Just a little shakey

[sassy]

Hello all,

I have learned that my onc will be leaving to go on to greener pastures. While I am happy for him, I am of course apprehensive. I will meet the new onc next month. I guess I will have the option of going back to my onc in Winston Salem if this one doesn't seem to fit. That would be a two and a half hour drive, but worth the peace of mind if necessary.

Please say a little prayer for me, I seem to be falling apart at the seams here lately. A lot of stress and just trying to find where I am in my life and where I want to go. Did any of you go thru this type of thing? Its sort of like nothing seems right, but I can't say what is wrong. I just don't seem to be happy--and I've always been happy.

Small potatoes compared to a lot of other problems many are dealing with--but everyone here is so understanding.

I hope this comes to pass--I sure don't want it to stay.

Thanks,
________
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[Jean]

Sassy,

It is so normal to feel this concern. Our onc's are a main stay to us.
Hopefully you will feel a strong connection to the new onc and bond to him or her. If not start getting names and interview others that are close to you. It seems a long ride to your old onc but if you must then at least you have a back up plan in the works and this should help you to feel better.

I am sure once you have your dr. situation under control you will feel
so much better. Get your interview list ready and you go girl...

All Good Wishes and I hope you feel better.
Regards,
jean

[Lolly]

Rhonda, I know exactly how you're feeling, as my onc transitioned to a new practice this spring and I was feeling pretty "shakey" for awhile there, as until he was established and set up with staff I was being followed by a partner at the old practice. Fortunately his new digs are just up the hill from the old ones and I'm able to continue seeing him now.
Could you possibly continue to see your onc as a "second opinion", while the new onc and you get to know each other? That way you'd have the security of knowing you're being followed by your onc who knows you, and get the benefit of both worlds. As they say, "two heads are better than one"!

Being unsettled at this stage of the game is entirely normal, because you still don't feel like things are "normal", and in fact they aren't. It takes time to find the new normal, and sometimes a little chemical help in the way of an anti-depressant or even a simple anti-anxiety med that you can take on an as-needed basis, if you feel this is really affecting your quality of life.
Talk to your onc about this, or your primary care, they may be able to help.

Best wishes,
<3 Lolly

[Mary Anne in TX]

I can so see how you would feel shakey! I drive 3 1/2 hours to see my doctor and it is a commitment, but so worth it. But I also think that sometimes God provides a change for our benefit. Who knows????
The unhappy part has fit for me some several months now. I'm on the "working out of it" phase now, thank goodness! It was so awful - really awful. It was like wearing a suit of armour around all the time - weighty ordeal. I think mine was kicked off by taking responsibility for our granddaughter (7) due to our son's alcohol problems. But as I've adjusted to being a "62 year old mother" and scheduling my life very differently, it is becoming a blessing rather than a burden.
I also think that the unhappy thing comes with all the unknowns of BC and the roller coaster ride we're on. Some of us adjust more quickly and thoroughly than other, I believe. I'm working really hard to see it for what it is and to take care of my mental health and hang out with laughing people!
Best wishes for a "bright new day" and many more to come. Think good thoughts for you. ma

[Kimberly Lewis]

HI again Sassy - sorry you are going through this. I guess I left for a good reason! I would rather leave them than the other way around. Sounds like a real relationship huh? I really haven't "connected" with my new onc. But he is very willing to do what I want so far. I haven't pushed for Tykerb, because the side effects I was seeing here didn't make it sound as easy as Herceptin was. Hope things work out for you. Kim

[suzan w]

Good luck in your quest for a new oncologist! My surgeon passed away in Feb. and it left a bigger hole than I had anticipated. He was such a wonderful man and so dedicated to the women in his practice, as well as a huge advocate in the big world of medicine! I feel sort of like I lost my safety net.

[Mary Jo]

Hi Sassy,


First of all, don't apologize. There is no such thing as "small potatoes." You feel how you feel and you are justified to express that to us. After all you've been through, it is natural to feel the way you feel. I describe it as learning to live with our 'new normal." It takes time.

I, too, can appreciate your apprehension in a new onc. My onc. is leaving the end of May. I was "assigned" a new onc to "help make the transition smoother" but wasn't satisfied with their pick for me. I never met the new onc picked for me. He is just finishing up his fellowship. I did a little research on my own........got some word of mouth referrals from nurses at the hospital I go too (Froedtert and Medical College) and decided who was right for me. I agree that it is stressful and we only want what is best for us. We are all different so what's best for one isn't necessarily best for another.

