Sad and scared

[TSund]

I read about Kate and it just about makes me so sad. She was such a special soul. Very kind to me as a newcomer.

Ruth just had her last Herceptin treatment (one year). I wish I felt happy about it but it just feels like someone is taking away the lifeline. I don't want to stress or worry Ruth, she is feeling strong for the most part. I am more nervous about it than she. I asked the onc about the idea of continuing Herceptin since Ruth's cancer was originally the size of stage 3+, the onc didn't think it was necessary.

How do I calm my fears? Or should I be asking about the quarterly idea? Or more months? Errrrgh.
Thanks for listening.

Terri

[Bill]

Terry, you are such a wonderful spouse for Ruth. I've read your posts and seen how much you care for each other shining through. It's our nature as caregivers to be strong for those we care for, and it is important to be positive for Ruth, and encourage her, the way you have. Your actions speak volumes. "How do I calm my fears?" It's human nature to fear the unknown. If you have questions for Ruth's docs., ask them, and do what you have been doing. Gather information, learn more, and do all you can to help her. This next step you have entered is a break in the "routine", which is unsettling. Once you and Ruth adjust to the new routine, things will settle. I wish I could help more with the treatment questions, but that's what the experts here are for. Thoughts and prayers to you and Ruth. Love, Bill

[tricia keegan]

Terry I think a lot of us felt as you do when the day finally came to stop herceptin, I know I did and was imagining the cancer was going to grow out of check with nothing to stop it. I was told by some here it would get easier and my fears would subside in time and they were right. Of course I still worry about recurring but the further out from herceptin I got the easier it became.
I felt and accepted I had done all I could to stop this disease and whatever would happen was going to happen and I'd deal with it if and when that day came.
So far it has'nt. I hope this helps a little and you and Ruth begin to enjoy life post herceptin with less and less appts as she goes along.
My best to you both.

[Mary Jo]

Hi Terry,

I'm sorry you are experiencing the fears you are but they are normal feelings, for sure. Bill is correct in saying "it is normal to fear the unknown."

I, too, had mixed feelings on my last herceptin day. Of course I was happy to be finished with every 3 week visits to the "chemo" room BUT I also knew that herceptin was my "friend" in a major way, and wasn't ready to be done with "it."

On a positive note.................my last herceptin treatment was Oct. 11, 2006 and here I am today, still NED and moving forward each day.

One day at a time........that's all any of us can do. No one knows what our future holds but for "us" it's even a bit more unsure (if that makes any sense) BUT stay focused on the day called "today" and live for it. It will help make the "journey" less stressful.

As for treatment options using herceptin.....I, too, asked all those questions. I was told that "for now, herceptin given for 1 full year is the standard of care and seems to be all that's necessary." I'm sure that in time, as statistics start being released and more studies are done we will find out more answers about the use of herceptin.

Hugs to you both........

Mary Jo

P.S. I always wondered why we couldn't do a maintenance type herceptin treatment.

[Jean]

Terri,
It is normal to feel anxious when the treatment is ending.

It is so strange, we have concerns when we begin treatment and additional concerns about ending.

Time, does help this feeling....remember, her markers have been in the normal range (her dr. would not end trt otherwise) she will be checked again in the 3 months
for her follow up...yes, Ruth was stage 3+ but was not
not metastatic and I believe that she would have to be to continue with herceptin. From what I rmember Ruth was having herceptin as adjuvent treatment?

If your dr. can, maybe you can ask him to continue for a few additonal months ...(this may give you more confidence). The data on the length of time for herceptin tretatment is still not in...but it is the belief that a full year of herceptin may not be necesarry.

I remember well when you first posted.
You and Ruth have come a long way.....and now congratulations are in order...Ruth has completed
her treatment and is doing well, Thanks to your loving care....

Terri it is not easy when treatment is completed we all feel a sense of detachment - but you will begin to enjoy your new normal....Believe me it is enjoyable NOT to go to the cancer center for treatment.
All best Wishes to Ruth !

With Love,
jean

[Mary Anne in TX]

Terri, plan lots of fun things for the first month or two! Really outlandish, fun things that can take your mind off the worry and turn it towards the joy of LIFE!!!

I'm still fighting to stay on herceptin. I just felt it was what I needed, but I don't think it's for everyone. That every 3 weeks hook-up does keep me focused on treatment and I have to work especially hard to stay in the moment and remember that all this effort, all this craziness was done to live a full life and stay in the moment!

