Time for comfort measures?

[Gary Gosselin]

Hi everyone, again I want to thank everyone that has given advice to me in the past. I again have another question.

My mom finished WBR this past week. Only marginal improvement with her vision and ability to stand and walk on her own (although she still cannot do either). We went to the oncologist Friday expecting her to say that the chemo would start next week. Instead, for the first time, she suggested that it might be time for taking comfort measures instead of treatments. My moms cancer is pretty widespread through the bones liver and brain. She had only received 8 treatements of the chemo prior to the WBR. She did not react well to the chemo and probably would have started a 3rd one if the treatment was continued. The doctor said that this is a very aggressive cancer and that the chemo only seemed to be having marginal effects of working. My mom is very weakened, cannot do much on her own, and is not eating well. I think she may decide not to go on with the treatment, but I think she is hoping someone will convince her to go on or help her make the decision. I have not said anything other than it is her choice. I am preparred to support any decision she makes. I do not want to see my mom go through treatments that will make her reamining time miserable, yet I still hold out hope that she has that one in a million chance of beating the odds. I know others have done it, although my moms cancer seems out of control. Any advice on what I should say or do?
Thanks again for everything!

[jessica]

I'm sorry that your Mom is faced with such a pivotal decision.You're right, ultimately it is her choice and no one can make that decision for her BUT...
You wrote you "have not said anything other than it is her choice".I think it is very respectful of you to try not to influence her decision with your opinion, but I think it is MORE IMPORTANT that you be completely honest & candid w/your mom, RIGHT NOW!Tell her all the things your wrote on the board...that you don't want to see her have to endure miserable treatment, but that you're still hopeful, that you don't know what to do, but you do know that you are still hopeful and have faith in what seems to be the impossible.Now is not the time to censor yourself & be so cerebral.Don't miss the opportunity to share your courage, your optimism, your hope with your her.I think that is what she's looking for, not a simple yes or no to more chemo.
Prayers, faith & courage,
Jessica

[Steph N]

Jessica put it very well.
Sometimes we feel so bad that we wonder if we should go on. Often it comes down to the fact that we just NEED a little encouragement and reason to fight some more. Sounds like her doctors are willing to give her more treatment, if she wants it.
Also, it has been noted that some docs are not the "fighters" that others are. Take that into consideration.
All the best whatever path your Mom takes.

[janelle]

Gary,
Whatever decision your mother makes, I am very sure that she wants and needs your input. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers (and you too!).
Hugs,
Janelle

[Lolly]

Gary,
I think Jessica and Steph have put things in perspective. Your mom needs to hear what you're feeling, and knowing that you're being completely honest with her will let her know she can be the same with you, and then she'll be able to make a decision with a clear conscience. Have faith that it will be good for all. My prayers are with you.
Love, Lolly

[Lyn]

Hi Gary,while your mum is eating and feeling well in herself, I think she should keep trying, that way you will not be faced with the "WHAT IFFS" and you will be at peace with yourself that you have supported her in what she really wants and that is not to leave you.

Big Hugs

Lyn