????Question for all BC survivors????

RhondaH · 11-24-2007, 08:16 PM

This is a stupid question, but I'm wondering if it is just me or if others feel this way. When you were first diagnosed, I'm sure that you just as I, were given many BC logo items (i.e. pink ribbons) from friends, family, other survivors, well wishers etc and they were ALL very much appreciated, BUT since being out of treatment (finished treatment 8/06) I STILL get BC logo items for every occasion. Part of me is very proud of being a BC survivor and on "special occasions" I proudly wear my pink ribbons, but I'm at a point were I don't want BC to "define me" especially since wanting to "get on with my life" (I observe my BC survivorship in my own "quiet" way). Is it just me or do others feel this way?

Rhonda

Mary Jo · 11-24-2007, 08:39 PM

Hi Rhonda,

I'm so happy you brought this subject up. I've often wondered if I was a bit of a wierdo (ok guys - be nice

) but since "bc" I wear pink almost everyday. It's become my favorite color and I happen to look nice in pink (good thing).

I am 2 years 4 months out since surgery and STILL proudly wear my pink and for some odd, strange reason feel "special" in some sort of way since being told I had this disease. I wear the "badge" proudly and feel special. (see I told you I was a wierdo)

I am sure it's because since "bc" my inner self has changed dramatically. I feel very close to God - my prayer life is sooooooooooo special to me and it's a time I feel really connected to the One who has power and control over me - I value life in a way I never did before - I've taken on some new ventures as far as mentoring and support for others go - OH the list could go on and on. I truly believe that before "bc" I had my priorities in order and was very connected to God and all that He has called me to be BUT I had so much to learn. Mainly trust and learning to let go.

Trust me, I'm not their yet BUT God is working in my heart and life and one day He will bring it all to frution. It took breast cancer to teach me all this. To teach me what was truly the most important "stuff" in our world.

So, Rhonda, in a nutshell..............I love pink - love all that stands for breast cancer (meaning the women and men affected by it and the wonderful, wonderful hearts they have) and I am thankful for being able to go through all I've gone through because my life is richer and wayyyyyyyyyy more meaningful because of it.

Thanks for starting this thread. It's so interesting and I am anxious to "hear" what others say.

Hugs to you Rhonda,

Mary Jo

Yorkiegirl · 11-24-2007, 08:41 PM

Rhonda , I know myself that I feel the same way you do. However I thank the person for the gift and then I have a special box that I keep all the items and they are stored there.

I also know that dread the month of October as well, but that may be just me.

juanita · 11-24-2007, 08:44 PM

I do still occasionally get pink ribbon things, but not as many. I think the ones who still give it to me are just trying to support me and don't know how to do it any other way at this stage of the game. I've thought about just telling them to make a donation instead, but am not sure how to go about telling someone that.

Jeanette · 11-24-2007, 09:03 PM

I also receive some things that are pink , and truly appreciate the gesture. I think it is an indivual thing, like if it makes you feel good, or something along these lines. I do wear pink quite often and do not mind talking about my Cancer if someone asks. I'm not very proficient ladies, I know what I want to say, but can't seem to put it into words. just know I love you all, Jeanette

PinkGirl · 11-24-2007, 09:03 PM

Hi Rhonda H

This is not at all a stupid question. Being the benefactor of everything pink goes along with the diagnosis. I received pink ribbons, pink playing cards, pink scotch tape, pink frying pan, pink beads, pink bracelet and of course, my favourite, pink M&M's.