Have a celebration and a "plan of action" to make your new lives grand!
Tons of love to you both, ma

[Jackie07]

Terri,

The fear is real when you are well educated about HER2.
After I completed my treatment in spring 2004, I was sure I was cured - out of ignorance, I guess. Everytime I had mammagram, the pressure on my breast became more and more unbearable. Turned out it was because I still had a chunk of tumor left there growing. But the medical team thought it was just scar tissue - for 4 years - go figure.

But you have been on this board for a while now. Knowlege is power. With your caring, take-charge attitude, Ruth is in good hands. Just remember to check regularly and trust your instinct - my weight had been steadily dropping but nobody suspected it was cancer-related. And my husband, to this day, still wouldn't pamper me 'too much' just because I am a 4-time cancer survivor.

I am so happy Ruth has finished her treatment. I will do (eat) something here in Central Texas to celebrate for her. :) Y'al go out and celebrate!

[nitewind]

Terri, I'm so happy to hear that Ruth has finished her treatment but I understand your concern. I had my last herceptin in December of '07 and I was thrilled yet so scared. I got my treatments every Friday and I guess I got used to that security blanket of having the herceptin and always having my nurses watching me and taking care of me. I'm still a little nervous about it but I think it's getting easier. Like everyone else said, just take it a day at a time, just as when we started this journey, we were afraid of the unknown, same thing now! Who knows? Maybe they will come to find out that six monthes of herceptin was plenty, then we can feel doubley protected! Bless you for being there for Ruth and give her a big hug from me. And a big hug for you, too!
Love

[Becky]

Dear Terri

I guess I really don't have anything to add that everyone else hasn't already said. I just want you to know that what you are feeling is completely normal.

But you have lots of women here who have gone through what Ruth has gone through and we are here and we are doing well and so will Ruth. Give Ruth a hug from me and then give yourself a bigger one. What a partner you are to go through this with Ruth so FULLY engaged and informed.

Please promise to stay in touch with us though. We will want to know how its going every now and again.

Love to both of you

[dhealey]

Terry, I know how you feel I finished my herceptin treatments in Jan. I feel so unprotected. I just try to take it one day at a time, eat right, exercise every day, and have daily conversations with the man upstairs. Coming to this site and seeing so many still going stron has been an in spiration as well. Remember "JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD!"

[Chelee]

Terri, Hopefully you can see its very normal to feel the way you do after reading all the replies. I felt the same way at the end of my herceptin. I was looking forward to being done with it all...then once done I was almost begging to say on herceptin. Being stage IIIa with positive nodes and no rads I wanted some kind of protection. So I asked my onc if I could stay on herceptin to complete a full 2 yrs verses the one yr?

She said there was nothing saying two yrs was better so I was done. :( So I asked to go see my 2nd opinion onc up at a larger cancer center. My onc agreed that "if" my 2nd opinion onc said "yes" to contining herceptin...that she would ok it. But my 2nd opinion onc agreed that one year was it. Its a scary feeling at first when you stop everything but I think "Ma" had good advice. You two girls go out and stay busy and have lots of fun. :) That anxiety will lessen in time. Believe me...I know its not easy. You hang in there...it will get better I promise. Ruth is so blessed to have you by her side.


Chelee

[TSund]

hmm...struck by the bold curse also... :)

You all have touched us with your care, concern, good wishes, and optimism. Thank-you!

We are going to take the bull by the horns and take a trip to Paris to celebrate Ruth's birthday late May.

We've long wanted a spring trip to France, and have decided to ignore the inflated Euro and go for it.

Looking forward...

Terri

[Paty]

Great idea!! Have a great trip and enjoy France, Great Country!!!

Paty

[hutchibk]

Enjoy Paris!! I was just there the middle of April... and this time I really enjoyed it. My fav places were Montmarte and the Sacre Couer, the Catacombes, and Pere Lachaise Cemetary (where Jim Morrison, Edith Piaf, Modigliani, etc are buried) - and we did the Eifel Tower at night which was very cool!

[Unregistered]

first i wish i had the caring husband you seem to be. My husband just acts like it never happened. He never worries or wants to tall about it. I only had 6 months of herceptin. i was on cobra insurance and i couldn't keep up with the bill. I thought i would die for sure. My husband is more worried about me bankrupting him with medical bills. So i stopped going to the doctor. i haven't seen any for 6 months,now thats scarie

[Bill]

Baby, you should try to go to the doctor more often, any way you can. You will be in our thoughts and prayers.

[harrie]

Hi Terri,
Boy, don't we all get those feelings of apprehension post tx! I am even considering talking to a therapist, just because ...well, why not....
How blessed Ruth is to have a partner like you, so caring, compassinate and loving. I am sure you made all the difference in the world to her in the handling of the disease and tx.
So happy to the both of you on your upcoming plans to go to France! What a fantastic way to celebrate!!
Maryanne