CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC -- hear me out...

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECT -- please hear me out...
<HR style="COLOR: #aa8799" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->I read ILLNESS IS A TEACHING. At first, I was offended. Surely, I did not wish for myself (or any one!) to get ca. But I read further. We all know the mindbody link goes on all day. The mind sends messages to the body, sometimes the body sends messages to the brain, asking for advice as what to do. If we consciously feed our mind with a dialogue that goes something like -- HEAL, I AM COMMANDING YOU TO HEAL AND BECOME WELL AND FUNCTIONING PROPERLY with a heart full of belief and faith in our ability to heal ourselves -- our body responds.

If we are especially stressed, full of anger, resentment, blame, remorse, great sadness, the inability to forgive, a sense of failure, FEAR, much worry and deep concern for our well-being -- our thoughts and our emotions are filled w/a great deal of negative energy. They evoke negative images to go along with them. They evoke the obvious feelings that come along with such ideas and visions. We become a magnetic field calling or drawing negative energy to us from the Universe.

However, if we consciously CHOOSE to fill our heads w/positive thoughts, desired outcomes vs feared and dreaded outcomes -- we can call miraculous results to us, manifesting our dreams. WHAT WE CONTEMPLATE ALL DAY DETERMINES THE END RESULT, for good or bad. KNOWING this power exists, we must consciously choose to be THE MASTER OF OUR FATE and actively participate is our own wellness, programming our thoughts, rather than living victimized by our thoughts. We have the power within us to take charge of our lives!!!!!

I had to work on the forgiveness thing. It was eating at my core. I couldn't let go. All my life I thought what had occured in my childhood could not be changed and therefore I would always feel sorrow for The Child That Was Me. I grieved for her. Was still angry for her. Wanted apologizes for her. Until I saw that in fact I had the power to live in The Now -- where happiness is. That the lost Soul that verbally abused me had not learned how to control his own rage emotions, brilliant though he was. I began to see him as a lost Soul who had failed. I began to feel compassion for him, more than for myself. My love for him sprung up out of no where and filled my heart. And forgiveness soon followed. I made a big ceremony of forgiving him. I wailed and sobbed and all the repressed emotions and thoughts came up out of my Id, the primal part of our mind that REMEMBERS EVERYTHING, unconsciously -- AS IF IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY. Once I freed myself, I began to live more in joy and serenity, even while fighting the ca and the ravaging side effects of the chemo. People asked me, What am I seeing? My countenance was full of bliss and tranquility.

This is what I which for each of you. Somethings to think long and hard about, I know. I pray there are lessons within this posting that will resonate with you. That you will go within yourself and connect with your True Self, at your very center, your Essence. I call it my Soul or Spirit. Once you align yourself with sacred energy, that fragment of divine energy from your Source, your world changes forever. Once you begin to identify yourself as A RADIANT SPIRIT you will become transformed. You will begin to see the world through the eyes of your Soul and love, kindness, generosity of Spirit, humble gratitude and awe will fill you up to overwhelming. That is what I wish for each one of you with all my heart. Bless your life with such KNOWINGS, please... ANDI
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[Vi Schorpp]

A very thought-provoking post...along those lines, I read a book that I never forgot called Man's Search for Meaning, the premise of which was that we cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond. I understand that positive thoughts generate positive feelings. I try to find the good (or if that's impossible, the humor) in something. I know it's easy to focus on the negative, and it's a habit we can get into without being fully conscious of it. Thanks for your post.l

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Yes, we can control how we RESPOND. Our illness does not define us, but rather how we choose to respond says who we truly are. I agree, always look for the good -- or the humor -- AND seek out the Lesson buried within the obstacles.

THOUGHTS CAN BE VERY ADDICTIVE. Becoming AWARE of our thought paterns and determining to alter them (with our Free Will and our power of "choice") is EMPOWERING! We need not live victimized by sour, negative, fear-riddled thoughts. We need to stop thinking of ourselves of being the victim. I think of myself as LUCKY! It could have been so much worse, I believe. My husband says if I were lucky I'd have never had bc. But I respectfully disagree. Wholeheartedly as a matter of fact. I have chosen to respond with a positive dialogue running in my head. I choose to rewrite my thoughts and go with the happy images they conjure up. That is the energy I want to put out into the Universe, KNOWING it will be sensed and responded to IN KIND.

