Very Upset

[Brittany]

Hello everyone. I just spoke with my Mom about a post I read on bcmets.org where a woman was describing the same kind of pain in the same spots on her back under her ribs. My Mom seems to think her pain is from tension but I'm not so sure. I told her about the other woman and that her Dr. seems to think it's due to pathological fractures from her bone mets. My Mom had a clear bone scan in April and just has one 2cm spot on her liver. She was very upset and said she didn't want to have scans earlier than her upcoming sceduled ones in August. She said she didn't want to know. I think I really upset her. I didn't mean to, I just want her to have it checked out earlier. Now I feel awful b/c I think it scared her that someone else was having similar pain that actually has bone mets. What should I do now?? Please give me some advice to ease my Moms worries. That is not what I intended to do. More than anything, I just want her to get some releif from the pain and I'm not so sure how much she tells her onc about the pain. Now I think I've scared her into thinking she has bone mets. I feel so awful that I've upset her. What do I do?

[jessica]

Brittany~
I know you were well intended & you only have your mom's best interest at heart. But honestly, it sounds like you want your mom to get this checked out to ease YOUR OWN worries & anxiety. If you upset her, you can fix that...just give your mom a call, a hug, whatever & tell her that you're scared & that you love her & just want to support & comfort her, BUT LEAVE IT AT THAT!
The truth of the matter is , you DON'T know if the other woman's description of "the same kind of pain in the same spot..." is the same as your mother's. Pain is subjective-people experience it differently w/different thresholds-you can't make generalizations b/c YOU are not sensing what your mother OR the other woman is experiencing.
More importantly, your mother has said "she didn't want to know...". Listen to her, BELIEVE HER - this journey is infinitely more difficult for her than you. Just love her, support & comfort her despite your own nervousness.
Your mom is a lucky to have such a loving daughter who is so motivated to advocate and care & comfort her.
Prayers, Faith & Courage

[Velva]

I'm sorry your Mom and you are upset, but it sounds like your concerns are warrented. Any pain we have 2 wks in duration should be checked out. Go to your Mom's next oncology appt. if possible, and discuss symptoms with her onc. This may or may not be bone mets, but there is treatment for pain relief, and strengthening of bone if it is. You are right to be concerned and your Mom is fortunate to have such a daughter and I'm sure she knows that. Best wishes, Velva

[Esther]

Pain in your back can also be a manifestation of liver mets. I have also had pain like that that has disappeared with chemo.

If your mother has liver mets, she must be on some kind of treatment for that already. Is she not?

I have some minor bone mets also, and my onc indicated that the same treatment I was on for liver mets would also treat the bone mets, that the status of the bone mets would not alter the treatment plain.

If your mother was not on any medication for mets already, then perhaps that would be more worrisome. The issue of quality of life comes up also, is she managing the pain in a way that she is comfortable with it? If she is ok with what she is doing and she is in treatment already, then perhaps she is already where she needs to be.

I would bring up the pain with her oncologist at her next appt. and get his input.

[Guest]

Thank you for your replies. I've talked to Mom again and she agrees that she needs to tell her onc just how much her back hurts. To answer your question Esther, Mom was on taxol/carbo/herceptin from March 04 until Dec. 04 for one large 9cm liver tumor. She is now on herceptin only and the tumor is still stable now at 2cm. Like you said, I just see her in so much pain and just don't believe that it is necessary for her to suffer like this. And she doesn't want to find out what it is in fear that it is progression (she just had a clear bone scan, ct scan in April - other than her stable liver met). So I'm just going to make sure she tells her onc about just how bad the pain is and go from there. Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I (and my Mom) truly appreciate all of you.

Brittany

P.S. Esther, I've noticed that you're a big skiier. I used to live in California and Colorado and would go skiing all the time! Loved it :)

[jessica]

What about your mom's tumor markers? Has she been following her CA27.29? That might be the quickest to evaluate whether another scan is warranted so soon...If her TM's have gone up, maybe it's time to look around again.