Handling the thought process and stress

[harrie]

This is something I have been thinking about these past few days. So many of us do everything we can possibly think of for our bodies in regards to staying healthy and preventing recurrances. We go with the aggressive treatments, we take supplements, exercise, medications, ck our markers, do our lab tests, MRI, PET scans...whatever it takes to prevent and catch things early. But how important do you think it is to try to keep our minds healthy? How well we thought process all the concerns, worries, and stress in our lives is also critically important.
There are physiological reactions to stress within our bodies. I believe it can have a significant impact in our ability (or inability) to handle treatments as well as the disease itself. Stress also can compromise the immune system.
Therefore, what I am blabbing on and on about is the importance of being aware of all the thoughts that are constantly being filtered through your mind so that it does not cause uncontrolled chronic stress in your life. When tension is felt, being aware of where it is in order for it to be controlled.
The thought process is a powerful force and is the key to a good and peaceful life regardless of challenges that are met.

[tricia keegan]

I think you make a good point Maryanne and confess this is something I've been thinking about lately.
I know there's no scientific proof stress can cause bc but I was under a lot of stress right before dx, I find myself lately under stress for reasons other than bc and am concerned it all may be having a negative effect healthwise.
I 've read Andi's thoughts on positive thinking and disregarding the negative but, it's easier said than done.(For me anyway).
I'll be interested to read the other response's to your thread.

[chrisy]

I think there is abundant evidence that stress can lead to chemical imbalances which deplete the immune system. So although I don't believe stress CAUSES cancer, it may be one factor that contributes to it slipping past our immune systems.

[BonnieR]

Tricia, I know what you mean. I was under great stress for the year prior to my diagnosis. I remember thinking "if stress causes cancer, no wonder I got it". I know that is not valid, just my gut reaction. But I'm sure the pressure did not help any.
In terms of dealing with stress now, I have just found a hypnotherapist who makes custom, individualized visualization CDs. I am having one done. The concept sounded very interesting to me. I'll let you know how it turns out.

[Jean]

Harrie,
Years and years ago when I was just 18 I remember a wonderful older doctor telling me "that the mind heals the body" I gave that statment much thought. At first as a young sensitive girl I thought - what is he speaking about, this hurts or that is hurting...etc. it took maturity and understanding the mind and body connection.

Our bodies and how they function are a wonder. The chemicals our bodies manufacture and require still hold the medical profession in awe.

Then the question of mental health and coping with the daily stress of life. Indeed an interesting topic. I believe
that like anything else a good balance of a varied source,
food, exercise, rest and one biggie, "attitude" is a winning combination. I doubt anyone gets out of bed each day to be a loser....just consider the professional athlete, they live to win! Our minds are extremely powerful. I believe that a person's state of mind is
critical - especially when faced with challenges. It is a given that depression effects the immune system.
Just consider the person who is under the covers
for days, not eating properly, getting fresh air and sunshine..no exercise...etc.

I also think taking a mental health day now and then is a great way to avoid depression, just doing what ever one pleases to do...and that can be nothing at all! Just escaping into what ever is your own pleasure. A gift to one self. It does help ward off negative thoughts. Oh, and by the way a good sense of humor
helps a person go a long way!

Good thread Harrie,
Hugs to you.
Jean

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Hi lovely ladies. My Sisters. I of course felt compelled to jump in here. You know me. This topic can't be speed read.

Thanks Tricia for the mention. For clarity, what I have learned (the hard way, through psychic hell and physical suffering) is that we mustn't *disregard* our negative thoughts. But realize that they emanate from THE VOICE IN OUR HEADS, which we believe is WHO WE ARE. I have discovered that in fact the True Me is a radiant Spirit, with a mind and a body.

The Voice In My Head, what I like to call The Thinker, is basically Our Tormentor. It judges, condemns, criticizes, resents, blames, regrets and stirs up all the obvious coinciding emotions that go along with such thoughts.

The great news is that -- we have the power to connect with our Higher Selves (our Spirit, or Essence, or Truest Selves) and allow it to override those thoughts full of fear, anger, hate, bitterness and recriminations. We have the power to author alternative dialogues that bring us strength, courage, grace and determination.

