stress

[lu ann]

I have stage 4 Her2+++, er and pr neg, 13 year recurrance of breast cancer, to spine, pelvis, and mediastynme (breast bone area). I went through 22 rounds of radiation therapy at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I was away from my husband and 3 daughters (Age 20, 17, and 13) for 6 weeks. I've been home for 2 months and I am getting taxol, carboplatin, and herceptin weekly (3 weeks on/ 1 week off) and monthly zometa treaments for bone mets. The radiation resulted in a 30% reduction of the soft tissue mass in mediastynme, new bone replacing the lesions in my spine, and CA15-3 tumor markers reducing from 345 to 111. The treatments have been very tolerable. I praise the Lord every day for His miracles. But, I'm stuck in the quagmire of co-dependancy regarding my children, especially my oldest. While I was away, she told me how much she missed me and wanted me home. Ever since I got home she has done everything to avoid me. I would ask her to spend time with me and her sisters, but she refused. She would not clean up after herself and would make humungous messes. I tried to overlook things as I just want to keep peace, but she was disrepectful to my husband, myself, and her sisters. She treated this home like a hotel and us as her maids. My husband finally told her she had to move. She moved out 3 weeks ago and she will not comunicate with me. I have gone to see her at work and called her and begged her to spend time with me but she refuses. I miss her so much that my heart feels broken. I know this is doing me no good and has the potential for much harm. I lost both of my parents to cancer. I took care of my mom the last 5 months of her life and my dad and I were astranged at the time of his death. Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 months later. I have worked at these issues with a councelor in the past and I have a female pastor that helps me now with issues. I don't want my kids to go through the same guilt and regret that I did. It's so hard to give her the space to figure things out. She is an adult now and has made adult decisions. I have two other children and a husband that need me to be healthy and whole again. I have a compression fracture in my spine that causes me alot of pain so I'm not able to work at this time. But, I need some kind of outlet that gets me out of this house and away from my problems. I've been thinking about volunteering at the local hospice center. Does anyone have any advice? P.S. Does the hair ever stop falling out? It started falling out 10 days ago but I still have enough left that I don't have to cover my head. It's driving me crazy. I just don't have the nerve yet to shave it off.

[Sue C]

I had to shave my head twice since my first diagnosis in 6/02. first time, i had to do it when i went through AC/Taxol and then at my recurrence to brain in 8/03. Just remember, hair always grows back. it's better than seeing your hair every where. less things to clean up.

my daughter is only 2 now so i did not have to face anything like what you are experiencing. she loves playing with me whether i have hair or not. but i realized that people react to my diagnosis differently. i learned that through my friends. some friends they don't even call me after finding out about my diagnosis of BC and some friends are very supportive. and some friends pretend that they did hear about my BC and never get into the subject. I don't know what you advise with your first daughter but my prayer goes out to you. God does miracles and i hope He repairs the bridge between you and your daughter soon.

love,
Sue C

[lu ann]

Thanks Sue, I went to see a friend today that I was avoiding. It seems this time around I'm the one who is avoiding my friends, they are not avoiding me. All I want is my family around me. When my children were little, I was their whole life. Now they are adults and they have other interests that don't include me and it's just so hard to accept. I do pray that they will have peace in whatever they decide to do.