I am heartbroken

[anonymous]

I have just lost a dear dear friend, one of the greatest ladies I have ever met. I met her on line in a support forum for stage IV disease and as it turns out she lived about 2 blocks from me. We were good friends.

I have had stage IV disease now almost 5 years. Through this process, I have realized that people without illness really can't understand some of the things we face on a daily basis. So it seemed natural to make friends with other ladies in the same boat. I have met some fantastic women, courageous, funny, inspiring. But I am losing so many friends and it hurts so much. This time it is the worst of all.

How do you get close enough to really share and be helpful to each other and yet not have a part of you die each time some of your friends go?

I am so heartbroken now, it feels like this time my heart will never heal.

Anyone?

[Kristen]

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It does hurt so much. I think a lot of us have lost people that we have come to share our disease with. They understand and are such an inspirtaion to us and I am sure you were an inspiration to her also.

In the bible, Ecclesiastes 3; 1-17

to everything there is a season. A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.

I have always liked this scripture and I hope it will give you some comfort in your time of need. I send you hugs, you need lots to get through this. Take Care k

[Lolly]

I just lost another BC friend also. It's just hard to accept, and hard to go on without feeling such sadness and even guilt that they're gone and we're still here, but I've found that the only way it makes any sense is if I try to keep reaching out to other cancer people; at my treatment center, here on this site, whenever the oppoutunity presents itself to just be a listening ear or offer some tangible support.
If you can do something specific in your friend's memory, that will help. I'm sorry I don't have anything more to offer, but this is just a difficult thing and I don't know the answer either.
Love and Hugs,
Lolly

[Lisa]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've yet to lose a BC friend, but I know the time will come. I know when the time comes for me, I will be welcomed on the other side by many kindred souls.

Love and healing light,

Lisa

[micheleu]

God brings us all together for a reason. Your reason for meeting your friend was to love eachother, so you could be there for her. You've already given her the most precious gift a person can give, your love. That is all God wants from us, to love one another like he loved us. I always come back to motto, What would Jesus do? When we can say that what we did, was what Jesus would have chosen to do, then you really have a sense of fullfillment out of life. We are all only here for a short time. We need to do the most we can every day to honor God. That's all we can do. We can't change our diagnosis, we can't change the fact that others have died, we can only change how we respond to stresses in our life. Let Jesus guide you everyday, and at the end, which all human beings will have, you can look back and say==I've changed a person's life just by being.

[Lyn]

I know what you are going through, before my BC I didn't know anyone close with cancer, let alone have anyone real close die but since 1998, that has all changed. How do we get through it, there is no real answer just time, how do we pass the time the only answer I have is numb. I only heard of distant people getting cancer, then my nephews mother in law got BC, I never believed I would get BC but she was one of my first visitors in hospital, hers was not servere, only a lump but she asked for a mastectomy but she had no follow up treatment, sadly she passed away under her 5 year diagnosis. Dusenka, I will give you her name, was very hard to understand but I had no problems, I just had to listen a bit more carefully, something a lot of people don't have the patients for, we had many a long phone conversation on the phone before she succumbed to the disease. My BC was agressive and I was given 2-3 years at best, I have been battling on since 1998, along the way I only seem to have contact with people who die on me, Last year my own uncle died or a rare melenoma age 72 and lived a very healthy life, he didn't want to burden me with his disease so by the time we all found out he only lasted a few months, my own dad his brother passed away almost 12 months before with a massive heart attack, the list goes on, 2 males and 1 female from bowel cancer, another 2 from Lung Cancer, non smokers, where is the justice, this is no discrimmination in this disease there are many more I could mention but the bottom lline is you have to cherish every living moment you can, I myself almost succomed to heart failure October 2003 but no one told me I was that ill and I pulled through to be NED today and a healthier heart, but no medicine can fix the pain in the heart each time we loose someone dear to us, I can visit my dad's grave site now like a normal visit with him except he is not nodding off to sleep or repeating the same story to me and he has to listen now but every day he is in my thoughts and I communicate through thought. Just before he got really ill we had a discussion about pennies from heaven, meaning that each time you found a penny it was an angel thinking about you, me being me, said that's great no pennies so it must be 5cent pieces now, we buried my dad with a heap of 5 cent pieces and you can bet ever day we come across one and we immediately think of him and than him, they turn up in the strangest places. I know this hasn't helped the grieving process only time can, and this is how I deal with it.

