Being Sad and Vulnerable makes you Brave

[linn65]

It is Tuesday,

I read that the other day, and I had to share it. I have decided everybody on this board is BRAVE, SUPER HERO BRAVE....

Thursday night I did have a complete meltdown building from being back to work two weeks (and terribly behind) I have worked her for 16 years but this job I started right before cancer started (still learning), house was a mess, my son 7 hours away, bills needed paid, I need to go to the grocery store, my Dad having a stroke.

Friday morning I woke up and had no PUSH left. I called work and said I have to rest today!!

The day of rest changed my outlook! I wanted to come back to work and be "Normal" and felt that was what was expected. I am tired of the cancer deal so everyone else is to right??? I was like on top of the roller coaster excited to come back and full of joy....Ready, for normal!! It lasted 9 days.

Rest does a body good!! I cleaned, paid bills, went to the store on Saturday and Sunday I rested. I made big dents at work yesterday, and thank you Jesus I am starting to feel normal today.

I really want to capture these 4 days in a bottle and have them on reserve or even better......Keep this going!! Today, I have a couple angsts....but no pressure all around that feels likes its closing in and thats just life!

Thursday....I was sad and vulnerable, and I went through it cried and cried, but I made it too Friday! And I just read that yesterday about being sad and vulnerable makes you brave, and by gosh it does!!

Have a TERRIFIC TUESDAY!!

[nsebesta]

Very well said. I am 12 yrs out from original diagnosis and still remember feeling the exact same way at times. I'm sorry about your Dad - hope he's doing better. It's not fair that after a cancer diagnosis (and/or recurrence) that life doesn't give you a break. I lost my Mom and a son 6 mos apart - it's true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Good luck to you.

[IrvineFriend]

Nice message, thanks. It's just a long road, longer than I expected. Sort of thought surgery and maybe some chemo and I'm good to go! Glad you're feeling better

[KsGal]

Thank you for sharing that, and Im so glad you are feeling more normal. I agree that a day or two of getting away from everything and resting is sometimes the best medicine. I dont ever feel really normal anymore, but I have a "new normal". Because of my new normal, I don't get everything done like I used to. I usually have a list as long as my arm of things that need to be done, and some days it seem so overwhelming I don't even attempt it. But I have found that breaking it all done into small parts, baby steps if you will, helps me instead of looking at the whole overwhelming picture at one time. Each little baby step is an accomplishment...doing the laundry, paying the bills, etc.
I agree with you, we are all brave, we are all warriors. Its not really something I ever wanted to be, honestly. I just wanted to be mom and wife and have a normal life. I guess it wasn't in the cards for me. So I am honored to be considered brave, and honored to be amongst all the strong, intelligent, beautiful women I have met on this site.
Lots of positive energy and prayers headed your way that you continue to feel better and better each day.

['lizbeth]

I'm with you - I just started a retail job after being in school for a couple years.

It's my first real job in 3 years. I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm really struggling.

I've had clients with my massage practice but typically it is one massage a day - easy peazy!

I have a couple days off and am so glad to be able to rest up.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Just wanted to say, I love every word of every post in this thread!!! I agree with it all, but I won't take your time to repeat it all. Just re-read every word of every post in this thread, please!

It is indeed an honor to be a part of a group of such brave, bright, remarkable, shining Spirits.

Who's normal? I don't know a single Soul who is.

I do the baby steps thing. I rest when it makes no sense (I did this yesterday, middle of the day...) My lists are ridiculously long and I tackle each item one at a time. I know tomorrow's list will have 1 less thing on it, but I'll be copying most of it, setting my goals in writing.

I am well and healthy. But I don't think I am ever normal. I like who I am, and each day I try to be a little better than I was yesterday. We do our best. And our best changes from day to day.

Keep feeling better! Indeed feeling sad and scared and vulnerable reminds us we are human. And we need to dig a bit deeper. And we can! We are each so much stronger and braver than we ever imagined we were, or would have to be.

