Here we go again?

[Stephanie B.]

Hi Everyone

I was hoping that I would be done soon with my second round of Taxol (bi-weekly since 02/07) and Herceptin (weekly since 11/06). I have been having some pains in my tailbone that shoots down my legs off and on since July, I've had three bladder infections since June and I have had problemes with constipation off and on since July! The pain in my tailbone and legs has been getting worse, so my onc ordered a CT that showed two minor disc bulges, but no cancer (thank you God!). I followed up with my doctor who decided that the disc bulges shouldn't be causing the pain and had me show him exactly where the pain was. He then looked at the CT and they didn't go low enough (my onc ordered a lumbar/sacral, but the insurance sent approval for a lumbar only so that is all they did!!!). My docotor seems to think I have something call Periphial Neuropathy? and my onc nurse said that could possibly be related to the medication. Anyway, he ordered x-rays for now so we didn't have to way for a CT approval. I should get the results tomorrow when I go see him. In the meantime, he put me on a medication to see if it helps.

Now here's the kicker. A couple of days ago I felt a lump in my right breast. It feels different in the one in my left breast. The one in my left breast was hard an big. This one is soft and small. I had a treatment today and had my onc nurse feel it. She said it is probably nothing but wanted to ask the doctor. She emailed him (he comes to town once a week - he is a specialist in Los Angeles). He told her he didn't want to sit on it - he wants to check it out, so I see him on Monday.

I am so tired of being sore and tired all of the time. I have been having constant "pity parties" and am crying a lot. I feel bad because my kids see me crying and they get sad. My 7 year old knows how bad cancer is and I know it is really hard on him to see me cry. My 3 year old knows I hurt, but doesn't really understand, she just gives me kisses and says they are to make me feel better. I broke down one night because I hate the fact that I can't play with my kids more because I am either hurting or tired and I feel like a horrible mother. Everyone reassures me that I am a good mom and my kids love me, but sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed.

I am sorry that I babbled so much, but I just needed to vent to someone that truly understands what I am going through. My family and friends are great, but they really don't know what I am going through like you girls do.

Thank you

Stephanie B.

[Grace]

Dear Stephanie,

You deserve every bit of pity you give yourself and lots more from everyone else. I'm thinking that the nurse is probably right--and the soft lump is non-malignant, but I'll be thinking of you, and hoping, that all is well. Let us know, please, when you find out anything more.

[Becky]

Dear Stephanie

Being on chemo for 7 months with no break - you are a saint! As far as the new lump, soft usually means cyst but we can't take any chances with "the girls". Are you still menstrating or not? Just wondering.

Taxane neuropathy is also a huge pain - I know and only had it for 2 months. It will improve dramatically after you are off of it but it takes time for it all to diminish.

Stay strong. Do what you can. Plan a board game night or movie night with the kids and get some pizza and some good junk food. Its not the same as rolling in the mud with them but it is still doing something with them. Maybe even baking or baking cut out cookies and let them decorate them (or you all decorate them). I will be thinking about you.

[chrisy]

Oh, Stephanie, who wouldn't feel overwhelmed???? Believe me, most of us have been there - more than once. Feel free to come here anytime and vent. In the meantime, let those little angels smother you with healing kisses.

The neuropathy is a pain...I was told to take vit b6 and 12, l.glutamine, alpha lipoic acid and acetyl l carnitine to help with this.

hang in there, my dear.

[pgoddard]

Stephanie,
I am a newcomer to all of this and my heart goes out to you, I will PRAY for you, keep your chin up,

[swanky]

Stephanie! I forgot about the glutamine powder and B6 for nueropthy, I took both thru out taxol/herceptin. I have both left over if you want them. Let me know :-)

Leea

[MJo]

Stephanie, After all the treatment I took, I decided that God should let me be healthy and not have to deal with any other health problems. That was my decision, apparently, not God's. Still have asthma and a bad back. Life goes on. This is a good place to vent. I hope you will feel better soon.

[tousled1]

Stephanie,

No one knows what you're are going through until they go through it themselves. Seven months of chemo with no break is enough to make anyone cry. As for the lump in the breast - usually soft means cyst but best to get it checked as soon as possible.

I had my cervical spine and lumbar spine fused due to herniated discs and since that time suffer permanent neuropathy. Now the chemo I'm on really makes the neuropathy that much worse. My neurologist recommended Glucosamine/Chondroitin Complex. You can buy it over the counter and it comes in pill form. I take one tablet 3 times a day. It's called double strength - Gluocosamine 500mg Chondroitan 400mg. I find that this really helps with the neuropathy.

[mke]

Taxol neuropathy could make just about anybody cry.

B vitamins help, warm soaks in the tub help, advil helps, knowing that it is caused by the chemo helps. It will get better and it likely will go away altogether (that's what they are telling me anyway).

My heart goes out to those going through this with young children. It seems so unfair.

[Stephanie B.]

Well I went to my doctor this morning and the pain in my tailbone isn't a neuropathy after all. It seems that my "First Coccygeal segment" is displaced by 1/2 inch. My doctor is going to send me to a pain medicine doctor to see what they can do. He thinks an orthepedic would just want to surgery and that worries him because of all of the sensitive nerves in that area - bladder, vaginal etc. and more problems if the severe something. Oh well just one more thing to add to my list!!!!!

Thanks again for all of the support and information and for letting me vent.

Stephanie B.