The power of your thoughts

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I agree Karen, but when I brought it up -- that Monday night and Wednesday prior to Thursday scans -- major bout of IBS
-- he insisted, this has nothing to do with that. He also said, lymph nodes not inflamed per report.

He kept going back to the 4 patients he's seen recently who had NEW stuff show up on the CTs, and it was nothing.

My last CT was last June.

My onc will be back tomorrow. 2nd Radiologist will read scans w/surgeon and discuss. Then onc and surgeon will discuss.

My umbilical hernia, which I showed surgeon at his request, was nothing to be concerned about he said. It's nothing. Sometimes if there's a bulge below the belly button, it could be something, but leave this alone.

He seemed miffed why my onc wanted a biopsy. Thinks the report says nothing, and that the first radiologist was worried -- due to my medical history. My tech (who knows me for a decade) told the radiologist to put a rush on my report, that she knows this lady and she's a good friend. Which may have created an unintended sense of urgency. They always do a same day report at this Imaging Center, even w/o the doc's script requesting it. But it was 9:50 AM and she was hoping to get it for me before noon, which has occurred in the past, much to my delight. Less anxious hours of waiting...

Carcinoid tumors don't look like this surgeon said, as report wrote concerning that might be... He's seen such tumors and this is not that.

So okay then. I'll go with my surgeon's eye to eye comments... Till tomorrow anyway...

Andi

[KDR]

Mysterious flurries/funky dust in the air last week: you with this and me with that. I'm not off the trial and the met may be gone surgically because it's the only place it ever showed up after NED status three years ago.

Went to Brother Paul of Healing Ministries of Divine Mercy this past weekend and what I saw...wow...my nine-year-old was resting in Spirit. Found out about him from a HER2 sister who was given days to live, had HER2 in every part of her body save her right arm and is now on Herceptin alone.

Karen

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Yes, YOU WITH THAT... weird showing it's ugly face after 3 yrs of NED, still on trial...

Do they want to biopsy IT...??? Maybe it's a benign thingy...

Emotional roller coaster are nauseating and dizzifying. You don't want to be hosting a party for uninvited "riff-raff" (undesirables).

Love that you went to Brother Paul. Maybe next time they look your that/IT -- will have vanished. Stranger things have happened.

my nine-year-old was resting in Spirit? please explain. not at my sharpest these days. With my brain feeling queasy from my todo.

Love and Light, Andi

[KDR]

When touched by Brother Paul, Yasmin saw colors and went down, and lay on the altar. It was her first experience.

Yes, we are doing a biopsy. We need to find out how/what changed on those particular cells and what mysteries the DNA is holding.

I have heard that they may find nothing now that Brother Paul touched me. Hope not. I just go with Spirit, I'm always in good hands this way.

Every single time I show up with an issue, it's in the liver. So many questions. This time, she's (my onco) really taking aim.

[NEDenise]

Andi!
That is GREAT!!
And yes...I do LOVE your surgeon.
Anyone who doesn't rush to cut...and makes you, the most important person in the room, feel at ease. Well let's just say I think the money he spent on med school was definitely worth it!

If I were you, I'd be over the moon with joy!
But seriously...I'm not surprised that he thinks it's nothing to worry about. Relieved...but not surprised.

Rest easy...and enjoy your good news.
Denise

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Yes, Denny. I'm relieved! And waiting for what tomorrow will bring. 2nd opinion on CTs from other radiologist. Conference with onc and surgeon.

1st day back for onc away for personal reasons (not a thing I ever recall him doing). I e'd him. He called my cell. Midst whatever he's going through. Wanted to reach out to me. I was his first patient. In 1995. Paul & I are in love with him. How could we help but not be impressed by this brilliant doc who actually really really cares about his patients?

What will other radiol say? All organs are good and mentioned in report. Surg said doesn't sound like what a carcinoid tumor is in his experience and his seen them. They are rare. Will they want an MRI? Will they want to rescan in a period of time? Will my onc push for a biopsy. Can the biopsy be done w/needle. Surg said he'd check w/radiol...

