Anyone else accused of lack of faith for fighting cancer?

[mary c]

Thanks Cheryl!
I know your friend didn't think it was funny at the time (and probably still doesn't), but you put a smile on my face. I had a bone scan done today - back at the same hospital, but today (as most times) everyone was so kind and caring - it is so strange how some days life seems to be fine, you forget all about cancer and then other days, one little pain in the back just starts to freak you out! It is so nice to know that other people feel the same way!

Mary

[Kimberly Lewis]

all for your replies. I think I was being oversensitive and and verbose now that I look back on it. Sounds like my diagnosis for this whole experience. Hope everyone had a happy holiday!

[Mary Anne in TX]

When I first got diagnosed, I called the one friend I thought would be the very best to encourage me and direct me towards the first step! Her advice was to pray (I'd been doing that nonstop!) and do alternative treatment! The second person I contacted advised me to go to Mexico immediately for treatment at a place where her husband was receiving treatment for cancer. No other place should even be considered!

I sat on all that for a few days and then called the 3rd (& I promised myself the last) friend! She not only cheered me on, but she called and paved the way for my consultation with the person who was to become my onc. and the coordinator of my treatment in San Antonio!

I continue to be amazed by comments and "directions" from "well wishers", but I try to remind myself that the intent is good, the form it takes is just skewed! I get hurt, mad, or depressed for a bit and then give my foggy brain time to kick in! I must admit that I am still taking "logs out of my eye" from my ill-advising past! I think we just do the best we can with who we are at the moment!

Your response was just great!

God bless and keep on smiling.

[TriciaK]

What wonderful responses, Kim, not only your response but the many you received from this board! As always I am so impressed with the depth and compassion of the people on this website. As many of you know, my husband and I are psychologists and counselors, and we have been absolutely shocked at some of the comments and advice unthinking friends and relatives often give to people who are in emotional, spiritual and physical pain. Instead of understanding, many times the "advice" is actually cruel and even damaging, and it is given not as a suggestion but in an overbearing harsh way. I don't know what is wrong with people who do that, but I suspect it is because they have never learned to be compassionate. If it is any comfort, the chances are very likely that that thoughtless person will someday learn compassion the hard way by having to go through some pain and suffering themselves. It is extremely rare that anyone gets through this life without it! Of course, not everyone learns compassion by their own suffering, some people just become bitter and hateful instead. Most people, though, are naturally kind, or at least mean to be. Those who aren't, well--they will have their turn to learn the hard way. As has been suggested, it is best to avoid hurtful people, and if you can't (usually because they are related!) then ignore them for their thoughtlessness. Your reply to them, Kim, is very wise and thoughtful.It is kind of you to try to explain your feelings, and if that other person isn't touched by your reply, then they can't be touched and deserve to be ignored! It is so good to have this website to share feelings with people who are truly compassionate and understanding! Hugs, Tricia

[Heart Sutra]

Thank you for being here.

We were told that "now that you are in the 11th hour, you are expected to accept (name of popular deity here) and know that his way is the only way to regaining your health"

Both of us subscribe to the thoughts of (our screen name is a clue) in which personal accountability and actions are at the fore, and being fully present is the key goal.
Don't want to get into that here, certainly not the place.

But I've always felt that having a faith (any) is a good thing in general, as it requires one to have an open mind. The trick is not to have such an open mind that your brains fall out.

Some well wishers have not taken that care, though they mean well. Sometimes their words of encouragement are more harmful than helpful, and it is only a lapse of careful speech that causes this. I've done this as well over the years, but I do try hard to correct it. As far as "being in the 11th hour..." well, we've never felt that way, and it hurt to hear someone describe us thus. We live in each moment as best we can, we've done this long before cancer came into our lives.

Thank you for bringing up what is obviously a common experience. This is helpful to us, and brings to mind that careless speech can be harmful.

---Kevin and Sue---