I just want to be normal - Page 2

dhealey · 09-20-2007, 03:35 PM

Mary, There is no back to norm the way you used to be before cancer. You now have to find a new norm. I got very depressed about a month ago because I too will be nearing the end of my treatment in Janurary. I feel nervous about the cancer coming back. People at work act like I am not sick either, I guess because I continued to work and do everything like I did before. This is not always good as I get very tired. The only one who understands is my husband. I can no longer tolerate petty little problems or trivial things at work or home. I have learned though to appreciate everyday and treat it like it may be my last. Live in the moment. It has taken me awhile to do this. I think when you are going through treatment it is easy the sail through it without really thinking about having the cancer because everyone is concerned about getting you better and you are so busy with doctor appointments and treatments. The next phase is the hard one learning to move on. I am still working on that one. One thing I have learned is don't be to hard on your self and learn how to say no to things that aren't pleasing to you. Best of luck!

BearMan52 · 09-20-2007, 06:23 PM

You all have just cracked me up with the smileys! Thank you...needed that...my wife is having a rough time on Xeloda/Tykerb...and not a lot of evidence that it's working. This is after a year of mets diagnosis and txs: Taxotere/Carbo/Herep; Navelbine/Hercep, now Xeloda/Tykerb...with Zometa throughout. Thanks too for the inspiration.
Barry
Care giver husband

tousled1 · 09-20-2007, 09:17 PM

Mary,

It is quite normal to feel the way you do. While you're going through your treatments you are kept so busy with doctor appointments, tests, etc that you really don't have much time to think about anything except fighting this disease. Now that you are coming to the end of treatment you have more time on your hands to think. Your "normal" after completion of your treatment will not be what your "normal" was before the beginning of your journey. I have found that I don't sweat the small stuff anymore, have little patience for some people, and just enjoy each day for the little things. Don't despair. If you feel you need medication to help you through this, don't hesitate to ask your doctor for either an antidepressant or an anti anxiety drug. I took antidepressants for 4 years after my son passed away from leukemia. I stopped taking them the year before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have not gone back to them but I do take an anti anxiety drug - Ativan which really helps. I also have a terrible time with sleeping -- started when I was on Herceptin only. I take Ambien CR for that. You can not live your life worry about cancer each and every day. There is so much in life to appreciate and it's up to you to find just what is going to make you happy now. If it means developing new friends and dropping old ones, or taking up a new hobby. the best advice I can give you is to make sure you do something nice just for yourself at least once a week. Hang in there it does get better!

MAB1943 · 09-25-2007, 06:10 PM

thank you so much for the wise words. it really does help to know there are others who do understand.
good luck and God Bless you as you battle this malady.
Mary

OzzieSue · 09-22-2007, 04:19 PM

Having read all these posts it has inspired me to fight on to the next step of my journey. I received the email below today and thought it appropriate for this thread

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged. It's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it."
"It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do."

"Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away, just for this time in my life."

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in."

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my memory bank. I am still depositing."
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live! simply .
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

hutchibk · 09-22-2007, 10:20 PM

I LOVE that OzzieSue! Thanks for posting! May I share it with others.

Sherryg683 · 09-24-2007, 05:33 AM

OK, but this may sound bad but I eat what I want. I had a brownie for breakfast this morning, that means I won't have much of a lunch. I do this more for keeping the weight down than worrying about feeding the cancer. In my heart, I really don't think that what you eat or don't causes cancer. There are too many vegeterians, neutrionalists, etc..who have come down with cancer. Many people with almost zero fat content on their body who never ate sugar. I think cancer is genetic, mostly and bad luck the other half. I am not going to worry myself to death over every thing I put into my body. That's just not living. I don't eat a lot of fats but I never had because of the weight thing. I do take tumeric, grape seed and green tea extract consistantly. I have been NED almost 2 years now and am too supersitious to stop what I have been doing, including having that occaisional donut for breakfast and reeses peanut butter cup. Life's too short to do without the good things completely. I'd hate to have my dying wishes be "man I wish I would have had that last piece of cake"...sherryg

Sherryg683 · 09-24-2007, 05:35 AM

OK, but this may sound bad but I eat what I want. I had a brownie for breakfast this morning, that means I won't have much of a lunch. I do this more for keeping the weight down than worrying about feeding the cancer. In my heart, I really don't think that what you eat or don't causes cancer. There are too many vegeterians, neutrionalists, etc..who have come down with cancer. Many people with almost zero fat content on their body who never ate sugar. I think cancer is genetic, mostly and bad luck the other half. I am not going to worry myself to death over every thing I put into my body. That's just not living. I don't eat a lot of fats but I never had because of the weight thing. I do take tumeric, grape seed and green tea extract consistantly. I have been NED almost 2 years now and am too supersitious to stop what I have been doing, including having that occaisional donut for breakfast and reeses peanut butter cup. Life's too short to do without the good things completely. I'd hate to have my dying wishes be "man I wish I would have had that last piece of cake"...sherryg

tousled1 · 09-24-2007, 07:27 AM

Sherry,

I coiuldn't agree with you more! I also eat what I want, when I want. I do try and maintain a healthy diet but believe me I'm not fanatical about it. The way I look at it I'm now Stage IV and I can do whatever I want. A few sweets here and there are not going to upset the apple cart.

dhealey · 09-27-2007, 04:10 AM

Vanessa, Don't beat youself up about the weight gain. I think the stress of worrying over the weight gain is worse than gaining the weight. Stress can play such havac on our bodies. Eat the best way you can and don't worry about it. Concentrate on enjoying life and laugh alot. That I believe is the best way to defeat this disease.

MAB1943 · 09-27-2007, 03:32 PM

VANESSA, don't worry about the weight gain. You are going t hrough so much right now and the steroids are horrific. Treat yourself good and indulge yourself. If possible exercise even if it is only 10 minutes 3 times a day of walking. That may help, but I can tell you I was so miserable towards the end of my chemo w/the steroids I actually wound up having to get insulin, my sugars went over 400. My onc kept telling me it was the steroids and chemo and would go back down to normal, but my family dr put me on the insulin anyway. I am still on herceptin and my appetite is too good, but I refuse to worry about something that is out of my control, if I am hungry I eat, and I try to watch what i eat, but nobody knows what it is like unless they are going through it. You will get back to normal but it WILL take time, maybe over a year, but you can do it THEN. Mary