkGirl]

I'm sorry Bill.

[Colleens_Husband]

Okay, I don't get it. I just wanted to make Sheila's 2000th post special and memorable. Now notice that I used the words 'special and memorable', as opposed to 'pleasant or nice' so no one should be surprised or upset how this turned out. My question is; when was the vote to blame me for everything bad that happens here? I admit that a fair share of everything bad that happens here is my fault. Maybe even more than half. Okay, Okay, almost everything bad that happens here is my fault. But everything? I mean if you think back at everything bad, there must have been something unpleasant that happened here that wasn't my fault. Like the time ......................... well you know when ............... oh wait a minute, that wasn't Bill's fault, Evil Lee was using his mind control powers on Bill for that one. The point is, before I got here, there must of been something bad that happened. Wasn't there? There wasn't? Ummmmmmmmmmmm .................. Well never mind then.

[juanita]

we all still get along no matter if we think someone said something stupid or not. and that's why this is the only site i still visit. you guys are the greatest!!!!!

[hutchibk]

Well, Juanita, if you only knew what Lee did, you might think different... wait, what did you do again, Lee?

[hutchibk]

See Bill, Pink apologized. Now I have to apologize for making her feel guilty for making you feel guilty. Can I borrow an apology from anyone?

[Gerri]

I'm really sorry that I have missed all of this. Does that count as an apology?

[Bill]

hucklebuck, now I feel bad for making Pink feel bad and having to apologize. I'm sorry. I was going to buy your apology, but it went away so fast. It's really too bad that Lee messed up again. It's been a rough week on Wall Street, too. I think Lee should be the one to apologize for that mess, because like Mom always said to me, "you know, Billy, your little brother, Lee, God bless his ignorant soul, has a knack for turning a quarter into a nickel every chance he gets"

[Becky]

Lee

The reason its all your fault is we have at least a half a dozen threads, started by you, that in reality may never end. This thread included. I never know where to post first. Its confusing and frustrating. And then there are the other forums too. Do I joke, ask a question about why men are the way they are and why women are perfect, add to a never ending murder- mystery that is long ago forgotten or try to pretend I am at the shrink's office saying the first thing that comes to mind when he throws a flash card up with a word on it.

Then there are the other forums where I have to put my propeller head thingy on...

Why are men so childish and ??!!?!?:)

[Joan M]

Or as one of my sisters-in-law always says when she's asked whether she'd ever consider divorce:

Divorce? Never. Murder, yes.

Sheila, congrats on your 2,000th post.

[Bill]

Becky, you're being a little rough on Lee. I'm sure you were only joking. Maybe I'm just a little too sensitive at being called "childish"

[Jackie07]

Bill,

Don't feel bad. It took me a while to distinguish the difference between 'childish' and 'child-like'. I'm sure she meant to say 'child-like' which would have made y'all sound very, very adorable. :)

Now wait, would 'boyish' make you guys feel better? Seems that both 'girlish' and 'boyish' would sound better than 'childish'. How confusing is this English language?

[hutchibk]

I discovered this long ago - all men are stuck in the 7th grade. Some learn how to fake maturity better than others as they age, but they are allllll stuck in the 7th grade. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.

[PinkGirl]

Bill, it was slippery Lee who caused that big mess on
Wall Street??? I might be retracting my apology.....

[sassy]

Well gosh....I apologize for not reading this sooner. I was caught up in the wall street debacle--I should have known to check on Lee's activities during that time.

Brenda, I'm sorry but I do not have any apologies left for you to borrow. I used them all with employees who were asking about their 401k's.

Sheila---I'm sorry this has turned in to a forum asking for forgiveness--but happy 2000th post. Your wisdom, humor, support and all around great attitude make you a true "gem". I say this unapologetically!

[Becky]

I didn't mean anything - writing and talking are different. Like Jackie 07 said, I meant pre-pubescent!:)

PS> Really pre-pubescent like.

[Bill]

Sheila-Happy 2000th post! Becky, I accept your apology, although it seems that you're not very good at it. It was a little unclear. My hand is cupped to my ear. I've fallen into a snake pit, and fought off a bear in my camp, crawled through an underground river, scaled up and down mountains bare-handed, survived two near-drownings, but I never felt child-like. Maybe it's just me.

[Colleens_Husband]

Becky:

I didn't take offense with your post. I do wonder if sometimes I overdo it. After all, I am your guest here, I didn't have cancer. I just want to be entertaining or interesting.

I can't answer for all men but I'll tell you why I act childlike at times.

I am the boss of a company and seven families rely on me to make sound decisions for their income. In my county, two-thirds of the businesses in my profession have already gone out of business in the last year. Our company is one or two bad decisions from going under. Because business is iffy, I can either work harder and faster than everyone else or I can lay people off. If you are a good and decent boss, there really isn't much of choice.

When I get home I still have a load of housework to do and two younger children who still need guidance and care. Colleen has been a great worker and a super helpmate, but she is just finishing chemo and she is overdoing it, so I have to work even harder to keep the household running. It is more often than not that my day starts at 5AM and I am working pretty steadily to 8PM.

That's just too much serious stuff for too long. If I get a chance to be like a real person, on a rare occasion, I'm taking it. So I come here and act like a total goof, it's because it gives me a sense of balance in my life. Plus, I hope that I can help make this place a refuge to all the brave women and some men who come here to escape the grind of dealing with cancer. If I can make a few people laugh, then that is all I can hope for and I would feel that I succeeded in some small way.

