Handling the thought process and stress

[harrie]

This is something I have been thinking about these past few days. So many of us do everything we can possibly think of for our bodies in regards to staying healthy and preventing recurrances. We go with the aggressive treatments, we take supplements, exercise, medications, ck our markers, do our lab tests, MRI, PET scans...whatever it takes to prevent and catch things early. But how important do you think it is to try to keep our minds healthy? How well we thought process all the concerns, worries, and stress in our lives is also critically important.
There are physiological reactions to stress within our bodies. I believe it can have a significant impact in our ability (or inability) to handle treatments as well as the disease itself. Stress also can compromise the immune system.
Therefore, what I am blabbing on and on about is the importance of being aware of all the thoughts that are constantly being filtered through your mind so that it does not cause uncontrolled chronic stress in your life. When tension is felt, being aware of where it is in order for it to be controlled.
The thought process is a powerful force and is the key to a good and peaceful life regardless of challenges that are met.

[tricia keegan]

I think you make a good point Maryanne and confess this is something I've been thinking about lately.
I know there's no scientific proof stress can cause bc but I was under a lot of stress right before dx, I find myself lately under stress for reasons other than bc and am concerned it all may be having a negative effect healthwise.
I 've read Andi's thoughts on positive thinking and disregarding the negative but, it's easier said than done.(For me anyway).
I'll be interested to read the other response's to your thread.

[chrisy]

I think there is abundant evidence that stress can lead to chemical imbalances which deplete the immune system. So although I don't believe stress CAUSES cancer, it may be one factor that contributes to it slipping past our immune systems.

[BonnieR]

Tricia, I know what you mean. I was under great stress for the year prior to my diagnosis. I remember thinking "if stress causes cancer, no wonder I got it". I know that is not valid, just my gut reaction. But I'm sure the pressure did not help any.
In terms of dealing with stress now, I have just found a hypnotherapist who makes custom, individualized visualization CDs. I am having one done. The concept sounded very interesting to me. I'll let you know how it turns out.

[Jean]

Harrie,
Years and years ago when I was just 18 I remember a wonderful older doctor telling me "that the mind heals the body" I gave that statment much thought. At first as a young sensitive girl I thought - what is he speaking about, this hurts or that is hurting...etc. it took maturity and understanding the mind and body connection.

Our bodies and how they function are a wonder. The chemicals our bodies manufacture and require still hold the medical profession in awe.

Then the question of mental health and coping with the daily stress of life. Indeed an interesting topic. I believe
that like anything else a good balance of a varied source,
food, exercise, rest and one biggie, "attitude" is a winning combination. I doubt anyone gets out of bed each day to be a loser....just consider the professional athlete, they live to win! Our minds are extremely powerful. I believe that a person's state of mind is
critical - especially when faced with challenges. It is a given that depression effects the immune system.
Just consider the person who is under the covers
for days, not eating properly, getting fresh air and sunshine..no exercise...etc.

I also think taking a mental health day now and then is a great way to avoid depression, just doing what ever one pleases to do...and that can be nothing at all! Just escaping into what ever is your own pleasure. A gift to one self. It does help ward off negative thoughts. Oh, and by the way a good sense of humor
helps a person go a long way!

Good thread Harrie,
Hugs to you.
Jean

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Hi lovely ladies. My Sisters. I of course felt compelled to jump in here. You know me. This topic can't be speed read.

Thanks Tricia for the mention. For clarity, what I have learned (the hard way, through psychic hell and physical suffering) is that we mustn't *disregard* our negative thoughts. But realize that they emanate from THE VOICE IN OUR HEADS, which we believe is WHO WE ARE. I have discovered that in fact the True Me is a radiant Spirit, with a mind and a body.

The Voice In My Head, what I like to call The Thinker, is basically Our Tormentor. It judges, condemns, criticizes, resents, blames, regrets and stirs up all the obvious coinciding emotions that go along with such thoughts.

The great news is that -- we have the power to connect with our Higher Selves (our Spirit, or Essence, or Truest Selves) and allow it to override those thoughts full of fear, anger, hate, bitterness and recriminations. We have the power to author alternative dialogues that bring us strength, courage, grace and determination.

Personally, I believe in the mindbody connection. I KNOW that the body hears everything our mind thinks, says and whispers. It can weed those self-defeating thoughts out from all the clutter and din of our thoughts -- and it does as instructed. So, I am very careful what I spend my day pondering and dwelling on. I have a Knowing that is full of BELIEF. What we think will determine how we will feel and how we will fare.

If stressful thoughts predominant our day, we are in danger of compromising our immune system. Which lays us open to have some bodily malfunction (whatever our genetically weakest body part may be). Jean's wise doc Knew the mind could heal the body. But, understanding that it can also make us sick is key.

The True Me is -- the awareness of the thoughts in my head. It is The Knower. Beyond the chaos of thoughts, behind the thoughts spoken by *The Voice In My Head* which is full of negativity to the nth degree. The Knower wants what I want. My Spirit guides and protects me, nurtures and inspires me.

