Is anyone ever afraid to make plans?

[sadie]

I also have many days when I am very indecisive because I don't know what the future holds. Even re-decorating my house (which I used to love!) is a challenge for me. I want to re-decorate to my own tastes, but then I hesitate because deep down I am thinking "decorate to prepare to put the house on the market" just in case.
I also used to love shopping for certain types of clothes. Now, I've gained so much weight with my treatments and am having a very hard time getting the weight off, that I hate ANY kind of clothes shopping.
I used to be very active, but my legs & feet hurt so much somtimes, that I cannot do alot of the things that I used to do. I used to clean my house weekly (and loved the feeling afterward); now I'm lucky if I clean once a month! In a way, that makes it even more depressing, because I'm always thinking about everything that needs to be done, and it seems so overwhelming. It's a vicious circle.
I'm glad to hear that I am not the only one who is having a problem "moving on". I am due for my yearly physical next month and once again, I am getting super nervous. October will be 2 years since my diagnosis. It brings back all the initial feelings. Last year, I was a nervous wreck until Christmas when I finally had all of my annual test results come back ok. The Christmas season will probably never be the exciting, happy time that it used to be for me.
I also feel like everyone in my family looks at me like a ticking time-bomb.
("When will she get a re-occurence?"). I wish I could put it all behind me, but I'm afraid I will jinx myself the day that I finally am able to move on and not worry about it coming back.
Does that make sense?
Glad I found this site to release some of this tension I am feeling.
Thank you.
Sadie