Sending loving, healing energy to all... ANDI (BB)

[saleboat]

Hello,

I want to make sure that I'm reading this correctly. Are you suggesting that our thoughts can influence our health? Our thoughts can influence our battle with cancer?

Just wondering.

Jen

[Mary Jo]

Hi Andrea,

I was thinking of just ignoring your post as far as a response goes but thought better of it and must repond for the benefit of all my her2 friends who are struggling with recurrence and/or progression of this horrible disease.

I do agree with you when you say that we can choose how we respond to our situations BUT to insinuate (and that is a VERY LARGE BUT) that we can control our overall health by the type of attitude we exhibit is simply not true. I know many, many, many people who have VERY positive attitudes ~ have a fighting spirit and sadly have succumbed to cancer progression to NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN.

I'm sorry to come across a bit harsh on this issue but it really strikes a cord with me and I'm sure with those who have had progression. No one EVER should be made to feel that their outcomes had ANYTHING to do with their attitudes etc. It simply isn't so.

Mary Jo

[Mary Anne in TX]

Hi Andi! I think about my thoughts like sunshine and rain. It seems to me that when I control my thinking, I am adding the healing power of sunshine into my body and spirit. Not sure what depth to which the healing goes, but I know that my thoughts give me peace or give me frustration. I'm a retired librarian and history teacher (plus other adventures) and I love ideas and the freedom to think and believe as I'm brave enough to do. My mom never restricted what I read and I am today so very grateful to her. Can't read the scarey stuff even now, but find myself seeking my own truths about this disease, just as I had to find my own relationship so many years ago with God. Thanks for stirring up the "thinking pot"! Blessings and good thoughts to you, mary anne

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Your body is a reflection of your psychological state. I am saying that treating the "symptoms" (the cancer, the bad back, the migraine) will not cure you. YOU MUST HEAL what is buried, repressed unconsciously in your Id. We each carry a "reservoir of rage" (Dr. John Sarno in THE DIVIDED MIND -- fabulous but slow read -- so much to absorb!). It lurks beneath the surface and pops up. He says the Superego believes it is protecting us by creating a malfunction or pain in our body, to distract us from delving into what is unhealed in our minds.

Searching in your mind's attic you must uncover what you've naturally repressed, too emotionally painful to investigate, we think. But once we get past that hesitation, and look for and allow ourselves to feel those horrid emotions, we become healed, free from them, free from physical dysfunction. The mindbody link is real. Our breathing, our healing, our blinking all come from signals from the body to the mind and the mind's response. Some is unconsciously carried out. But truly healing involves our being holistically/totally proactively involved!

We have all suffered traumas in our lives we'd like to hide from. Hence our reservoir of rage, coming out inappropriately at a stranger or loved one who "triggers" our reaction as the situation or a word reminds us of past emotional pain. Once we become aware of the tricks our mind plays on us, we can consciously seek to fix the psychological problems we all have. We can heal our emotional wounds. We also have the power to command our body to HEAL. THE BODY HEARS EVERYTHING YOU THINK OR WHISPER -- and takes it very literally. It responds, following orders as directed.

When I say It's killing me watching my husband suffering so much pain from the shingles he just got, I hesitate. I hear that energy. I will NOT allow it to kill me, I counter. Knowing my body will hear my thought. I correct immediately so as not to send the wrong message. I will remain well and healthy, strong, brave and determined, stable with NED! Still it hurts to see my wonderful husband in so much pain. It will not kill me, however. Because I will not allow it. I am alert to my thoughts and thought patterns all day. I monitor them, to weed out fears, wandering worries, doubts, alarm and replace the energy of my thoughts w/loving energy full of compassion, kindness, generosity, gratitude and awe. I then reap a sense of joy and serenity knowing I am doing my job -- staying well, directing my body to do as it is supposed to, per my instructions.