It has taught me to follow my passion. Whatever brings me joy and a kind of full immersion of myself, allows me to escape the taunting, torturing thoughts and instead to become fully PRESENT in the moment (as many sage scholars have professed for centuries). That is where happiness lies. That changes everything. YOU are, or can be, the master of your fate. The captain of your Soul.

Thanks, Maryanne, for this opportunity for all of us to grow a bit and share. I am watching you blossom and it is a joy. Thinking of you, and all often and always with love,

Andi http://cdn-cf.aol.com/se/clip_art/gstres/anmls/animals-butterfly

[MJo]

I think stress makes us more physically vulnerable. For me, lack of sleep brings stress into my life, and I've had trouble sleeping since treatment. A sleep mask has helped me, as well as foam earplugs. Not very sexy, but I'm single. I think Andrea is right about following your passion. Feeling that you can't follow your dream due to money worries, lack of health insurance, family obligations, is stressful and depressing. Have to find the middle way. I have made some progress, but still have a way to go.

[PinkGirl]

Thanks for starting this thread Harrie. I enjoy a good "spiritual" discussion. I'm not sure where I stand on this but I have always found spiritualism to be a very interesting subject.

The thought process is definitely a very powerful force. I call the
voice in my head "the meanie". Regardless of what I believe
about stress, the immune system, cancer and other diseases, I
absolutely have a nicer, more pleasant and peaceful day when the
"meanie voice" disappears. I don't know what's happening with my
immune system, but I am happy.

When I have these peaceful days, I just enjoy them.... I don't try to figure them out. It's when I have the not so peaceful kind of days that I try to understand why ... and the meanie voice is always involved. It is usually putting some kind of "twist" on a situation; judging, being negative and creating fear. And this twist has to come from the past because everything that is inside my head is an accumulation of my entire life experiences.

I do a lot of newspaper crossword puzzles. There is often the clue
"like Switzerland". The word they want is "neutral". When I am dealing
with the meanie voice, I tell myself to be like Switzerland :)

I am starting to ramble. I do my best. It takes practice and patience with
myself.

[dhealey]

I know stress plays an important factor in disease, particularly cancer of any kind. I had tremendous stress several months before my diagnosis. During treatment I let it all go and concentrated on just getting through the treatments. Now I have my life back and guess what? I have all that stress back again. Makes me feel like the cancer is just lurking there getting ready to strike again. Most of my stress now is work related. The family stress I have learned to put aside. But the work stress I can't, it is my livilihood and I am not willing to put my house in jeporduy by quiting work. It takes both my husband and my income to pay the bills. If I followed my passion I would be in the poor house. So know I am trying to focus on my off the job time with only things I love doing and hope this creates some kind of balance.

[tricia keegan]

Maryanne I thank you too for starting this thread as I believe it's something we can all identify with in the struggle to lead normal lives but knowing we've had a cancer dx it's difficult.
Andi, I love reading your posts and find them inspirational. I have difficulty in adapting this to my own life though as since bc I've had various financial problems which have escalated recently. These are very severe negative thoughts and in general I'm a positive person. No matter what my problems I enjoy life and swim,walk on the beach at sunrise etc but...It's SO hard not to allow the worry of the repucussions of this take over you know? How do /or did you get over that??
I'm sure there must be other's in my situation who would wonder this too and long to find an answer.
Thank you for the idea's and thoughts you share.

[juanita]

I am in big trouble because I don't handle stress very well, and I've had a lot of it lately with my family.

[fauxgypsy]

When I went and read through Natalie Rae's (I hope I spelled her name right) Boob blog, one quote hit me and made me decide to not rush into anything right now.

It was that healing happens in the slow lane. There was another one as well that has a lot of truth in it:

Hmmm. . . Came across this little bit by Eckhart Tolle in his look at our consumerism and attachment to things. I’m now trying to clue in these misguided cells and see if we can have a little “a-ha” moment and reverse the ‘destruction’ of this organism. Nothing like paying attention!!

The unchecked striving for more, for endless growth, is a dysfunction and a disease. It is the same dysfunction the cancerous cell manifests, whose only goal is to multiply itself, unaware that it is bringing about its own destruction by destroying the organism of which it is a part.

I tend to be a "full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes" kind of girl and reading her blog made me decide to take time to to heal even though I have this insane urge to rush out and take on the world now that my treatment is over. I thought about some decisions that I was making and decided to wait before I made them.

Stress may not have had any effect on my originally getting cancer but I believe that it can affect my health in negative way. I am trying to find a way to reduce the stress in my life. Or at least modify how I react to stressful situations.

If you haven't read her blog you should.

fauxgypsy

[Mary Jo]

Hi Maryanne,

Love your thread. I love "discussions." And you know what...I typed a real good one and where did it go?????http://her2support.org/vbulletin/images/icons/icon6.gif I think I clicked on "preview post" and never hit submit reply....so I'll type a shorter version of what I typed yesterday. LOL! I'm ready for bed now and the "talking" part of my brain is getting tired......ya right? Like that ever happens to mehttp://her2support.org/vbulletin/images/icons/icon10.gif

I guess I just wanted to say that the stress we all carry is very real - whether we've had cancer - have cancer or never had it. Stress is a part of life and there really is no getting away from it. Now, how we handle that stress is a different story.

