Next leg of the journey

[KelliD.]

Hi all! Got the pathology back last week- total of 4/28+ lymph nodes. Went yesterday & got my drain tube out (OUCH!!!) & staples out. Now I'm awaiting PET scan to be scheduled & I go back to the onc next week(Wed.) to see when chemo starts. I'm alot weepier lately, like it's all sinking in since, hopefully, I'm done w/ surgery now. Went & got my hair cut short, thought it might make the inevitable easier. I guess I'm rambling, but just wanted to check in w/ everyone. Blessings, Kelli

[Mary Anne in TX]

Kelli, you're getting ready to see just how brave and wonderful you really are! Losing our hair is not what we all wait our life for, but it is an adventure. It's our outward sign of the war going on inside! And more of us are winning the battles now! Stay determined and hopeful and lean into the love and wisdom this site provides! God Bless you, ma

[Joan M]

Hi Kelli,

I totally relate to how you feel.

I too was very weepy in the beginning, and went to get my hair cut short also.

I think it got easier as time went on.

At first, it's all such a shock.

You'll do fine.

Best, Joan

[sassy]

Hi Kelli,

A lot of people have been where you are, and are doing well now. We are here for you...stay in touch.

[Bill]

Hi Kelli! Like you said, "the next part of the journey"....You are a strong warrior or else you would not be here, plain and simple. Strength and perseverance has gotten you this far, and it will carry you the rest of the way. We are here for you if you need us. This goes for everyone. As a group, we have big ears for listening, and strong arms for hugging, and large shoulders for crying against, as you need. Praying for comfort and Peace for you all, Bill

[CindyE]

So good to hear from you and don't worry about being weepy. We all go through times of being emotional during this journey. You are a fighter and I will be praying for you to have strength and courage as you face each new day. Take care and just take one day at a time,

Cindy

[Gerri]

Hi Kelli,

Waiting for the unknown is the hard part, afraid to start chemo but more afraid not to. Once you settle into a routine and know what to expect you will feel more at ease. We have all been there and understand your weepiness. Being diagnosed with cancer is a major reality check. Time will help you accept the reality and you will be amazed at the strength you will find within. I thought that losing my hair would be devastating beyond measure. I was amazed at how quickly I adapted to that bald head staring back at me from the mirror - not a pretty sight, but one I grew to accept.

Hang in there, you will do great.

All my best,

[chrisy]

Kelli,
the hair thing is hard - I mean, we all know its JUST HAIR...but...it's a visible sign of the battle that we'd rather not have to fight.

I like the way Mary Anne put it - you can have a visible reminder of how strong you are, how much of a fighter you are. I wish someone had said that to me at the time!

If you're not comfortable with the bald thing in public (I wasn't), cover it up - wig it, hat it, wrap it, or forget it. If you intend to wear hair, get a really good wig.

Believe it or not, you can also have fun with it. OK, maybe not as much fun as Disneyland...but some of the things that made it easier for me were going to the local cancer center where they have 'free' wigs...and getting a bunch of hair that was TOTALLY not me! I felt like a spy. It was fun walking up to people and having them not recognize me.
Even my husband passed me on the street and didn't know me. That was especially delicious because I was able to torture him over that for some time LOL. And it's really easy to apply sunscreen although you need a LOT more than before.

Basically, Kelli, you just do what you can. My priority was I wanted to be as comfortable as possible...for me that meant I just wore a baseball cap most of the time - even at work. I'd "wear hair" for special occasions, or when I wanted to be a spy.

Do what feels right for you...and keep your eyes on the (recovery) prize!

Chris

[Bill]

Kelli! Been thinking about you. I hope you have felt the thoughts and prayers wrapped around you. Please let us know how we can help. Love and prayers for you, Bill
(ps to Chrisy- been thinking of a suitable nickname for you, it's hard to beat "Chrisy", though, but now you have me thinking......"spy", "the Mole", or maybe...."Secret Squirrel")

[Jean]

Dear Kelli,
Of course you feel weepy, that is normal....you mind and body have been through a shock and it takes time for your mind to truly accept, cope and deal with all these new events that are happening to you.

Be patient with yourself - if you feel weepy, then allow yourself a good weep or two...we have all been there
and won the T shirt.

Just remember if the chemo is doing that to your hair...well, it is also doing a job on the cancer.

All good wishes,
Jean

[harrie]

Kelli,
If the mood strikes, allow yourself that weepy time or even a big sobby cry or scream in your pillow. Good release.
We will all be there for you as you enter your chemo fight.
Just to let you know I have a very good friend here who was in her early 40s with stage 2 bc. She had her chemo, it's been 10 yrs now and she is doing absolutely perfect...NED.
Before I started chemo, I looked at her and just knew, if she could do it, and be like she is now, so can I!
We will all be there for you.
Aloha,
Maryanne

[madubois63]

Kelli - You are more than enough allowed to weep. One thing I found that really helped me was to go to to the beach (I live on Long Island, but you can go to a state park, the middle of the woods, a desert, whatever...) and scream in to the wind. Don't care what anyone else thinks. This is your pain and you need to deal with it and get over it. Remember pain is just a thing to deal with. Do not let it take you over!! If you need to discuss something for your nerves (ex: ativan) or something a little more long term (zoloft or something similar) Do not ignore this. Your body and mind are going through a lot of changes and sometimes a little boost can really help. After fighting for my life, I felt like killing myself?? I didn't understand it, but the drastic hormonal changes were making me suicidal. After 2 weeks on Zoloft, I was me again and I wasn't crying at everything.

The haircut was a good thing. I like Chris think getting a few "fun" wigs are a good thing. Call American Cancer society to see where the closest and next meeting of "Look Good Feel Better" is. They teach you things you need to know about skin, nail, scalp, and wig car. They give free wigs and you gt to go home with a big box of free makeup (Mary Kay, Avon, Clinique, Revlon...). If you've had a relapse, you can go again. Check out "HeavenlyHats" on the internet. They will send you a free box of hats and scarves. It' all new stuff and some of it is designer and it's fun to get a surprise in the mail!! I personally liked wearing "newsie" type hats, and you can put pins in the brim of the hat. You can get them at Target or Walmart pretty inexpensively. When wearing your wig, do NOT go anywhere near a hot oven or a bbq. I melted my bangs making fries for the kids.

Try to remember that loosing you hair is showing that the chemo is working. Oh, also stay away for swarms of mosquitos. Whenthey get in the wig, it can be awful (yes this did happen to me). Always keep and extra kerchief in the car of you pocketbook.

When you know for sure what chemo's you will be taking, let us know. If you are taking Adriomycin, bring a frozen drink with you. while they are injecting the stuff, drink the smoothie. Keeping your mouth frozen will help keep you from getting mouth sores. No matter what what chemo you get, drink LOTS of water!!!! Add crystal light if you have to, but get a lot of water. It really helps, That's all for now, Good luck and keep asking questions, venting and fighting!!!

[KelliD.]

Hey everyone! Thanks you SO much for your support & encouraging words!!! I can't begin to tell you what a comfort they bring me during my occasional "freak outs" !! LOL I will keep you informed!! Hugs & Blessings, Kelli

[BethC]

Kelly, it will get better once you get started - it is so hard waiting. Good luck to you!

Love,
Beth