Handling the thought process and stress

[harrie]

Marejo, I would love to take the compliment, but that experience of looking up and talking to God is our sister...Jackie. The two of you are very similiar in your relationship with God.

Getting very physical with the releasing of endorphines works very well for me in getting my mind relaxed. When I get a REAL GOOD workout, I literally feel like there is NOTHING bothering me. A few yrs ago I use to play soccer. I stopped maybe 3 yrs ago, but had played for a good 10 yrs. The last yrs of playing were just pick-up games with a fair amount of running and a lot of laughter and smiles mixed in there. That was the best combination for a good kick of endorphines and stress relief.

[madubois63]

After I was re diagnosed with bc in the lungs this past winter, had the bout with high iron in the liver, and then my artist friend died from bc. I lost my happy place for a while and forgot how to BREATH. My cancer center had a guest speaker at the support group discussing yoga and meditation. I dragged my friend and daughter and had the best experience. I remembered how to breath, put my shoulders down away from my ears and sat up straight. What a difference. Being "lost," I was slouching and not letting oxygen get to my vital organs easily. These sound like simple things, but if your not doing them it can change you attitude. Take 5 minutes in the shower, before bed when ever you can and close your eyes, sit up straight, put your shoulders down, maybe smell some lavender cream and just relax for your self. There are free yoga, mediation, massage, reiki sessions available for cancer patients in your area. You may not know about it, but they are there. Ask at your center/hospital, read local papers (especially the ones at the health food store), check out beauty and massage schools. It is so good for your soul!!!

[harrie]

Madubois, I know what you are saying!! I started taking yoga last year when I was into my second chemo treatment. It has made such in difference in my life and my awareness.
I also appreciate so much more what Andi writes about. To tell you the truth...when I first joined HER2, I use to skim over or skip Andi's posts (bless her heart) because they were so long and it didn't seem like anything I was really interested in. BUT NOW it is an entirely different story and I appreciate her contributions immensely and I have learned so much from her. It goes hand in hand with what I am learning from yoga. She is someone I look up to and admire greatly.

ps...you too Madubois...I admire you a lot too!...and it is not just because we have the same name!! LOL!!

[madubois63]

your a cutie!!!!

[Alaska Laura]

Andi, thank you for posting - your words resonate within me. Peace is hard won during cancer treatments and it is harder to even maintain it, at least it has been for me.

I do not watch anything that causes pain any longer, and my books are usually "light" reading; I do not want to participate in anything that will not make me smile or feel peace.

I also read a lot inspirational messages and that is what your message was for me today. Thank you.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

CONFESSION: I TEND TO BE EXCESSIVELY OBSESSIVE/COMPULSIVE. I have lists for everything. I am lost without them. Whenever I pack to go away, I become out of control. The generally joyful, peaceful me reacts as it did when I underwent shock and awe chemotherapy.

So, this time (preparing to visit my daughter Pamela on the other coast), I was determined to deal as a reasonable person. I am in the middle of Eckhart Tolle's new book, A New Earth, so I was well armed, and reawakened. RECONNECTED, IF YOU WILL, WITH MY SPIRIT (or True Self)!

Usually, for a week before my packing ordeal (I swear, much like the week before tx or scans) I am pent up full of dread. Full of negativity. With chemo, I learned instead to say to myself -- THIS IS PART OF MY STRATEGY FOR ANNIHILATING EVERY ATOM OF EVERY CELL OF MY CANCER I WILL PREVAIL. I WILL DO EVERYTHING I HAVE TO IN ORDER TO ENDURE THE PROCESS AND BE TRIUMPHANT.

When *inscanity* would predominate my thoughts (what if..., I am just sooo scared) I would BECOME THE AWARENESS of the fearsome thoughts full of angst. In other words, as I connect with my Essence -- I step outside myself, or what I generally identify myself as. I become *aware* of my mind's thwarting torrents of worries. So I am *separate* from those thoughts.

Now, back to my packing episode. The week before, each time an anxious thought threatened to cause mini nervous breakdowns, I INTENTIONALLY allowed myself to re-identify with my True Self (my Soul) and to therefore hand the reins of my Being over to that entity. I did not permit my internal Worrier to rule my life. I insistently merged with my Spirit. And I found myself feeling at peace. KNOWING all would be fine. Because my Spirit told me so.

When your Spirit is in charge, you feel happy and serene and find you can fully enjoy The Now, being PRESENT in the moment. All yesterdays are history and haven't the power to cause you suffering, if you *consciously* refuse to give power away to such thoughts and the emotions they elicit. All tomorrows can be filled with your deepest desires, if you choose to focus on your energy on envisioning them, embedding them in your mind and heart AND sending them out into the Universe -- to co-create them into manifesting.