Meanwhile, I feel rather peaceful. Optimistic. Less frazzled. Thought I'd be making an appt for surg today. Not an alarmist. All I wanted was STABLE STABLE STABLE (chest/abd/pelv). I am spoiled. But I am also humbly and genuinely grateful. Every day!!! I say it out loud several x a day. Every single day!!

Stay tuned.

LUCK TO YOU, Neddy tomorrow. And tomorrow. And tomorrow... Then celebratory dinner... (That's what we do w/each CT results. Not this time. Didn't even eat... Surely didn't want to go out... Needed to process and calm myself.)

Hope you get your margarita, NeD... ;o))

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

He changed his mind.

Here's PART II of my mass mess saga, ladies. Midst my THE POWER OF OUR THOUGHTS thread. I know. It's just where I've been hanging this past week. So pardon the interruption in dialogue, please. I often digress anyway. Will resume energy chat when I can clear my buzzing head...

On Monday the surgeon my onc sent me to thought there's no there there. Very strange report, he commented. Doesn't know why my onc sent me to him. He went to hospital Tues AM, as promised, apparently saw scans, consulted w/radiologist #2 (as was his plan)and called my onc and said he wants to do laparoscopic surgery, to get a biopsy, to see what's going on. Then his office called me to schedule another appt (after he practically booted me out of his office on Monday). Now going on Thursday -- tomorrow. Maybe he now knows where to go looking. He was in surgery from Tuesday through Wednesday. Scheduled me at his first possible appointment...

Meanwhile saw my internist today for my annual, just cause he was in my calendar. Love Stanley. He's into supplements and super bright and really really listens and thinks it out and chats. And remembers everything.

I told him Feb ekg good, ECHO good, April GYN annual, PAP HPV good. Had transvaginal pelvic sono to check out my ovaries and stuff and all is well. Had bone density. All is good there. CTs last Thurs. Chest STABLE. And then I hand him my report re abd/pelv. Very strange, he comments, reading slowly and thoroughly. Makes no sense, he says. Both he and surgeon commented they've seen the rare carcinoid tumor and it doesn't look like this. Both examined my belly, pushed and prodded and I feel no pain, nothing. Feel great in fact.

Got my blood work back. EVERYTHING is good. Including tumor markers. Had another ekg today, normal, for pre-op that I'm anticipating.

Report said stable pancreas, gall bladder, colon, intestines, kidneys, blah, blah. Just a soft tissue mass in abdomen infiltraing...??? Ascites... ??? Concerning it says in the report for carinoid tumor... It's apparently very amorphous...

For a healthy person, I am going to have a biopsy which involves surg (same day, out patient, hopefully) -- with an abundance of caution doing what they feel they must with someone with my medical history. Guess that sounds reasonable.

I am feeling good in every way. Strong, brave and determined to prove to everyone that there's nothing going on. I had my hair cut yesterday, nails done today, after internist. Will keep date for Fri night and Saturday. Babysat last Saturday, why not? I feel fine.

Keep pushing bad thoughts aside, don't want them filling my head with their frantic banter. Not rushing to judgment. Taking one day at a time. Yes, head spinning, getting very cramped in my head as too many thoughts are begging for attention and banging about.

Tune in for more. It's the waiting that's the worst, but I am keeping busy. Watched Lewis Black on HBO last night and laughed out loud for a full hour. Very soothing. And healing. Paul is allowing me to play music in the car, which is kind cause he is adverse to it, while I just love it. How do you ride in a car without music?! His blood pressure is a bit elevated. I said, Wonder why? He said, No, not from stress... Men are so funny. He's been extra sweet and super helpful, though he always is, but he's scared. Whereas I am certain I am fine, will be fine, will deal with what I have to, and get through this roller coaster ride process w/a smile and some humor.

Sending my love and healing energy to every single one of you, my Sisters, who live in my heart every day.

XO,

Andi

[Mary Jo]

Praying for you Andi.....