I, too, don't believe "stress" causes cancer per se but we all know that our immune systems are affected by stress and a million other things. Nutritionally it's important how we feed these bodies of ours..........physically it's important how we exercise these bodies of ours....and mentally it's important how we handle that which comes our way that is negative. Like Tricia said, "easier said than done"

For me personally, praying and asking God to take that which I really have no control over anyway away helps me. It helps me to know that all of us are on a journey and one day that journey here on earth will end. Whether we have cancer ... had cancer...... doesn't really matter. One day this earthly journey will end. Thinking on that helps me, believe it or not. It tells me that this earthly journey is not eternal but I will spend eternity somewhere so I put my energies into that. I walk often - listen to music - pray - and all these things calm me. I eat well and do all I can to take care of myself. I do that because it's just good for me overall. Possibly for some cancer prevention but also for my heart, blood pressure and a host of other things. Mentally, I feel better and stronger when I take good care of myself physically.

So there's my take on stress and how I deal with it. It's nice to hear how we all handle stress and how it affects us because it DOES affect us all. We can learn from each other here....and THAT is a good thing.

Love you guys....

Mary Jo

P.S. Did I say this was a shortened version?? Haha! Guess my brain woke up.

[harrie]

Peace is born out of
equanimity and balance.
Balance is flexibility,
an ability to adjust graciously to change.
Equanimity arises when we
accept the way things are.

~If you expect your life to be up and down,
your mind will be much more peaceful.

Lama Yeshe

Thank you all for addressing my thread with your various viewpoints and sharing how you personally deal with the thought processes. Pink Girl, I like how you actually identify your ego with its own name. I am going to use that strategy. I am going to call mine, "LOLO".
Marejo, my mother used her religion to give her strength and stability during the course of her lifetime. I know it worked very well for her too.

Muchas alohas everyone...
HarrieCanarie

[dlaxague]

This is a great thread because it reminds us that there is no one right way to do this. What is important is not which particular tool or approach we use, but that we are open to exploring what works for us, individually. Anyone reading this thread should be able to find a morsel that resonates and inspires them to dig deeper.

One thing that I'm looking more closely at right now is how to understand that healthy ways of coping with life (I prefer to call it "life" rather than "stress") does not mean dulling or leveling hard/easy or sad/happy into a smooth and always-contented journey. It does not work in the longterm to try to cover fears and anger with large doses of positive thinking or forced cheer. These harder emotions need attention and imho, respect.

Yet we don't want to get stuck in the anger or fear, either. I wonder if this area of integrating and balancing can get lost in the stampede to "live in the moment". I'm reading Steven Levine's "Unattended Sorrow", which is his interesting exploration of this.

I do believe that ultimately, as others have said, the key is to release attachments, trust God - whatever words you use to express that ability to seize a moment without dragging baggage from the past nor clouding it with expectations or fears for the future. But especially for those with difficult past issues (abuse, trauma, loss - maybe it's all of us), it is becoming more clear to me that we can't just pave over the troubles with a thick layer of peace. What is not (yet) clear to me is how to allow, honor, and release those troubles in a way that works for everyone. I guess that it will be the same as everything - offer many options/tools and let each person find what works for them.

So, to shift the focus of this discussion a bit - a question:

What has worked for you to address issues of (fill in the blank) anger, fear, loss, etc - allowing you to look at the trouble and move forward. Or release it. Or come to peace with it. Again, the language varies but the concept is the same.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts,

Debbie Laxague

[harrie]

Debbie in answer to your question.

I realize my life will always be a combination of ups and downs. When the downs happen, to recognize it, accept it, not judge it, and work with it while trying hard not to allow my ego thinking ("Ms LOLO") to interfere too much by throwing in all the emotional attachments. I feel that if I am able to do that, I can maintain a sense of peace and personal gratification. I think if I can work with the "down times" when life throws out the challenges, I can adjust to it and work with it so that it becomes manageable and possibly beneficial. What I don't want to do is work against it, emotionally fight it, where it becomes force against force. I know my Lolo ego will feed it with ammunition and it will become more stressful to handle mentally.

I know this can be easier said then done depending on the challenge. I just pray that I have the wisdom and discipline when the time comes.

I do believe in God. I believe he will give strength when asked. I believe that God can be found within my inner spirit and when my inner spirit is praying, there is that direct connection and my prayers are heard.

One way I like to release tension and other emotions related to tension is to really breathe deep and think about the breath when I do so. When I do that, my thoughts will shift focus from where it was towards the breathe, and it also opens channels within my nerve endings ( I just learned this from my physical therapist) AND it also helps me become aware where the tension is being held and thus is one step towards relaxing those areas.

Maryanne

[dlaxague]

Maryanne, that was beautifully-said. Thank you for sharing your style of living. As I read your words, I feel my body responding with sighs of peace.

