Feeling good (most of the time)

[Cat]

I was in my oncologists office the other day and started talking to a woman that sounded like she had very early breast cancer and a lumpectomy with no need for chemo or radiation. I was happy for her but also jealous. Then I started thinking about it and realized even with stage IV and multiple treatments over the past almost 8 years, I actually looked and probably felt healthier than she did. I began to sit taller and carry myself stronger because most of the time that is how I feel. Sure I have my side effects that bug me but at this point I know how to handle most of them. I wouldn't argue if God wanted to remove this disease from me but since it's here I haven't stopped living. There are times when I can't exercise because of it (and also times I choose not to... oops). I eat with health in mind but am not fanatical and enjoy "junk" at times. I was thrilled when they came out with dark chocolate being healthy. It seems my oncologist sees me as doing and looking very well and comments on it regularily and I figure he would know. I have never asked about prognosis or time left etc. because I know they are meaningless except to the bean counters somewhere out there. I won't lie though I did check numbers in the beginning until I realized how fruitless it was. I have tried to keep my body healthy to tolerate all that I ask it to put up with and so far it works most of the time. The winter in the Chicago suburbs has been very long starting in early Dec. and it feels like it will go on and on, especially when Anchorage has been warmer than us and last year our first measurable snow was Jan. 25 and we have so far passed our yearly average. As much as I don't like it , I relish the fact that I can get out and snow blow the drive and or shovel. I haven't gotten to ski this year but weather permitting I will try. I miss my dog and walking him but I am grateful not to have to shovel the backyard for him to go in. He was a good size (55#) but we've had a lot of snow pile up and I wouldn't want to stick my butt in it to poop so I don't think he would have either. But I regress and got hooked on the weather here which unfortunately is a big conversation piece around here since no one wants to go do anything else. I know it has nothing to do with cancer but maybe thats my point. We have no control over cancer, weather, the people in line ahead of us in the store, all random things that get in our way but are only as devastating as we let them be.
Thanks for letting me ramble and hopefully you all have or get some peace with this stupid disease and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Now I think I'll go make some chili, and get ready to curl up in the family room and watch the superbowl and watch the weather out the window...
Hugs to all, Cathy