Can anybody help please?

jeanjeanie · 07-26-2016, 09:11 AM

Hi all. I could really do with some of your wise advice please. Last May my daughter was diagnosed with HER2 breast cancer. I did post briefly at the time and got some wonderful help from you all. She had a mastectomy, lymph node removal, chemo and radiotherapy. She is still having Herceptin and will be taking Tamoxifen long term. Now....she coped amazingly (too well really) with all her treatments working full time throughout. She has four children and her own business which is fairly stressful in itself. 14 months on she has hit a brick wall and is so depressed, anxious and stressed I am afraid she is going to have a complete breakdown. She is due to start some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy next week, and doesn't want to take anti depressants. I am so terribly worried for her and wondered if anyone could give me any advice on how to help her. Thank you so much in anticipation.

donocco · 07-26-2016, 11:39 AM

I don't know anything about your daughters psychology so I am trying to read betsween the lines. If I had to make a guess I would say she has a perfectionistic personality and is very hard and demanding on herself. She may look at taking an antidepressant as a form of "weakness" which it really is not. Despite the fact that I'm a pharmacist I'm no lover of drugs. Still they can be useful when needed. I realize this may sound manipulative but depression lowers the efficacy of the immune system and she is taking a risk for herself and her children. There is a psychological theory called the enneagram. There are 9 enneagram points. Look jup enneagram point one it may resonate with her personality.

As far as antidepressants go Effexor may be the best choice as it does not inhibit the Enzyme Cyp2D6. antidepressant drugs like Prozac (Fluoxetine), Paxil (Paroxetine) and Wellbutrin (Bupropion) are strong inhibitors of Cyp2D6 enzyme. This enzyme is needed to change Tamoxifen to its active form Nor-Tamoxifen.

Paul

tricia keegan · 07-26-2016, 03:00 PM

I think she may be going through a period of finding a "New Normal" that we all faced, in truth the emotional onslaught of this disease only really hits when the physical treatments are over and we have time to ponder what has actually happened. It can be difficult for a while but many of us coped and so will your daughter, if she's not treating it as a big deal its best you don't either. I'd suggest she many benefit from some relaxation therapies or counselling if she's interested in that but I doubt she needs pills as she sounds like a strong woman anyway and will get there.

caya · 07-26-2016, 09:33 PM

I also did not want to go on anti-depressants, but after speaking to my various doctors, I did. My GP recommended Effexor, it was a godsend. I was on a low dose- 75 mg., one pill per day. I stayed on it for a number of years, and tapered off it with the help of my homeopathic dr. (My onc. was fully on board with the homeopath).
Side effect of the Effexor is that is helped with the hot flashes I was having when on Tamoxifen and then Femara.

I know that drugs are not right for everyone, but this low dose of Effexor really helped me cope.

all the best
caya

jeanjeanie · 07-27-2016, 04:08 AM

Thank you all so much for your kind replies.xx

jra40 · 07-27-2016, 08:18 AM

I know exactly what she is going through - I went through the same thing and did not realize I was in a form of PTSD. A doctor asked me how I felt after seeing him for some physical pains and I started to cry uncontrollably. I have always kept a positive outlook all through my treatments and surgery but the depression crept up on me unexpectedly and undetected. It's so understandable after all we go through and it is a necessity that we seek some form of mental therapy afterwards. I was put on an anti-depressant. It did not work well for me, but others have had success. Talking it out was my best route so if she does not want to do drugs, sounds like she is going a good route with the Behavioral Therapy. Good luck to her, she will get through it!

Jessica

jeanjeanie · 07-29-2016, 04:23 AM

Oh Jessica, thank you so much for your reply. You know, that could have been my daughter writing your post, it sums up exactly how she is. She will be going to have her CBT on Thursday but you have given me hope that this will pass eventually. Thank you again, bless you.xx

jra40 · 07-29-2016, 06:01 AM

If she ever needs to talk, please PM me for my contact information - I am happy to help in any way I can. It's always good to talk to someone that knows what she is going through.

jeanjeanie · 07-29-2016, 06:43 AM

Thank you so much.xxx

supportwife · 07-29-2016, 10:41 AM

My wife went through the same thing, but it was more during the treatment. She was in denial when she got diagnosed, I remember those night marish days when I had to literally drag her out for appointments. She was diagnosed with PTSD and given some medications for the same. It took her a good 6 - 7 months to break out of her shell. Also for her it happened all of a sudden, one morning she woke up and said "I want to drive today" and I knew she was getting better.

Even now she has episodes when she has anxiety at scans or when we are moving a house but these are more manageable and understandable. I guess most survivors go through this. There are doctors at stanford who are doing research on the same thing PTSD after a health crisis.

Lien · 07-31-2016, 08:04 AM

Many of us go through the same stages. Especially when you have a business to run and 4 kids to take care of, you may go into survival mode and when you finally, finally feel things are getting under control, the bottom seems to fall out from under you. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can be very useful, as can be EMDR therapy for the PTSD she may be suffering from. For some pills have worked well, for others they haven't. She needs to find her own way through this.

As a Mom, I felt I wanted to shield my kids from my fears and my pain. It kept me from healing my psyche. So perhaps you can help her with the kids, giving her room to work through her feelings? To give her time to deal with the stuff she is hiding from her loved ones? Maybe be there to give her some time to adjust after therapy sessions, when she is still processing stuff? Or if you cannot be there in person, perhaps you can help her find someone to do those things?

It is very tough and I know it took me months, but I did get through it and was stronger than before.

Love

Jacqueline