Sending loving, healing energy... ANDI (BB)

[Caroline UK]

Andrea, I too respect your right to hold your own views, but that is all they are, not facts. It does seem that our thoughts and feelings have a physiological effect on the immune system, and even without any of the scientific studies that would make sense. That's really important, I agree, but I think it's still only a small part of the whole picture. To suggest that you can heal yourself by the power of positive thinking, is to also suggest that you are to blame if you don't heal, and that I feel is quite wrong and unhelpful.

Since having bc I seek out things and people who make me laugh. I go and see funny films, and I'm slowly easing away from people who I now realise bring me down and sap me of my energy and love for life. I look on the bright side more, and consciously count my blessings ( I now see how many I have, too). I take care of myself more, walk up the stairs instead of taking the lift, take regular vitamins and supplements, eat better, make an effort to see friends and tell people I love them. I appreciate my ever-increasing, post-chemo energy, and notice the small stuff more.
I'm sure we'd all agree with you that we need to 'think positive', and if nothing else, it makes for a happier way of living and being. Anything else, like the effect it may or may not have on our immune system, is an added bonus.

I don't want to put a complete downer on what you've said, but I would just urge you to take extra care over how you say things, perhaps. We actually just don't know what would or wouldn't happen if we did nothing at all to look after our minds, bodies and souls.
I can see that you want to encourage people to take responsibility for their own happiness, and I like that in you and your previous postings. I'm glad to be reminded. BUT, we can't take 100% responsibility for whether we beat cancer or not. I'm wondering if maybe you didn't quite mean it like that, but that's how I understood it from what you said.

[Carolyns]

CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECT -- please hear me out...

Hi Andrea,

You said it was controversial and you are right. I work with a healer and we have similar, sometimes heated, discussions. On this journey I find it much easier to have this perspective when my counts and scans are good. I find that this perspective adds to my guilt and sadness when my situation takes a turn in the wrong direction.

Love, Hope, and Peace,

Carolyns

[kimber]

Andrea:

I am appalled that you would insinuate that any of us gave ourselves this disease. Have you ever heard of GENETICS among other things. Give me a break.

This board is for HELPING one another. Not blame! I am sending YOU prayers.
-kim

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

MY CANCER IS NOT MY FAULT. Absolutely, I agree. I do not in any way blame myself or feel any guilt or shame. I have always done the best I could at the time. But we are all here to learn lessons, and to love one another and ourselves! Yes it is fabulous that after having bc I am kinder to myself. I see the value of laughter and loving. Very therapeutic and healing. And joyful. It has taught me to walk away from people who bring me down (toxic relationships), people who are not giving of themselves, lack generosity of Spirit and a loving nature. They are takers. I surround myself w/loving people who appreciate me for the True Me. They see my happy smiling face full of tranquility and marvel. I appreciate them for the wise and wonderful Spirits they are and I keep them close, if not literally by phone and email.

I was always optimistic, which is handy when facing an adversity like bc, but I never saw how truly blessed I am. I count all the tiny things, I see the sublime in the ordinary, literally! Now. I have learned much since being dx. I have read much, as all of us have, but I don't pour over the factors and percentages, I focus instead, on spirituality. For me, this is fulfilling and gratifying. It enhances my life immeasurably. It makes me feel happier, more alive and more in harmony than ever before. More than I imagined possible.

I pray for more energy. I watch my diet, eating the good, and rejecting the tempting but bad. I see an oncol/hematol/nutitional expert who has given me multiple supplements (to boost my imm sys, strengthen my heart, fight free radicals, anti-oxi, energize, etc.) Mainstream docs think it's a waste of time. I respect their opinion, but respectfully add supplements anyway, w/my 1 onc blessings. I do my best to take care of my temple (body, mind) and of course my Soul.