Hugs...

Mary Jo

[NEDenise]

Andi...
All of this seems to fall under the heading of - Better Safe Than Sorry. And, as someone who loves and treasures who you are...though I'm sorry for the mental discomfort it's causing you...I am totally in favor of being safe...cause I don't want to be sorry!

Now, since we all know that laughter is some of the best medicine out there...
Lewis Black! I LOVE that guy! He makes be laugh so hard my sides ache afterward. Have you read his book "Me of Little Faith"? It's funny, but it's also very deep and well thought out. He's a brilliant man, besides being hysterically funny!

And...the only thing that's better medicine than laughter...IMHO...is grandchildren!! I know I'm hoping to have several grandchildren one day...and I plan to spend LOTS of time indulging, pampering, and enjoying them!! I'm gonna take a wild guess here...go out on a limb even...and say that you've already got that nailed!

Keep going strong my dear, dear friend!
Denise

[jacqueline1102]

Hi Andi,

I wanted to chime in and add my support. Let's say to the universe that this is just doctors being cautious. What's amazing is that you continue to post positive thoughts for all of us when you are in the midst of uncertainty. Thank you for modeling what it means to be an amazing woman; amazing person.

Take good care and please continue to update us.

Jackie

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

SO -- HERE'S THE DEAL. Saw surgeon last Thurs. He conferred Tues. A.M. w/ not 1 but 2 additional radiologists all about me, my history (he studied under my breast surgeon who did my surgery in '95) -- he/they know everything about me! Inside and out. From wayyy back...

I'm going for surgery next Thursday, June 27 -- scheduled for 1:30.

Going to -- Boca Raton Regional Hospital. They've called me. Fri. at 5 o'clock. How convenient. Going in Monday to sign away and see nurse Sue and get more Instructions.

Internist's office called Fri at 5 o'clock to tell me I needed chest xray. But I had a chest CT scan last Thurs. Oh. Have to call you back. Monday. Oh, and -- you need more blood tests. Have to do that Monday.

Surgeon's office finally set the wheels in motion. I called onc's office, no answer -- it is 5 o'clock Friday -- cause my STABLE chest report was never FAXed to me, or anyone, and is now needed as proof. I only have the FAXed report of abdomen and pelvis. Geez. Oh, and now I'm thinking -- do I have to fast for these other tests?

No one is coordinating all this BUT ME. I said to the nurse, You know it's a good thing I'm healthy, cause a sick person just couldn't deal with all this thrown in their face at 5 o'clock on a Friday. Thanks for the info.

I did have the presence of mind to ask the surgeon's nurse if she knew what time I was scheduled on Thurs, June 27. She had told me "12 / 1:30... Well as of Fri at 5 o'clock -- it's 1:30. Which means I will do liquid diet alllll day Wednesday and nothing after midnight and be very grumpy/hungry with NO WATER allowed, waiting till 1:30, which could easily become many hrs later, w/unexpected delays that inevitably occur in hospitals.

My 45 minute surgery for example, could develop into much longer surgery.

Already have instructions from surgeon, but -- there's more to come, from hospital. Surgeon needed my blood work (from last Tuesday). I had it -- with me -- but NO -- very strict rules -- hospital says must come from internist, who I saw Wednesday (cause I fortuitously had my annual scheduled for that day for the last 2 mnths. He did another EKG for me cause we both knew hospital would want that/not be satisfied with Feb EKG and Feb ECHO...


I am feeling cheery, certain all will be fine. I will have preliminary pathology report -- on the table. If it shows something not good -- they will do what they must.

The 2 radiologists (who apparently concurred with 1st's report) and surgeon determined that he will make 4 punctures (laparoscopic surgery) into my abdomen to look at mesentery (an overcoat for the abdomen)-- large area, which could be very bloody he warned me (as that's where blood vessels go in and/or out). If that occurs,which sounds almost unavoidable, they will have to make an incision. Obviously, bleeding out would not be a good thing. In the soap operas they always panic when SHE'S BLEEDING INTERNALLY... I base much of my medical knowledge on experience and movies and TV...