Personally, I believe in the mindbody connection. I KNOW that the body hears everything our mind thinks, says and whispers. It can weed those self-defeating thoughts out from all the clutter and din of our thoughts -- and it does as instructed. So, I am very careful what I spend my day pondering and dwelling on. I have a Knowing that is full of BELIEF. What we think will determine how we will feel and how we will fare.

If stressful thoughts predominant our day, we are in danger of compromising our immune system. Which lays us open to have some bodily malfunction (whatever our genetically weakest body part may be). Jean's wise doc Knew the mind could heal the body. But, understanding that it can also make us sick is key.

The True Me is -- the awareness of the thoughts in my head. It is The Knower. Beyond the chaos of thoughts, behind the thoughts spoken by *The Voice In My Head* which is full of negativity to the nth degree. The Knower wants what I want. My Spirit guides and protects me, nurtures and inspires me.

It has taught me to follow my passion. Whatever brings me joy and a kind of full immersion of myself, allows me to escape the taunting, torturing thoughts and instead to become fully PRESENT in the moment (as many sage scholars have professed for centuries). That is where happiness lies. That changes everything. YOU are, or can be, the master of your fate. The captain of your Soul.

Thanks, Maryanne, for this opportunity for all of us to grow a bit and share. I am watching you blossom and it is a joy. Thinking of you, and all often and always with love,

Andi

[MJo]

I think stress makes us more physically vulnerable. For me, lack of sleep brings stress into my life, and I've had trouble sleeping since treatment. A sleep mask has helped me, as well as foam earplugs. Not very sexy, but I'm single. I think Andrea is right about following your passion. Feeling that you can't follow your dream due to money worries, lack of health insurance, family obligations, is stressful and depressing. Have to find the middle way. I have made some progress, but still have a way to go.

[PinkGirl]

Thanks for starting this thread Harrie. I enjoy a good "spiritual" discussion. I'm not sure where I stand on this but I have always found spiritualism to be a very interesting subject.

The thought process is definitely a very powerful force. I call the
voice in my head "the meanie". Regardless of what I believe
about stress, the immune system, cancer and other diseases, I
absolutely have a nicer, more pleasant and peaceful day when the
"meanie voice" disappears. I don't know what's happening with my
immune system, but I am happy.

When I have these peaceful days, I just enjoy them.... I don't try to figure them out. It's when I have the not so peaceful kind of days that I try to understand why ... and the meanie voice is always involved. It is usually putting some kind of "twist" on a situation; judging, being negative and creating fear. And this twist has to come from the past because everything that is inside my head is an accumulation of my entire life experiences.

I do a lot of newspaper crossword puzzles. There is often the clue
"like Switzerland". The word they want is "neutral". When I am dealing
with the meanie voice, I tell myself to be like Switzerland

I am starting to ramble. I do my best. It takes practice and patience with
myself.

[dhealey]

I know stress plays an important factor in disease, particularly cancer of any kind. I had tremendous stress several months before my diagnosis. During treatment I let it all go and concentrated on just getting through the treatments. Now I have my life back and guess what? I have all that stress back again. Makes me feel like the cancer is just lurking there getting ready to strike again. Most of my stress now is work related. The family stress I have learned to put aside. But the work stress I can't, it is my livilihood and I am not willing to put my house in jeporduy by quiting work. It takes both my husband and my income to pay the bills. If I followed my passion I would be in the poor house. So know I am trying to focus on my off the job time with only things I love doing and hope this creates some kind of balance.

[tricia keegan]

Maryanne I thank you too for starting this thread as I believe it's something we can all identify with in the struggle to lead normal lives but knowing we've had a cancer dx it's difficult.
Andi, I love reading your posts and find them inspirational. I have difficulty in adapting this to my own life though as since bc I've had various financial problems which have escalated recently. These are very severe negative thoughts and in general I'm a positive person. No matter what my problems I enjoy life and swim,walk on the beach at sunrise etc but...It's SO hard not to allow the worry of the repucussions of this take over you know? How do /or did you get over that??
I'm sure there must be other's in my situation who would wonder this too and long to find an answer.
Thank you for the idea's and thoughts you share.

[juanita]

I am in big trouble because I don't handle stress very well, and I've had a lot of it lately with my family.

