When can I get married?

PaigeHicks · 08-26-2008, 09:07 PM

Hi everyone! I'm new to this site. I'm 31 and was diagnosed in March. Triple +, 2.4 cm, no lymph node involvement. I had a mastectomy 4/30 and started chemo on 5/29. I had been looking pretty good considering my ordeal until recently when I started Taxol and Herceptin. I just lost my eye brows and eye lashes. I also gained 15lbs and look really swollen. I really do not look like myself. Prior to being diagnosed I was suppose to get married in August but I had to cancel the wedding. I'm thinking about rescheduling it for August 2009 but want to look like my normal self! My chemo ends the last week of October 2008 so it would be 10 months after my last chemo. Although, I will receive Herceptin until the beginning of August 2009. I was thinking about rescheduling the wedding to the end of August 2009. I have a great, very expensive wig my friends bought me that I was going to wear for the wedding. It's 100% hand tied so I could actually wear the wig in an "up do." But I'm nervous about my eye brows, lashes and puffy body/face. I just wanted some help on figuring out when I should reschedule the wedding! Any insight would be helpful! I just want to be a pretty bride! Kinda dumb, I know, but I always dreamed about my wedding being perfect.

BonnieR · 08-26-2008, 10:20 PM

Dear Paige, I was moved by your post. And although I don't have any answer for you, I wanted to respond.
What have your doctors said about your concerns? Have they offered insights?
And it's not "kinda dumb" to want a perfect wedding at all! But I am an old broad and have learned that few things are "perfect" ever, anyway. So you might want to redefine that word and just aim for a good and happy wedding. In the end what matters is sharing this special occasion with those dearest to you. Who already think you are beautiful.
There are alot of wise women and men on this board and I know you will receive much support here.
Keep the faith.

CoachPlayWin · 08-27-2008, 05:58 AM

Paige, I just went through the same thing, only my son was getting married. Obviously, it wasn't about me, but I paid a lot of attention to my hair growth, etc. I completed chemo in January, and am just now going without my wig. The hair growth is very slow, especially if you are on Herceptin. My eyebrows and lashes actually grew back pretty quickly after chemo ended...I would say within 2 months. That was exciting!
Good luck with your plans...you will be beautiful no matter what!

DonnaD · 08-27-2008, 12:09 PM

Hi Paige,
Welcome! My you have been on some roller coaster. But you sound like you are handling things very well.

Just remember everyone is different with side effects. I will be happy to share my experiences but you may be totally different.

As you can see from my signature I finished Taxol in March of 07. I actually lost weight because I had some intestional issues from treatment. I did loose all my hair and it has been very slow to come back. My eyelashes and brows are still not back to normal. But I can finally were mascara! I went without my wig in July (4 months after Taxol), and as you can see by my photo it was the spikey look. It is now longer but still has a mind of its own and seems to really grow fast only in the back. My top and sides have grown several inches but very slowly. I am much older than you and it did come in gray and then very dark, not like my original color. Some say theirs came in curly, mine is straight and thin just like before treatment. Herceptin was so easy for me, with not many side effects. Some minor ones - a constant runny nose and split fingernails.

I wish we could answer your questions completely. Remember we are all different. You are beautiful and your wedding will be perfect as you share the day with family and friends.

Keep us informed of your plans and progress. You know we will want to see photos!
Donna

chrisy · 08-27-2008, 02:41 PM

Paige,

My last chemo was in March 05. By Christmas 05 I had very cute hair, enough of it to look like I'd deliberately gotten a relatively short but cute haircut. It was short, but did not scream "chemo cut" at all. My lashes and eyebrows came back but have been thin...nothing a bit of makeup can't enhance.

You will be a BEAUTIFUL bride, no matter how long your eyelashes are. Besides the glow that all brides have, you will also be a shining victorious warrior.

juanita · 08-27-2008, 03:37 PM

Good luck on your wedding whenever you schedule it. You'll be a beautiful bride no matter what. And I can't blame you for wanting a perfect day. It is about you!

