my relay speech

LAURIE · 06-11-2009, 09:14 AM

hi, everyone. I was the speaker at this years relay for life in massillon. If you are curious: here it is. Of course her2 support got a shout out.

This is my 5th relay, my third as a survivor. When thinking and talking with my husband about what I wanted to talk about tonight, he said “talk about the gifts that cancer has given you”. I thought; gifts? Are you kidding me? This was no gift I would ever want under any tree or give to anyone else as a birthday gift. I thought about what he said and realized cancer and more specifically Relay for Life has given me gifts. As a matter of fact it has given me a couple of big gifts. Some I have always had but needed reminded of and one gift that I could only dream of until cancer. Specifically cancer has given me the gifts of COURAGE, HOPE and the gift of LIFE.
I was blessed with a wonderful family. My parents always told me I could do anything. My motto was “never give up.” Confidence was not something I was ever lacking in. When I found a lump in my breast 3 years ago at age 35, I questioned for one of the first times in my life, “was this the thing that was going to make me want to give up?” At times I wanted to give up. I needed something to get me through this. One of things that guided me through was the word COURAGE. Throughout my year and a half of chemo, targeted therapy and radiation, I needed COURAGE. COURAGE is needed by survivors of cancer and all of us here tonight.
I realized as a survivor you need:
COURAGE to face a diagnosis that may be tough and require months or years of treatment.
COURAGE to face your future, with a high risk of reoccurrence.
COURAGE to ask for help when you need it.
COURAGE to look like a cancer patient. Let’s admit it; having cancer is not the extreme makeover we were looking for.
COURAGE to go get those mammograms, blood tests, and scans. What if it is back?
COURAGE to reach out, share your story and help others in the fight.
And yes, it takes a little COURAGE to speak in front of you tonight at Relay for Life.
As a patient, care giver, loved one, friend, and advocate of relay for life you need:
COURAGE to reach out to others. Reach out in any way. Ignoring or shying away hurts worse than saying the wrong thing.
COURAGE to go to the doctor when you know something is wrong.
COURAGE to ask for a donation; we need it help support and win this fight against cancer.
You need COURAGE to do self exams; breast, skin, prostate. It’s okay to be afraid, you now have the gift of COURAGE.
With family and friends like mine I had no choice, I had to find the COURAGE I needed, and continue to need now. If I began to lose it they reminded me of what I have to live for. My husband told me I had a choice. “I could moan and groan, or deal with it and move on”. Well I still moaned and groaned, but I did it with a smile on my face. I was lucky. I had lots of things and people to cheer me up. When my nephew got a tattoo of my initials on his arm I was a little taken back. Not a fan of tattoos, I told him I was okay with it as long as he did not have my birth year and death year tattooed as well. He also got big brownie points for declaring me as his hero on his my space page. My niece Monica dedicated a page about me in her senior scrapbook. Another younger niece Sara wrote to Santa asking for a magic pill that would cure the cancer and make me all better. It was also nice that mom knew how I felt with those hot flashes. She remembered them so well through menopause; she knew just what to do to help me get through them during chemo pause. My four (all older) brothers and sisters were great. My sister Christine is one of the most caring people I know. My friend Connie was pregnant at the time; we shared lots of symptoms: weight gain, swelling, anxiety, and nausea. My friends were great; they always worked at trying to “get my sexy back” by sending me girly gifts. I had every GOD and religious denomination praying for me. I think I was on every prayer list and I felt it. My co workers were incredible, they donated their vacation time to me so I could get in the time I needed for disability to kick in. They sent me a box of goodies each month to cheer me up. They did not just think of me, they packed up things for my husband and the pets too. They knew the whole family needed cheering up too. I missed not being at work, but I made getting cancer free my full time job. I found commonality and COURAGE from my new friends online too. I found an incredible group of women (and some men) on the Her2 support group website. You will see a luminary in support and memory of them here tonight.
Well here I am now, still finding the COURAGE I need every day. What a journey I have been through. Relay and Cancer also gave me another gift: the gift of HOPE. First and foremost I have;
HOPE for a future that is cancer free.
Until that time we have;
HOPE for every man, women and child with cancer; that they get the treatment the need, regardless of their race, socio-economic status, and type of cancer.
HOPE that everyone has the courage to seek out get the preventative care they need.
HOPE for new treatments; getting us closer to a world without cancer.
Relay for Life as an event, brings HOPE to those fighting the disease in your community.
Not only has Relay given me HOPE, Relay for Life has literally, given me LIFE. Now this the gift that my husband was thinking of, when he told me that cancer gave me gifts. This gift he got to share in and help create, literally.
What I have not told you yet is that I have been married for 10 years and for 6 years of that time we had been trying to conceive. I took the fertility drugs with no success and then when I found that lump all my focus changed. I had no eggs to harvest before treatment and there was a pretty good chance that the chemo I needed was going to zap out all the rest of my chances of getting pregnant. I could not think about that, I had a year and a half of treatment ahead of me. I had to fight for my own life, how could I even think about creating a new life? After my first dose of chemo I started ovulating, but knew that trying then was out of the question. After numerous treatments I stopped ovulating and we had no idea if I would ever ovulate again. Well a few months after treatment was over, I was ovulating again. Pregnancy was still not on my mind. My risk of reoccurrence was very high in the first two years. My fear of it coming back was high, really high. With that fear still raging, I came here once again last year. My husband walked the survivor lap with me and (sorry if this too much information, TMI) but it’s too great not to tell. We walked the lap, did some activities and went home that night and conceived our son. I knew I was ovulating and I knew there was that chance, but was it right? I had been struggling with the idea of even contemplating bringing a child in this world. Was it fair to create new life if I possibly was not going to be here to share in it? Relay for Life last year gave me the HOPE and COURAGE I needed to dream once again of creating a LIFE. I had a great pregnancy; actually I had never felt better. Normal blood tests, normal ultra sounds. I felt like if anyone could handle bad news or a challenge, we could. Four months ago my healthy little man came into this world full of life and HOPE.
Well it happened that RELAY night last year, some of my family and friends, of course my son is here tonight to share with me this incredible experience of HOPE. I feel their energy and all of yours too. I hope you feel it? Thank you all that gave me the HOPE and COURAGE to face my future and live my dream of LIFE. Please have the COURAGE to live your life with or without cancer. Give HOPE to others and let RELAY give you the HOPE you need. It truly has been an incredible experience for me;
And David, I am not making any promises of a repeat performance of last year, maybe next year?
Full of COURAGE, HOPE and LIFE
Laureen Kessel Hunter