They are booking me for a 23 hour hospital stay. Easier to cancel overnight stay than suddenly schedule, ensures I will have a room, and not have to tarry in the recovery room, which is no place you ever want to be -- noisy, crazy, moaning, so not where you want to be... Also all this satisfies insurance... Geez, we can't forget about them!

Antibiotics to take 3 x day before. Plus Milk of Magnesia. THAT IS MY HORROR -- my IBS stomach has issues w/magnesium. So I plan to spend Wednesday at home with my chicken broth, tea, jello and popsicles. (I know -- not red, my fav...)

Still, I will do what I have to. Hope I can leave bathroom to go to hospital! Seriously.

I'm doing what I have to, given my medical history and the fact that something new is visualized and/or larger than 1 yr ago. (Funny, not a single report -- since '98 has even mentioned the existence of a mass in my mesentery, but the docs all checked my previous reports and scans and compared and say -- it is definitely larger and maybe infiltrating...)

Surgeon says NOT lymph nodes. NOT IBS related. It's apparently NOT a whole lot of things... All docs say, VERY STRANGE. Never seen anything like it. Oh my!

So, With an abundance of caution and in the interest of doing the responsible thing, I need to do this. Let them see what's going on.

I am expecting this "simple" procedure to show that there's nothing malignant or malevolent going oninside me. I DO NOT BELIEVE SUCH IS SO. They will take some tissue for pathologist to study and get back with a complete report, but will do the preliminary while I'm on the table, then act accordingly.

Surgeon did say this could be a serious surgery but should be over in 45 minutes. Shrugged his shoulders, locked eyes. From his mouth...

He is very happy with my attitude. Says that is 90% of the battle. WE KNOW THAT, RIGHT LADIES??!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm moving forward, onward and upward. One with the Universe. Remember, my Spirit will accompany into the operating room, of course.

Busily reassuring my darling husband who is obviously very shaken and worried. MY Inner Voice is telling me to relax. I trust it implicitly. It is my Spirit speaking to me. With eons of wisdom and full of Love. I rely on it to guide and protect me. I talk to it.

Thursday (day of 2nd meeting with surgeon who wasn't interested on Monday in doing anything) was alarming. I'd expected all this on Monday, then took a U turn cause of his comments that he saw no reason to operate on me. So it was jolting. Paul and I went out to dinner, early bird special before his 7 o'clock card game -- neither one of us could eat! We took home. My thoughts were very scattered and bouncing around in my head. I was speechless. Can you even begin to imagine such a thing?!

Friday I met my 2 daughters with Paul and my 16 yr old granddaughter for brunch. Then afterwards Paul did errands, Ali and Pami went for a mani/ped and Josie and I went to my house and we just gabbed. THIS NEVER HAPPENS! We are always surrounded by the commotion of family (6 adults, 5 kids). This was a gift! I am still cherishing it.

Went to dinner w/friends from Dix Hills (Long Island) who we've known since '69. Why cancel? I am feeling fine. Full of smiles and laughter. Going tonight to meet friends for really nice Italian dinner. We have a coupon. Dogs will be groomed on Sunday (cause I had to cancel Thursday). Monday is full of maybe chest xray, more blood work, going to hospital to see Nurse Sue and signing and getting list of Instructions. Tuesday I will have my white roots colored to match my dark brown hair ))... Wednesday I plan to hang out near my bathroom with a good book.

Thursday I will no doubt have to stay over. Hopefully can come home Friday. Maybe. (I'm bringing my supplements and a few panties, glasses and case -- the essentials.)

So I'll get back to you when I can. Pinkie -- that's 1:30 EST (Fla, USA) on Thursday June 27. Please send your positive vibes as promised. Set your alarm...

HAS ANYONE EVER HEARD OF ANYTHING LIKE THIS??? In all my years, it is just so bizarre and befuddling...

Sending my Love to you all, and thanking each of you for your support -- and beautiful energy!