Another thing that works for me when I get stuck in fear or anger and the "gentler" tools aren't working is to do something physical - hike, bike, x/c ski - but it has to be hard enough to get my muscles complaining and my lungs gasping. (I'm so out of shape right now that it's not hard to get to that level of exertion, alas) For me that always brings some kind of release that allows me to get back to that place of acceptance and patience and use the gentler tools like the ones that you describe.

Debbie Laxague

[chrisy]

For me, for the stress anyway, it helps me to get out in nature. It can be, but doesn't necessarily have to be physically exerting.

Even then I often have to remind myself to stop, and just breathe it in. I walk twice weekly with a friend along the cliffs overlooking
Monterey Bay. We get caught up in "solving the problems of the world" - usually involving some crisis at work...but MOST times I remember to STOP, say "oh, look at that" and then we look out across the bay at whatever the sea and sky or beach is doing. For a couple of minutes. Just stopping to breathe it in helps break the cycle of whatever is stressing us.

[Jackie07]

When my 2nd Sister was here taking care of me last summer, she demonstrated how she relieves her stress. She's always a very tense person, a believer of "should" "had to" kind of words. ('type A' personality? She does have "A" blood type plus having taught schools for 25 years.)The mechanism she had deployed was "throwing eggs toward the tiles on the wall in the bathroom" along with loud narrations...

I have a totally different personality. My mother used to call me 'a piece of gum' because no matter how other people tried to "chew me out", I wouldn't say or do ugly things back to them (being the youngest of the family, I didn't have the 'right' to talk back, anyway.)

So I develop a very, very close relationship with "God". I talk to "God" sometimes just by lifting up my head and sending Him/Her a mental note: "Now what?" It's really nice because you can talk to God anytime you want to. And He is the best listener...

[Mary Jo]

I loved how you put that Maryanne. I could just picture you "looking up and talking to God" and it made me feel peaceful. Yes, you are right, He is the greatest listener and I do just what you do quite often throughout a day. HE is my "bestest" friend.

Hugs to you,

Mary Jo

[harrie]

Marejo, I would love to take the compliment, but that experience of looking up and talking to God is our sister...Jackie. The two of you are very similiar in your relationship with God.

Getting very physical with the releasing of endorphines works very well for me in getting my mind relaxed. When I get a REAL GOOD workout, I literally feel like there is NOTHING bothering me. A few yrs ago I use to play soccer. I stopped maybe 3 yrs ago, but had played for a good 10 yrs. The last yrs of playing were just pick-up games with a fair amount of running and a lot of laughter and smiles mixed in there. That was the best combination for a good kick of endorphines and stress relief.

[madubois63]

After I was re diagnosed with bc in the lungs this past winter, had the bout with high iron in the liver, and then my artist friend died from bc. I lost my happy place for a while and forgot how to BREATH. My cancer center had a guest speaker at the support group discussing yoga and meditation. I dragged my friend and daughter and had the best experience. I remembered how to breath, put my shoulders down away from my ears and sat up straight. What a difference. Being "lost," I was slouching and not letting oxygen get to my vital organs easily. These sound like simple things, but if your not doing them it can change you attitude. Take 5 minutes in the shower, before bed when ever you can and close your eyes, sit up straight, put your shoulders down, maybe smell some lavender cream and just relax for your self. There are free yoga, mediation, massage, reiki sessions available for cancer patients in your area. You may not know about it, but they are there. Ask at your center/hospital, read local papers (especially the ones at the health food store), check out beauty and massage schools. It is so good for your soul!!!

[harrie]

Madubois, I know what you are saying!! I started taking yoga last year when I was into my second chemo treatment. It has made such in difference in my life and my awareness.
I also appreciate so much more what Andi writes about. To tell you the truth...when I first joined HER2, I use to skim over or skip Andi's posts (bless her heart) because they were so long and it didn't seem like anything I was really interested in. BUT NOW it is an entirely different story and I appreciate her contributions immensely and I have learned so much from her. It goes hand in hand with what I am learning from yoga. She is someone I look up to and admire greatly.

ps...you too Madubois...I admire you a lot too!...and it is not just because we have the same name!! LOL!!

[madubois63]

your a cutie!!!!

[Alaska Laura]

Andi, thank you for posting - your words resonate within me. Peace is hard won during cancer treatments and it is harder to even maintain it, at least it has been for me.

I do not watch anything that causes pain any longer, and my books are usually "light" reading; I do not want to participate in anything that will not make me smile or feel peace.

I also read a lot inspirational messages and that is what your message was for me today. Thank you.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

CONFESSION: I TEND TO BE EXCESSIVELY OBSESSIVE/COMPULSIVE. I have lists for everything. I am lost without them. Whenever I pack to go away, I become out of control. The generally joyful, peaceful me reacts as it did when I underwent shock and awe chemotherapy.

So, this time (preparing to visit my daughter Pamela on the other coast), I was determined to deal as a reasonable person. I am in the middle of Eckhart Tolle's new book, A New Earth, so I was well armed, and reawakened. RECONNECTED, IF YOU WILL, WITH MY SPIRIT (or True Self)!

