Has anyone started a new marriage being Stage 4?

julierene · 10-01-2007, 11:25 AM

I am being divorced by my husband, and was just wondering if others who were doing well at Stage 4 were marrying? I don't want to live out the rest of my days alone for sure. I'm so sad about the prospect that no one might not want to deal with someone who is stage 4. What are your experiences? Thanks in advance. Julie

Sheila · 10-01-2007, 11:54 AM

Julierene
Can't give you advice on the marriage thing, but good to see you back on board so to speak...wondering how the Tykerb Xeloda combo is working for you?

julierene · 10-01-2007, 11:59 AM

Last I scanned, the tumor in my liver shrunk 30%. This tumor has been there for a long time, inactive. SO, I don't know what to think. New scans should be in the next month. Glad to be back. My life has been so wrought with irritation with my husband, that I couldn't bring myself to post anything for a while. Thanks for the reply!

Brenda_D · 10-01-2007, 12:18 PM

If you watched "Crazy, Sexy, Cancer" on tv, she is also stage IV (although she has a different kind of cancer) and has found love after a StageIV dx, and is getting married, or already has.

I believe in living your life fully, all the way to end, and if that includes a new marriage, more power to you.
Here's to finding the right man.

lilyecuadorian · 10-01-2007, 02:38 PM

No I dont not anybody ...but what can be stoping you to get a real husband ...nobody have the life paid in full ...plus you are pretty and smart ..good person ....there is many men out there that need love and want to love to ...so check it out ..you got good chances

Ruth · 10-01-2007, 02:50 PM

Julie:

This is such a hard question to answer. No-one knows where we are in life and death. If you look at it one way we are all stage iv...including all the men that you meet. They may not have a cancer diagnosis but the one guarantee in life is that one day you will pass on. Do we know the exact date? Of course not! Why can't you start a new marriage? My dearest friend in the world died at age 32 from a very rare form of adrenal cancer (this was 10 years ago). She married the love of her life 3 months prior to her death. Don't stop love and happiness concerned with what tomorrow will bring. You are sweet, kind and beautiful and there are lots and lots of men out there that would consider you a gift to them! The tricky part is how to tell them. I dated after my ex husband left and I found out that if I was really interested in the guy, I let them know early. My cancer was/is NED but I still had a pretty high chance of recurrence with my markers and lymph node involvement. My sweetheart said he didn't care that I was missing a breast (he was a rear man himself) and that if he only had a short time with me, it was worth it. There are great wonderful men out there. Don't you hear about 90 year olds marrying in nursing homes? Go for it!!
Hugs ~ Ruth

dhealey · 10-01-2007, 03:03 PM

Julie,
Life is short whether you have cancer or not. My motto is to live each day I can to the fullest and have no regrets ever. Just keep on living and enjoying and if you meet Mr. Right go for it.

Mary Jo · 10-01-2007, 03:52 PM

Hi Julie,

I loved Ruth's post. Just loved it. She said it all. None of us knows what our "tomorrow" holds. For that matter, none of us knows if we'll have a tomorrow.

There is nothing I can add but do want to send you hugs and love.

Mary Jo

julierene · 10-01-2007, 04:14 PM

That's such a great post! I agree! I sure hope there are guys out there that would be willing to live with someone who is closer on their way out than they are. That's the kind of man that is worth it. I just wonder sometimes, if there are actually guys out there like that. I keep being told by family and friends that I am a great catch, but right now, I just feel so thrown away. No matter how hard I tried to save my marriage, it was never good enough - never enough. I thought I had found the right guy that knew I could get cancer, and married me anyway. Once I got it, it seemed like everything was all about him and not US. He didn't want to work, he wanted to be there for his kids, he didn't know what he wanted, he wanted to live in Illinois, he wanted to live with his parents. him him him... yuck yuck yuck! I just wish it could have been more about us, and what's good for THE FAMily... It's sad. I just hope for a brighter future.

R.B. · 10-01-2007, 04:35 PM

Julierene

Glad to see you posting again.

RB

madubois63 · 10-01-2007, 05:44 PM

Julie - I left my husband and one month later I was diagnosed with stage IV Inflammatory BC. I started dating a wonderful man at that time. He cared for me and cleaned my wounds for me. He made me promise not to leave him. I almost married him, but things did not work out (my choice). I dated another man later on, and he had no problem with my health issues or scars. Since the leukemia, I have not dated. Getting healthy is my main concern. I am now healthy enough to date, but am too happy living life. You are hurt and going through so many emotions right now. After a while, you will realize that you don't have to walk on egg shells anymore, you can buy what ever toothpaste you want and you don't have to watch that show if you don't feel like it! Things will fall in to place...

MCS · 10-01-2007, 05:58 PM

Julierene,

I can't give you advice on the future and tomorrow. or marriage

But I can tell you that you'll be going thru hell with it.

so the most important thing here is your health and YOUR well being.

the rest will follow,if it is meant to be.

Whoever meets you and think of what you're worth as a human being will not care about the rest, there a few of them out there like that.

Remember your health is first. "Screw" the rest

mcs maria

julierene · 10-01-2007, 06:34 PM

I love this board and all the ladies in it!

chrisy · 10-01-2007, 09:42 PM

Julierene
I, too am glad to "see" you back - I was thinking about you today. i really can't add to what the wise ladies have said. You deserve to have love and happiness in your live, cancer or not. People do...why not you.

Esther · 10-01-2007, 10:36 PM

Julierene:

Check out Joy's post "so you want the dish on dates" She is dealing with similar things are you are, she is stage 4 and meeting men through on line dating services.

Just the shear numbers of people that join these sites tells you that it has become quite a popular way of meeting people.

Perhaps you could join one of these sites, and see what's out there? Meet them for coffee, so if you don't like them you have a quick exit. I'm married and love hearing these tidbits on single life, so if you do join a dating service online, be sure and post, they are entertaining to live through vicariously!!!

mts · 10-02-2007, 06:20 AM

I agree with MCS (the other Maria )

I think we all have something within us that others want and need. BUT, we need to tend to ourselves first.

Best of luck- it wioll happen !

maria

Carolyns · 10-02-2007, 08:18 AM

Julierene,

It is nice to see you posting. I agree with what someone else said that you might find Joy's postings about dating interesting. Anything is possible and you will be able to find a man if that is what you want to do. One step at a time with one foot in front of the other.

Thanks for coming back to the board.

Carolyn

julierene · 10-02-2007, 06:56 PM

I like her post, I want to hear more about date #2!

It's nice to be back. Being myserable with a dead-beat was just no fun. The thing that just gets me the most is that he will never apologize for anything he did, because he didn't think he did anything wrong. We all make mistakes, why is it so hard for men to realize that? Are there guys out there who know when to apologize?

Sherryg683 · 10-03-2007, 10:04 PM

I was thinking about you the other day. I'm glad to see you are still doing well despite the mess with your husband. I don't see why you should give up on love because of your diagnosis. Life holds all sorts of surprises for us, some good ..some bad. Last year my son lost his best friend at age 18, he was like a second son to me. I never would have thought I would out live Michael. You could live for many, many years. I would just be upfront when I dated someone. That way you could weed out the bad eggs...sherry

julierene · 10-29-2007, 10:00 AM

I know you are right, but for some reason, my heart just feels so weighted down with doubt that anyone could overlook it. It's like I want to get involved in Relay for Life and causes like that, just so I have a potential to meet a good guy. Isn't that SO sad?