[fauxgypsy]

When I went and read through Natalie Rae's (I hope I spelled her name right) Boob blog, one quote hit me and made me decide to not rush into anything right now.

It was that healing happens in the slow lane. There was another one as well that has a lot of truth in it:

Hmmm. . . Came across this little bit by Eckhart Tolle in his look at our consumerism and attachment to things. I’m now trying to clue in these misguided cells and see if we can have a little “a-ha” moment and reverse the ‘destruction’ of this organism. Nothing like paying attention!!

The unchecked striving for more, for endless growth, is a dysfunction and a disease. It is the same dysfunction the cancerous cell manifests, whose only goal is to multiply itself, unaware that it is bringing about its own destruction by destroying the organism of which it is a part.

I tend to be a "full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes" kind of girl and reading her blog made me decide to take time to to heal even though I have this insane urge to rush out and take on the world now that my treatment is over. I thought about some decisions that I was making and decided to wait before I made them.

Stress may not have had any effect on my originally getting cancer but I believe that it can affect my health in negative way. I am trying to find a way to reduce the stress in my life. Or at least modify how I react to stressful situations.

If you haven't read her blog you should.

fauxgypsy

[Mary Jo]

Hi Maryanne,

Love your thread. I love "discussions." And you know what...I typed a real good one and where did it go????? I think I clicked on "preview post" and never hit submit reply....so I'll type a shorter version of what I typed yesterday. LOL! I'm ready for bed now and the "talking" part of my brain is getting tired......ya right? Like that ever happens to me

I guess I just wanted to say that the stress we all carry is very real - whether we've had cancer - have cancer or never had it. Stress is a part of life and there really is no getting away from it. Now, how we handle that stress is a different story.

I, too, don't believe "stress" causes cancer per se but we all know that our immune systems are affected by stress and a million other things. Nutritionally it's important how we feed these bodies of ours..........physically it's important how we exercise these bodies of ours....and mentally it's important how we handle that which comes our way that is negative. Like Tricia said, "easier said than done"

For me personally, praying and asking God to take that which I really have no control over anyway away helps me. It helps me to know that all of us are on a journey and one day that journey here on earth will end. Whether we have cancer ... had cancer...... doesn't really matter. One day this earthly journey will end. Thinking on that helps me, believe it or not. It tells me that this earthly journey is not eternal but I will spend eternity somewhere so I put my energies into that. I walk often - listen to music - pray - and all these things calm me. I eat well and do all I can to take care of myself. I do that because it's just good for me overall. Possibly for some cancer prevention but also for my heart, blood pressure and a host of other things. Mentally, I feel better and stronger when I take good care of myself physically.

So there's my take on stress and how I deal with it. It's nice to hear how we all handle stress and how it affects us because it DOES affect us all. We can learn from each other here....and THAT is a good thing.

Love you guys....

Mary Jo

P.S. Did I say this was a shortened version?? Haha! Guess my brain woke up.

[harrie]

Peace is born out of
equanimity and balance.
Balance is flexibility,
an ability to adjust graciously to change.
Equanimity arises when we
accept the way things are.

~If you expect your life to be up and down,
your mind will be much more peaceful.

Lama Yeshe

Thank you all for addressing my thread with your various viewpoints and sharing how you personally deal with the thought processes. Pink Girl, I like how you actually identify your ego with its own name. I am going to use that strategy. I am going to call mine, "LOLO".
Marejo, my mother used her religion to give her strength and stability during the course of her lifetime. I know it worked very well for her too.

Muchas alohas everyone...
HarrieCanarie

[dlaxague]

This is a great thread because it reminds us that there is no one right way to do this. What is important is not which particular tool or approach we use, but that we are open to exploring what works for us, individually. Anyone reading this thread should be able to find a morsel that resonates and inspires them to dig deeper.

One thing that I'm looking more closely at right now is how to understand that healthy ways of coping with life (I prefer to call it "life" rather than "stress") does not mean dulling or leveling hard/easy or sad/happy into a smooth and always-contented journey. It does not work in the longterm to try to cover fears and anger with large doses of positive thinking or forced cheer. These harder emotions need attention and imho, respect.

Yet we don't want to get stuck in the anger or fear, either. I wonder if this area of integrating and balancing can get lost in the stampede to "live in the moment". I'm reading Steven Levine's "Unattended Sorrow", which is his interesting exploration of this.