Usually, for a week before my packing ordeal (I swear, much like the week before tx or scans) I am pent up full of dread. Full of negativity. With chemo, I learned instead to say to myself -- THIS IS PART OF MY STRATEGY FOR ANNIHILATING EVERY ATOM OF EVERY CELL OF MY CANCER I WILL PREVAIL. I WILL DO EVERYTHING I HAVE TO IN ORDER TO ENDURE THE PROCESS AND BE TRIUMPHANT.

When *inscanity* would predominate my thoughts (what if..., I am just sooo scared) I would BECOME THE AWARENESS of the fearsome thoughts full of angst. In other words, as I connect with my Essence -- I step outside myself, or what I generally identify myself as. I become *aware* of my mind's thwarting torrents of worries. So I am *separate* from those thoughts.

Now, back to my packing episode. The week before, each time an anxious thought threatened to cause mini nervous breakdowns, I INTENTIONALLY allowed myself to re-identify with my True Self (my Soul) and to therefore hand the reins of my Being over to that entity. I did not permit my internal Worrier to rule my life. I insistently merged with my Spirit. And I found myself feeling at peace. KNOWING all would be fine. Because my Spirit told me so.

When your Spirit is in charge, you feel happy and serene and find you can fully enjoy The Now, being PRESENT in the moment. All yesterdays are history and haven't the power to cause you suffering, if you *consciously* refuse to give power away to such thoughts and the emotions they elicit. All tomorrows can be filled with your deepest desires, if you choose to focus on your energy on envisioning them, embedding them in your mind and heart AND sending them out into the Universe -- to co-create them into manifesting.

Meanwhile, let PRESENCE become YOU. I wish you all harmony. As it fills you up, it comes to surround you. Deny negativity access to your brain. It is, admittedly, a full time job. 24/7. It does get easier as you practice, which is what occurs with anything you do repeatedly. It becomes a new way of *being*. And it blesses your life.

I see myself far into the future. At my grandkids weddings. (They are now 11, 9, 4, 3 and 2.) Heck, I see myself vividly, and in detail, at their 40th Bday parties. (I never have missed one yet, be they here in Boca or wayyy over there in California.) I am going to live forever or die trying. And as one of our wise Sisters (Alaska Laura) shares in her signature -- LIFE IS A GRINDSTONE. WHETHER IT GRINDS YOU DOWN OR POLISHES YOU UP DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF. I would say -- you are stronger and braver than you ever imagined. And when you awaken to your divine and radiant Spirit (or Soul) that dwells at your core -- that changes everything!

Tricia and Maryanne, and all for that matter, my standard apologizes for my lack of brevity. Blame it on my OCD. Spirituality just ain't a simple matter...

God bless... With Light and Love,
Andi http://cdn-cf.aol.com/se/clip_art/gstres/anmls/animals-butterfly

[Alaska Laura]

'Scuse me if folks have already heard this, but you know what else is good to have? A Vision Board.

I have one, it is a cork-board with pictures on it of my vision for me, for now and the future. I have to update it because I did it before I started my treatments and now that I'm almost done with the treatments, a few things have changed. I also have a few words on it like "believe" "ask" "receive".

When I start to feel "negative" it does me good to accept those feelings, look at my vision board and let go of those feelings. I don't try to "fight" my feelings, I try to feel them, accept them and let go. Some days, especially since I'm in cancer treatments, it is a little hard to let go of some feelings... but my vision board does help me refocus and smile.

It doesn't even have to be a board, tack things around your mirror and then every morning you wake up, you can know, that you are a miracle that is a part of this world.

p.s. Andi you are still too cool ;) We all need all the positive energy we can get even if it comes from someone who says they are "OCD" welcome to the club :D

[Patb]

Andi and all
I too am reading Eckhart Tolle and try to live in the
moment. Sometimes it is very hard but I keep on
trying. The books are very good, a little hard to read.
I also practice Healing Qigong which goes along with
the practices of healing energy and meditations.
Take care
patb

[Alaska Laura]

I too tried reading Eckhart, it was too difficult for me to focus on it for I didn't find it an easy read either.

If you want to read a book that that will make you feel good, I recommend "The Greatest Miracle in the World" by Og Mandino; the memo from God in it, is some powerful words.

I also recommend "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Rabbi Harold Kushner, his book helped me make sense to a disease that makes no sense!

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

LAURA: When I start to feel "negative" it does me good to accept those feelings, look at my vision board and let go of those feelings. I don't try to "fight" my feelings, I try to feel them, accept them and let go. Some days, especially since I'm in cancer treatments, it is a little hard to let go of some feelings... but my vision board does help me refocus and smile

YES LAURA, THE SUFFERING COMES WHEN WE STRUGGLE. WHEN WE STOP RESISTING AND -- MOVE ON -- AND AWAY, WE BECOME IN CHARGE. AWFUL THOUGHTS AND THE NATURAL FEELINGS THEY COME WITH ARE THE WORDS OF THE VOICE IN OUR HEAD, WHICH REPRESENTS OUR RESERVOIR OF RAGE (OR OUR WOUNDED, PRIMITIVE SELF THAT REMEMBERS EVERYTHING AS IF IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY AND IS STILL MAD AS HECK). YOUR SPIRIT, TRUE SELF OR HIGHER SELF CAN BRING YOU TO FEELING CENTERED, GROUNDED, IN HARMONY.