alicem · 06-11-2009, 09:37 AM

Laurie - I'm so touched by what you had to say. What a special moment for you and your loved ones.

Believe51 · 06-12-2009, 09:30 AM

Laurie, always nice to hear from you but especially this post. Not only did I appreciate it and think it was beautiful but I needed to hear that. I am so proud of you as a Warrior, a Survivor and also as my Friend. Enjoy your family and the time that you have fought so vigilantly for. Please kiss my growing nephew and tell him Auntie Marie loves him more than ever!!>>Believe51

Ruth · 06-12-2009, 07:24 PM

Laurie,
Beautifully said....it gave me chills. Cancer gave you to us as a gift to share in your wonderful inspiring story. Bless you and your wonderful husband and adorable little boy!
Hugs ~ Ruth

Sheila · 06-12-2009, 07:39 PM

Laurie
You have made us all proud...what an eloquent speech...I sat her with tears running down my face as I read it.....you are courage!!!! So glad this disease has brought so many of us together!

LAURIE · 06-14-2009, 07:12 PM

thanks so much ladies, it was a great night.

Colleen007 · 06-15-2009, 06:37 AM

Sometimes it is hard to convey to others that cancer really does give us gifts...you captured it perfectly. I can even go so far as saying that I feel lucky that cancer touched me as it has given me the gifts of time with my husband and kids and opportunities to really make the most out of life (opportunities that were always there...just that I wasn't taking advantage of them).

Colleen