Andi

[Mary Anne in TX]

Hi Andi!
I'm sending my excessively positive thoughts your way for your upcoming "event"!

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I feel I must return to the topic of this thread -- The Power of Your Thoughts...!

I'm still talking to my body. That's my job. To direct it. And I know it's function is to serve my thoughts. It hears everything I say, think or whisper. It has no sense of humor. It is literal. So I am careful what I tell my body at all times.

I'm feeling oddly peaceful. I'm receiving, not trying to force things I don't fully understand. I only know I expect that I will be fine. That all will be well. I'm stepping back, taking myself out of the picture for the moment, letting a Higher Power lead me.

I seem to sense that nothing can penetrate the Light that I carry. I don't just see me; I see the vista of the entire Universe. And I feel my Oneness with All That Is and All Who Are. Honestly. I learned this in '95 and again in '98. It was life-altering. I became a vessel to receive Universal Love and to offer it to everyone I encountered with full generosity of Spirit. I KNOW there is an abundant supply of Loving energy. I can't take too much...

I'm removing any and all interferences along with the energy that comes from them. I'm not "sweating the small stuff", I'm focused and will not be deterred by other minutae... They aren't important.

Removing the blocks allows me to move forward. I'm in a state of being that is allowing healing energy in. And then, I am backing away... Allowing the process to go where it is supposed to. I believe we are always exactly where we are intended to be, despite our inability to understand it at the time. I'm focused on healing. Staying healthy and well.

Potential pain after surgery is of course concerning, such thoughts have leaked into my head, but I KNOW I will deal with it, because it is temporary and a part of the process that I must and do agree to participate in, for my own wellness and betterment. Out of body mind trips / meditation and guided imagery are fantastic tools for grappling with pain.

I KNOW that we are never alone. Never. We are our Spirit. Which is a sacred spark of Our Source. Given to us as our birthright. This bit of God within us that is us, and is so much more, has eons of wisdom. It has been "installed" to guide and protect us. To lead us, nurture us and help us remember. We are each a Soul, with a mind and a body. I identify myself as a Spirit. I see All others and kindred Souls. Including all the animals.

I feel the pain the woman in the news is feeling, as she is traipsing across the desert with her baby in her arms, and a small one holding on to her leg, midst a famine, determined to get herself and her babies to the station she's heard of where there is food and water. I am a woman. A mother. I see in her face a grace and tenacity and I am with her...

When "we" become One with OurSelves, we begin to feel our Universal Oneness. It is the first step. A thing we can consciously seek to attain. To align ourselves with our Essence, which is our Spirit, is a surreal experience we are capable of granting ourselves!

Your Spirit is an entity that is holy. Full of the Energy of our Creator. Let that realization touch you. Align yourself with your Spirit. Stop misidentifying yourself as a mind and a body! You are so very much more than that!!

So I am decidedly -- letting it (my mass mess) play out. My Essence is still. Calm. Serene. The whole is rarely equal to just some of its parts. We are here to learn to align ourSelves with the whole that is Us. We are here to remember our Truest Selves.

We are more than our thoughts. We are beyond our thoughts...

I do not know all that there is about my situation. So I cannot draw any conclusions. My intuition says there's more than meets the eye. I am consciously honoring the process, absolutely connected and at one with the process. Talking to my body, and offering up my humble and most genuine gratitude for the gift of my life and for my beloved family and friends.

YOU have the power to recognize your fear and to determine to convert it into Love! Fear is only the absence of Love.

Like when you shine a light into darkness and the light becomes the only thing present, when you consciously allow Universal Love into a place where there has been fear, you'll find that fear no longer has the power to grip you!

I am remembering this from 1995 and especially 1998 when I was starting to forget the Great Lessons I'd learned, shaken so by the unimaginable recurring.

We are each stronger and braver than we thought we were. When push comes to shove, we find how empowered we each are!!!!!!! It is among the greatest of revelations!!!!!!!!

