Will you guys hold my hand?

[jener8er]

while I wait for my MRI results from today? I am REALLY freaking myself out here. It's the middle of the night and I don't think I'll be getting any sleep tonight. I'm analyzing EVERYthing from the techs today - WHY did she ask if I'd had a recent PET scan? WHY did she want to know where my bone scan/x-ray were done and what the results were? WHY did they give me the Gadolinium after she said they would only do that if the radiologist wanted more detailed information of "something"? WHY wasn't she as chatty with me on the way out as she was on the way in? Am I the only one who does this? I'm wondering my house in the dead of night watching my 4 kids sleep and thinking the worst.... How do you guys get through this? This has been the hardest test yet.

Thanks for listening, and hopefully I'll be posting with ecstatic news tomorrow or Wednesday...
Jen

[lindaw]

Dear Jen

i have always found the waiting to be the worst part and like you I analyze every comment or lack of , look, etc, etc. I wish I could help you get through this time and can only say that it is the worst tiem but I find once I know what it is and what i have to do i feel better.
Having said that I will be waiting for estatic news from you tomorrow.
love
linda

[chrislmelb]

everything will be great. waiting is the worst. let us know.

[kk1]

Hi Jen;

I too am waiting for my mri results from yesterday. The waiting is the hardest part and yes this is always the scariest test. Try not to worry, in my last couple of MRI's they ended up calling my back to have the contrast, it totally put me over the edge with worry, and both times it was nothing. Just a blood vessel pulsing at the wrong second. This time they just went ahead and gave me the contrast before the radiologist looked so I would not have to come back twice.

Whenever I start to worry I just think of Christine and Steph and the fact that many on this site are doing very well in spite of having had brain mets. Thank goodness for their shinning example and support.

kk1

[Jeff]

Hey Jen,

Hope you've had news--and good news--by now.

It's impossible not to overanalyze everything: I went through this recently with my partner Rachel when she had a Brain MRI (and a follow up CAT) that ended up being totally clear...

She too worried about each thing the tech said and I spent hours picking over the words in my mind...

It is probably worth remembering that most techs develop a standard patter that they use to try to keep everything as neutral as possible.

And it is also probably worth remembering that radiologists read film: it's what they do. So, when they want another image, another scan, it's because it's what they know how to do--to be as sure as possible. I have a friend who is a medical oncologist who says radiologists are impossible about saying anything conclusive until they've ordered every scan known to humankind.

Best,
Jeff

[michele u]

Jen, I'm a nurse, and i do EXACTLY the same thing every time i go for tests. I always try and look at the scans thinking i see something on them. Don't think the worst. I know its soooooo hard. Even IF there is something, its not the end of everything. Look at all our memebers. Keeping you in my prayers

[Isabelle in CT]

Jen,

Don't overanalyze the technicians. It only matters what the doctors say. The technicians are probably asking routine questions. I have been getting all kinds of scans for six years now and still get anxious. Now, I understand that I know more about my case than they do. If they ask questions, it doesn't mean the tecnician "sees" something or would even know if he/she did.

After radiation treatment for brain mets, I have had to get MRIs of my brain to see how I was doing. It took a lot longer than my first brain MRI and I got worried. I said something to the technician who explained that they have to go look at specific spots where there used be lesions. It takes longer now because they do more shots. So, longer does not mean something is wrong. Everyone is trying to be very careful.

Isabelle, CT

[tammymarie1971]

Awww Jen, I totally feel your fear and anxiety..I also have 4 kids and sometimes this whole cancer thing is more than I can bear especially when I think of my kids...although I still find myself yelling at times go figure......I guess there are somethings cancer doesn't change.
Tammy

[Lolly]

Thinking good thoughts for you today Jen. Yes, the "limbo" of waiting for results is the toughest part. I hate that! But, you have us to lean on, so try not to panic.

<3,
Lolly

[jener8er]

Thank you all so much for your support - it REALLY helped me to get up this morning and see I'm not the only one who obsesses over these things! Isn't it strange too how much better things seem in the daytime?? I have a hard time with nights - my husband is a basket case and can hardly say the word cancer (his Mom died of breast cancer when he was 20) and my 4 kids all look to me to see how to react. So I spend my days pretty much carrying on as normal, acting like everything is fine and I'm cured. Then, at night, it hits me and I break down. It really helped though knowing I could post here in the middle of the night and not feel like such a lunatic!

Anyway, thank you all again SO MUCH and I will surely update you all when I hear from my Doctors.
Hugs,
Jen

[Sandy H]

I use to do the same with testing. Now, I pray, pray and pray some more. Each time I do I am able to relax a little more. Just before getting the results I am pretty relaxed like I have had some medication for anxiety. This is what works for me. I wish you well. Its not easy to do. hugs, Sandy