Thinking of you on your birthday, KansasRose

[Lisa]

Although I would hope your birthday was happy, I'm sure this one must have been very difficult for you. I do wish for you a healthy year filled with happy memories and hopeful thoughts.

We would love to hear from you.

Love and light,

Lisa

[Rose]

Dear Lisa and everyone: Thank you for the nice posting for my birthday. I haven't been on this site for a long while. I am reminded daily of a statement I made prior to the death of my husband; that losing someone you love to an illness is, I think, harder than actually having an illness! And, I have found this, once again, to be true. My husband's death in May has proven to be the hardest, most painful experience I have gone through.

I continue on herceptin each week; my mugga scan is down to 48, but has only dropped one percentage point in 6 months. I am so grateful for Herceptin, as I face being the only parent to our two children and need to keep plugging away for a long long while.

The highlight of my week is often spending an hour or so with the wonderful nurses at my doctor's office. Their kindness and support of me have helped keep me upright.

For the time being, the thing that I seek a cure from is something I'll never recover from, and that is a broken heart. My husband was a wonderful man with a terrible illness: depression. Despite his illness, he treated me and our two children with kindness, respect and devotion. He worked so hard to overcome his disease, harder than anyone I have ever seen. He often said to me, 'if you only knew how hard I try. This is so hard'. For whatever reason, I was born with an extra large amount of hope or faith, or something like that. My two children are my life; my friends, my sisters and father, my job, my church, my neighborhood... they all keep me going. Losing Gordon, however, was like losing the biggest part of my foundation. I feel wobbly and off balance without him. He helped me become a stronger, better person. For Gordon and I, when I was diagnosed in March, 2003, we began to both worry about the possibility of being separated by death. Gordon often would say, 'there is no way you will die.... I won't allow it'. He would not even discuss the possibility that he might have outlived me. He was terrified of losing me, and I have always been afraid of losing him.

For all of you ladies on this board, I offer one piece of advice: tell those that you love, that you love them, and tell them often. If something needs to be said, say it. If something needs to be done, do it. Time is so so limited. I wish daily that I could have kissed Gordon one more time, and told him how much I loved him.

[Lisa]

Rose,
It's so good to hear from you again. I just simply can't imagine what you're experiencing. However, it sounds as though, had you gone first, that Gordon wouldn't have been able to go it alone. But you ARE strong enough to be here for your children. I imagine some days must feel like there's no strength left. I'm glad that you're finding it in a wonderful support group when you need it. And thank you for the age-old, but much needed reminder, to let those we love know it while they're here in body.

Rose, take good care and keep us posted from time to time.

Love and healing light,

Lisa

[eric]

Rose,

I wish I could say something that make your pain go away, but I realize that I can't. I live with the fear every day of losing the best thing to ever happen to me and the realization that my kids could never be the same and certainly wouldn't deserve to lose the most important person in their life, their mother. As a result, I believe that the only thing that will help you heal is time.
That being said, please know that you are not alone and that you have many friends that care about you on this wonderful site.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.
Eric

[Rozebud]

I don't know you Rose, only know that we have a few things in common. 1) B/C, 2) the name "Rose" :) , and 3) I live in KS too!(Olathe). I also lost my father to suicide when I was 10. I commend you for your strength in yourself and now as a single parent. I'm glad my mother didn't give up when I'm sure it was so hard. I just want you to know that I'm praying for you and your entire family.

Another Rose in Kansas....

[Linda in Calif.]

Hi Rose: Just wanted to wish you a belated "Happy Birthday". I hope you and your children are managing. I can't imagine all of your pain. You sound like a very strong person. I understand what you mean about just having one more chance to say you love someone...my only sibling, a brother, was killed in a car accident when he was 40. We lived in different cities so didn't see each other often. One Father's Day I called him to wish him a happy day. I don't know why but when I got his answering machine instead of just saying "I'll talk to you later." I left a message saying how proud I was of him and what a great Dad he was to his children. Little did I know that those would be the last words he would ever hear from me. A few days later he was dead.
So I have to agree with you to tell those that you love how much you love them TODAY because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Take Care, Linda

[Rozebud]

I don't know you Rose, only know that we have a few things in common. 1) B/C, 2) the name "Rose" :) , and 3) I live in KS too!(Olathe). I also lost my father to suicide when I was 10. I commend you for your strength in yourself and now as a single parent. I'm glad my mother didn't give up when I'm sure it was so hard. I just want you to know that I'm praying for you and your entire family.

Another Rose in Kansas....

[Christine]

Rose

I'd like to send you my warmest Birthday wished, and hope for your future as a single parent. We are all on a quest to be well, to carry on with our life's work. We support you in your wonderful efforts to be strong and wilful. We look foward to better and fruitful years for you and your family. X-tra Hugs Christine
My Birthday