I can't tell you exactly how I feel about all the pink stuff because I don't always feel the same about it. I am gracious and accept the gifts from people, at times feeling that the cancer is all they see in me, but I know they mean well. Some days I want to wear my pink ribbons and pink baseball cap, and like marejo, I look good in pink!! After all, I am PinkGirl and I have a pink streak in my hair, so................I don't know.....sometimes I like it, and sometimes I want it to all go away.

mke · 11-24-2007, 09:20 PM

Maybe pink isn't quite as big a thing here in Canada, or maybe no one likes me because I really didn't get much pink stuff. A friend who also had BC gave me a pink ribbon license plate holder but that's the only thing I can think of. I did buy a pair of pink jeans recently but I didn't even think about it being the colour of BC.

hutchibk · 11-25-2007, 12:09 AM

I do get a little "over-gifted" by well meaning friends and family on the pink ribbon stuff. I am pretty over it, I must say, as I feel I am constantly purging and purging things that I don't need. I have kept a few meaningful pieces that I will pull out for my B/C walks and for October... the rest I take to my cancer center and ask them to give it to new patients.

Becky · 11-25-2007, 09:02 AM

In the first year (diagnosed in August, surgery Sept and BC awareness month in Oct of which I also started chemo), you can imagine all the "things" I got. Everyone must have shopped for me for Christmas (and my birthday is in Dec too) in October. Pink scarves, baskets with the ribbon on them, Komen candles - and quite frankly - I am kind of a "matter of fact" type gal. So the pink thing is just not me. I also want to choose who I tell about being a survivor. I don't introduce myself to new people or clients saying, "hi, Becky here. I am a 3+ yr bc survivor. What do you want to know about our products and services?" At this point, I really can't recall getting more pink stuff but I really did in the first 18 months or so.

I was kind of harsh on one of my daughters that first Christmas (or maybe birthday). She went to a Coach store and bought me 2 scarves for my bald head. I do not wear scarves as apparel so after I wasn't bald anymore, I would have no use for these very expensive scarves. I told her to return them and get me something else. I also told my mother to return a pink sweater and get me something else too (and my mom is a bc survivor too). Sometimes, you have to just say something. It was easier when in treatment because it doesn't come off as "ungrateful" as it does later but... oh well!

Karen W · 11-25-2007, 11:03 AM

I don't get nearly as many bc items as I used to, but when people do give me something pink or something that represents bc (a keychain, etc.) I really appreciate it. To me, not only is the intention good but it means they remember and that's ok.

It's all about the kindness of the spirit.

Karen

dhealey · 11-25-2007, 11:39 AM

I am only year and a month out from the beginning of my survivorship. I don't mind the color pink or all the pink things given to me, they are a reminder to me how all of us women with breast cancer are the strongest women alive. Think about it we have our bodies disfigured, go through grueling months of chemo that for some of us almost kills us instead of curing us. We lose our hair, eyelashes, eyebrows, and body hair. We look like some kind of alien. Then slowly but surely we begin to blossom again. Nobody but us can understand the stregnth from within it takes for us to beat this beast. So to me pink means life and strength! It also means the memory of my beautiful mother who died from this disease, but left me her grace and dignity to fight my own battle.

Vic · 11-25-2007, 11:41 AM

Hi Pinks and Non-Pinks,

I'm in the camp with Becky and Hutch in that when I was going through treatment I did wear one bright, raspberry pink skirt and sweater combo with my raspberry knitted hat (yes, it was, in fact, a raspberry, complete with green stem on top).

But, after treatment I wanted to make a transition into the post-bc lifestyle. I found myself mentioning it in conversation early on and was conflicted sometimes, because I didn't want to use that to describe me every time I met someone and yet I did. Why I did that, I don't know. Gradually now, I've stopped including it in conversation unless it's relevant.

Like Hutch, I opted to donate my wig (which I never wore) and other gift items (stuffed animals, pins, hats, etc.) to my hospital's buddy group. I still have the hot pink outfit, but no longer wear it as styles change. I love clothes and shoes and feel good wearing what I like without sending a specific message. It's like the Lance Armstrong yellow bracelet. I wore it when I was in treatment, but I live strong every day on the inside.