I LOVE THIS ONE -- MAYBE YOU CAN PUT IT ON YOUR VISION BOARD -- YOU CAN CHOOSE PEACE RATHER THAN THIS. WHEN I AM FEELING OVERWHELMED OR LOW, ANXIOUS AND MISERABLE -- THIS PHRASE HELPS ME. I HAVE IT PRINTED IN PURPLE ON A BLUE 3 X 5 CARD, IN A GLASS CUBE FRAME, BY MY BED.

ANOTHER ONE LIKE THIS IS -- BE STILL. AND KNOW THAT I AM. IT REMINDS ME THAT I AM NEVER ALONE. MY SPIRIT PROTECTS AND GUIDES ME, NURTURES AND INSPIRES ME, REVEALS SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE TO ME. AND GOD AND THE UNIVERSE ARE ALWAYS LISTENING...

Andi http://cdn-cf.aol.com/se/clip_art/gstres/anmls/animals-butterfly

[Mary Anne in TX]

We all already have vision boards of some sort, right! Whatever is around us in our house, at work, etc., it all paints our visions whether consciously or subconsciously. Oh, well, you know!
I think the best part of a vision board we intentionally make, is that we pick the thoughts, the destiny, the nature of our days.
I find that even when "stuff" from outside (problems to solve) or "stuff" from inside (fear about BC, etc) jumps on me, I can find my way back home if I just get alone and live in my vision board which is my little world outside my home. I watch the blue herons, the dolphins, the sea gulls, and they take me back to who's incharge and how powerful I can be with Him!
My little grand daughter talks as much as me and sometimes it takes lots of little "bird" moments to "take me home"! I do love that little rat tons and tons. She keeps me grounded and aware how very lucky I am to have each day no matter what it brings! I grew up in a home where "critical thinking" was encouraged. My brain has spent lots of time being sandpapered off and straightened out! Hope that never stops.
I sure love you guys too! Thanks for being YOU! ma

[PinkGirl]

I am enjoying this thread. I am always wondering how you actually do all of this stuff and often complain to Andi that she doesn't tell us that. I've re-read all of the posts here and some of the answers are there, I just had to look for them.

Have I got this right? We think that the meanie voice is who we really
are, but who we really are is the part of us that observes the meanie.
And if we try to fight with the meanie, we're going to lose. We have to
observe the meanie, not believe what this voice is telling us and then
move on.

Thanks for your contributions AlaskaLaura. I think you and AndiBB will
become fast friends. :)

[harrie]

i think you basically got it PinkGirl!
To me the meanie voice, also called ego voice, is the thinking mind's reserve account of all our PAST experiences and judgements. It tends to love to interject our present, who we really are at this moment in time. Our meanie voice will analyze situations, create the fears, worries, in hopes of controlling the outcome of the future. It can mask the joy and appreciation of what is actually happening in our lives at the present moment.
This is my interpretation anyways....

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Yes, Pinkie! And yes, Maryanne!

We don't want to sink to the Tormentor's level (that mean-spirited drone in our head berating, judging, condemning, blaming, resenting, hating, belittling away). It's just the cranky poor Child within us that was wounded -- in the last movie. We just can't let go of our habitual pattern of thoughts on an array of topics, even if they only vaguely relate to the story we have taken ownership of.

We are misidentifying ourselves when we believe we are the voice in our heads. That part of us is an impostor. Full of tantrums, raw emotions and memories that feed on negativity of every imaginable form.

Who are you when you are thinking about The Thinker in your head. The one with the big mouth? You are the True You. The Real You is an entity that is full of divine energy -- full of love, compassion, kindness, gratitude, generosity of Spirit. It is your God-given Soul. Made up of a fragment of that sacred energy. Allowing you to be above the fray, to radiate the goodness of your Higher Self. When your Soul is consciously permitted by you to overrule and silence The Voice, joy, peace, harmony and a sense of Oneness fill you up to such an extent, it all overflows and is extended outward to those around you.

You are the Awareness of what is occurring in your head. And that changes everything!
With Love and Light,
Andi http://cdn-cf.aol.com/se/clip_art/gstres/anmls/animals-butterfly

[PinkGirl]

Andi,
This is actually starting to sink in. The real me is the awareness of the
mean voice - the watcher of the meanie.

So what if the mean voice is right? What if it tells me that I really screwed up and it's true? Can the mean voice ever be correct?

Has anything been written about why we have this ego voice? Is it possible for someone to not ever have it?

Another question. Don't laugh, I am serious. I have felt absolutely wonderful, totally calm, blissful etc. after I take an ativan. Does this mean that I am always walking around in some state of stress? Is the way we are trying to feel, the way we feel on anti-d's and anti-anxiety drugs?

