Finding your power...!

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I'm always with you my Sisters! Even when you don't see me! I swear.

Here to inspire you.

Bumping this up.

NED since 1999.

Off of Herceptin for almost 6 yrs -- after being on for -- 10 yrs!!!

KEEP HOPE ALIVE!

I LOVE YOU,

ANDI

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

MY LAST POST IN THIS THREAD SAYS IT ALL, STILL...

I'm always with you my Sisters! Even when you don't see me! I swear.

Here to inspire you.

Bumping this up.

NED since 1999.

Off of Herceptin for almost 6 yrs -- after being on for -- 10 yrs!!!

KEEP HOPE ALIVE!

I LOVE YOU,

ANDI

[IrvineFriend]

Thanks Andi! This is SO hard when we/ or our friends here get bad news. I received bad news and my friend Linn did as well. When parts of our body hurt, it can be bad news. Every source said pain is not cancer but it's not true. It's true in my case 2:2.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

When my 4th stage bc recurred (August '98) I was newly tested for HER2 and yup, 80% positive.

My fab attitude disintegrated at the thought of going back on chemo.

Taxotere / The Freight Train Drug and its' possible side effects, left me speechless.

I was told with obvious painful difficulty by my onc of then 3 years (father of 3 dghtrs), What you have is -- inoperable -- incurable -- and -- you will be on chemotherapy for the rest of your life.

My husband, my doc and I were devastated.

Another onc (I began gathering input, 2nd and 3rd opinions which was among the best things I ever did, time-consuming and plain hard, hard, hard) well let's break it down.

Inoperable -- (the bc was throughout my liver) that's good cause you'll be strong to take the chemo.

Incurable -- cancer is incurable BUT it is a chronic condition. It has flare ups, which is what you're going through now, and we go into our tool chest and chose the best weapons we have to tamp it down.

You will be on long term chemotherapy, for the rest of your life. That onc wanted to put me on a kinder gentler chemo.

First onc wanted me on Taxol.

Florida onc, a fav of mine, suggested Taxotere.

Why did you choose that chemo?

He cited various studies in my language, non layperson. It worked best in combo w/Herceptin -- which hadn't even been fast-tracked yet for metastatic bcers but was hopeful, any day now. AND -- IT WAS THE STRONGEST WEAPON THEY HAD IN THEIR ARSENAL AT THE TIME.

He told me what I had was a very aggressive form of bc. He said it gently but I knew it was the truth and that's what I wanted. To help me best assess my options.

Fight fire with fire.

Take the harder road for this huge challenge. That's what I chose.

It took me 3 mnths to finally get my head together again. I was literally putting one foot in front of the other. One baby step at a time.

I couldn't even deal with one day at a time. I would look at the clock and watch it frequently -- going one hour at a time. It's ten o'clock. I can make it till 11... And so on, throughout the day, every day, for a good 3 mnths.

Every body part hurt. The soles of my feet burned like I'd been walking on fire. I couldn't feel the outer portion of my right foot. Serious knotting and hardening in my belly (Roxicet for that).

Every limb had deep agonizing pain that found no relief. I kept moving around trying to find a comfortable spot. It was fruitless.

Diarrhea was explosive and unpredictable, full of cramping and hemorrhoids that bled and wouldn't let me sit comfortably. I discovered KY gel, thank heavens! And Imodium. And Lomotil.

I had a bloody nose every single morning and blew a half box of tissues in the process.

God, was I nauseous (Zofran for that). Queasy on the good days (Phenergan for that).

In 1 mnth, I felt like I had the worst flu I had ever experienced. I thought that was from the chemo. Well, I caught SHINGLES (w/my body's immune system kind of flat lined) and had incredibly indescribable pain and itching around my torso. I TOOK MY SUPPLEMENTS FOR MANY REASONS, INCLUDING TO BOOST MY IMMUNE SYSTEM, plus I added 2 more I'd never heard of for Shingles specifically.

I WAS TOLD I COULD NOT HAVE CHEMO till the Shingles virus was gone!!!!!!! They were cutting off my lifeline!!!!! I hated the chemo, but I wanted it!!! IT HAD BECOME MY ALLY!!!!!!!

10 DAYS later I returned to the onc's office. I sat on the exam table and he asked me how I was. Better I said. Really?, he seemed doubtful. Well, let me see. I lifted my shirt. He walked around. He was shocked. You're right!, he said. I don't know how you did it, but -- you can have chemo!

That was about 6 wks into my emotionally devastated state. Now I was good and mad and in fighting spirit! It took another 6 wks of avid reading to get myself psychologically strong again. I was fighting for my life.

Yes, there's a lot of pain involved w/cancer. Not from the cancer, but from the remedies. And a hell of a lot of fear for sure. We are talking about your very life! But YOU have the power to talk to your body, and to the Universe -- and let them know in no uncertain terms.

I PLAN ON LIVING! I WILL BE AS STRONG AS I NEED TO BE, AS BRAVE AS I CAN BECAUSE I MUST, AND AS UNFLINCHINGLY DETERMINED AS A STUBBORN OX...

I made my Intention and Expectation clear and I focused all my attention on that every hour of every day. I wrote it. I whispered it. I shouted it.

And my books about spiritual awakening kept me in the game. I was spending many hours on the toilet. There sat my book of the day. And a pad and a pen. And I read and wrote my heart out.

It was from that toilet that I wrote my PRAYER FOR SURVIVAL, which is someone in here.

You can do this, my Sisters. I am with you all the way...

Always with love,
Andi

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Bumping this up...