Jean · 08-27-2008, 03:43 PM

Paige,
There are many great products to assist you.
You can purchase eyelashes - and Elizabeth Arden
cosmetics offers a wonderful eyebrow makeup, that
you can stroke on which will look like your real hair.
You already have the wig....which sounds stunning,
(like you ) and you must already know - ALL BRIDES ARE BEAUTIFUL...but you wll be so especially.

As far as your swollen face...you could ask your onc.
if you may take a light water pill the previous evening
for your special day - I have run out of any other ideas.

Just enjoy your special day and know that you are loved.
Sending you all good wishes.
jean

Becky · 08-27-2008, 06:44 PM

When I had chemo my last treatment was at the end of Jan (05) It was a taxol treatment. On Memorial Day weekend, I had a nice hair trim and dyed it. It was "art gallery owner" short but cute. My eyelashes and brows were well back by then. Most here will atest that the eyelashes fall out and grow back a second time but shortly thereafter and they don't all fall out at the same time but chunks do. This probably happened about 4 months after the last chemo. By the end of August 2009 you will be easily able to have a really cute do (like Lisa Rinna type style - since you are only 31 you can google her. It is a "long" short style). Your lashes/brows will be back and you can work for over a year to get the 15 lbs off. It might just slide right off you since you are young. You will feel good and even Herceptin will be done.

HOWEVER, nothing beats true love and if you just want to get married, get married. The wedding is just a day but marriage is forever.

(Also, no question is stupid here)

PaigeHicks · 08-27-2008, 07:12 PM

I LOVE YOU GUYS! Thanks, you really made me feel better. I'm 90% sure I'm going to schedule it for next August 15! Although, I would prefer an October wedding (the leaves and weather), my fiance' is a teacher so it's MUCH easier to get married in summer. I already have my dress (since the wedding was suppose to be August 16 of this year) and my surgeon placed the port so the strap of my dress will hide the scar! I will continue to keep you posted on my planning! Thanks again sistas!

BonnieR · 08-27-2008, 08:58 PM

Dear Paige, I love how you and your surgeon planned the port placement! It is exciting you have all this to look forward to. I hope you will keep us updated. We can all be honorary bridesmaids or something. Just so I don't have to wear a fluffy dress.

PaigeHicks · 08-27-2008, 10:38 PM

No puffy dresses! I gave my bridemaids a color (a really pretty sage green color) and a brand of dress and told them to pick their own! Since they all are different sizes and shapes, I thought that would be the best thing to do so everyone felt comfortable in what they were wearing! Trust me, I had a puffy lilac color dress with a woven tie going up the back! It was awful! See, I deserve to get married, I'm not even a bridezilla like some brides are!

StephN · 08-28-2008, 10:50 AM

Hi -
I am not sure of your current living circumstances, but if you want to get married - GET MARRIED.

Sometimes we must adjust our expectations due to the curve balls life throws our way.

If you want to live in wedlock now, go to the City Hall or have a simple ceremony in a chapel.

Then have the "biggie" when you feel more like your self again. Lots of people have their receptions later or do something like a Renewal of Vows.

Taking some control over your wedding options may actually help your state of mind concerning your diagnosis.

Being alive is the most important, and living life on your terms is a lesson cancer gives us all.

BonnieR · 08-28-2008, 11:48 AM

See Paige, I told you there were wise women on this board and Steph just proved it. She has made a very thoughtful suggestion.

goops · 08-28-2008, 04:06 PM

I completed Taxol in Nov. 2007, my hair is still short but my face looks normal again and my eyelashes and eyebrows have grown back. I was on Herceptin up until July 3 of this year.

DanaRT · 08-28-2008, 04:44 PM

Paige,
I agree with the other members you will be a beautiful bride no matter what.
I finished Taxotere and Carboplatin on April 4th. My eyelashes and eyebrows came back very quickly. This is a picture of me the 2nd of August--five months of hair growth!

Your will be beautiful.

Best wishes,
Dana

jones7676 · 08-29-2008, 05:26 PM

I say - don't postpone. Just get married if it will make you happy. I'm sure with a little help you can look as glamorous as you want to.