Meanwhile, let PRESENCE become YOU. I wish you all harmony. As it fills you up, it comes to surround you. Deny negativity access to your brain. It is, admittedly, a full time job. 24/7. It does get easier as you practice, which is what occurs with anything you do repeatedly. It becomes a new way of *being*. And it blesses your life.

I see myself far into the future. At my grandkids weddings. (They are now 11, 9, 4, 3 and 2.) Heck, I see myself vividly, and in detail, at their 40th Bday parties. (I never have missed one yet, be they here in Boca or wayyy over there in California.) I am going to live forever or die trying. And as one of our wise Sisters (Alaska Laura) shares in her signature -- LIFE IS A GRINDSTONE. WHETHER IT GRINDS YOU DOWN OR POLISHES YOU UP DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF. I would say -- you are stronger and braver than you ever imagined. And when you awaken to your divine and radiant Spirit (or Soul) that dwells at your core -- that changes everything!

Tricia and Maryanne, and all for that matter, my standard apologizes for my lack of brevity. Blame it on my OCD. Spirituality just ain't a simple matter...

God bless... With Light and Love,
Andi

[Alaska Laura]

'Scuse me if folks have already heard this, but you know what else is good to have? A Vision Board.

I have one, it is a cork-board with pictures on it of my vision for me, for now and the future. I have to update it because I did it before I started my treatments and now that I'm almost done with the treatments, a few things have changed. I also have a few words on it like "believe" "ask" "receive".

When I start to feel "negative" it does me good to accept those feelings, look at my vision board and let go of those feelings. I don't try to "fight" my feelings, I try to feel them, accept them and let go. Some days, especially since I'm in cancer treatments, it is a little hard to let go of some feelings... but my vision board does help me refocus and smile.

It doesn't even have to be a board, tack things around your mirror and then every morning you wake up, you can know, that you are a miracle that is a part of this world.

p.s. Andi you are still too cool We all need all the positive energy we can get even if it comes from someone who says they are "OCD" welcome to the club

[Patb]

Andi and all
I too am reading Eckhart Tolle and try to live in the
moment. Sometimes it is very hard but I keep on
trying. The books are very good, a little hard to read.
I also practice Healing Qigong which goes along with
the practices of healing energy and meditations.
Take care
patb

[Alaska Laura]

I too tried reading Eckhart, it was too difficult for me to focus on it for I didn't find it an easy read either.

If you want to read a book that that will make you feel good, I recommend "The Greatest Miracle in the World" by Og Mandino; the memo from God in it, is some powerful words.

I also recommend "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Rabbi Harold Kushner, his book helped me make sense to a disease that makes no sense!

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

LAURA: When I start to feel "negative" it does me good to accept those feelings, look at my vision board and let go of those feelings. I don't try to "fight" my feelings, I try to feel them, accept them and let go. Some days, especially since I'm in cancer treatments, it is a little hard to let go of some feelings... but my vision board does help me refocus and smile

YES LAURA, THE SUFFERING COMES WHEN WE STRUGGLE. WHEN WE STOP RESISTING AND -- MOVE ON -- AND AWAY, WE BECOME IN CHARGE. AWFUL THOUGHTS AND THE NATURAL FEELINGS THEY COME WITH ARE THE WORDS OF THE VOICE IN OUR HEAD, WHICH REPRESENTS OUR RESERVOIR OF RAGE (OR OUR WOUNDED, PRIMITIVE SELF THAT REMEMBERS EVERYTHING AS IF IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY AND IS STILL MAD AS HECK). YOUR SPIRIT, TRUE SELF OR HIGHER SELF CAN BRING YOU TO FEELING CENTERED, GROUNDED, IN HARMONY.

I LOVE THIS ONE -- MAYBE YOU CAN PUT IT ON YOUR VISION BOARD -- YOU CAN CHOOSE PEACE RATHER THAN THIS. WHEN I AM FEELING OVERWHELMED OR LOW, ANXIOUS AND MISERABLE -- THIS PHRASE HELPS ME. I HAVE IT PRINTED IN PURPLE ON A BLUE 3 X 5 CARD, IN A GLASS CUBE FRAME, BY MY BED.

ANOTHER ONE LIKE THIS IS -- BE STILL. AND KNOW THAT I AM. IT REMINDS ME THAT I AM NEVER ALONE. MY SPIRIT PROTECTS AND GUIDES ME, NURTURES AND INSPIRES ME, REVEALS SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE TO ME. AND GOD AND THE UNIVERSE ARE ALWAYS LISTENING...

