a little better, a little worse

Hello everyone:
I need to talk about a few things, so thanks for listening. I got my report today and found out I have a 7 cm (!!) on my brain(and 4 smaller ones). I have been asking for an MRI of my head for at least 6 months. I am angry at myself and at my dr. I am angry at myself for not being more demanding and angry at the dr. for not listening to me really. He said that I had no neurological problems and didn't need one. In Oct., my tumor marker was 9 and he told me I was in remission. I had had headaches with each of the three vaccine infusions I received but they went away after about a week. My headaches started about 3 weeks ago and have gotten worse thus resulting in the CT scan I had on fri. I cannot believe that that tumor has appeared in the last 3 weeks. It's way too big. So anyway, I'm going to tell him how I feel and lay it on the table at our next appt. Also, though I haven't heard the final word, I imagine that I am now out of the clinical trial in seattle where I received the vaccine.
I believe that the vaccine has suppressed the cancer quite effectively in my body. So of course this sneaky disease lurked up into my brain b/c it had to have somewhere to go. That's what I think, anyway.
The little bit of good now. I clicked on the button for "more cyberknife," and thank God in heaven there is a hospital in Dallas that does the procedure (I live in Ft. Worth). I actually had tubes put in my tear ducts at that hospital last spring. I feel SO much better knowing about that. I have an appt on mon with a radiation dr. to develop a treatment plan. I hope that I can be effective in obtaining this cyberknife surgery. It sounds very encouraging.
Thank you all for the sweet messages of encouragement. I will keep everyone posted. Now that I know about these big places in my head, I don't feel so well. I felt fine except for headaches until yesterday. I started Decadron last night for the swelling around the sites. Does that make your stomach feel bad?
I cooked fried chicken today--I told my husband that if a gal can fry chicken all is right with the world--especially if you're a southern girl.
I have a friend on her way to my house to help me grade papers. I teach College Writing, and this is the end of the semester, so I have piles of essays and finals to grade and 5 metastatic brain lesions on top of it all (pun intended).
Thanks all for listening. My poor husband just can't hear all this. He's trying to absorb and cope as best he can. Hugs to all-
Carla

Oh, Carla, I'm sorry you have to have this, but I feel sure you will do well. I wish I was close enough to help you grade papers. I used to teach gen. psych. at the junior college near here.

It's good you have a suitable hospital nearby and that you are hooked up with the radiation people now.

Keep us posted and we will keep praying.

Jane

Hi Carla: I am sorry to hear you have to go through this around the Holidays. There is never a good time to have this but this is certainly the worse time of year. I will be praying for you, gee, my list is getting so long!! Please know we are all rooting for you. Keep telling yourself you are tough and will win this battle. Hugs, Sandy

Thanks for letting us all know you're feeling a bit better about things, Carla. It's scary to deal with, but it sounds like you're ready to go to battle stations and that's the first step. I'll be sending prayers your way.
hugs,
Lolly

Carla,
I love your "Let's take care of this!" attitude. And I'm so sorry for the latest news. Keep hangin in and keep us informed.

Did you make biscuits with that chicken? Makes my ex-Texas mouth water!

Love and light surrounding you,

Lisa

Also envious that you are an expert at fried chicken. Decadron was really rough on my stomach but the prevacid was great. So glad you have a good hospital near you. Good luck!

Hi Carla: I'm so sorry to hear about your brain mets. Sounds like you are being really strong about the whole thing. Don't be too hard on yourself for not badgering your Onc. about the MRI. We are caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to over riding what our Drs. opinions are. On the one hand they are the ones with all of the training and are supposed to know what's happening and on the other, sometimes we feel the "wrongness" earlier than the tests show a problem. I know I hate to go to my Onc with every little ache and pain because I want him to take me seriously. I even had a conversation with him telling him I was uncomfortable with calling about something minor. He said not to worry that he wanted to know about every little thing. Even with his reassurance it is still difficult for me to "bother" him. Hang in there. I will be sending lots of positive energy in your direction. Take Care, Linda