[Ruth]

Andi/Harrie ~ You are so amazing! I am trying to wrap my head around this deep stuff you all are writing like Pinky. I never thought of a good nor bad self...but it is so interesting. I think I have concluded that my true self was very, very unhappy with my life when I was diagnosed 5 years ago. But I attributed to staying in that life (or bad marriage) for such a long time to good girl (Catholic) guilt. I couldn't let everyone down by doing something about it. Then I thought I was BAD by basically getting rid of most of my old life since diagnosis. I've been told by my EX that cancer made me "crazy" but I feel it made me SANE. I truly haven't been happier in my whole life. What I'm trying to say is I feel that one of the reasons that I've done well mentally and physically has something to do with finally listening to my heart. Herceptin, the chemo, the radiation certainly did a major part but by me being a happier person I'm less sick with colds, have lots more energy and just love living now. I think there is a strong mind/body connection I just don't have the words nor the eloquence of writing it down too well!

Even though I think I'm doing pretty well I still am freaking out about my regular 6 month check-ups (which next one happens to be tomorrow). Why can't I not get whacked out about these checkups? Is that the bad me telling me bad stuff can happen at checkups? My blood pressure goes up, I'm sweating, I can't think straight and I feel really weird. I would have thought that after this long that going to these office visits would be easier? When I leave the office, I am fine but right before (usually pulling in the parking lot) AHHH I just hate it. I don't want to go and have to force myself out of the car. I want to make my mind behave itself and not put me in a bad place. I feel like I'm in a Pavlov's dog experiment and just seeing my Onc's office puts me in a drooling position. Maybe I need to find a $1000 laying the parking lot or attached to my Onc. white coat and its left from an old eccentric who wants to give it away?
Hugs ~ Ruth

[harrie]

Re: Pinkgirls comment on "can the mean voice ever be correct"
I personally do not feel it is a matter of being correct or not correct because it is just a perspective. The mean voice is there because of yrs of experiences and reactions to life situations. You notice kids, being so young and lacking of the life experiences have a much more undeveloped ego then adults. I think that is why they are so accepting and trusting. They dont have as many "issues" in their history to bring out warnings to their brain such as "oh no...here we go AGAIN....i cant....i better not....i sure hope not...."
It can be really hard to shut the voice of that mean voice out. Sometimes it just seems to be so constant and nagging, and convincing. If you are not aware of it and let it "do its thing", your whole body can eventually respond. Reason for the chronic clenching/ grinding...

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Here's how I see it. Ruth, you listened to your heart, what I call your Inner Voice. That put the True You in charge. Who you truly are is a Soul, or a Spirit, that talks to you on a special frequency from deep within.

Then there is The Voice In Your Head which is your Inner Crab. The Child in you that wants its way and is all emotional and acts like a spoiled brat and is kind of hormonally out of whack (pre menstral, pre pubescent -- whatever). It is full of negativity. Old unhealed wounds. It gripes, whines, badgers, judges, is full of fear and wanting and misses the big picture. It needs disciplining. When you go within in silence and connect with that sacred part of yourself that is your Higher Self, and when you give it the power to take charge of your life and your destiny -- miracles occur.

You become full of Love, and that just emanates from you and Lights up others' lives. And is reflected right back at you. The boomerang effect. Joy and peace, harmony and health just naturally follow.

I hope your appt went well today, Ruth. I feel similarly and have for 13 yrs. So, I can't say it goes away, but it does get better. I see my onc and my nurses as a lifelines. They guide and protect me. I don't hate cancer because I believe hating is self-defeating in myriad ways. Sure, it scares me, but then I decide that I CAN DO THIS, I WILL DO THIS. I WILL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO PREVAIL IN THIS BATTLE FOR MY LIFE. I WILL BE VALIANT. I WILL FIND GRACE. I WILL BE STRONG. AND I WILL REMAIN DETERMINED. I see myself far into the future. In vivid detail.

And I tell my obsessively naysaying Inner Crab to get over itself. I think every Olympic medalist goes through this process. Every day, every month, for years. They break the pattern of the uncertain, fretting, worried Tormentor in their head and they connect with their Spirit and let it rule, stifling their Inner Emotional Wreck side. It takes silence. Focusing. Clear Intention. Absolute dedication. And certain Expectation.

Love you HarrieCarie and all my Sisters and Bros,
Andi http://cdn-cf.aol.com/se/clip_art/gstres/anmls/animals-butterfly

[Jackie07]

There is something called "self-talk". I guess that's what the 'inner voice' is about.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Yes, Jackie! That is one way to view the this amazing truth. Your Inner Voice (IV) speaks to you on a specific frequency you can hear deep within yourself. It guides and protects you. It is full of eons of wisdom, b/c it is your eternal Soul, full of the sacred energy of your creator, The Source of All That Is. Which makes YOU divine. When you hear a truth (or Enlightenment) it resonates deep within you. It instantly becoming a KNOWING. It awakens a distant memory and becomes a gift, to help elevate you to your True Self or Higher Self. It causes you to unfold and continue the process of evolution that is the purpose of all Life.