Andrea Barnett Budin · 11-25-2007, 11:54 AM

There are no stupid questions. It is a sign of a curious mind. And that's a good thing, for all of us. I have my collection. A rhinestone bc ribbon pin, breast cancer stamp replica pin, a necklace w/healing stone dangling, necklace w/charms that say -- *believe*, *hope*, *strength*, a lilac touch stone that says *destiny* in metallic gold that I keep on my night table. I have not one but two huge pink bath towels w/elaborate bc ribbons designs, which do not go w/my color scheme but are appreciated and sit in a laundry basket in my laundry room on top of the dryer. All were given w/love, I know. All unused, but kept. Expressions of love, wishing to help but aware all they can do is offer their love.

The necklaces hang from my face towel hook and each time I use the towel and remove it, the necklaces clink and sway and I feel loved. I think of Myra (now in Heaven) and Carol (fighting lung ca for 3 yrs, surviving the chemo and enjoying Life more than ever before). My 11 yr old granddaughter gave me a silver large link bracelet w/pink leather wending its way throughout (kind of Chanely looking). It has a heart charm (I adore hearts!) that hangs at the toggle bolt closure. It says, We can make a difference. She gave one of these to her Mother, my daughter, as well, who is healthy and prayerfully will remain so. All thoughtful, caring gifts given w/love. I try to wear this bracelet whenever I see my Josie, b/c I appreciate her sweetness. Friends sent me myriad bks full of inspirational messages and beautiful cards and dozens of floral arrangements at the beginning, 100 yrs ago. They still often tell me with gusto that I'm their hero, amazed I have endured I suppose. It's been 12 yrs now.

When my husband and I go out, and jackets are required for men, he wears a suit and tie, a pocket silk in his breast pocket and a pink bc ribbon pin on his lapel. He does this proudly, and w/love, and it never fails to touch my heart.

I too do not want bc to define me, but my response to it seems to be received invariably as something to be admired. When it comes up, and it often seems to, I explain my situation, having had chemo and this or that lasting side effect, or that I am a bc survivor, pp look me in the eye, stop what they are doing and I can feel *vibes* of loving energy coming at me. They are elated to meet a person who has walked through fire and is here to tell about it. They all know someone who is fighting bc as it is a bloody epidemic. Strangers hug me, take my hand in both of theirs and say, God bless you. It was sooo nice to meet you. And I feel their warmth and generosity of Spirit and it lifts me up.

So no, I don't wear pink ribbons, but I am open to talking about my experience, for others to know some do survive. As our society is adverse to discussing death, even mentioning the deceased's name, uncomfortable about the very word cancer, whispering it... I have learned through bc to help others speak up at such moments begging for kindness. Often pp will say, I can't go to the hospital, to the house or make a phone call. They don't know what words to speak. I tell them how meaningful it was to me to receive cards that said, I just wanted you to know I am so sorry that you have to go through what you are faced with. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers. And they pounce on that and thank me for sharing. They seem to think, I can do that! I explain it makes a world of difference to the person receiving such sentiments.

I think we all owe it to the world, and in tribute to those who we have lost, to urge people who hide in other aisles in the supermarket to avoid facing you and others like that, to be kind and caring and express such feelings. I'm guessing many of us have had the friend we thought was a friend turn their backs on us when we were dx. They were afraid. They were ignorant. They didn't *get it*. So, I think, we need to help educate pp, when the opportunity arises, to evolve and help our culture learn to begin to teach how to deal w/such touchy topics with a more open-heartedness.
Andi

Ginagce · 11-25-2007, 09:37 PM

And when I receive dups or whatever, I just put them aside, write my sincere thank you note and then put them in a box that I go to when I hear of others diagnosed with bc.

Being a two time survivor, lots of people forward their friends, family etc. to my phone when first diagnosed. If I wind up going to see them, I have something to take with me beside all my hope and experience and encouragement.