Andi

[Mary Anne in TX]

We all already have vision boards of some sort, right! Whatever is around us in our house, at work, etc., it all paints our visions whether consciously or subconsciously. Oh, well, you know!
I think the best part of a vision board we intentionally make, is that we pick the thoughts, the destiny, the nature of our days.
I find that even when "stuff" from outside (problems to solve) or "stuff" from inside (fear about BC, etc) jumps on me, I can find my way back home if I just get alone and live in my vision board which is my little world outside my home. I watch the blue herons, the dolphins, the sea gulls, and they take me back to who's incharge and how powerful I can be with Him!
My little grand daughter talks as much as me and sometimes it takes lots of little "bird" moments to "take me home"! I do love that little rat tons and tons. She keeps me grounded and aware how very lucky I am to have each day no matter what it brings! I grew up in a home where "critical thinking" was encouraged. My brain has spent lots of time being sandpapered off and straightened out! Hope that never stops.
I sure love you guys too! Thanks for being YOU! ma

[PinkGirl]

I am enjoying this thread. I am always wondering how you actually do all of this stuff and often complain to Andi that she doesn't tell us that. I've re-read all of the posts here and some of the answers are there, I just had to look for them.

Have I got this right? We think that the meanie voice is who we really
are, but who we really are is the part of us that observes the meanie.
And if we try to fight with the meanie, we're going to lose. We have to
observe the meanie, not believe what this voice is telling us and then
move on.

Thanks for your contributions AlaskaLaura. I think you and AndiBB will
become fast friends.

[harrie]

i think you basically got it PinkGirl!
To me the meanie voice, also called ego voice, is the thinking mind's reserve account of all our PAST experiences and judgements. It tends to love to interject our present, who we really are at this moment in time. Our meanie voice will analyze situations, create the fears, worries, in hopes of controlling the outcome of the future. It can mask the joy and appreciation of what is actually happening in our lives at the present moment.
This is my interpretation anyways....

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Yes, Pinkie! And yes, Maryanne!

We don't want to sink to the Tormentor's level (that mean-spirited drone in our head berating, judging, condemning, blaming, resenting, hating, belittling away). It's just the cranky poor Child within us that was wounded -- in the last movie. We just can't let go of our habitual pattern of thoughts on an array of topics, even if they only vaguely relate to the story we have taken ownership of.

We are misidentifying ourselves when we believe we are the voice in our heads. That part of us is an impostor. Full of tantrums, raw emotions and memories that feed on negativity of every imaginable form.

Who are you when you are thinking about The Thinker in your head. The one with the big mouth? You are the True You. The Real You is an entity that is full of divine energy -- full of love, compassion, kindness, gratitude, generosity of Spirit. It is your God-given Soul. Made up of a fragment of that sacred energy. Allowing you to be above the fray, to radiate the goodness of your Higher Self. When your Soul is consciously permitted by you to overrule and silence The Voice, joy, peace, harmony and a sense of Oneness fill you up to such an extent, it all overflows and is extended outward to those around you.

You are the Awareness of what is occurring in your head. And that changes everything!
With Love and Light,
Andi

[PinkGirl]

Andi,
This is actually starting to sink in. The real me is the awareness of the
mean voice - the watcher of the meanie.

So what if the mean voice is right? What if it tells me that I really screwed up and it's true? Can the mean voice ever be correct?

Has anything been written about why we have this ego voice? Is it possible for someone to not ever have it?

Another question. Don't laugh, I am serious. I have felt absolutely wonderful, totally calm, blissful etc. after I take an ativan. Does this mean that I am always walking around in some state of stress? Is the way we are trying to feel, the way we feel on anti-d's and anti-anxiety drugs?

[Ruth]

Andi/Harrie ~ You are so amazing! I am trying to wrap my head around this deep stuff you all are writing like Pinky. I never thought of a good nor bad self...but it is so interesting. I think I have concluded that my true self was very, very unhappy with my life when I was diagnosed 5 years ago. But I attributed to staying in that life (or bad marriage) for such a long time to good girl (Catholic) guilt. I couldn't let everyone down by doing something about it. Then I thought I was BAD by basically getting rid of most of my old life since diagnosis. I've been told by my EX that cancer made me "crazy" but I feel it made me SANE. I truly haven't been happier in my whole life. What I'm trying to say is I feel that one of the reasons that I've done well mentally and physically has something to do with finally listening to my heart. Herceptin, the chemo, the radiation certainly did a major part but by me being a happier person I'm less sick with colds, have lots more energy and just love living now. I think there is a strong mind/body connection I just don't have the words nor the eloquence of writing it down too well!