More power to you! This Awareness is full of love, joy and serenity. It grants you control over your life; allows you to use the POWER OF YOUR THOUGHTS, and your direct connection to your Spirit, to collude w/the Universe to bless you w/what you dearly want, vs what you dread. WHAT YOU FOCUS ON ALL DAY WILL BECOME YOUR REALITY. Armed w/that Awareness, you are golden!

Much wondrous energy,

ANDI

[PinkGirl]

HarrieGirl,
I was thinking more about the mean voice being right. I agree - it
has nothing to do with being right or wrong. It's the judgement part of
it that is important. It's not about right or wrong, it's about how this
mean voice makes you feel.

[harrie]

Hi PinkGirl,
Sorry to be taking so long to get back. My son is home for a couple of wks and when any of the kids are home....EVERYTHING takes a backseat! BYW, those flowers are really pretty!!

Yea, I guess the mean voice can be "right" to a certain extent when it is quite obvious something was definitely screwed up. But I think the mean voice just lets it sit there and fester in our minds, waiting for the opportunity to manifest itself again and again and again rather then just recognizing that it happened and letting go with a fresh slate.

[RobinP]

Andi,
You have such wonderful insights on connecting to your positive divine self. I think it is so important to do that and define your own destiny, rather than letting negative thoughts and experiences overwhelm and spoil what great things are available and possible. Andi, you are a precious positive inspiration to these boards and I truly enjoy reading your posts and feel up-lifted by them.

[harrie]

Can't wait for Andi to come out with her book!!!

[jones7676]

I believe stress is a contributor, but, I know people who are under a lot more stress than me. They abuse thier bodies, eat poorly, etc. and they do not have cancer. I would like to blame where I live as our community has an extremely high cancer rate. But they have lived here all thier lives and seem to be able to resist it. I wish I knew the answer. I'm sure stress doesn't help...but...sometimes I think it is just predestination. It scares me because I don't know "why me". You know what I mean?

[Sherryg683]

I find I feel better when I stay busy, playing tennis, working, shopping (which is not the best therapy but it works for me)...BUT..still those thoughts pop up and I cannot stop it. I mean how do you control this..I try to talk myself through it, pray, but still they are there. There just seems to be so much cancer around me lately that it's hard to ignore. ..sherryg683

[harrie]

Sherry, love the pic of you and your two kids!! Really cute kids!!!

And BArb.....love the pic of your puppy.....he is a cutie...

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

The mean voice (the voice in your head) is full of judgment. It says things that are intolerant, condescending, mean-spirited, defeatist, critical and so on. Naturally, all that negativity will take its' toll on you and your emotions.

When you manage to go to your core, in silence, you can connect with your Spirit. It speaks with love and imbues bliss and harmony as a result of its inspiring, compassionate words.

So when the voice in your head does it's obsessive, repetitive, droning full of remorse, sadness, confusion, blame, anger, fear and so on -- I believe the thing to do is to STOP IDENTIFYING YOURSELF AS THAT VOICE.

YOU are so much more than that voice. YOU are a Spirit. Radiant consciousness that is full of pure, sacred LOVE. When you find a way to go meet that truest part of *yourSelf*, as you align yourSelf with the eternal, wondrous part of who you truly are -- you become EMPOWERED in myriad ways.

You then have the power to consciously choose to stop the voice in your head from taunting and torturing you! You can reauthor the words that will play out in your head throughout the day. Something like I AM ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE. ONE WITH ALL THAT IS. I AM ONE WITH WHAT IS. I MAY NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I AM WHERE I AM, BUT I HAVE FAITH THAT I AM BEING LED. THAT I AM NOT ALONE. I AM NEVER ALONE.

TEACHERS, GUIDES AND GUARDIAN ANGELS WALK WITH ME. I MUST LISTEN TO MY INNER VOICE AND PROCEED IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS LOVING MESSAGES.

GIVING YOUR SPIRIT PERMISSION TO TAKE CHARGE OF YOU BEINGNESS, THINK -- I AM CALLING MY DESIRED DESTINY TO ME. MY SPIRIT HAS THE POWER TO ALTER WHAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF LIFE -- IF I ALLOW MYSELF TO BECOME FILLED WITH UNIVERSAL LOVE, COMPASSION, KINDNESS, GENEROSITY, FORGIVENESS, DEEP GRATITUDE AND AWE. THAT PASSION CAN HELP ME MAGNETIZE *LIKE* ENERGY FROM THE UNIVERSE TO ASSIST ME IN MAKING MY DREAMS BECOME MANIFEST...

Sending joyful thoughts your way,
Andi http://cdn-cf.aol.com/se/clip_art/gstres/anmls/animals-butterfly

[juanita]

well said.

[harrie]

I agree with Juanita....well written Andi. I agree with all that you said. It opens my eyes to an important dimension of life.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

ALOHA HARRIECANARIE,

PLEASE ELABORATE, MARYANNE! SPECIFICS, DETAILS...

Andi http://cdn-cf.aol.com/se/smi/2b00001c91/06