Surely I know too many who had positive attitudes but lost their battle. I grieve for their loss to this world, to me. I loved them dearly and tried my best to support them. We all have weak moments and some times we find we stray off the positive trail. I know I have. And how difficult it was to get my footing back. I have failed numerous times. None of us is perfect. Perfect is boring as I see it. I am human. I do the best I can at the time. No one could ask more of themselves. When I was in a valley, lost and groping I did not feel angry or disappointed at myself. I simply tried my best to pick myself up. It would take a comment from my daughter, Pami, who is surely an old Soul, to say to me -- You've lost touch with your spiritual Self. Simple as that. I'd rally. I'd go back to meditating and connecting deep inside myself with my Spirit. And miraculously, all of a sudden, the ME I love being was back!

So, I wish for all of you never to blame yourselves, but to keep searching for lessons and messages and healing in every capacity -- body, mind and Soul. I send you all loving energy at all times because in the end that is what Life is all about -- going within and being lifted up, reaching out and loving one another. Don't beat yourself up -- EVER. Be as kind to yourself as you would your own child or your best friend. That's what you deserve. And keep on doing your best. No one can ask more of you. I wish you wellness in your brave fight, strength to carry on and belief in yourself and your own EMPOWERMENT. That is your birthright. ANDI (BB)

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

When I broke my ankle, just after Taxotere I did not feel I had caused the accident. The pot hole created the problem, the way I looked at it. When I was dx w/bc some suggested I go the spiritual route. NO. I would do the mastec/reconst tram flap/and all the chemo AND do the spiritual thing. When I recurred, again absolutely I went w/the cutting edge opin of all 4 oncs -- w/the most aggressive weapon they had in their arsenal, to match my aggressive Her2 gene, found in between episodes. I thank God for Herceptin every day.

I also thank God for my bld pressure meds. Like I would imagine a diabetic is grateful for insulin. My husband's grandmother died of diabetes, before insulin came along. We who benefit from Herceptin (or Tykerb) live in humble gratitude.

Those who have failed in their battle were no less strong, brave and determined. All that we see is not all there is. Reasons beyond my imagination must have been in play. Perhaps they were needed in the Spiritual Realm for a task only they could manage. We are each unique. Why would you think to besmirch their memory w/such ugly thoughts?

I am still a warrior, holding on to the edge as best I can. I do not have any desire to LECTURE you. Sorry you feel that is so. Just trying to offer the best advice I have accumulated over the last 12 yrs to those struggling. Offering my hand -- to grab yours and help you over the edge w/me. That is my motivation. Nothing sinister. It is a loving gesture. Please don't be offended or angry w/my offering. If you are so filled w/harsh criticism that you don't want a spot on the lifeboat -- that is your choice. You do not have to think like me. What I post is a suggestion for your consideration. You are an adult, fully capable of making your own choices. Just some ideas you may not have considered that might be worthy of your attention.

I have nothing but respect and loving admiration for ev women on this board and ev woman I have known that has been thrust on this journey. None of us volunteered for this. But here we are, trying our best to do all we can do to help ourselves. It is what it is is where I went immediately (mentally) when dx. There was no escaping that. But I knew I could choose how I would respond. So I chose to be proactive, informed and take the spiritual path, having gleaned many lessons on the mindbody connection and now using it for my survival. And of course wanting to share these lessons w/all who are OPEN. To blossom you must open. If you are not ready, or choose not to think of the power you have been blessed with -- perhaps you will find other lessons, and hopefully, share them w/all of us. I promise I won't attack you for your opinions. I won't take them personally. I won't feel they fly in the face of those who've fought hard and lost.

Isn't it natural for all of us to wonder WHO ARE LIFE'S VICTORS? Who are the Olympic gold medalists? How did they get there? Was it luck? Or is there a common thread. I have noted this since I was a child, struggling daily against a raging father who was, as I see now in retrospect, a lost Soul. I felt mortally wounded and became mature quickly, fighting for my life against verbal assaults. When someone on TV asked the winners WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WON? I turned and listened intently. Same if they asked the "favorites" why they thought they lost. I turned and became riveted. I saw the common thread. What they all had in common was this -- they each KNEW they would win, or FEARED they would lose. They each SAW themselves winning over and over in the last yr, or vice versa. This lesson impacted me profoundly. Going within myself was how I remained optimistic, open, friendly, loving, compassionate and kind. It all had to happen to make me evolve into who I am today. And I am grateful for it all. No anger. No resentment or blame. No inability to forgive. I am free -- to BE. Sending you loving energy to nourish your Soul... ANDI