I think that although this could be considered the dreaded "regifting" it's the perfect way to regift!!!!!

ginagce

SoCalGal · 11-25-2007, 09:48 PM

No one buys me pink ribbon-y things. Never. Not once in 11 years. This year I received a lot of stones with hopeful sayings etched in them. Seems to be the theme - weighty stuff for weighty stuff. Most people buy me jewelry because I'm a bling-a-holic. Pink - not my thang.
xoxo You ladies just crack me up. Love, Flori

madubois63 · 11-26-2007, 07:06 AM

I am glad that October is over, as it is breast cancer awareness month. I AM AWARE, thank you! I don't need socks with pink ribbons on them or a pink mixer or frying pans. I NEED A CURE!! I have soooooo many pink rubber bracelets, pins, angels holding pink ribbons, stuffed bears, etc...The bears are now in a bag in my car, ready to be donated to the children's cancer ward at my hospital. I give away the pins (except for the good ones), the diaries and the pamphlets. If all the money spent on making these things and advertising about "awareness" was just donated, we might have a cure by now!!

P.S. Did you know that September is leukemia/lymphoma awareness month?? That's a purple ribbon...I only have one thing that represents the leukemia. It is a ribbon shaped necklace with two stones on the ends. One pink and one purple.

PinkGirl · 11-26-2007, 09:08 AM

Flori, you always make me laugh. Your post didn't
surprise me - you need a "tougher" colour than pink

Madame Dubois, your mention of September being
the month for leukemia and lymphoma awareness reminded
me of something. I always wonder what people who have
cancer other than bc think about all the attention we get.
I wasn't aware of Sept. being leukemia and lymphoma month
or of the purple ribbon. I doubt if there's anyone on the planet
who doesn't know about the "pink people".... just thinking....

I know that bc feels like an epidemic, but I am sure any kind
of cancer is a nightmare to deal with.

Alice · 11-26-2007, 11:00 AM

I also feel the way you do. I am proud of being a survivor but I am ready to move forward in the everyday setting. I do volunteer at a local suport center and I think this is important. When people give me things that relate to BC I just thank them.
I was wandering if you could have a certain place that you put these articles and let people know that you will bring them out on special events. You could also have a survivorship birthday on a seperate day where they could only give you pink related gifts, this may get it out of there system and anounce at that party that you are puting the BC behind you and moving on and will always be thankful for their suport. Another idea that my sister had, which partains to the last post, was to ask people that if they were going to give you a gift, could they make it in the form of a donation to another cancer that does not get as much recognition as BC such as ovarian cancer. Last christmas I did that for her. It may give some people out there something to think about other than giving pink.
Alice

Joan M · 11-26-2007, 07:57 PM

I received a lot of pink ribbons, t-shirts, etc. when I was first diagnosed with early stage bc.

I appreciated them because they were given with love and concern.

Now, I get them occasionally. For example, just before I was diagnosed with stage IV bc last year, one of my sisters-in-law gave me and several other relatives and family friends a "breast cancer," limited edition, Better Homes and Gardens cookbook as a Christmas present, which I thought was really nice, and I was looking for new recipes anyway.

I belong to a bc support group where I receive treatment. The group meets once a month except in the summer. We have guest speakers from the pharmaceutical companies and they bring lots of pink stuff. But, unfortunately, most of it sports their logos.

The group is like the board here. We exchange a lot of information and offer each other support. I've also become good friends with a few of the members.

As for wearing pink, I do it occasionally except in October when I make a point to wear my bc ribbons and braclets. I look good in pink. And the color pink doesn't mean anything psychological to me. I shoot from the hip regardless, and feel just as comfortable in pink sweater as in my black leather motorcycle jacket.

ita · 11-26-2007, 08:16 PM

Rhonda,

Like you, I do not want BC to define me. I know it will always be a part of my life, but when I meet a new person I don't describe myself as having had BC. Does any other person who introduce themselves add in their ailments? I would bet most don't. Why should I?
Mind you, I am more than willing to help out anyone unfortunate enough to be diagnosed with it. Whatever experience I have had I am happy to share with others. I have also given my blood for further studies. I will do anything that can to help in the advancement and the treatment and cure of this horrible disease. But I am me first and foremost, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and an aunt. One who happens to have had bc. I just want it to be a chapter in my life not the whole story.

Sincerely,
Ita