Book Idea - Thoughts? Would you want to read it?

[julierene]

After my Stage 4 diagnosis, I kept hearing the words go over and over in my head, "I'm sorry, but you're terminal." It went through my head probably hundreds of times a day, to the point where I would get tired of hearing myself think. I just wanted to kick my voice out of my head. My fingers would invisibly type, "you're terminal" over and over throughout the day. I even typed the apostrophe! That damn shift key was annoying me!

I don't know if it was normal, but it was impossible to deny that I was obsessed about it. I would spend hours and hours looking for research on the internet. I would bring articles to my oncologist, and beg him for the latest and most experimental treatments. I slowly stopped playing games with my husband because I felt like it was a waste of my time. Time... Time was NOT on my side! I had lot to do, and not enough time to do it. But yet, all I could do was think about what he said, "you're terminal". Over and over, I literally typed it out in my journal. My fingers went wild and my arms ached. I had spent all night writing everything that had been on my mind. The next morning, I was at the repetition of, "you're terminal". I just kept typing until I was furious. I manually typed it probably 30 times before I realized something extraordinary. I pounded my hands down on my desk and slammed my finger on the 'caps lock' button, and frantically typed, "DAMN IT! WE'RE ALL TERMINAL!"

It was finally over. I sat back and felt an enormous wave of relief rush through my whole body, and then I cried. I cried for everything I thought I might miss. I cried for everything I thought my children would miss. I cried for them and for me. I cried for my family and friends. Then I finally realized, I wasn't alone any more. I wasn't the only one who was going to die. No one knew when my time would come. Even if they did think they knew, there was no real way of knowing when it was going to happen.

People always say, "You never know, you could get hit by a bus today." But it never felt right. The words would always nag at me, and it was because I felt like I was the one who was being shoved in front of the bus. The bus was coming straight for me, and I was just standing there like a deer in the headlights. I was frozen with panic. It was time to move. It was time to run out of the path of that bus and experience and enjoy life. It was time to stop making excuses and do the things I really wanted to do.

I slowly started to move forward. I started planning and doing the types of things I wanted to do. I couldn't just kept making excuses like, "I didn't have enough time", or "I couldn't afford it". I had no choice. It was break it or make it, and I was going to make it happen! I was finally hearing excitement in my own mind. I had finally broke free from the words, "you're terminal" and started to live again.

I have a whole outline that starts from my mother's breast cancer, briefly through all the various stages of my life, through my own diagnosis, through my daughter's diagnosis, through the genetic testing of my other children, dealing with those results, being stage 4, getting divorced, fighting for my children and the right to move back to my home, dating and finding love again, all the way to now...

What do you all think?

[Barbara H.]

Julie, this is beautiful. Go for it!!!
Barbara H.

[lexigirl]

julierene,

I was just thinking about you! So happy to see your post. I think your book idea sounds great! Definitely got for it!

Lexi

[Mary Jo]

Could I have an autographed copy please?

Mary Jo

[karen z]

Yes, Julie- write this!!
Karen

[Bill]

Julie, except for the last paragragh, and last line, of your post, I think we just read the preface to your book! And you know what? It was awesome! I would change nothing. You have already started your book. You're a powerful, inspiring writer. Now get to it! Best wishes, Bill

[swimangel72]

Julie your words flow so well - go for it!

[ElaineM]

Hi,
You are a fabulous writer. The book is a great idea. Go for it!!
By the way, just because some insensitive doc tells a person he or she is terminal it doesn't mean he or she is right. Some people live many years after a terminal diagnosis.

[tammymarie1971]

Wow...very thought provoking post!! Love how you put into words what I am sure lots of us think!!!

[Ceesun]

Julierene, Your words have inspired me. thanks. Ceesun

[Mary Anne in TX]

Make it happen, girl!

[R.B.]

Julierene,

My uninformed impression is you write well.

Go for it. Do it for yourself and your children, and if others like it so much the better.




RB

[sarah]

Go for it!!! good story!
hugs and love
sarah

[KelliD.]

Awesome!!!!! Go for it!!!!

[Soccermom]

Julierenee...

I "thought" terminal is a place where buses, planes and trains come and go...
I refuse to beleive that a human beings longevity would be referred to using THAT word!!!
LOVE your writing style!!!!

Bug hugs,marcia

[Cathya]

Julierene;

Someone told me once that out of all bad comes good.....no matter how bad.....there is good. Many, many people would be inspired by your story and perhaps that inspiration....the hope and strength it would give others.... is the good that comes from your diagnosis. I know that I would love to read your story.

Cathy

[Julie2]

Very inspiring. I go through the samething everyday and try to find a break point and to start live again.

Julie

[NanaKaren]

I think you would write for alot of us. You say it so eloquently. I like your style. Write, darling, write. And by the way, no has the right to put an expiration date on us. As we all have heard Yogi Berra say many times, "it ain't over til it's over." And like Mary Jo, I would like to have an autographed copy also. Good Luck! Love, Nana Karen

[Sherryg683]

I would be one of the first to buy a copy because I feel you are telling my story. I remember coming to this board in December 05 and you were here. I think we were both diagnosed stage IV around the same time. I could definately relate to you and what you were feeling because we were going through it together in a way. When you announced you were NED in March, I was estatic that it happened to you and prayed it would happen to me also, which it did a month later. I cried when you came back later and said your liver mets had returned, but am so happy to see you are NED again. I worry that if I ever get bad news again I might not be positive to think I can overcome it again, it might just be too hard. But you have proved it can be done. Write this book, it's not just your story, it's mine and lots of other women here that have heard those damn words..."it's terminal". I don't use that phrase very often because it feels so final, but it is a fact that we all are terminal..we are just more aware of it than most. Please write it if you feel you can. I wish there was more books that gave some hope, inspiration or just plain "i understand how you feel" to those of us with advanced cancer. ...sherryg683

[harrie]

I would absolutely love to read your book. You should do it!

Speaking of books, I am finishing up one right now that is excellant. It is called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.