As many have said, This is the hardest thing I ever had to do... But I quickly add -- I am richer for it, I swear!

Love and Light to all,
Andi

[linn65]

Hi There,

First, Nesbesta....Wow, I am so, so sorry for the lose of son and Mother within 6 months...Whew, a son should never pass away before his Mother. If you want to share any stories about him I would sure love to read them.

Julie, It sure is long....I need to email you, and I will. I have been slammed. But I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

Lizabeth, The only encouraging words I have are....Just think Christmas is around the corner!! (You, know me being sarcastic). On the bright side; you see the sales first and employee discount. I am trying to figure out why you are working in retail??? You are not only a super hero like all of us. But you are my walking/talking medical dictionary.

Andrea I JUST LOVE YOU!! You are always such a source of positive energy!! xoxoxo

['lizbeth]

I had this idea that it would be fun to work at a department store for Christmas . . . and when I applied they saw I had worked as a diamond grader. So I am hanging out in Fine Jewelry playing around with all the sparkly stuff, and trying to figure out how to replace batteries in watches (yikes!). I'm one class away from the GIA's graduate gemologist certification and one away from their Accredited Jewelry Professional. GIA hired 300 graders in 2007 and gave us all free training. Then the economy tanked in 2008, by Spring of 09 they laid 200 graders off. I louped a stone the other day and was surprised I could still see an extra facet and familiar clarity characteristics.

Yep, Christmas is coming, and you know I am more sarcastic then you - so I appreciate the humor.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Hanging out in fine jewelry with Christmas on the way. A great gig. (I always knew you were a gem, 'lizbeth.) A "puny" joke... Though sarcasm so easily can easily drip from my lips...

Andi

['lizbeth]

From one gem to another . . .

[Jean]

What a great thread...most enjoyable to read.
It brought me back to when I was first dx. and I clearly remember so down and sad that I was dx. Living the experience of not really showing your children and spouse just how sad you are, so you don't scare them.
I remember being in my shower after my lumpectomy feeling overwhelmed. The Herceptin trials had just come out and were all over the news. I thought okay I can have herceptin I will be okay, I think? a Then being told that I could not have it (back then in 05) because I was an earlier stager. I began to cry for the first time - no one would hear and no one would see my tears as they blended in with the shower water. After that good cry I felt annoyed and my strength surfaced. I knew in that shower that I was going to give this cancer a good fight. It took me months to get herceptin and traveling out to see Dr. Slamon. I had to listen to a top onc. in NY tell me I wasn't accepting my
dx. When I think about it now I actually laugh. Yes we are so resilient, strong and come back better than a timex watch. I am amazed with the ladies on this site.
Through our dx we have learned how sweet and dear life is. We are richer in so many countless ways.
I have lived better these past 9yrs. after dx. than all my previous years.

[linn65]

Ksgal I never knew what I wanted to be but when I became a Mother it was everything! I have always been a happy go lucky kind of person but last Thursday.....I actually thought I can not push thru this and IT is bigger then me if that makes since.

It seemed liked the movie, "Honey I shrunk the Kids". Cancer was HUGE and then I was shrunk and have felt so incredibly lost on different days.

I did what you did and made a list and did lots of self talk.....Like, 1 thing at a time, what you don't get done today you have tomorrow, the things I was facing would not kill me and cancer could have. I put things into perspective, regrouped and 7 days later I am still smiling. Yes, by the end of the day it is burning on the side of my breast and under my arm and then back to the self talk.....UHM I don't have any drains attached to me!! I got this!!!

Isaiah 43;4.....You are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you.

