more Brain mets questions-not just with BM

Hi Coleen, I don't have brain mets and I haven't posted much lately, I have been reading the posts, and it is because I am on weekly Her/Taxol/Carbo I have been feeling crappy. I have resorted to wearing Poise panty liners, I stand up and I have no control over my bladder at times, it just drops out. I sit and look at something I really don't want to do and I just keep staring at it and don't do it, it would have been done by the time I had wasted doing nothing, but I just don't want to, as for mood swings I only have one dose of dexamethasone in my infusion, I won't take the before and afters I don't feel I need them and that is the last thing I need to blow up like a blow fish again. I have become a different person through this treatment, fed up I can tell you, bald for the 3rd time, numb fingers and feet, red dots over my legs. I will go to do something and then stop dead in my tracks and have to think for a while to remember what I was going to do. It is a good thing I have a large house, my family have been avoiding me. I felt I needed to share this, I too have been having dark thoughts, like how much more to endure before I can get back to normal, or normal for us ladies. My daughter is beautiful, nearly 15, she stands in front of the mirror and complains her face is to fat, I am staring back at a bald round red face, with a mutulated body and think back to my younger days and the person in the mirror looks nothing like her. I turn 50 next month and my family are so excited about having a party, my younger son turns 21 on the same day so it is a double whammy, I just feel like I have been robbed of the last 6 years but my family say they are blessed that I am still here and that is why they want to celebrate, so this is why I haven't been posting my cheery messages. I know if I increase my anti-depressants I won't feel like getting up in the mornings but over all I will feel better. All of my symptoms are classic of a drug addict, the only difference is our drugs are legal. My onc said that over the last 6 yearsl I have had over half million dollars worth of drugs, so I told him he better keep me going to protect his investment and asked if I should be insured with Lloyds of London, a bit of the old me comes out now and again.

Love & Hugs Lyn