Love & Hugs Lyn

[Steph N]

Your friend knows you were her angel on earth, and now she can return the favor from another plane. When you open up to her spirit, she will find some way to touch you. Deep grieving can block this process, but it easier said then done. As some others have said, time will lessen the hurt and you will keep up with your earthly work of helping others.

I have lost a couple of very good friends who were expremely courageous fighters against their disease. In both cases it was not the disease that took them, but other complications - both in their 60's. One was an inflammatory BC patient for over 7 years and that was an unheard of survival time. She cracked me up constantly, and demanded that the cancer clinic staff call her by Mrs. _____, instead of her first name that few were able to use. I knew her years ago when she and I had fun jobs and met that way. What a shock to see her in the infusion suite and she was appalled to see me as well. Both of us were considered the picture of heath and to "live forever" type. She was a very talented artist. I happened to get the news that she was on the way to hospital emergency and went to help her get admitted as her hubby was in london on business. She asked what I was doing there as they wheeled her in. I said, "Trick or treat!" As it was almost Halloween, that put a smile on her face. She passed away 6 days later.

[micheleu]

Lyn,
I hear you about the "pennies from heaven". I always related red birds to my grandma and grandpa that have passed on. I would always see a red bird when i was really in desperate need of spiritual help. Then me and my mom went to Chicago to meet Audrey, from this site, and her mom. Her mom brought me a article about "pennies from heaven". Well, after that it has been pennies instead of red birds. The first time i saw one was when were leaving the hotel room in Chicago. Then again the same day at the airport leaving. Almost everyday, like you said, i see a penny in the strangest places. When we were on vacation to DisneyLand a couple of weeks ago we visited the chrystal cathedral. I was buying some angels, then i looked down, and sure enough, there was a "angel penny" they were selling because of the story that goes with it. It was the only one left in the store,they couldn't find any more, and they couldn't find the card that went with it. It was like someone said, this penny is yours, and you know what it means!!

[Lyn]

Hi, thank you for sharing, while there are still pennies and 5 cent pieces our loved ones memories pop up and put a smile on our faces. Each time we go to the cemetary we place 5c pieces on the head stone, some have been glued down and others missing from where they have been glued so we know that they are still out there and for the longest time, like our love and heart felt feelings.

Love & Hugs Lyn

[Audrey]

Dear Hearbroken,
I am sorry to hear of your BC friend's death--I know it is a risk to make friends with people like us who have cancer and could be taken from our lives too soon, especially since those friendships can be so close, since we know what the other person is going through. When I was searching for some words of wisdom to share with you, I remembered a poem my sister-in-law wrote after the drowning death of her 5-year son--I'm sharing her poem with you, in the hope that you find it comforting & inspiring:

I Thirst
I'd give anything for a cup of the joy my child gave me
Never mind the daily bread.
Now I am creator, molding and remolding
every new and old love in my life
with prayer, edification, risks and kisses
to recreate what I had with Andrew.
Fear of loss and walls of self-protection
will kill me
long before a broken heart.
I pray, let every death break me so.

[*_Christine_*]

Sometimes I feel that the pain of a loss is worse than cancer ITSELF. It's a void you can never fill; only with memories . I am grateful for knowing and sharing. It is up to us to continue to carry the torch and survive in their memory. ....

[*_Christine_*]

Sometimes I feel that the pain of a loss is worse than cancer ITSELF. It's a void you can never fill; only with memories . I am grateful for knowing and sharing. It is up to us to continue to carry the torch and survive in their memory. ....

[anonymous]

THank you all for your kind replies. Audrey, the poem was beautiful. I guess a broken heart will heal. It just feels so very raw right now. I have been to too many funerals but this one was the worst. I miss my dear friend and just can't believe she is gone.

Thank you all for your kindness and caring. What a great group of people!