ZW25 clinical trial - day one

[Laurel]

Seasoned Survivor! I like that! I will be praying for you today, Flori. I am home today trying to get a jump on the Thanksgiving trappings, so I will keep you in my heart as I chop, cook, and clean.

I do believe it difficult for anyone who has not experienced chemo to comprehend our fear of it. Indeed, the breast cancer nurses promised me once I began treatment I would feel empowered and actually made He Man, ala The Hulk, muscle clenching moves to demonstrate just how big and powerful I was about to feel. Crap to that. At the time I thought they were all batshit crazy.

Later at my first infusion I vividly recall the bright red 50cc syringe of Adriamycin, known as the Red Devil, that was slowly pushed into my port. It was scary as shit! Then I had to endure a long drip of its evil twin, Cytoxin. Only a mentally insufficient person, or the most naively trusting would not have been fearful. You are injecting poison directly into a port running to my heart. Yeah, sure, have at it. After all I am an empowered super hero! Dumbest damn thing I ever heard of. The way I got through it was to remember whom my enemy really was, cancer, and that I was poisoning it to its death. I guess in that manner of mental athletics I was being a bit of the brave super hero.

You have endured side effects and as a heavily treated "seasoned survivor" multiple reactions to their empowering drugs. I can only imagine the escalation of fear and concern. Fear of the reaction and drug you must somehow embrace to continue your life, and concern no one there truly gives a damn about how you tolerate it excepting within the scope of their trial data. Well, I say keep your "I ain't no lamb to slaughter" attitude. Having your daughter at your side to be your advocate will shift a bit of responsibility off of your tired shoulders. I hope she is a chip off of the old block and will be assertive when necessary!

Wishing you winds of good fortune today, Seasoned Survivor!