If you buy into a concept that a certain disease can't be healed, you automatically -- and unconsciously -- think and act in ways that will prove your belief is right. Self-fulfilling prophecies are real!!

The Universe offers each of us the opportunity to rise above our beliefs. You have the power to transcend cultural beliefs engrained in you since childhood.

You have the power to push pain (physical and psychological) aside. To disown it, and move forward anyway, KNOWING you are in a process and there is a Light at the end of the darkest of tunnels.

I wish each of you joy and serenity, and Oneness...

With my LOVE,
Andi

[sassy]

Keeping positive thoughts and prayers aimed in your direction Andi!

I'm a fan of Norman Vincent Peale and his "Power of Positive Thinking". I always keep my little "Norman" sitting on my shoulder!

[NEDenise]

Andi,
Negativity doesn't stand a chance. If it accidentally wanders onto the scene, your light banishes it immediately! The doc who said attitude is 90% of the battle sounds like a good match for you!

Obviously, I haven't had the exact procedure you'll be having, but in my 30s, I had 3 laparascopic surgeries to my abdomen to treat endometriosis and cysts on my ovaries.
Afterward, my belly didn't hurt at all, and the three incisions were not even a centimeter long.The only post-op pain was in my shoulders. Nope, that's not a typo...in order to visualize your innards, they "puff up" your abdomen with gas. Most of it leaks out, but what's left rises the first time you sit up...and the pain shows up in your shoulders. The first time, no one had warned me and I was sure I was having a heart attack!! So...in case no one warned you...now you know.

Now...random comments...
~your 'early-bird special' and 'I had a coupon' comments cracked me up!
~the one-on-one chat time with your granddaughter sounds absolutely priceless - and I bet she thought so too!
~I agree that all of this is probably much harder on Paul than it is on you...I know that's often true in my house...sadly, we can't share our inner peace with the ones we love
~you are so right about 'scheduled' surgery times...it's like that 4 hour window the repairman gives you...don't hold your breath!

So...with that in mind...1:00 will be my start time for focusing healing energy your direction...but I won't stop till I feel sure you're resting and recuperating.

All will be well. I know it in my heart.
Denise

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

HI ALL! So Soul Sisters,

I'm thanking you all from the depths of my being for your positive energy, prayers and caring.

NEDdy ,you're words are always full of wisdom. Thank you for piping in on HAS ANYBODY EVER SEEN THIS BEFORE??!!!!!!!!!

My daughter had lapaqrscopic surgery when I had my mastectomy. She mentioned the other day about the gas that's piped in --I just hate gas, can be seriously painful. Ali said I'd experience pain in my shoulders! (Which I get often from the 21 lymph nodes they removed in '95 and mastec -- still.) But this sounded way worse. You'd think a doc or nurse would mention this but so far NO. Glad for the heads up. Such pain -- in the wrong place since the surgery is in your abdomen would have thrown me, naturally.

So, oh great, I'll be passing wind (farting) all over the place for hours at least. Sooo embarrassing.

New topic, will need a new color here... Early bird specials work in my life. I do not cook. I eat 2 meals a day. Period. With my dozens of supplements. And at 4 o'clock I am famished. So I have a banana and pester Paul (who wants to go at 7, 7:30, even 8 o'clock, like the "normal" people). BUT, as we're leaving, having had a nice quiet time together, talking and hearing vs reading lips, we pass the crowds lined up and waiting to get in. Hordes of them. And I do point out that we don't want to be among those pp. He agrees.

The Italian last night is an upscale, expensive restaurant. Having a Groupon is joyous. It's a place we go to maybe twice a year. Always delicious. If we could afford it, we'd be there once a wk.

And -- YES -- I love the repair men who'll be there between 1 and 5 and come after 6, while you've been home waiting all day. So the surgeon @ 1:30 on not only an empty stomach and without a single sip of water -- is already causing me to agitate. I will appeal to the powers that be (at the hosp where I have to go Monday to sign away, receive more instructions and chat -- and at the surgeon's office where he is never available to talk, but I'll give it a go anyway).

