too many odd things

[Cat]

I hesitate to write this as I am not one to ask for help but I am feeling so lost lately.
I had my first scan floowing the start of kadcyla june 13 and first ever brain scan mostly because of instinct. The CT scan came back with a small decrease in kidney met and I've had obvious improvement with abdominal issues so even though I'd hoped it gone I am satisfied with that. My MRI however showed 2 areas that looked like it is on the the meninges of the cerebellum, larger on the right than left. When my onc looked at it he said he was not convinced it was cancer and sent me to a neurologist who agreed it was "different". He sent me for a higher resolution MRI that showed it actually on the surface of the cerebellum but not invading it, thus no symptoms from pressure etc. Bandlike rather than mass you would expect. He said to see radiation onc and neurosurgeon. Able to see radiation that same day, (they know me and got me in) I have some great, understanding doctors. He and his partner both said it doesn't look like mets but no one knows what it could be or won't say. I couldn't get in to see neurosurgeon till Mon. so I am carrying this all around with me and one minute feeling very positive about it the next minute reminding myself none of my mets have been"typical" breast cancer mets so maybe this is my way to brain mets too. Then thinking if it is cancer this is all taking so long will it grow too big to treat easily? I'm guessing I'll have to do a biopsy but I keep hoping he looks at scans and says I've seen this before and it's nothing. In any case, I have always been very positive about my treatments and confident to carry on but right now I'm torn between crawling in a corner for the next few weeks or punching something because under it all I am so pissed off (hope I didn't offend anyone, sorry if I did, I'm usually not like that). Boy do I see people pleasing in that last statement...
Anyway I am so tired of putting my family through this including my sister whom I am very close to and lost her son my dear nephew 2 years ago and has the loss of a loved one still fresh and raw. And most especially my dear husband and kids. I cry as I write this for them and their lives that revolve so much around my garbage. I am not depressed but I have so many emotions going on right now I'm not sure I know how to handle them. I talk to God and meditate and I try to deep breathe but sometime there just ain't enough deep breathing possible! I have always been one to carefully check how deep the water then jump without hesitation. I like to decide and do and I'm being held back.

Thank you for listening I feel better for having written this so I am very grateful to have this forum, Christine and all the people that made it possible for me to vent to.
Hugs to all,
Cathy