[SusanN]

Where do I start... to thank each and everyone of you for making my day so much brighter!! A dear friend sent me a text this morning with the "Mandisa-Overcomer Music/Lyric Video"...JUST what I needed...I've been down with a cold, can't EVEN remember the last time when I had one...BUT, that is okay...compared to the big stuff I'm dealing with and sooooo much loving, encouraging, wisdom & support from from all of you...just amazes me!! To have walked this far...NOT to say my days alone, I don't sit here and worry...cry...yet I know I can't stay there to long!
Yesterday, I had a "lunch date" with my dad!! I felt like a princess, savored every moment...he was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver in 2011...the doc gave him MAYBE a couple years, 80% function loss, has hardly ever drank...he is a gem!! I AM BLESSED!!
I could go on & on about what has gone on within the last couple years that happened before my diagnosis...tragedy hit our family...yet, valley's bring mountains...IF WE LOOK UP...FAITH IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES!!!

Thank you ALL for always bringing sunshine to my sometimes "cloudy" days!!

HUGE BLESSINGS & HUGS TO EACH OF YOU!!

PS...Mister Sister...you're a "Diamond" ...You know, with Christmas around the corner...I'll send you my address...sure would be nice to have a package in the mail!!

['lizbeth]

I'll send you some coal! LOL

[linn65]

Lizabeth......How is the retail business???? My friend wants to come to San Diego this next year because she has never seen the ocean. I would love to come and meet YOU in person!!

['lizbeth]

Let me know when you're coming out. We should go to the beach by the Del Coronado. It's gorgeous.

Wow, this work stuff is exhausting. At first everything with the computer terminal slid off like teflon, now 3 weeks later it is starting to stick.

I think the toughest part is biting my tongue when a customer picks up a diamond piece that looks more like industrial grade in clarity. I try and steer them to pieces that are I1 & I2 instead.

The fun part is there are cases of enhanced and lab created colored stones - which I haven't worked with before. Very appealing. I bought a London blue topaz ring with a lifetime care plan for under $50.

I fell in love with a blue diamond ring. I would guess the stones come from the Australian Argyle mine which produces so many of the more common brown diamonds - they irradiate them and heat them to create this pretty teal color. The Argyle mine is know for its pink diamonds. Did you see the Pink Star just sold for $83 million? It was mined in Africa. GIA (my former lab) got to grade the Pink Star. I would have loved to have seen it in person.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Thank you SUSAN N (oy no -- SOOO sorry I misremembered your name/KNOW your face -- ??points for that??) for your words.

I I googled the song you mentioned. It's below, for all y'all...

? Mandisa - Overcomer (Lyric Video) - YouTube

Valley's bring mountains...

IF WE LOOK UP...

FAITH IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES!!!

Also look at link below (published on Feb 19, 2013)
My nut onc is very much into sound therapy. Especially crystal bowls.

So, I'm sharing... Energy medicine therapist Jason Wood conducts a meditative sound healing ceremony at the Unitarian Society of Ridgewood NJ. During this spontaneous presentation, Jason uses the alchemy of sound to assist the listener in achieving a state of heightened awareness and a space for transformative emotional healing. Composition has been developed specifically to invite a multidimensional experience, leading the listener to an altered state.

You can check out Jason's live interview on "The Bridge of Truth," which includes a powerful 10 minute sound healing meditation too:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQT6jN...

Please contact Jason Wood at:
http://www.pandorahealing.com





? Sound Healing Ceremony, with Crystal Bowls, Gongs, and Drums - YouTube

Great thread, Linn! See how it's sparkling!!! Look what you started!! Bringing a wonderful energy to so many of us! Thank you!

Love & Light All,
Andi

[Coux92]

What a great thread....SusanN love your quote, Valleys bring mountains, IF YOU LOOK UP!
I get feeling overwhelmed with the "to do list" but I let go what I can to avoid the stress, but when I feel it's too much, I think of a scene I observed years ago when I first started working in a school. A 5 th grade student was feeling overwhelmed and stressed, I had just seen him in the my health office, I tried my best to reassure him when his teacher from 3rd grade saw him and recognized how he was feeling and spoke with him. After listening to the laundry list of things he was up against, she said "Charles, do you remember? How do you eat an elephant? He picked his head up and smiled and replied "one bite at a time!" I will never forget watching that exchange and the power strength it gave Charles. I wonder where he is today?

[Pray]

Thank you so much for posting!