Even though I think I'm doing pretty well I still am freaking out about my regular 6 month check-ups (which next one happens to be tomorrow). Why can't I not get whacked out about these checkups? Is that the bad me telling me bad stuff can happen at checkups? My blood pressure goes up, I'm sweating, I can't think straight and I feel really weird. I would have thought that after this long that going to these office visits would be easier? When I leave the office, I am fine but right before (usually pulling in the parking lot) AHHH I just hate it. I don't want to go and have to force myself out of the car. I want to make my mind behave itself and not put me in a bad place. I feel like I'm in a Pavlov's dog experiment and just seeing my Onc's office puts me in a drooling position. Maybe I need to find a $1000 laying the parking lot or attached to my Onc. white coat and its left from an old eccentric who wants to give it away?
Hugs ~ Ruth

[harrie]

Re: Pinkgirls comment on "can the mean voice ever be correct"
I personally do not feel it is a matter of being correct or not correct because it is just a perspective. The mean voice is there because of yrs of experiences and reactions to life situations. You notice kids, being so young and lacking of the life experiences have a much more undeveloped ego then adults. I think that is why they are so accepting and trusting. They dont have as many "issues" in their history to bring out warnings to their brain such as "oh no...here we go AGAIN....i cant....i better not....i sure hope not...."
It can be really hard to shut the voice of that mean voice out. Sometimes it just seems to be so constant and nagging, and convincing. If you are not aware of it and let it "do its thing", your whole body can eventually respond. Reason for the chronic clenching/ grinding...

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Here's how I see it. Ruth, you listened to your heart, what I call your Inner Voice. That put the True You in charge. Who you truly are is a Soul, or a Spirit, that talks to you on a special frequency from deep within.

Then there is The Voice In Your Head which is your Inner Crab. The Child in you that wants its way and is all emotional and acts like a spoiled brat and is kind of hormonally out of whack (pre menstral, pre pubescent -- whatever). It is full of negativity. Old unhealed wounds. It gripes, whines, badgers, judges, is full of fear and wanting and misses the big picture. It needs disciplining. When you go within in silence and connect with that sacred part of yourself that is your Higher Self, and when you give it the power to take charge of your life and your destiny -- miracles occur.

You become full of Love, and that just emanates from you and Lights up others' lives. And is reflected right back at you. The boomerang effect. Joy and peace, harmony and health just naturally follow.

I hope your appt went well today, Ruth. I feel similarly and have for 13 yrs. So, I can't say it goes away, but it does get better. I see my onc and my nurses as a lifelines. They guide and protect me. I don't hate cancer because I believe hating is self-defeating in myriad ways. Sure, it scares me, but then I decide that I CAN DO THIS, I WILL DO THIS. I WILL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO PREVAIL IN THIS BATTLE FOR MY LIFE. I WILL BE VALIANT. I WILL FIND GRACE. I WILL BE STRONG. AND I WILL REMAIN DETERMINED. I see myself far into the future. In vivid detail.

And I tell my obsessively naysaying Inner Crab to get over itself. I think every Olympic medalist goes through this process. Every day, every month, for years. They break the pattern of the uncertain, fretting, worried Tormentor in their head and they connect with their Spirit and let it rule, stifling their Inner Emotional Wreck side. It takes silence. Focusing. Clear Intention. Absolute dedication. And certain Expectation.

Love you HarrieCarie and all my Sisters and Bros,
Andi

[Jackie07]

There is something called "self-talk". I guess that's what the 'inner voice' is about.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Yes, Jackie! That is one way to view the this amazing truth. Your Inner Voice (IV) speaks to you on a specific frequency you can hear deep within yourself. It guides and protects you. It is full of eons of wisdom, b/c it is your eternal Soul, full of the sacred energy of your creator, The Source of All That Is. Which makes YOU divine. When you hear a truth (or Enlightenment) it resonates deep within you. It instantly becoming a KNOWING. It awakens a distant memory and becomes a gift, to help elevate you to your True Self or Higher Self. It causes you to unfold and continue the process of evolution that is the purpose of all Life.

More power to you! This Awareness is full of love, joy and serenity. It grants you control over your life; allows you to use the POWER OF YOUR THOUGHTS, and your direct connection to your Spirit, to collude w/the Universe to bless you w/what you dearly want, vs what you dread. WHAT YOU FOCUS ON ALL DAY WILL BECOME YOUR REALITY. Armed w/that Awareness, you are golden!

Much wondrous energy,

ANDI