I found my Health Proxy (middle of the night thought) and started a list of essentials which for in and out same day would be eye glasses and case basically... If I have to stay overnight, which seems like a given, and IF I have to stay yet another day -- well, panties, face soap that isn't soap, vaseline for my overly dry lips, bathrobe (will I be made to walk the halls as I did w/mastec tram flap reconst) and slippers. Panties. My supplements!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know when you need a pill it's a long dragged out process involving contacting the doctor (lots of luck), getting orders, getting the busy nurses to get that order to the pharmacy which is super involved with stuff and then actually getting your meds -- is a laborious task.

When I broke my ankle in 3 places in a pot hole in NY it required surgery. I remember asking for my Zoloft. They did bring me my heart (bld pressure) meds. And asking again. And again. Till I became like a crazy woman demanding my ZOLOFT!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!

Not pretty. So -- I'm sneaking in my supply of possible needs, be it Advil or Benedryl or whatever.

I know a man who's son had Krohn's and was in the hospital having an allergic reaction to SOMETHING. PP were running all over the place, contacting doc, blah, blah. And -- he died. He could have been saved by 2 Benedryl!!!!!!!!!!! I am taking no chances. I know, my OCD is in full drive between my moments of serenity and KNOWING...

Thanks for penciling me in for sending HEALING ENERGY over the long haul. Much appreciated. Soooo thankful!

Love,
Andi

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Just got this quote from a friend. Going to print it out and put it in my face.

There are a lot of things to think about but nothing to worry about!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE THIS.

I BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!! I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES...

Today is prep day. Liquid diet. Milk of Magnesia (liquid chalk) AM and PM. Cleaning out all systems... 3 doses of antibiotic. Packing for my overnight stay at the hospital. Making lists. I have so many needs apparently. Eye drops for severely dry eyes (thanks Taxotere), vaseline for perpetually dry lips, robe and slippers, toothbrush, toothpaste, on and on. Detail person, ya know. Neurotic, guilty. OCD, I suppose. Works for me...

Tomorrow surgery is scheduled for 1:30 (hospital time which could be whenever). Should be 45 minutes but is a serious surgery and depending on preliminary pathology report they may have to extend the time and do whatever is required subsequently... Blah, blah, blah... Home Friday late, I hope. Or Saturday early-ish...

My rare thing is strange, mysterious -- all docs seem to say. I am going with -- I've beat the odds a few x before, and I plan on being unusual here. Am counting on benign. Have a thing. A mushy mass mess in my abdomen. I am still thinking an inflammatory reaction to my really awful extraordinarily bad IBS flare ups days before my scans.

If I had scans a few mnths later, I'd be good to go.

This is where my head is. Really do love the quote a friend sent me above! I'm printing it out...

Sending love,

Andi

[Mary Jo]

Praying all is well tomorrow Andi! Great attitude. Keep it up! You can control how you react to the stress of it all and I commend you as you are handlingit ABOVE AND BEYOND how many of us would. :-). I will be praying for you tomorrow.......peace surrounding you and peace and guidance to all who are ministering unto you.

Hugs.....

Mary Jo

[Ceesun]

Andi, I have long admired you and respected you, please know there will be prayers coming from Michigan to you in Boca tomorrow. Thanks for all of your support, love, and healing energy. Ceesun

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Your kind words and prayers are genuinely appreciated! Need all the positive energy I can summon.

Liquid diet and a little diabetes don't really work out well. Gotta say. Took 2 of 3 antibiotics and -- crashed. Chills, hunched over, dizzy -- got under the covers and lay down. Feeling better now.

Just fed the dogs and -- I was so jealous!! Solid food. We need to appreciate how blessed we are to have a meal our bellies every day!

Tummy growling and not cause I have to poop... Milk of Magnesia took care of that. Have another dose to look forward to this evening...

Lots of movies, Il Divo and saved Lewis Black -- for my evening's entertainment.

Love from the sunshine state all. Wishing you all health and wellness!

ANDI