[Audrey]

Interesting post, Andrea. I do agree with you to a point, but I just wanted to share that when I was diagnosed in 2001 my prognosis was "poor" and I had the worst attitude. I walked around under a dark cloud for months, and my thoughts consisted of "I'M DOOMED"- I did show up faithfully for chemo/radiation and a year of Herceptin and slowly, slowly I realized that I wasn't dying after all...No one is more surprised than I am that I am still here six years later. Now I am filled with joy and wonder and look for the positive in everything, but this attitude definitely came about AFTER I had treatment that worked for me. I give credit to God, my doctors and medical science (especially Herceptin), but my attitude was certainly not what healed me at the time. I seem to have been healed in spite of my poor attitude, while other positive people in support groups, etc. died. I do think a positive attitude can enrich your life, but don't think necessarily makes a difference in the outcome of your illness.

[Adriana Mangus]

I believe that's the reason am still around am extremely positive, no matter what, or where,who. I simply put my mind to work and puff!!!..

Sending positive vibes to you all..


With much love..

[Erin]

I REALLY appreciate what you are saying, and I am really not questioning your right to choose your own beliefs and your own path, but I do think your comments are a bit inflamatory and disrespectful to those brave (and positive) people who have battled bc and lost.

Regarding your primary premise, I have to agree with Maryjo and the others who have so clearly articulated a more reasoned point of view. And, I have a simple question for you.....if you take your thought process to its logical conclusion, why are you still on Herceptin? If you follow your own counsel wouldn't you be able to do without it? It seems you might want to lecture others about swimming in the deep end of the pool, while you hold on to the ledge....

[chrisy]

Great discussion - lots of spirit for sure! I agree with everyone!

Andrea, I admire your energy and committment to this and read your posts with great hunger! I mostly agree with your opinions and often wonder HOW you can keep control over your thoughts - I have a tough time here, especially when things go south. But there is little real debate over whether there is a mind-body connection. More and more research comes out every year on the power of the mind-body-spirit connections. We still just don't know enough about it and maybe we never will.

I don't buy the "I caused my own cancer" riff - and I don't think Andrea is suggesting this - but I do believe that my thoughts and feelings affect my physiological processes, including immune response. So my mind has some power to tip the scales for or against my health. Tipping the scales adds or detracts some %, along with treatment, general health, and the pure biology of the disease.

Another interesting but slow read is "Healing Words" by Dr. Larry Dossey. This book looks beyond the mind-body connection to the power of prayer and other "non-local" influences - i.e. your thoughts can influence someone elses physiology! I've read this book twice and come away less with answers and more with a sense of wonder.

I believe our bodies have a lot of intelligence for healing, and we can try to harness or direct it with our thoughts. Or with our prayers, or the prayers of others. We are all, basically, just energy. We do what we can to take control, or the illusion of control but in the end it's really in the hands of a higher power.

Great topic - and nice job, ladies and gents, in having this discussion in the spirit of love and support! That's why this is the ONLY board I have "exposed" myself to by posting instead of just lurking!

Chris

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Yes, Thanks for that. A lot of Spirit. Not mean-spirited. Not nasty. Just passionate. I love that take. I'm going to own it. Yes tip the scale in yr favor. Right on. Who knows what %. But ev inch helps. One step at a time. Will check out HEALING WORDS by Larry Dossey. EVERY THOUGHT IS LIKE A PRAYER. EVERY PRAYER IS A POTENTIAL MIRACLE. So our thoughts and prayers are potent! How grand is that?! We must do what we have the power to do.

Thanks, Chrisy for not just lurking. Love your input! Love you.

