I am now a widow

[kansasrose]

I have officially been a widow now 7 days. My husband, my best friend, my lover, my friend, my soulmate took his life last Tuesday. He leaves two children behind, our son who is 14 and our daughter, who is 10. I feel empty, flat, worthless. yes, I have lots and lots of support. But, I feel as though this is the worst diagnosis a person could get. Losing someone you love is far worse than any cancer I have ever encountered. I don't know how I will survive. I miss him every second of every single day.

[Lolly]

Rose,
I am stunned. I don't know if anything I can say will help, but I'll try.
You can only take it in small steps for now. Just get through one day at a time, and I'm sure that sounds easier that it is. Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault. You may never know why he choose to do this, and in the end it doesn't matter. You must survive and it will a lot of energy and focus, so concentrate on getting up each morning and taking care of your children and yourself. The understanding may or may not come later, but for now do what you have to do to live.
WE WILL HELP.
Love and Hugs,
Lolly

[eric]

Kansasrose,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I can only begin to imagine the pain that you must feel. I do, however, know that you can and will get through this. Allow yourself the time to mourn and experience what must be an excrutiating pain and it will slowly ease. I'm glad to hear that you have a lot of support around you, that'll help. I also know that you have the support of so many wonderful people at this site. I wish I could offer more. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Eric

[michele u]

I know there is nothing we can say to make you feel better. This kind of loss will have to be given to god. He will be the one to bring you through the darkness to the light again. I worry about your kids. I have 2 the same age and i know what they are going through with my cancer dx. Please get them some counseling right away. And for you, the only thing i can suggest is to surrender yourself to christ and he will help you through. Thinking of you, Michele

[Sheila]

May you receive comfort from all on this site...I am praying for you and your children...you must know that a person has an illness to cause them to do this...you must be strong for your children...they need you now more than ever....take each day as it comes and know there is light awaiting you...
Hugs and Prayers and Deepest Sympathy in your loss
Sheila

[Kay]

Oh Rose I am so very sorry.No words can help I am so sure.I think I did post to you when frist dx almost 2 years ago.It was on another site.Hugs Kay

[Eleanor]

I just don't know what else to say other than I am just so sorry for you loss.
el

[Lyn]

Hi, I am so stunned, I have a 14 year old daughter and I don't know how she would react to something like this, I am so sorry that your soul mate won't be beside you, but I pray that he may be on your shoulder and guide you through darkness.

Love & Big Hugs Lyn

[Lauren]

I am so so sorry for your loss. Words cannot express....

[Lori]

I am so sorry to hear this news for you and your family. you and your kids are in my prayers and remember that you have each other.

Lori

[janelle]

Rose,
I am so sorry. There are no words at a time like this, but please know that you have a lot of people praying for you and your children. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Janelle

[Cathy]

Dear Rose,
I am so sorry for you. I mourn with you. Allow yourself lots of time to get through this. Seek help for not just your children, but for you. You are a strong lady. I wish I knew what to say. I wish I could say it's all a bad dream. I will keep you in mind and pray for you.
Cathy

[Shelley]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you and your children. I wish there was something I could say other than I'm sorry.

Shelley

[Jay]

Rose,

I am so sorry for your loss. I ll keep all of you in my prayers. Deepest sympathy in your loss.

Jay.

[Lisa]

Rose,
We are all shocked and deeply saddened for you. You've been through so much and now must be in a fog of surrealism. Suicide leaves the living with so many emotions. I do hope you will seek professional counseling for both you and your children. And, Rose, during this incredibly trying time, don't forget your own health. You need it now more than ever. Thank you so much for letting us know. Please do stay connected with us. Thoughts and prayers are going out to you.

Much love and healing light,

Lisa

[Patty D]

Nothing we are all going through now can equal your pain at this time. I am so very sorry and I know no other words will comfort you. Just know we are all here for you and you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. The Good Lord will hold you tight and you will make it through this dark hole. God Bless.

[Sherry in WV]

I am so sorry for your loss. It is not quite the same, but my Father took his life Dec 12, 2003. I was very close to him and loved him very much. If you need to talk, please email me your phone # and I will call you. I wish there was more that I could say to you. I know how very painful this is and how many unanswered questions there are. Please know you are in my prayers.
Love n Peace,
Sherry

[Carlye]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.

[Christine]

With my heartfelt sympathy I write you in the hope and knowledge that you are not alone. We are your support team whenever you need us. As you mourn for your loved one, Ease your pain and sorrow in your life and the lives of your children by reaching out to all who love you. You also find commfort in family, friends, clergy and community bereavement groups. You and your 2 children are a family unit that can gain strength and inspiriation from one another. As your lives go on amazing memories of good times will fill your now empty hearts and start the healing process.
Rose,as a mom your health is essential to your family's wellbeing. By seeking professional help in any way, the road to recovery can be best guided and beneficial to your family.
Be strong and express your emotions through prayer as a source of empowerment. Remember it is woman who have eduring strength. You will survive!
My gentle hugs to you and the children,
Christine

[Cathy B]

So sorry to hear about your very sad loss. Please know that there are many of us out here saying a prayer for you and your children. Take good care of your them and especially good care of yourself. A lot of people are pulling for you and know you can get through this in time. Thinking of you and hoping for better days ahead.

[Bonnie]

I can't imagine that kind of loss, and I'm sorry you have to go though this. It must be hard losing someone that close.

[Vi]

I just love you Kansasrose....I wish there was more we could do for you!

[Linda in Calif]

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through at this time. I wish there was some way I could make things better for you. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Now go and give your children LOTS of hugs....Linda

[Jane L. Thurman]

I've been lurking on this site since soon after I was dx'd in Dec '03 with bc with bone and liver mets. I've appreciated all I've learned from this group but haven't been in a hurry to tell my own story until I read about your loss. I'm so sorry. It's hard. I lost my own husband 7 years ago. Like you, he was my friend, lover and soul mate. 18 months later I lost my mother, who I loved dearly. I will miss her forever but losing her didn't change my life like losing my husband. Only time will help but I do want to share with you some of the things I learned. First, some of your friends will exceed your expectations of support but others will disappoint. Random acquaintances will do something so thoughtful and caring that you're taken aback for every jerk who will mention that they know "exactly how you feel". Your feelings are yours and no one knows what they are!

I think the hardest part is the changes that will happen to your daily life. Time will help but don't expect it to happen soon. After almost losing my job I went to a psychologist and started anti-depressants two years after I lost my husband. I don't have children of my own so I thought that made it worse but they'll be looking to you for support so your situation will be hard too. The best thing I learned from the shrink was to take a conscious minute anytime something good happened. I've found that this helps me to cope with the bc too. Any time someone says something kind, or I see a pretty sunset, or my ice cream sundae tastes especially good I try to stop for a minute to remind myself that there are still good moments in my life.

I hope something in here helps you through this tough time. I'll be thinking of you.

janelt

dx'd Dec '02 w/ invasive ductal carcinoma of rt breast with metastasis to axiliary nodes, ribs and liver
tumors in breast and lymph nodes measured 4.5 cm
ER/PR positive, Her 2neu positive
1 treatment of adriamycin & cytoxan then switched to weekly treatments of herceptin, taxol and carboplatin. Zometa given every 4 weeks. Treatment to continue until July '04.

Ct-scan last week showed breast tumor now at 3.1 cm while lymph node tumor at 2.5 cm.
One liver met has disappeared and a second is stable.

I have rib cage pain from bone mets requiring pain killers but few side effects of the chemo.