I do believe that ultimately, as others have said, the key is to release attachments, trust God - whatever words you use to express that ability to seize a moment without dragging baggage from the past nor clouding it with expectations or fears for the future. But especially for those with difficult past issues (abuse, trauma, loss - maybe it's all of us), it is becoming more clear to me that we can't just pave over the troubles with a thick layer of peace. What is not (yet) clear to me is how to allow, honor, and release those troubles in a way that works for everyone. I guess that it will be the same as everything - offer many options/tools and let each person find what works for them.

So, to shift the focus of this discussion a bit - a question:

What has worked for you to address issues of (fill in the blank) anger, fear, loss, etc - allowing you to look at the trouble and move forward. Or release it. Or come to peace with it. Again, the language varies but the concept is the same.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts,

Debbie Laxague

[harrie]

Debbie in answer to your question.

I realize my life will always be a combination of ups and downs. When the downs happen, to recognize it, accept it, not judge it, and work with it while trying hard not to allow my ego thinking ("Ms LOLO") to interfere too much by throwing in all the emotional attachments. I feel that if I am able to do that, I can maintain a sense of peace and personal gratification. I think if I can work with the "down times" when life throws out the challenges, I can adjust to it and work with it so that it becomes manageable and possibly beneficial. What I don't want to do is work against it, emotionally fight it, where it becomes force against force. I know my Lolo ego will feed it with ammunition and it will become more stressful to handle mentally.

I know this can be easier said then done depending on the challenge. I just pray that I have the wisdom and discipline when the time comes.

I do believe in God. I believe he will give strength when asked. I believe that God can be found within my inner spirit and when my inner spirit is praying, there is that direct connection and my prayers are heard.

One way I like to release tension and other emotions related to tension is to really breathe deep and think about the breath when I do so. When I do that, my thoughts will shift focus from where it was towards the breathe, and it also opens channels within my nerve endings ( I just learned this from my physical therapist) AND it also helps me become aware where the tension is being held and thus is one step towards relaxing those areas.

Maryanne

[dlaxague]

Maryanne, that was beautifully-said. Thank you for sharing your style of living. As I read your words, I feel my body responding with sighs of peace.

Another thing that works for me when I get stuck in fear or anger and the "gentler" tools aren't working is to do something physical - hike, bike, x/c ski - but it has to be hard enough to get my muscles complaining and my lungs gasping. (I'm so out of shape right now that it's not hard to get to that level of exertion, alas) For me that always brings some kind of release that allows me to get back to that place of acceptance and patience and use the gentler tools like the ones that you describe.

Debbie Laxague

[chrisy]

For me, for the stress anyway, it helps me to get out in nature. It can be, but doesn't necessarily have to be physically exerting.

Even then I often have to remind myself to stop, and just breathe it in. I walk twice weekly with a friend along the cliffs overlooking
Monterey Bay. We get caught up in "solving the problems of the world" - usually involving some crisis at work...but MOST times I remember to STOP, say "oh, look at that" and then we look out across the bay at whatever the sea and sky or beach is doing. For a couple of minutes. Just stopping to breathe it in helps break the cycle of whatever is stressing us.

[Jackie07]

When my 2nd Sister was here taking care of me last summer, she demonstrated how she relieves her stress. She's always a very tense person, a believer of "should" "had to" kind of words. ('type A' personality? She does have "A" blood type plus having taught schools for 25 years.)The mechanism she had deployed was "throwing eggs toward the tiles on the wall in the bathroom" along with loud narrations...

I have a totally different personality. My mother used to call me 'a piece of gum' because no matter how other people tried to "chew me out", I wouldn't say or do ugly things back to them (being the youngest of the family, I didn't have the 'right' to talk back, anyway.)

So I develop a very, very close relationship with "God". I talk to "God" sometimes just by lifting up my head and sending Him/Her a mental note: "Now what?" It's really nice because you can talk to God anytime you want to. And He is the best listener...

[Mary Jo]

I loved how you put that Maryanne. I could just picture you "looking up and talking to God" and it made me feel peaceful. Yes, you are right, He is the greatest listener and I do just what you do quite often throughout a day. HE is my "bestest" friend.

Hugs to you,

Mary Jo