As for controlling or re-programming yr thoughts -- that's quite the challenge, believe me I know. In my early 20s, a 100 yrs ago, I lived haunted and taunted my thoughts recalling my trauma of a childhood. I couldn't get free. It was only after bc that I began reading spiritual bks and found that we need not remain in the role of victim. I grew from thinking I can't change what was and must live with it to -- It taught me much, I will take the lessons and use them well. I began to re-write my thoughts and put plenty of love into them.
I mean this pure, unconditional Universal Love that seemed to be drawn to me
as I prepared for my mastec. I was in my pool in my backyard in Dix Hills, LI, bobbing tippy toe, gently treading water, almost in the deep end, but still able to touch bottom. I lifted my face to the sun and felt this Inner Voice say with great authority -- I'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE AND IN THE END, THE HEROINE (ME) LIVES. It hit me w/such a profound faith and certainty it has never left me. I felt the sun as the Light from a Higher Power blessing me and already healing me.

Now as I meditate I recapture that moment of CONNECTING which empowers me to chose the words I will think upon all day, knowing what we think all day becomes our reality. This keeps me buoyant and believing in my power to impact my destiny.

No, I did not cause my bc. Certainly not directly. But circuitously, perhaps, full of my childhood anger, resentment and blame for The Poor Child That Was Me. I wanted to stand up for her, demand apologies and make her heal. I was just going about it all wrong. I came to heal that Child and her emotional wounds with a loving Spirit, compassion for my poor Father and then the capacity to forgive (vs dwell in negative blame and such). THAT WAS INCREDIBLY HEALING. It put me on the path to surviving. Chemo helped. Surely Herceptin continues to help. Foraging in my mental attic and working at being grounded makes me feel joyful and tranquil, which in turns makes me well -- I BELIEVE. I wish the same for all the brave, daring, well-informed warriors on this board. Every single one! Always... ANDI

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Guess cynicism and venting (which is very therapeutic) works for you. Along w/stubborness, which I am as well, and has worked well for me in refusing to give in or give up. Glad you find joy all the same. That is what you deserve, along w/wellness. Sending you healing energy which I hope you will accept... Smiling anyway. You made me laugh, you tough cookie you. That's what it takes, you know! ANDI

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Can't find your post but got your message. Sounds like the is the cup half full or half empty perspective. Heaven, or the Spiritual Realm is a lovely place. Negative attitudes don't necessarily kill you. If hatred and vengeance didn't kill Hitler long before he did it himself, and Saddam Hussein lived and thrived for so long -- that's a mystery indeed. Again, all we see is not all there is. Are my dogs Sassafras and Jezebel in Heaven. I'm thinking they must be. I'm looking forward to seeing them again.

Glad you're doing well and sending you loving, happy, healthy energy... ANDI

[Believe51]

Andrea all I can say is Amen to that! I have a friend who has has Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma since 1982, and at the time a major Cancer Clinic told him to go home to his newly wed wife of a year(who just found out she was pregnant) and get ready to die, only not that nice. He got a second opinion from the doctor we will be seeing June 19. That doctor said, no Eddie, I will not let you die. Of course, we know that it is not all in the doctor's hands. And so did my little buddy, Eddie!! Eddie is my husband's longtime friend and a major positive influence about fighting someone tells you is useless. We cannot let them give us death sentences!! We ARE the masters of our own future, and the mind is the best medicine known to man!! Eddie has told my husband many times that: YOU MUST MAKE YOUR MIND KNOW IT WILL BE HELPING YOU CONQUER THIS!! YOUR MIND MUST BELIEVE YOUR BODY WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO DIE OR GIVE UP!! I have taken many Psychology classes and the mind amazes me always! Right now hubby is reading many books and the one that is mostly in his hands regarding this topic is: "Mind Magic" and he says it is a great read, try to check it out. Also, if you asked an Oncologist if he would give chemo to his Breast Cancer Mother, he would say NO!! He would also give her the treatment because it is all the ammo he has. But she does not, she has her mind and her undying desire to live!! Thanks for the thoughts of the day, The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste!!!!!>Waiting For A Miracle>..Believe51..(Marie G)