Hugs to you sweet sassy! Life will get better.........I promise.

Smile and I send God's Peace and Love your way.

Mary Jo

[saleboat]

The Onc that I had through treatment left her practice as well to move out-of-state-- I was happy for her new opportunity, but gosh, I still really miss her. I have a new Onc, and I like her, but it is so different. Hopefully I'll see this new Onc less and less, because we're more and more confident in my health. It is a new path for you, and I really understand how sad it can be. Just wanted to write and say that 'I get it'.

Jen

[sassy]

Thanks for all your support. Seems like everyone thinks cancer is a thing of my past and I should move on unfettered. They forget about the Arimidex and Lupron and Neurontin and the fact that it is never "over" and wonder why my belly looks like I am six months pregnant and I really should exercise after I work my 12 hour day--why can't I work my 12 hour day?--I did before and did a great job! And so on and so forth.


I wish I was rich and could just go around helping other people. Right now I can't even seem to help the students here that I am supposed to help.

Everyone around me is truly nice and caring. They just don't understand. I still have my job and my friends and my family, but I've lost something. Especially in my job. Before BC I knew my place and what I was doing, and now I don't really know my place anymore. Really sad.

Hoping for better days.
________
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[Ora]

I think part of the problem is that everyone expects us to bounce back like Lance Armstrong. My co-workers and bosses were good to me too, but I think somewhere along the way, they expect me to be "cured" because I'm still here, even though I'm having heart problems from the chemo & herceptin, and now have to go to a pulmonologist and a cardiologist. I was like you and worked many hours, but some months ago I realized my brain didn't function the way it used to and that made me kind of sad so I decided to go out at the next lay-off, but I'm still here but less productive. I notice that my bosses don't give me as much to do anymore. I think that the Effexor I'm taking for hot flashes helps my mood because it's an anti-depressant. Sassy, being depressed is not good for your physical health so please talk to your new doctor about this. I hope you find one you really like. I will pray for you.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Sassy, I love your name. And I am sad you're not feeling it -- "sassy". My fav onc left some yrs ago and broke my heart. Moved to Tenn to head up oncol at the univ. Great for him. Great for all the lives he will touch. Sad for me. I adored him. He was brilliant, kind, ultra responsive, caring, informed, extraordinary. Irreplacable. My next onc, same canc center, was nice. I have 4 oncs for full input, so felt "covered". My main life line (being on maintenance Herceptin since '98) is the doc's assistant/nurse. We bonded. She was bright and knowledgeable and got right back to me whenever I had an issue. Then, last spring, she moved into pailiative care, to be closer to her mother. She couldn't even tell me. When she saw me coming, to ask her about the "rumor" I heard from my cohorts at the center, she literally ran from me. I called her. She felt soooo guilty. She gave me her home phone #. And I used it! She was very helpful during my transition. The new onc is considered one of the top 100 in the country (according to The New Yorker Mag). He is brilliant, does much lecturing, and attending lectures across the country and the world. He is a bit flip/cut to the chase in his response to patients. I like eye contact. A warm handshake. A bit of conversation. But ok, he's a bc specialist, did clinical trials on Herceptin in Fl along w/Sloan Kettering, back in the day. Totally knows this drug and has many patients on it longterm. Afraid to take them off, like me. 4th stage lobular + 2 nodes and mets to liver. Very poor prognosis, but I don't care. I'M ADAMANT ABOUT BEING A SURVIVOR.

BUT, his assistant's SUCK! One comes, another comes, then another and another (since last June). I know they're leaving before they do. They suck. Hence -- I have no lifeline. I went thru major depression last June. Was facing new onc., no good lifeline, BRCA 1&2 testing (scared what that would mean for me and for my dghtrs and granddghtrs), brain MRI, colonoscopy (with IBS issues), new baby grandchild in Ca... Ativan (mood elevator) Effexor (anti-depressant) got me back to feeling SASSY, as per usual. I needed help. We all need help at times. Chemical help. To be physically well we must be psychologically and spiritually well! PLEASE TAKE CARE OF GETTING YOURSELF BACK UP. This "breakup phase" of our relationship w/one of the most important people of our lives is hellish. It all hit me way more than I expected. I was in mourning! So, honey, please, be good to yourself. TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEAD, so the rest of you can flourish in STABLE, NED fashion!!! PLEASE. Sending loving, happy energy to all my soul sisters, as always... ANDI