So why do men act childish? It's probably just to remind themselves that they are still people and still capable of experiencing ............ something other than the crushing responsibility of feeding a family, being a husband, being a dad, and everything else.

And it's mostly a real hoot.

And I didn't cause the stock market crash just to get rid of my business competition. I did it because I got bored and couldn't think of anything better to do other than try to get my name on television.

[hutchibk]

Oh oh - me thinks Becks was misunderstood! She wasn't taking the piss outta anybody - like she said, it is harder to intonate a "dry wit" with typed word than spoken word, and that is really all she was trying to do! Let's get back to the playful tone here! Too much seriousness is really just like a gnarly bummer dudes and dudettes! Cowabunga.

[Bill]

Ok, then you're saying I should change my avatar, Hucklebuck? I was just letting my boy, Lee, know that I had his back.

[hutchibk]

I ain't insinuatin' any such ting... what happens with avatars and "having Lee's back" (you wanna rethink that, Bill? LOL), stays in Vegas...

Cowabunga!

[Bill]

Darn, you gals are feisty! Alright then, let's call a truce, ok? No harm, no foul. (Lee, that means me and you, just the two of us, stood up to a "horde" of intense female warriors and beat 'em to a draw, and, honestly, that's the best we can hope for at this point, my brother) Ok, Brenda, and Becky, Lee and I accept your apologies.

[hutchibk]

I accept your acceptance. Because Milo ( <--- ) said I could.

[harrie]

Holy Smoke! This commemorative thread to Sheila's 2000th is a combo of men vs women and loaded with apologies all over the place!
Lee, for such a busy guy, you sure are able to contribute a lot to this site!
The threads you start are good in that sometimes we just need to take a break from all this concerns and issues and rather then avoid this site altogether it gives a good and sometimes a bit crazy diversion.
I just wish I had more time to keep track of some of this stuff.

[harrie]

WOMEN CAN BE SO INSENSITIVE
Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?' Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 'Honey, please... Just one more time before I die?' she says, 'Of course, dear.' And they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep. Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could....?'
At this point the wife rolls over and says, 'Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning... You don't.'

[hutchibk]

Harrie - keeping track of things is highly overrated!

[harrie]

Hutchibk, is that your kitty cat? Cute!! Our cat is a geriatric guy at 14 yrs old and his name is Dude.

From what I read on some of those ongoing threads, it seems like many of you are right on top of it all. I usually end up doing a lot of catch up reading (skimming) just to get the gist of what I missed.

[harrie]

In my opinion, adults that can retain some child-like qualities is a good thing.

[juanita]

i know lots of adults with childlike qualities, and i'm not so sure for them it's a good thing.

[harrie]

Bob Dylan......Forever Young

[hutchibk]

Forever Young -----------> Rod the mod Stewart

[harrie]

Oh! So Rod wrote it and not Bob?

[Colleens_Husband]

You gotta trust Brenda on music. She knows everything about every band. The girls a walking music encyclopedia. When she gets to 2000 posts, I have dreamed up a commemorative thread for her that will showcase her incredible music knowledge.

[harrie]

Oh yes, I do trust Brenda! I saw her in action on that music contest we had. Shes amazing!!

[hutchibk]

There are two songs, amazingly similar but not the same, called Forever Young. One by Dylan and one by Rod the mod...

Now that I have a swiss cheese brain - and a touch of the oldtimers...- perhaps I am not as brilliant as I once was. Just trying to lower your expectations a little. But as long as I have google, and my CD collection, I am in pretty good shape.

[harrie]

Brenda, so did each of them write their own version of the song, Forever Young? Or is Dylan's a "remake" of Rod St?

[Joe]

My only question is:

Why don't women ever remember to put the seat back up when their through using the toilet.

Joe

[hutchibk]

Forever Young (Bob Dylan)


May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.
Copyright ©1973 Ram's Horn Music


Then in the 80s, Rod the Mod and his bandmates rewrote it and recorded it, making it his most requested song from the 80s.
(r. stewart/j.cregan/k.savigar)

May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when youre far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As youd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart youll always stay
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young
Forever young

And when you finally fly away
Ill be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
Im right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
Forever young ,forever young
Forever young, forever young
For, forever young, forever young



Glad you asked, because I learned something today!

[harrie]

Beautiful lyrics, both of them.
Thanks Brenda...

[hutchibk]

Good one Joe! LOL

[Colleens_Husband]

Joe is being a troublemaker. And I thought that was my job.

[Marlys]

Joe,
At my house, not only the seat but the lid must be returned to the downright position
as Pepe (my beloved Bischon) finds the fixture to be a drinking fountain. Also I trained "Old What's His Name" to sit for all functions so urine would not dribble down the front of the toilet. Who says I am OCD???
Love & hugs ,
Marlys

[Bill]

Oooohhh, Marly, I'm sure that little white dog you have there is very nice, but he's got a mean look in his eye. Let me just reach down there and pet him, "hey little fella..WHOAAA!" "Little rascal ain't timid, is he?"

[Marlys]

Bill,
Pepe was not really happy about the collar! He, too, is OCD and had licked his legs till they were raw! Here's another in which he doesn't look viscious but somewhat depressed.
Love & hugs,
Marlys
P.S. The football belongs to "Old What's His Name".