7 Years ago today...

[jml]

I became a reluctant member of this club no one wants to join...
Stage IV since my primary diagnosis, 105 rounds chemo, countless infusions of the life-saving Vitamin H, having sacrified parts of my body, my hair on more than one occasion, but never my Hope.
And now 8 recurrences later, my hair restored, my body reconstructed & my liver regenerated, I am by the Grace of God, surviving and thriving and a proud member of this Changing Face of Stage IV BC Survivors.
I wish I could say NED was here, close by my side, rather than on the cusp of making a choice for yet another treatment to beat the monster back. But he's a fickle one, that NED, yet I will gladly welcome him back into my life, at any moment he should choose to show up, for any amount of time, always praying for more.
Among the ironic blessings that have come hand in hand with this diagnosis, are all of you. Strong, courageous, compassionate human beings, who lead by example and ecourage with the softest, kindest place of your hearts.
I am so grateful for the lifeline you all have thrown me, on so many occasions & on any given day, and pray that I contribute at least 1/2 of the generousity I've received.
Thank you for always offering me a soft place to fall and your inspiring patience as I search & find my fight again, each time.
7 years ago, I knew from the moment I heard those fateful words, "It's cancer," that my life would never be the same. But somehow, even through the earth-shattering fear, I knew that I would be blessed. I didn't know how or what that blessing would look like...
I do now.

Still Keeping the Faith.
God bless all of you~

Jessica

Dx - 5/17/2002 @33yo ;Stage IV - IDC + liver met;
Lumpectomy, 12/12+ nodes; er/pr-, Her2+++
Tx1 - Navelbine+Herceptin x 8 wks; No response, progression - single liver met to "innumerable/immeasureable"
Tx2 - ISIS 2504 - clinical trial x 6mos
Taxol + ISIS (continuous IV);partial response.
Tx3 - Taxol+Herceptin x 13 weeks
NED
NED 9/11/03-9/17/04, then single liver met recurrence.
9/04-Recurrence 1- Taxol+Herceptin x 4 weeks prior to RFA, but NED again, cxl RFA.
12/04 -Recurrence 2 - single liver met
1/05 - RFA - partial response
2/05 - Abraxane+Herceptin x 9 weeks;No response due to improper dosing(?)
3/05 - Taxol/Carbo/Herceptin to NED again.
11/05 - Recurrence 3 - same single liver met
12/05 - Right hepatectomy-55% liver removed. Success. NED in liver ever since.
2/06 - Recurrence 4 -single lesion in L breast again
3/06 -excisional biopsy. 1cm IDC, extensive high grade DCIS.
No tx due to liver still healing post hepatectomy, follow with Herceptin & scans to keep an eye on DCIS
12/06- L mastectomy w/ reconstruction 3/07 & 8/07
10/07 - Recurrence 5 - Supraclav nodes
Tx4 -Gemzar+Herceptin, til NED 3/08.
9/08 -Recurrence 6 -Supraclav nodes again.Rads1 - x 7wks
10/08 - Acute Renal Failure - ICU x4 days, hospital 1 week,
stents in ureters/kidneys x 4mos.still no known cause???
10/08 - Recurrence 7 -Sternal nodes; supraclav -NED
Tx5 - repeat Gemzar+Herceptin; NED in 1/09; finish GH cycle to 3/09.
4/09 - PET scans shows Recurrence 8 in sternal nodes...progression while on GH cycle.
5/09 - Now what? Tykerb/Xeloda/Herceptin...still deciding.

[WomanofSteel]

Jessica, congratulations on your 7 years. Thank you for your honesty and bravery and such a heartfelt post. We are all comrades in cancer here. We are here for each other. Thank you for being here with us. I hope that you may once again dance with ned. Never lose the faith! God bless you also.

[Mary Anne in TX]

Jessica, thanks so for sharing your journey and the celebration of it's continuation! I'll add your prayer of NED to mine for you.
this is an incredible group. I wouldn't want to fight this battle without the knowledge and love that are shared here.
Best wishes for 7 X 70 more years!!! ma

[rinaina]

Jessica, you are an inspiration and a testament to how to keep battling this nasty disease. To many more healthy years.

[DianneS]

Jessica,

I am putting in a request to NED that he stay with you.

Thank you for your thoughtful, heartfelt post. I have lost both breasts to this disease (see sig) and have had my share of health issues aside from the bc. In 2006 I had a cerebral aneurysm repaired and in 2008 I had both ovaries removed due to a big (benign) cyst. I don't know why some of us have to go through so much, but I am thankful for the strong women I'v met on this forum, like yourself.

Diannes

As they say: Stay strong.......be brave....wait for the signs.

[Lori R]

Jessica,
What a beautiful post. I agree with every bit of it.

I wanted to let you know that you HAVE given back. You signature is inspirational for those of us with liver mets. I also have appreciated your specific feedback on some recent treatment choices I made.

I would be lost, sad, alone if this site was not available.

Love to all.....Lori

[Ellie F]

Dear Jessica
Just wanted to say your brave and fighting spirit is an inspiration to me and I suspect to everyone else who reads it.
I often struggle to understand why some seem to get such a heavy load to bear but I guess there are no easy answers.
I pray that you will beat this disease and that God will soon show us the way to 'cure 'us all
Love Ellie

[SoCalGal]

Jessica,
You inspire me. Thanks for your post. Flori

[Joan M]

Jessica,

Thank you for your thoughts on your journey.

And praying for more blessing to come to you.

Hugs,

Joan

[Sheila]

Jessica
You are such an inspiration and a role model for fighting this disease...I am just a couple months ahead of you on the journey....never thought I'd see 7 years, but as a perpetual chemo junkie like you, we have been given time....may you be blessed with 7x7 more years and then a few.....you are a true role model to me!!!

[tricia keegan]

Jessica,

You're amazing, thank you for posting and I wish you many more years of defeating this disease.
your post brings hope to many of us her 2 er's!

[Believe51]

Please know that I am sharing your excitement about this great moment for you. I so love your honest posts and the inspiration that they bring. Ed and I are in a tough spot right now in this journey and it is friends like you that give us the 'ummph' to move on. You have inspired me tonight, like always, as I read yet another one of your posts. Before coming here tonight I was a bit sad about what is happening to him, I am so scared for him, I am feeling so awful. Thank you for being my medicine when we need it the most. Thank you also for putting things in perspective at a most confusing crossroad in his journey. Although I celebrate along with you I need you to know exactly what you have instilled in me today. Celebrate>>Believe51

[juanita]

congratulations! it's so great to see someone whose made it so far.